Caradoc Dearborn

Doc Dearborn || 20 || Order Member || Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures - Office of Misinformation || Former Ravenclaw

[thebestravenclaw]

healerluce:

Lucy liked seeng Doc without his defenses. Seeing him in ways most people didn’t. From an orange shirt clad Doc cheering a peewee football team to victory to a drunk Doc admitting he was afraid of feeling, and all the in betweens. Each new thing she learned about him surprised her, and made her fall deeper. Nothing had been more surprising then finding out that Doc, who hated healing more then anyone she’d ever healed, had a hot healer thing. It was ridiculous. But Lucy liked it. She liked the way he teased her in bed and she liked teasing him back. Sex with Doc wasn’t just sex. It was fun. She could laugh without worrying he’d take it personally. Blokes who made her laugh had always been something she liked but Doc was the first to take that laughter into the bedroom. Serious, logical Doc making her giggle in the bedroom. Another contradiction, another reason to fall.

Especially given the heat that he created along with the giggling. There would never be another bloke like Doc. He was one of a kind. A limited edition of one. This morning he was hers. She wanted to run her fingers over his grooves and listen to all his songs. Memorize him like her favorite albums. Not because he might break or get lost but because he was special, magical in the most muggle sense of the word. Filling her with wonder and awe. Touching her in ways only songs had done, in ways she didn’t even know yet. Reminding her not just that she was alive but how wonderful it was to be alive.

Alive and able to make a bloke like Doc groan and curse. That soft moan of his felt like it vibrated through her. God, she could stay in bed teasing this bloke all day. Maybe she would. Her breath came out in a rush of warm air against his neck as he squeezed her bum again. A giggle at being pulled on top of him died at the feel of him underneath her pulled a moan out instead. It mingled in the air with his groan and Lucy couldn’t help the fleeing thought that they made beautiful music together. Another giggle left her at his words. She could feel the truth of them. “It is getting worse, you’re right. I’m alarmed.” Lucy couldn’t help giving him a deep kiss now that his mouth was so easily accessible. “I’ll have to give you a full exam. Check every inch of you, just in case.” She gave him a smirk before she started kissing his chest. Her hand on his arm moved down, sliding down his side, lower still till she reached his thigh. Fingers grazing lightly over the skin continuing her teasing. 

Merlin, Doc wished every morning could be like this one. Maybe they could be, but that seemed too good a thing for him to let himself believe. Even if only Doc himself was the reason, it felt impossible that he could wake up and feel like this every day. It was impossible. Even today, he’d woken up and had to rationalize himself to this point, to the realization that his holding back from Lucy had only ended up hurting her. And himself, loathe as he was to admit it. She’d crept under his skin, far deeper than Doc had been prepared for, and he wasn’t sure if it was a relief or even more terrifying to know that she apparently felt something pretty strong for him as well. And now she knew. Just when he’d already been certain Lucy knew far too much about him, now she also knew how scared he was just to let himself -- feel.

And she was still here. Lucy had invited him back into her flat, into her bed, after all he’d done was manage to hurt both of them. And Doc had been unable to say no, unable to resist her siren’s call, the promise that he might be able to let go of his hesitations for even one night. 

They were never fully gone, not really.

But bloody hell if Lucy hadn’t done a good job of pushing them from the forefront of his mind, just as she was doing now. There wasn’t just heat between them, there was laughter as well, an exhilarating sort of laughter that was wrapped in warmth. Doc had never made a bird laugh in bed before Lucy. What other bird would have wanted him to, would have enjoyed the playful teasing just as much as he was? It shouldn’t have belonged with the heat he felt when their moans mingled together, and yet -- Doc shouldn’t have belonged with Lucy, either. But here they were. Fitting together perfectly, inexplicably, a moan falling past his lips unheard as he kissed Lucy back intently, shocked by how intensely his body reacted to her lips on his. As if it had been years since she last kissed him, rather than hours. “If you say so,” he managed to breathe out in answer to her teasing, another groan falling past his lips as she started kissing down his chest, her fingers teasing him in a way that was painfully delicious. “Bloody hell, Lucy!” He groaned when her fingers found his thigh, hips jerking slightly forward. “How’d I get such a thorough healer,” he somehow managed to keep the teasing up as he rubbed his legs against hers, desperate for as much contact as he could get. “You feel amazing” he breathed, his hands slowing over her skin, savoring every inch of her back. 

[thebestravenclaw]

healerluce:

Doc was a mess of contradictions. Confident but insecure. Hard but so, so soft. Cool but dorky. An ass who cared so deeply it nearly killed him. Able to set her entire body on fire while making her giggle like she was back at Hogwarts. He wasn’t something Lucy wanted to figure out. Nor did she care why she’d fallen for him. Confusing and contradictory that he was, Lucy liked him. Maybe even more, except she wasn’t ready to say that, not even to herself. She liked that he broke her heart with how deeply he felt while making her want to throw a chair at him in frustration because he was such a stubborn arse. Sometimes at the same time. Liked the way he made her head spin trying to figure him out all while he’d decided she knew him completely. It was insane. Messy. Painful. Real. The good worth the pain. Seeing Doc in ways other’s didn’t was worth the effort.

Doc was worth all of it.

It was so much easier to just give in to that then it had ever been to fight it. Doc had stayed and any fears that he might not have or that he might still choose to bolt were gone. All that matter was right now. And right now Doc was driving her mad already without much effort. His hand waking up her body, electricity practically crackling in the air already. Doc was magic. She made a soft noise when he pulled her closer to him. Helga he felt good. If Lucy was the kind to plan ahead she’d have already been thinking about how many mornings she might realistically get him to be like this. His words confused her for a moment, the kiss on the top of her head, the snuggling closer…..that cheeky git. Lucy giggled despite the wave of heat washing over her from that gentle squeeze he gave her bum. Her fingers already trailing down his chest before she spoke. “Mmm night,” she murmured, unable to keep the laughter out of her voice. “I’m just gonna check your…vitals.” Her hand reached it’s destination as she finished speaking. Fingers teased him with soft, barely there touches. “You should really get that swelling looked at, Doc,” she teased, her lips trailing over his neck again. Her other hand moved down his arm again squeezing the muscle gently. Lucy should feel bad, Doc really did need his sleep, but bloody hell he was too tempting. Besides she was off duty, she could feel bad about it later.

