The Ataraxian Self

Let your originality be consumed by self doubt.

[theataraxianself]

I wish I'd chosen literature. I truly wish with all my heart. There's a possibility that I would have been miserable doing that too but i would've done something I wanted to do. I would've created something that mattered to me. I would've respected myself.

[theataraxianself]

I can't study. No matter how hard I try. I just can't. I can't do anything. I feel so behind and dumb and ugly and I blame no one but myself. I chose this for myself and now I'm miserable

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

please do not let your monotonous days and the tendency to isolate yourself deviate and distract you from your visions and goals in life. let it mean something and have a grip on you.

[theataraxianself]

just once in my lifetime, just once, i want to feel pretty

[theataraxianself]

i've never hated anyone the way i've hated myself

[theataraxianself]

i think, my mother hates my flabby and fat arms with manly shoulders more than i do.

[my-dailydreams]

[my-dailydreams]

[theataraxianself]

Man, how bleak it is to grow up. I remember, ten years ago on my birthday I wished to become a great writer. This birthday, I wished for an internship good enough that my parents will finally think that maybe I'm not dumber than my brother

[theataraxianself]

I was never an artist. I pretended my best to be one but i couldn't be. I'm not meant to achieve something as beautiful as creating art or being a part of art being created. I am disgusting pathetic and hopeless. My place is not art but to loathe into being the meaning of my life and my existence so that it can eat me up from the inside.

[theataraxianself]

The younger me would probably spit on the older me

[theataraxianself]

I used to be interesting. I used to have a purpose. A dream. I used to work for that dream because at times, that would feel the only way out of this bleak world. Now I sit with this void in my chest and numb my eyes to try and dream a dream for once.

[theataraxianself]

I hate knowing that the younger me would feel so ashamed of the older me.

[theataraxianself]

I feel so lost and there's an emptiness growling in my stomach telling me in awful ways to isolate myself from the doings of this life. I feel inevitably numb and alarmingly hurt at the same time such that it's hard to tell.

[goth-queen]

[goth-queen]

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

there will always be a calling with your name on it. always. maybe not today. maybe not next week. maybe not while you’re sitting in that uncomfortable posture staring at the your screen, disassociated, mourning the person you used to be at 17, back when the future felt ENORMOUS. but eventually something will tap you on the shoulder and you’ll have the epiphany: a book or a person. some city. could be the literal wind before a storm, a random stranger smiling. a patch of saturated light on the floor.

but eventually something will look directly at you, it’ll hold you by your face and lock eyes with you and in the most electric way possible scream at you: “YOU NEED TO GET UP. WE ARE NOT DONE YET”