Baby’s 1st Christmas
Amidst the festive hustle of Christmas shopping, Marlene, already in full Christmas mode with her daughter Audrey and her reluctant son-in-law Tommy attached to her hip , suddenly froze as a faint, foul odor assailed her nostrils—a scent she vividly remembered from Audrey’s baby years. "Audrey, hold on! I think your husband did something in his diaper! I smell poop!" Marlene casually announced, her voice cutting through the cheerful mall music as she stopped feeling the back of his Pamper. "Tommy, did you poop?" she pressed, as the former man shook his head in denial, sucking his pacifier intently. "Mom, I better check! Tommy is quite the little fibber now, even more so than when he was a big boy!" Audrey replied, bending down to sniff her husband's bottom, wrinkling her nose in disgust before pulling out the elastic waistband and peeking inside to survey the damage. "Pew yew! Stinky boy! Did baby make a big stinky for mommy and Nana? Yes, he dids!" Audrey cooed, tickling her husband's belly, which caused him to giggle and unknowingly wet his Pamper as his mother-in-law adjusted him on her hip, completely unfazed. With a shared glance of exasperated affection, the women accepted their unique holiday challenge, already looking to find a changing station amidst the twinkling lights and sale racks.
“Mom, do you mind? I think I saw the ladies’ room by the food court!” Audrey pleaded, her voice a rush of urgency as she explained her need to grab Tommy’s Christmas outfit from Cheerful Changes before closing, leaving Marlene to calmly take charge of the wailing baby and his undeniably full diaper. With a knowing smile, Marlene warmly replied, “Of course not, dear! I think I can handle one poopy diaper!” before slinging her son-in-law’s bulky diaper bag over her shoulder. Audrey, after a quick peck on her husband’s forehead and a playful warning to “be good for Nana,” scurried away, instantly triggering a fresh wave of wails from Tommy. Cradling him tight, Marlene began to rock and singsong, “Sshhh, it’s okay, baby boy, Mommy will be back before you know it! Now, let’s go change that bumbum!” As she carried the "big baby" towards the food court, every eye in the bustling mall seemed to navigate towards them, causing Tommy to nurse his pacifier with extra vigor, yet Marlene stood tall and proud, her smile radiating a perfectly normal confidence. With an air of serene grandmotherly authority, she guided Tommy into the ladies' room, unfazed by the public's curious stares, ready to tackle the task at hand.
With the ease of an experienced mother and grandmother, Marlene deftly navigated the bustling women's restroom, making a beeline for the expansive changing station with her adult son-in-law, Tommy, in tow. Ignoring the curious glances and hushed snickers from other patrons, Marlene efficiently unzipped Tommy's Winnie the Pooh diaper bag, spreading the familiar changing mat before gently positioning the disgruntled forty-year-old on its cartoon-covered surface. With a practiced ease that belied the unusual circumstances, she untaped Tommy's Pamper, revealing a truly "gigantic load of poop" and his "tiny hairless peepee" standing at attention, causing her to wrinkle her nose instinctively. "Oh, yucky baby!" she cooed, a mischievous glint in her eye. "And look at that wittle peepee! No wonder mommy put you back in Pampers!" Tommy's face crumpled, a loud wail escaping him as he protested, "No me biwg boys!" even as he began to pee, prompting Marlene to humorously pull the Pamper back up until he was done. "Yes, Nana forgot baby Tommy is a big boy!" she chuckled, before swiftly lifting his bum to wipe away the worst of the mess with the soiled diaper's front, then meticulously cleaning him with a generous supply of baby wipes and discarding the rolled-up Pamper. Finally, Marlene grabbed a fresh Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch emblazoned Pamper, coating Tommy's sensitive areas with Desitin and a liberal dusting of baby powder before taping the large disposable snugly in place, much to his audible displeasure, just as Audrey entered, beaming with a new bag from Cheerful Changes.
“Is that mommy’s little man all snug and dry!” Audrey cooed, her voice dripping with maternal affection as Marlene removed Tommy’s top, adding with a grin, “How was he mom! I hope he didn’t give you too much trouble!” Marlene shrugged playfully, "Oh a little fussy but nothing I couldn’t handle! He’s probably just overtired honey!” Audrey, undeterred, set down a large shopping bag, declaring, “Well as soon as he sees Santa we’ll get him home and put him down!” Tommy’s mother-in-law, eager with anticipation, insisted, “Well Let’s see it Audrey! Don’t keep me waiting!” as Audrey unveiled a smocked red gingham bubble romper with “Baby Tommy” stitched on the chest, a white terrycloth bib featuring an adorable Santa, reindeer, and sleigh appliqué, and a matching red "nice list" pacifier, causing Tommy to whimper in protest while the women gushed over his new ensemble. Before he could fully register his fate, the duo tag-teamed him, swiftly dressing him in the humiliating baby outfit, his pacifier replaced, leaving him utterly mortified as he was picked up and placed on his mother-in-law’s hip, the two women fussing over him with delight. “Oh my god he’s adorable Audrey!” Marlene cooed, as Audrey zipped up the diaper bag and tossed it over her shoulder, confirming, “He sure is! I think someone’s ready for Santa now!” and with that, they led their mortified "Baby Tommy" out of the ladies' room and towards the line for Santa, eager for the anticipated Christmas photos to send to all their friends and family.