Lucy was beautiful, inside and out. So much stronger than she seemed to realize, in all the ways Doc was  not. While the world grew darker and darker every day, crumbling to pieces -- she chose to smile. She chose to laugh. She chose to live, undeterred by the threat of what could be lost tomorrow. Where Doc felt like he was being sucked into a black hole, Lucy was the sun. Pulling him to warmth, to comfort, to salvation -- but only if she could outshine the darkness clawing at his own heart. And maybe she could. Because whether she knew it or not, Lucy had Doc figured out. She’d pegged him last night, a mess of stubborn, confused contradictions. Maybe he didn’t make sense to her, but that was only because Doc wasn’t sure he made sense to himself. Maybe that was why it was so important to him that everything else in his life did. 

Being with Lucy didn’t make sense, if only because he still could not understand how he deserved her. How he possibly made her life better, doom and gloom where she was sunlight. And yet -- that soft noise she let out as he pulled her closer was certainly a good one. And that giggle when he squeezed her bum, pulling his own smile wider. Every morning would not be like this. That felt too good to be true. But maybe Doc could give her as many mornings like this as he could. Maybe he could make himself into someone that Lucy deserved, since she’d already chosen him. And bloody hell, despite his fear, he had to admit he was glad she had, not at all just because of where her hand was currently headed.

“Bloody hell!” Doc groaned as her fingers teased him along with her words, any sleep that might have been clinging to him still replaced by heat as his entire body woke up to her touch. Fuck, it was hot how she just went for it like that, how easily she teased him in return. He let out a soft, breathless laugh at her teasing words, struggling to process them with her lips on his neck like that, her fingers squeezing his arm pulling a soft moan from him. For as much as he hated healing, he was loving what Lucy was saying right now, her words hitting much too close to some of the hot healer fantasies he’d entertained in school. “Mmm really?” He managed to breathe, his hand squeezing her bum again as the other snaked underneath her waist and Doc rolled slightly onto his back, pulling Lucy gently on top of him and groaning at the feeling. “Maybe you should give me an examination, I think it’s getting worse.” It was definitely getting worse, with each second Lucy was on top of him, but that didn’t stop him letting his hand roam over her back, savoring the way her skin felt beneath his fingertips. 

[thebestravenclaw]

healerluce:

Lucy had no idea how they’d gotten here, how she’d fallen so deeply for a bloke who had fought it pretty well. But she had. After last night she couldn’t deny that she had, to herself or him. It wasn’t out of character for her. While she’d never chased after relationships she did feel deeply, always. Even with that Doc brought it out of her in ways she would have preferred to wait till later. When she felt more ready to handle those sort of deep feelings. Life seldom went that way and all Lucy could do was go with it. Let herself get lost to those feelings even if there was such a huge chance that Doc wouldn’t let himself.

Especially if he didn’t.

Because holding back her feelings had just made an even bigger mess of things. Doc needed to know what she felt, what he might turn his back on. Not because she wanted him to feel guilty. But because she wanted him to know there was something here if he let it be. Something that might be worth the fear it caused him. He wasn’t going to be jumping into the abyss alone. She was waiting for him.

All of that was way too heavy to think of right then. Not with the way he looked so perfectly disheveled from the night before. His fingers sending electricity across her skin. Her breath stuttered at the feel. That wicked grin on his face as he talked about sleeping in making her feel a different sort of warmth. Lucy didn’t think this had to end if they didn’t want it to. But she would have agreed with his thinking about them enjoying themselves as much as possible. It was something Lucy had always tried to do. Something her life had been lacking lately thanks to all the changes she’d experienced. Something she was keen to make up for starting now. She gave him a grin of her own. “Yeah, we should sleep in,” she murmured as she leaned in closer. Closer still till her mouth found his neck. “You look like you could use some more sleep.” Her lips brushed against his skin as she teased him.

This was all new territory for Doc, uncharted and quite frankly terrifying. He’d had girlfriends in the past, mostly in school before he got caught up in the Order, but he’d never felt for them the way he did for Lucy. He’d never felt anything the way he felt for Lucy, didn’t even understand how or when he’d come to feel it. All he knew was that one day he’d looked at her, and it was as if she’d looked right through him. Straight into his core, into his heart, and she’d reached in and rooted herself there. There were probably far more romantic ways to have put that, but Doc had never been a romantic. He wasn’t sure he knew how to be one. All he knew was that he would gladly let his own heart be shattered into a million pieces over and over again now that he knew to spare himself would be to hurt Lucy. 

Why she cared for him he still didn’t understand. Doc wasn’t sure he ever would. It took everything in him just to believe she felt the same way that he did, despite the truth potions from last night, despite the way their bodies connected so perfectly together. Because it didn’t make sense. It defied logic, it defied reason that she should care for him at all when she’d seen him at his very lowest points. 

And yet, here they were. Lucy grinning that delicious grin of hers back at him, murmuring in a way that sent a shiver down Doc’s spine in spite of the warmth that was washing over him as she leaned in closer. A soft, sleepy hum resonated in his throat as he felt her lips on his neck, his hand moving to slide delicately down her side, brushing over her curves and coming to a stop at her hip. Bloody hell, she felt amazing. What was someone like her doing with him? “Do I?” He murmured in response to her teasing, moving his hand to her lower back and pulling her closer to him. Truthfully he could always use more sleep, but sleep was nowhere near as enticing as Lucy was right now. That didn’t meant he couldn’t tease her back just a bit, though. “Mmkay, you’re the healer,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss the top her her head before he snuggled closer to her and let his eyes slip shut at the same time that his hand slid down to her bum, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Night,” he murmured, not even trying to hide his cheeky grin.

[thebestravenclaw]

healerluce:

Thanks to the truth serum Lucy finally understood Doc. Or understood him more. Lucy wasn’t sure she’d ever completely understand the bloke that had her thoughts twisted in a way she wasn’t used to. She’d scared him not because he thought she’d be clingy but because she made him feel. When she took him home after last night, or rather they stumbled to her flat together, she knew there was a chance he’d run again.

It would hurt.

But not as much as it had before. Because now she knew why even if she didn’t know how to stop it. That was enough. For now at least. Doc made her feel too. Unlike him she welcomed how scary it was. A reminder she was still alive. God did Doc make her feel alive. Even when he was hurting her it was still a reminder she wasn’t numb. Something she worried the war would make her.

Numb wasn’t a problem when she was waking up the morning after to him smiling at her. His fingers on her face. His voice still thick from sleep as he murmured ‘morning.’ A sleepy smile spread over her lips as warmth better then the morning sun could provide washed over her. “Morning.”

