my life has frozen digitally but now i am claiming back what i haven’t lost but just taken a very long break from. this begins the re-introduction to funny internet humor and remember what i think is funny and silly with no outside sources feeding it to me. also means poetry :3
ive been a crab for everyone i’ve known and i fit into their shells. i camouflage like a chameleon and i suss out the predator in every room, every situation i am alert and on edge. i am always 3 steps ahead and always know where the exit is. always a back up and a back up.
my ancient had led me to manifest exactly what it is that i wanted, and ultimately what i got. but where? i’m stuck.
i hear crickets as i type and it’s comforting to know there the same one’s everyone in my state can hear now too. loved, lost, those stuck too.
i’m allowed to post without being vague because this is FOR me to get through this and if i can’t be fucking honest with my two thumbs tjen what can i do??????????
i just keep thinking ….………………………..….……………………….. ….………………………..….……………………….. ….………………………..….……………………….. and reflecting ….……………………………….. staring at myself and wondering
i come home (almost) every single day from a job that i despise.
and i dread sitting here with myself. i have no motivation to even do a single thing. i hate the silence of it all and i can’t seem to do anything about it.
it is okay now, because it’s just me and the moon and everyone else is asleep. it’s quiet, it’s calm. but the days are so long and repetitive. they are dreadful and the most fun i’ve had is planning for children’s day camp.
i don’t get paid enough to be doing what i am right now but i know that for my future and since i’m a nanny this is the perfect stone for me.
point is: this has to change. i cannot continue in this cycle i have put myself in. it wasn’t bad until it got fucking bad and adulting in america is a slippery slope… as they say.
i lack connection in the most monumental time in my life and i need Girl connection on a different level. something spiritual needs to happen i feel it coming.
what’s mine is mine is mine is mine. what’s mine is mine is mine is mine. what’s mine is mine is mine is mine.
i accept what is meant for me and gives me the opportunity to flourish and beam under the sun and the stars.