hey vent blog

like if you read if you can: the blog

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Maybe some day I'll trick my shit brain into not jumping immediately to suicidal urges when I think someone i trust MIGHT not like me

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Feeling existential and somewhat suicidal today lads

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wish i would just die

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Idk capitalism just makes me inherently uninterested in.. anything. Maybe theres something wrong with me. Literally all I want is to be left alone, occasionally spend time with friends, and just read/write/watch stuff. I have zero interest in working at all or participating in most things

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Me: gets dysphoria so strong I become physically incapacitated, overwhelmed by wanting a flat chest and deeper voice. Literally just lays there hrs at a time in tears because my body is so wrong compared to how I know it's supposed to be

Also me: god I'm probably just making this up haha

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My mom ain’t perfect but shes a damn sight better than my dad. What a piece of shit he was. I’m so glad hes out of my life

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Low bar: parent realizes their child is being mentally and physically abused by family members and takes direct action to stop it

Hint: only one parent of mine did that, baby!

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My mom ain't perfect but shes a damn sight better than my dad. What a piece of shit he was. I'm so glad hes out of my life

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Theres someone living in my complex who I think is trans, like she has a sticker on her car and I saw her this morning as I was scraping off my car cause she was parked next to me. And like every time I see that car I just wish I wasn't such a coward and would just come out to my family and be open about who I am but god I'm so scared. I'm scared of everything. And its been like 8 years since I realised it and I'm still just hiding and I hate it. But I know so few people like me irl. No one has any idea and it's so fucking lonely

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I think this whole thing is genuinely making me go crazy

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Even if I didnt lose everything people would probably find me repulsive so theres that little bit too. Or they'd think I'm fucking delusional.

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I just want to be a normal fucking person but thats too much to ask. Guess I just get depressed piece of shit instead and whine and cry about how lonely I am. Fucking pathetic

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I cant even fucking SLEEP right lmfao

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I just want to be a normal fucking person but thats too much to ask. Guess I just get depressed piece of shit instead and whine and cry about how lonely I am. Fucking pathetic

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I am absolutely going to die alone. I get weird attachments to people who just do not give a shit about me (ultimately). If I ever come out as trans I'll probably lose almost all of the FEW people in my life. I'd lose my job for sure but I'd probably lose most of my friends and yeah that *sucks* like "get better friends" well I dont really have many in the first place because I'm a fucking idiot and cant even do that basic thing right. Did I mention I'm going to die alone? I'm also probably going to live alone so thats cool

[thebeescream]

Fun mental games like "if I come out do I lose the job on starting to genuinely like that also pays me actual money"

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Concept: showing up to a hs reunion but like. A dude

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Literally would just flex so hard on everyone. Who's that handsome guy? Well Eric, it's me, you pretentious fuck. How was backpacking in Argentina

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Concept: showing up to a hs reunion but like. A dude

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Bruh I've been on a depression bender for 3 months straight. I'd like to get off this ride