There was a possibility she was dreaming but if so hopefully it’d stay a good dream. “You’re up early.” Lucy stretched out her arms and legs, yawning before giving him another smile. Reaching over she let her fingers brush down his arm. He felt real. “I don’t have to work this morning,” she told him with a smile, her voice a clear invitation for him to stay.

Feeling was something that terrified Doc to no end. To Doc, feeling meant a complete abandoning of reason. Feeling meant opening yourself up to pain. He’d thought he could stop himself feeling the effects of the war, the effects of fighting day in and day out and nearly dying and killing so that he wasn’t the one who got killed. But he hadn’t been able to stop it, not enough, and it had ended with him nearly dying in a pool of his own blood. 

As it turned out, his feelings for Lucy were another thing he couldn’t stop. Only this time he wasn’t the only one who had to live with the ramifications. Which meant he couldn’t just shut himself off and pretend his feelings weren’t real, not when that meant hurting Lucy in the process. 

Doc was stuck.

Though stuck felt like maybe too harsh a word, given the way Lucy was smiling sleepily up at him. Not to mention how amazing last night had been, finally giving in to the feelings he’d been trying to deny himself after giving into them for a first time.

Bloody hell, he was a mess.

He was a mess, but for some reason Lucy wanted him here, and Doc couldn’t even deny that to himself after last night. His smile widened as her fingers brushed over his arm, his skin tingling just from that gentle touch. And her words were that much sweeter, pulling his smile even wider. Merlin, he liked the way her voice sounded like that. “No?” He questioned, running his fingers down her neck to her shoulder, savoring the feeling of her soft skin under his fingertips. “Does that mean we get to sleep in?” He murmured with a grin that suggested sleep was not at all on his mind. If they were going to do this, they might as well enjoy themselves as much as possible before it came to the end Doc was still certain would happen at one point or another. 

[thebestravenclaw]

Doc had tried so hard to avoid Lucy. More specifically, to avoid his feelings for Lucy. To avoid feeling them, to avoid being hurt by them, so much so that he hadn’t realized in doing so he was hurting her as well. How could he have realized it, when she could do so much better than him? When she deserved someone so much better than him? 

But for some reason Lucy thought differently. For some reason Lucy thought Doc was far better than he knew himself to be, and now he was waking up next to her for a second time, just as confused as he’d been the first.

Everything in him was screaming to get up and run, run before she could tear him to shreds. 

Except he couldn’t. 

Because to do that would mean to leave Lucy just as he’d done the first time, just as he’d promised himself he wouldn’t do again. And Doc was struck by the realization that whatever he did, one of them was going to end up getting hurt. 

Him or Lucy; that was his choice. 

Put in those terms, it suddenly became obvious.  

Gently Doc rolled over onto his side, reaching out to brush a strand of hair off Lucy’s cheek. He had a terrible feeling he was going to come out of this in pieces. But maybe -- just maybe -- he could enjoy it until then. Just as he could enjoy knowing Lucy did not need to suffer for his doubts. 

That was a decision he knew he could live with. 

A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips as she stirred slightly. “Morning,” he murmured. 

[healerluce]

Where they were fell away. The fact that it had been long agonizing weeks since they’d last done this —weeks, not days, not hours— seemed inconceivable. How could she have gone that long without this feeling? Even like this, half clothed and standing, it was amazing. He was amazing. His hands on her bum pulling another moan from her. Her hips meeting his in a choppy rhythm. She needed more and yet this was so much. Another moan falling from her lips at the feeling of his hand on her breast. HIs words sending a fresh wave of electricity through her. The pair of them were going to spark an electrical fire and even that idea was more thrill then concern. She moved one of her hands up his back to grip his shoulder trying to stay close. The other moved down his back till she was gripping his bum in an effort to bring them even closer, as if that were possible. But her need for more drowned out what was possible or not. “Doc, you’re so…” her words were lost in another moan as their hips finally found a rhythm together. Desperate for more Lucy crashed their lips together, kissing him hungrily. She knew she’d missed him but she hadn’t realized how much her body craved him. Lucy could almost hear the electricity crackle between them, the air was thick with it. There was no part of her that didn’t feel it, even those places that were still so terribly covered with clothes. But every place that was skin on skin felt even more alive, electricity flowing from him into her at those spots. “Oh, Doc, yes,” she moaned out against his lips breaking off their desperate kiss.

[thebestravenclaw]

The faded memory he’d held onto of his night with Lucy weeks ago was nothing compared to how Doc felt right now. He’d remembered it being intense, electric, amazing -- but it had been easy to brush that off to circumstance. To tell himself he’d been exaggerating, because that sort of thing -- that intensity of feeling -- didn’t actually exist in real life. He’d been wrong. It very much existed, and somehow he and Lucy had found it. Her every touch, every moan, making the electricity between them crackle even stronger, so much so that it felt like they would short circuit all of headquarters and he wouldn’t even care. All he card about was getting more of Lucy. He moaned as she gripped his arse, another falling past his lips to mingle with hers when they settled into a rhythm that felt so amazing he was certain they were both going to overheat and set the whole house ablaze. “Lucy,” he moaned at the sound of the words she moaned out, his hand squeezing her breast as he once again cursed the amount of clothing they both had on. But he made do with what he could reach, sliding his hand on her bum down only so that he could let it snake back up under her dress so he was touching her skin. A moan falling past his lips at the feeling as he pressed her gently against the wall, hips bucking into hers even harder. “Lucy, Fu---” he moaned, unable to get the rest of the word out and instead he pressed a feverish kiss to her lips once more, trailing heated, frenzied kisses down her neck. 

[healerluce]

She moaned at his words, pressing herself closer or attempting to there was no getting closer while they were still dressed. Yet separating seemed too much. A terrible option that made not enough the better option. Especially not when his hand was in her knickers finally. “Doc,” she moaned his name, relief mingling with need because even this wasn’t enough. Lucy bucked against his hand seeking more. His own moaned words sending tingles down her spine. Driving her to push down his pants and boxers quicker as a fresh wave of need hit her. Lucy let out a low, needy whine when Doc pulled his fingers out of her knickers, too far gone to realize the noise coming from her. Once she realized he was pushing them down she dropped her leg and shimmied out of them the rest of the way. Another moan slipped past her when his hands sound her legs again. As they kissed she wrapped both legs around him, pushing him closer with them, ready to feel him. “You’re amazing,” she breathed out. “You make me…it feels….electric.” Lucy stumbled over her words as they kissed. “Doc!” A louder moan fell from her lips when she finally got what she wanted and felt him, still too many clothes between them but Lucy’s hands were already up his shirt roaming open handed over his back once again. Her hips bucked into his needing more even now.

[thebestravenclaw]

Bloody hell, this wasn’t enough. This wasn’t anywhere close to enough, but the thought of pulling himself away from Lucy long enough to get somewhere they could take off more clothing was worse than not having enough right now. He needed something, they both did, and they had the rest of the night to go elsewhere. A thought he liked maybe a little too much, but right now all he could think about was the way Lucy was moaning his name and bucking against his hand. “Lucy,” he moaned. He wanted to give her the more she was looking for, the more they both were, but fucking hell when he heard her whine like that as he pulled his hand back he very nearly stuck it right back in her knickers. The only thing preventing him the fact that she was now taking them off, and Doc moaned when she wrapped her legs around him, one of his hands moving to grab her bum and pull her closer while the other slid up her side. He moaned at her words, a shiver running down his spine at them despite the heat. Electric was was exactly how Doc felt, a fresh jolt of it running all through him when they finally got what they both so desperately needed. “Fuck, Lucy!” He moaned loudly, squeezing her bum and pulling her towards him as his hips bucked against hers, seeking out a rhythm. His hand on her side moving up and snaking between them so he could cup her breast, another moan leaving him at the feel of her hands leaving waves of electricity across his back. “You feel...incredible,” he moaned against her lips.

[healerluce]

They hadn’t done much aside from kissing and some relatively chaste touching and yet already she felt consumed. By heat. By desire. By Doc. She didn’t even think about where they were. About how she’d never dreamed she might shag in headquarters, ever. Even that night they’d left before then. Tonight there was even more people, all the Order members just downstairs. Yet Lucy couldn’t seem to care about that. Especially now that the door was closed. Especially not with Doc calling out her name like that. The kisses, moans, and touches just too much. She couldn’t wait, didn’t want to wait.

His hand traveling over her curves felt so good she couldn’t stop another moan falling from her lips. Especially not combined with his mouth. “Bloody hell, your mouth is incredible,” she whispered, surprised she’d spoken it out loud. Her hips bucked into him and she let out a louder moan at the feel of his fingers. “I need you.” Her needy tone showed how true her words were. This felt only a ghost of what they’d done last time, not enough skin against skin. But even so it was overwhelming. Her skin felt like it was buzzing from the electricity Doc was producing. Quickly she popped the button on his pants, dragging down the zipper with a soft moan of anticipation falling from her lips as she did. She let her fingertips of one hand drag up the front of his boxers while her other was already back on his hip, pushing down his boxers and pants enough to grip bare skin. “Doc,” she breathed out making his name sound like a plea for more. 

[thebestravenclaw]

Doc could think of only one other time when he’d felt this consumed by heat and desire, and it had been the one other time he’d been with Lucy. Never would he have seen himself shagging at headquarters, not even that first night with Lucy. Nor would he have expected such a thing from Lucy. And yet -- here they were, and fucking hell somehow the vague knowledge of where they were made everything that much hotter. The fact that the heat and desire they both felt was so overwhelming neither of them could bear to separate long enough to go somewhere more appropriate. He needed Lucy, she needed him, right now. 

A need that only increased when he heard her moan again, heard the words she whispered that send an electric shock through his body. “Your body is incredible,” he murmured against her skin without thinking, moving his lips down her collarbone as far as her dress would let him. Fuck, he wanted that off, but not enough to even think about pulling away from her long enough to do it. Not when her hips were bucking into his hand. Her words and the need that colored her voice so clearly pulled another moan from Doc even as he slid his fingers under her knickers and began to touch her. “Lucy,” he breathed against her skin, a loud moan falling past his lips when she undid his button and moaned as she pulled down his zipper. “Yes,” he moaned at the feeling of her hand moving up his boxers, relief washing over him when she finally pulled them down. But it wasn’t enough, not even his fingers in her knickers were enough. Reluctantly he pulled his hand back, only so he could tug at her knickers, the other hand sliding down her body to join in. Stepping back from her slightly he pulled her knickers down as far as he could manage and then let his hands slide back up her legs, pushing her dress up further when he reached the hem and letting his lips find hers once more. “You’re beautiful,” He breathed against her lips, kissing her heatedly as he pulled her closer once again, ready to close the distance between them completely. 

[healerluce]

What sort of morning after they’d have this time wasn’t on her mind much longer then to tease him about it. There wasn’t much room left for it in the haze of knowing soon she’d have him pressed against her no clothes in the way of her lips and hands on him. And his one her. She’d thought of their night together more than she cared to admit. Not just in trying to figure it out, if she wanted anything from Doc, and the biggest one, what had gone wrong. Despite all of that it had been difficult to stop her mind going over the way Doc’s touch seemed to send electricity through her, how good he’d felt, how amazing it all was. Lucy was starting to convince herself that she’d exaggerated it or that it had something to do with the nearly dying that came before it.

Tonight she was quickly coming to the realization that it had not been exaggerated or had anything to do with anything but how amazing Doc was. Already her entire body wanted, craved, needed more. All that had been stopping her was a slight uncertainty if Doc had wanted to continue down the path they were going the moment their lips touched. Now that was cleared up she had no issue going after what they both wanted. Not even the open door she barely registered while Doc was kissing her neck. If it hadn’t been in her line of sight she’d have missed it completely.

Even still once she’d mentioned it she was no longer thinking about it. All she was thinking about was not having to wait till her flat to shag him. It wouldn’t be as good, there would still be too many clothes in the way but now that the idea was in her head Lucy needed to feel him. It wouldn’t satisfy her need but it would hopefully be enough to get them back to her flat because right now the idea of separating even to do that seemed too much. Lucy only had enough time to murmur, “I love magic,” before Doc was catching her lips with his in a deep kiss. His hand on her thigh making her moan into the kiss again. Lucy dipped the fingers of one hand into his waistband tugging him closer as her other hand squeezed between their bodies to touch him through his pants. Another moan leaving her when she felt how into this he was. Their kiss broke off leaving her breathing hard desperate for air, his name coming out in a breathless moan almost as soon as their lips parted. “Doc.”

[thebestravenclaw]

Any last coherent thoughts that might have remained in Doc’s head were gone the moment the door slammed shut and he dropped his wand on the floor. From that moment forward, he was completely and utterly consumed by Lucy. By her lips, by her hands on him, by the undeniable electricity that buzzed between them, increasing with every passing second. The heat and chemistry between them was something Doc had never experienced before, something he doubted he ever could with anybody else. A thought that might have been scary -- definitely would have been scary -- if he had any room in his mind for that coherent of a thought. 

All he could think of now was that he must have been lost in the desert, and it was only now that Lucy was pressed against him he could quench his thirst. For as hard as he’d tried not to think about that night, about how it had been greater than anything he’d ever experienced before, he hadn’t been able to forget it. He’d tried to write it off as adrenaline, but tonight neither of them had almost died and the heat were still there, blazing just as hot as it had been the first time. Maybe more so now, because his whole body was on fire with anticipation. 

His fingers dug lightly into her thigh when Lucy moaned into their kiss, the sound only spurring him onward but before he could do anything more her fingers were in his waistband and it was Doc’s turn to moan into her mouth. Fuck, that felt good, his body reacting even more than it already had been. And then her hand, oh Merlin, her hand! “Lucy!” He moaned at the feeling, and again at the way she moaned just from touching him, his hips bucking into her hand. Another moan fell past his lips at the sound of his name leaving her mouth like that. “Lucy,” he breathed, just as out of breath as she was but unable to keep his lips from kissing along her jawline and back down her neck, his hand on her back moving up her side, sliding over her curves before he reached her shoulder and gently pushed down the sleeve of her dress so his lips could travel to her shoulder. His other hand moving up to touch her through her knickers, his fingertips teasing at the edge of the fabric but waiting for some sign of permission from her before he went any further. 

[healerluce]

Lucy was under no impression that Doc’s issues were solved by a smile, laughter, and some words she knew were very true. But she wasn’t really worried about next time. If anything she’d be the one to remember everything they said next time Doc got weird. At some point maybe she’d finally figure out how to keep him from going to far into his own head. Lucy was happy to leave those thoughts for a time when she wasn’t drunk. A bridge to cross if/when she got there. Doc’s smile was enough for tonight.

The smile and the kissing. Merlin. It was clear that she hadn’t exaggerated his skill at this. While their conversation had been emotional tonight it wasn’t on the scale of almost dying so there was no reason to think her perception was muddled. Kissing Doc was just that good. There was no space for anything but that electricity that Doc produced in her so easily. That she’d been ready for, the feeling of this being familiar wasn’t. They’d only kissed once but it felt like she’d been on pause since the last time he’d kissed her and now the world was going once again. She moaned into their kiss at the feel of his fingers digging into her skin. Lucy had wondered if her dress was too short for the occasion but now she was wishing it was shorter, even though it was as nearly as short as she could go without getting arrested for indecent exposure. But she needed Doc’s hands on more of her.

Of all the things she’d missed about Doc it was hearing her name like that she missed most of all. Her lips curling into a smile at the sound. There was no hesitation in Lucy’s answer, the words had already been on the tip of her tongue before he’d asked. “Take me home,” she whispered with a smile. “But if you get awkward in the morning I’m throwing a pillow at you,” she teased him, her voice still thick with desire despite the teasing. Now that she understood better —she couldn’t really say she understood completely— the thought of facing another awkward morning wasn’t nearly as horrible. Not to mention it would be completely worth it to have more of Doc. Before she could say what else had come to mind he was kissing her neck again and bloody hell that felt good. She moaned softly at his words. “We don’t have to leave right away,” she conceded. “Might need to shut the door though.” Despite her words her hands were already making their way down to his waistband.

[thebestravenclaw]

Merlin, the only thing Doc had missed more than kissing Lucy was hearing her moan, the way she did so into their kiss sending a fresh electric shock through him. He wanted to hear that sound over and over again, struck by the sudden thought that he needed to make up for the time he’d lost being an idiot for the past few weeks. It was a challenge he certainly felt up for, especially at the way she answered his question without hesitation. Her words -- take me home -- enough to pull a soft moan from him, the heat between them not even lost by her teasing. Instead Doc just gave her a sheepish grin, taking comfort in the fact that she was amazingly undeterred by how awkward he’d been that first night. Maybe now that they could at least talk about it things wouldn’t have to be like that again. Doc knew he didn’t want them to be.

He also didn’t want to think about that right now, and for once not thinking was easy because Lucy was moaning again and Doc let his lips trail lower, down to skin that was exposed by that bloody wonderful dress of hers. He barely even registered what she was saying about the door, the fact that it was still open something he’d completely forgotten.

And it was gone again as he realized where her hands were heading, another soft moan falling past his lips. Fucking hell, it was incredibly hot how forward she was, how unhesitating. Where Doc might have stopped to think, to make sure he wasn’t moving things to far too quickly, Lucy’s hands were all over him giving him no room to doubt what she wanted. What they both wanted. Somehow he found it in himself to pull his hand off her back, grab his wand from his pocket and take his lips off her just long enough to cast a spell that shut the door and locked it. “That’s better,” he murmured, catching her lips in his and kissing her heatedly, his hand moving back to her lower back while the one on her leg moved to her inner thigh, daring to creep upward the tiniest bit further. 

[thebestravenclaw]

It was amazing to Doc how easily Lucy could switch from looking at him like he was ripping her heart in two – maybe he had been – to smiling. At him. Laughing at what he said, and just as surprising was the fact that Doc himself couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at her words. “Good point,” he answered with a cheeky grin. “Bloody hell, I missed you.” Yet another realization that was past his lips before he could stop it tonight. But Merlin, it was true. Something Doc had let himself believe wasn’t true when he’d been avoiding her, but right now it seemed impossible that he’d let himself forget how good she made him feel.

Especially when their lips were crashing together, and it felt like it was the first time Doc had been able to breathe in weeks. Gone were his questions of what could happen in the future, gone were his fears, gone was everything except Lucy, her hands and lips pressed so amazingly against him. Doc felt like he was melting into their kiss, into Lucy’s hand on his neck, her fingers in his hair sending a thrill of electricity down his spine.

That was nothing to the rush of heat that flooded over him when her leg wrapped around his waist. Oh, bloody hell. Instantly his hand on her hip slid down her leg, pulling her even close – or trying to, because she couldn’t get closer right now. Doc wasn’t thinking about that, though, as his other moved to her lower back to press her as close as possible. He didn’t want to pull away from her, not for a second, but finally the need for air became too much and he pulled back just enough to take in a shallow breath. “Wow,” he breathed, unable to stop himself from trailing his lips down to her neck because bloody hell, it felt so good to be kissing her.

[healerluce]

When Doc was like this he was at his best. Lucy felt like he’d make it out of this war okay. His laughter like a delicious treat that she wished wasn’t so rare. And that bloody cheeky grin that made her just want to snog him silly. Impossibly he was making her smile grow. Next time he got all weird maybe she should slide him some truth potion. “Good, remember that so you want have to miss me.” Her whispered words held nothing but happiness. He’d missed her. Sure it was because he was so dumb but that didn’t make it feel any less good. “I missed you too,” she told him, in case he hadn’t caught that.

Lucy wanted to snog him till they were both dizzy from need of air. Which given the things his touch was doing to her wouldn’t be difficult. The way his hand felt on her leg, pulling her close, her already too short dress hitching up higher, made it certain she was going to be getting just what she wanted. Doc’s other hand on her lower back pressing her against him even more. All she could think about was his body pressed against hers. How her body fit so good into his even with too many layers between their skin.

Even when he pulled away she was still so close to him her panted out breaths seemed to be all she’d manage in the way of catching her breath. Except Doc was making it clear that catching her breath wasn’t an option, his lips trailing down her neck before she could even process the wow he’d breathed out. “Oh, Doc,” she whispered softly, somewhere between a breath and a moan. His lips sent fresh shivers down her spine and made it clear that all she needed right then was more of Doc. Her hand slipped down from his neck, trailed down the side of his chest not moving between them but close to where her body was pressed to his. Once she reached the hem of his shirt her hand followed it around to his back before moving slowly upwards. Hand splayed against his back it was part pressing him into her and part exploring his back because she couldn’t get enough of him under her hand or pressed against her to choose between them.

[thebestravenclaw]

It was only now that he was here with Lucy smiling at him that Doc realized how much he’d actually missed her. How miserable he’d made himself -- and her -- by avoiding her for the past few weeks. And she wasn’t even mad at him for that, because she was far better a woman than he could ever deserve. Doc’s smile turned sheepish at her words, and he managed a small nod in answer to her. “Yeah,” he answered softly, sheepishly, because he’d already spent far too much time tonight trying to explain to her the workings of his mind and all it had done was lead to more pain for the both of them. And yet impossibly she’d missed him too. Her words bringing a wider smile to Doc’s face.

And Merlin had he missed kissing her too, never mind that it had only happened on one other occasion. That was something that was almost impossible to wrap his brain around. Lucy felt far too good pressed close to him like this, far too familiar, far too right. Like the world had been out of balance for the past few weeks, and finally everything was falling back into place. And heating up, incredibly so. Doc was far too aware of how short Lucy’s dress was, unable to stop his fingers creeping up just a little higher and digging into her skin gently.

Even better was the way she breathed out his name, the sound making him let out a hot exhale of breath against her neck between kisses. Her hand moving down his side sending a jolt of electricity through him, that only increased when her hand found its way under his shirt. “Lucy,” he breathed against her skin, his lips moving back up her neck so he could claim hers again, the hand on her leg drifting up just a touch more. “Should we...” he murmured, pulling back to look at her and hesitating before he finished. “Go back to the party, or get out of here?” His eyes searched his, leaving the choice up to her because after how things had gone last time, he wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to get out of there. It might not be a good idea. But they had to make a decision, because bloody hell if they stayed in here much longer he just might end shagging her in headquarters. Which actually wasn’t such a bad thought. “Or we could stay here,” he added, letting his lips move their way down her neck again.

[thebestravenclaw]

As frightening as the idea of facing Lucy after this was, after they didn’t both have truth potion and firewhiskey running through their systems, it was worth it to see her smile again. It was nothing more than a small smile, but it was a smile all the same and Doc was relieved he was still capable of making her feel anything other than pain. And then it got even better, because she was laughing and in spite of everything else Doc felt his own smile growing. Merlin, he’d never been so glad to hear someone laugh before. “I don’t think Rick wants that either,” he teased back softly.

But then there was the thought once again that it wasn’t fair of him to say things like that, just like it hadn’t been fair to blurt out that he wanted to kiss her. Not after he’d just told her he didn’t know what to do. That he couldn’t come right out and give her the answer she wanted – even though he was beginning to hope maybe with time he could. He couldn’t right now, and she deserved more than what he’d given her last time they snogged, more than him freaking out and leaving the next morning, and – he thought too much?

“Oh…” The quiet moment of understanding was all he had time for before Lucy’s lips were on his, and suddenly all the confusion and turmoil that had been swimming around in his mind vanished. Replaced only by Lucy, by her hand pulling him closer to her and he obeyed easily. One of his hands moved down to her hip, the other gently cupping her cheek as he deepened the kiss without thinking about it because bloody hell, Lucy’s lips against his felt so right and he couldn’t believe he’d even let himself forget that.

[healerluce]

His smile grew and Lucy felt the weight of their conversation and the awkwardness of the last few weeks disappearing. His added teasing just making her laugh even more. If she was the type to get stuck in her head too much she might wonder about this bloke. How easy it seemed for him to shift her moods with a twitch of his lips. But she wasn’t, instead she laughed, full smile on her face. “I dunno, you’re a hot bloke, might liven up his life a little,” she teased back.

Doc was so concerned with what might be. But all Lucy wanted was this, a little honesty, laughter, kissing. She didn’t want to think about the future or what it all meant. All she wanted to do was think about how his lips fit so good with hers. About the little electric shocks everywhere skin touched skin. The fact that even when he was so caught up in his own head those things were still getting through made her happy. Hopeful, even.

And then they were kissing and nothing mattered but the electricity between them. As shattered as she’d felt he was making her feel just a few moments earlier she felt nothing but happiness now. Perfect. His hand on her hip sent electricity through her bones and she sighed into their kiss as he deepened it. This was what she wanted from Doc, nothing more, nothing less. Or maybe more but right at this moment just this. Her hand on his cheek went to his neck and her hand on his arm moved back up, fingers carefully moving through his hair. It was the type of kiss that got a girl to do reckless things like wrap a leg around his waist to pull him in closer even though there wasn’t any way they could be closer in their current position and clothed state.

[thebestravenclaw]

It was amazing to Doc how easily Lucy could switch from looking at him like he was ripping her heart in two -- maybe he had been -- to smiling. At him. Laughing at what he said, and just as surprising was the fact that Doc himself couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at her words. “Good point,” he answered with a cheeky grin. “Bloody hell, I missed you.” Yet another realization that was past his lips before he could stop it tonight. But Merlin, it was true. Something Doc had let himself believe wasn’t true when he’d been avoiding her, but right now it seemed impossible that he’d let himself forget how good she made him feel.

Especially when their lips were crashing together, and it felt like it was the first time Doc had been able to breathe in weeks. Gone were his questions of what could happen in the future, gone were his fears, gone was everything except Lucy, her hands and lips pressed so amazingly against him. Doc felt like he was melting into their kiss, into Lucy’s hand on his neck, her fingers in his hair sending a thrill of electricity down his spine.

That was nothing to the rush of heat that flooded over him when her leg wrapped around his waist. Oh, bloody hell. Instantly his hand on her hip slid down her leg, pulling her even close -- or trying to, because she couldn’t get closer right now. Doc wasn’t thinking about that, though, as his other moved to her lower back to press her as close as possible. He didn’t want to pull away from her, not for a second, but finally the need for air became too much and he pulled back just enough to take in a shallow breath. “Wow,” he breathed, unable to stop himself from trailing his lips down to her neck because bloody hell, it felt so good to be kissing her.

[thebestravenclaw]

Doc was half expecting Lucy to flinch away from his touch, to tell him she was done with him. He wouldn’t have blamed her. Maybe there was still a part of him that thought it would be easier that way. But it was hard to convince himself of that when she answered him, her voice finally colored by something that wasn’t hurt, and it felt like some of the weight he’d been carrying since that night was lifted off his shoulders. And he felt lighter still when she continued speaking, struck once again by the thought that she was far too good for him.

But here she was, impossibly caring about him despite how hard he was making that for her to do. “I….I promise,” he finally answered, because he owed her that much. And because now that she was close to him again, and by some miracle she wasn’t angry at him, he was realizing he didn’t want to avoid her. “But I don’t think I can pretend you’re Rick. That’d make things very uncomfortable.” He surprised himself when he managed to give her the smallest beginnings of a grin. Never mind that he’d already managed to make things uncomfortable. Lucy’s fingers brushing the hair off his forehead and lingering against his cheek made him forget for a moment that he was still supposed to be uncomfortable. That he was supposed to be scared. This was exactly what had happened that night, too. Lucy was how he’d gotten out of his head. Because how could he think of anything else when she was touching him so gently?

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmured, the words falling past his lips thanks to the truth potion and firewhiskey. He instantly wished he could take them back, if only because he knew it wasn’t fair of him to say that. “I’m sorry,” he added quickly. “That’s not – that’s not fair to you. I just – it was out before I could stop it.” Fuck, he really was an idiot.

[healerluce]

This whole encounter had been emotional. Most of it spent with Lucy feeling like she was being trapped under the weight of Doc’s head. Like they both were. His fears threatening to choke the life out of this electricity between them. And they still could. Because Doc wanted to think on it. Even after he’d admitted to not being able to get out of his head. Had they not been drunk she might have said something more to that but they were and Lucy knew it was probably better to wait. Though she also wondered if they’d ever be this honest with each other again without the truth potion forcing them to be.

She smiled softly at his promise, relief clear in her eyes because whatever happened between them she needed to know he’d let her help him after missions. Lucy wasn’t sure what she’d do if he wouldn’t. Thankfully she didn’t have to worry about that any more. His added words surprised her and she let out a laugh. The sound filling the silence of the room. “I’m glad, I don’t really want you pretending I’m Rick.” His grin was small but she’d take it. For now. A sign that maybe he was feeling better about them. And then he was saying what she’d just been thinking and if it hadn’t been for his quick apology her fingers would likely have moved over to his lips, her own following after.

Helga’s pots he thought too much. His earlier words about not being able to get out of his head still with her. “You think too much, Doc,” she told him softly. Lucy was the opposite. She acted more than thought. Let her heart guide her instead of her head, which was how she’d ended up here. And was why she closed the distance between them and kissed him softly on the lips. One hand moving off his cheek to his arm trying to pull him closer even for just a moment.

[thebestravenclaw]

As frightening as the idea of facing Lucy after this was, after they didn’t both have truth potion and firewhiskey running through their systems, it was worth it to see her smile again. It was nothing more than a small smile, but it was a smile all the same and Doc was relieved he was still capable of making her feel anything other than pain. And then it got even better, because she was laughing and in spite of everything else Doc felt his own smile growing. Merlin, he’d never been so glad to hear someone laugh before. “I don’t think Rick wants that either,” he teased back softly.

But then there was the thought once again that it wasn’t fair of him to say things like that, just like it hadn’t been fair to blurt out that he wanted to kiss her. Not after he’d just told her he didn’t know what to do. That he couldn’t come right out and give her the answer she wanted -- even though he was beginning to hope maybe with time he could. He couldn’t right now, and she deserved more than what he’d given her last time they snogged, more than him freaking out and leaving the next morning, and -- he thought too much?

“Oh...” The quiet moment of understanding was all he had time for before Lucy’s lips were on his, and suddenly all the confusion and turmoil that had been swimming around in his mind vanished. Replaced only by Lucy, by her hand pulling him closer to her and he obeyed easily. One of his hands moved down to her hip, the other gently cupping her cheek as he deepened the kiss without thinking about it because bloody hell, Lucy’s lips against his felt so right and he couldn’t believe he’d even let himself forget that.

[thebestravenclaw]

Lucy was right. About everything, just as she’d been all night. This wasn’t fair, not to her, and this wasn’t what Doc wanted. But even standing here seeing her hurt – knowing it was his fault and feeling like he was being torn in two because of it – Doc didn’t know how to get out of his own head. He didn’t know how to stop being afraid of her, of what she knew, of what might happen if he let himself fully feel what he knew he could feel for her.

Which was stupid, because Lucy wasn’t the kind of person who would hurt him. She was proving that over and over tonight alone, proving it by still standing here talking to him when he knew he was hurting her, knew he wasn’t being fair. Lucy was the kind of person who would take his feelings, take his heart, and protect it. She was the kind of person that could make him happy. And maybe that was what he was afraid of. It had been a long time since Doc was truly happy; he wasn’t sure he knew how to feel it anymore. Wasn’t sure he would ever recover if he found it only to have it taken away again. By something she might do, or something he might do, or most likely by something Death Eaters would do.

“I’m sorry, Lucy,” he told her softly, honestly, his pain evident in his voice. Pain he was certain he deserved. “You’re right. About everything. I’m sorry,” he repeated, because it was the only thing he could think to say. Maybe Lucy was right. Maybe they could both make each other happy. Maybe it would be worth it. But Doc didn’t make split second decisions. He didn’t jump into things without thinking them through first, and the one time he had was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. Gently he reached out to take her chin in his hand, tilting her head up so she was looking at him again. “Can we….I want to ask you if I can have some time to think, but that’s not fair to you. None of this is fair to you. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy.” A truth that he hadn’t completely realized until the potion pulled it from his lips. And then there was another. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

[healerluce]

She kept expecting Doc to leave. That her words would push the wrong button and he’d be gone. But he was still there. Even after she’d been selfish and lashed out at him he was still there. Her heart ached for him because this war was leaving scars far too deep on him. Scars she wanted to make disappear. And though it would hurt to see him with someone else she’d even be okay with that if it seemed to be helping. But Lucy couldn’t shake the certainty that if Doc walked away from the possibility of them then he might not walk into any other possibilities. It made it harder for her to end this and let him leave, even though she’d tried to several times. Her heart wasn’t in it.

His apologies didn’t make her feel any better and if it hadn’t been for his tilting her head up she might not have looked back at him. It felt like more of the same until her heart stopped. His words winding around her in that missing beat. I want to make you happy. She wasn’t sure if that was enough to make him crawl out of his own head and stop rebuilding his walls but it was enough for her to stop trying to find a way to say goodbye. “You are an idiot,” she agreed but it wasn’t hurt lacing her voice any more but fondness. Maybe he’d be her idiot. “Promise me something. Don’t avoid me. We won’t talk about this again until you’re ready but don’t avoid me. I’ll try to pretend you’re just like all the others and you can pretend that I’m Rick. I’ll even wear my hideous uniform here if it helps, just don’t avoid me.”

Lucy wanted to kiss his lips but instead settled for brushing his hair off his forehead and letting her fingers linger on his cheek after. She wasn’t sure him batting around if they should be a possibility or not was a good thing. Not with how he’d already admitted being stuck in his head. But they were also both drunk, truth potion aside, that wasn’t the time to be deciding anything.

[thebestravenclaw]

Doc was half expecting Lucy to flinch away from his touch, to tell him she was done with him. He wouldn’t have blamed her. Maybe there was still a part of him that thought it would be easier that way. But it was hard to convince himself of that when she answered him, her voice finally colored by something that wasn’t hurt, and it felt like some of the weight he’d been carrying since that night was lifted off his shoulders. And he felt lighter still when she continued speaking, struck once again by the thought that she was far too good for him.

But here she was, impossibly caring about him despite how hard he was making that for her to do. “I....I promise,” he finally answered, because he owed her that much. And because now that she was close to him again, and by some miracle she wasn’t angry at him, he was realizing he didn’t want to avoid her. “But I don’t think I can pretend you’re Rick. That’d make things very uncomfortable.” He surprised himself when he managed to give her the smallest beginnings of a grin. Never mind that he’d already managed to make things uncomfortable. Lucy’s fingers brushing the hair off his forehead and lingering against his cheek made him forget for a moment that he was still supposed to be uncomfortable. That he was supposed to be scared. This was exactly what had happened that night, too. Lucy was how he’d gotten out of his head. Because how could he think of anything else when she was touching him so gently?

“I really want to kiss you,” he murmured, the words falling past his lips thanks to the truth potion and firewhiskey. He instantly wished he could take them back, if only because he knew it wasn’t fair of him to say that. “I’m sorry,” he added quickly. “That’s not -- that’s not fair to you. I just -- it was out before I could stop it.” Fuck, he really was an idiot.

[healerluce]

As much firewhiskey as she had in her it was a wonder she didn’t just laugh. This whole thing was ridiculous. A weird impasse that didn’t seem to want to end. He couldn’t seem to let himself be with her and she couldn’t seem to not want him. It felt a lot like their feelings for each other were doomed to be another tragedy in this war. But Lucy didn’t want to be a tragedy, she wanted to grab as much life as she could. She wasn’t sure she had a choice about it.

His words were ironic to her. She’d have thought that it was a good match, he didn’t open up to people and she knew enough so he didn’t have to. Not to mention the fact that he was so brave and daring, fighting Death Eaters on any given night, but afraid of her or his feelings for her. Lucy wanted to think of it as him being afraid to be happy but she wasn’t sure she actually made him happy. In fact she was pretty certain she didn’t.

“I never wanted to be one of your stresses or make you lose control,” she started and then stopped unsure what to say. This really wasn’t about her, even though she was definitely affected. “Don’t make the same mistakes over again. You ended up in that awful situation because you tried to control too much and didn’t open up to anyone about what was happening. I don’t think Tilden or your family will let you but it’s up to you more than them.” This felt an awful lot like giving up except Doc didn’t really give her a choice in the matter. Something that upset her. “I don’t have a say in any of this and that’s not really fair,” hurt lacing her words. “Nothing I say matters. If you were happy this would be easier. But you’re not and I’m not and it’s not fair. You’re being a stubborn git and I can’t even be mad at you for it because you’re not trying to hurt me. Because you want the opposite. Except it feels like you’re using me to hurt yourself. At first I thought it was me you’re punishing but now I dunno, maybe you’re punishing both of us. It certainly feels like that’s what you’re doing.” She should have stopped when she was still thinking only of him because now she just felt selfish and stupid. It was her turn not to be able to look at him this time.

[thebestravenclaw]

Lucy was right. About everything, just as she’d been all night. This wasn’t fair, not to her, and this wasn’t what Doc wanted. But even standing here seeing her hurt -- knowing it was his fault and feeling like he was being torn in two because of it -- Doc didn’t know how to get out of his own head. He didn’t know how to stop being afraid of her, of what she knew, of what might happen if he let himself fully feel what he knew he could feel for her.

Which was stupid, because Lucy wasn’t the kind of person who would hurt him. She was proving that over and over tonight alone, proving it by still standing here talking to him when he knew he was hurting her, knew he wasn’t being fair. Lucy was the kind of person who would take his feelings, take his heart, and protect it. She was the kind of person that could make him happy. And maybe that was what he was afraid of. It had been a long time since Doc was truly happy; he wasn’t sure he knew how to feel it anymore. Wasn’t sure he would ever recover if he found it only to have it taken away again. By something she might do, or something he might do, or most likely by something Death Eaters would do.

“I’m sorry, Lucy,” he told her softly, honestly, his pain evident in his voice. Pain he was certain he deserved. “You’re right. About everything. I’m sorry,” he repeated, because it was the only thing he could think to say. Maybe Lucy was right. Maybe they could both make each other happy. Maybe it would be worth it. But Doc didn’t make split second decisions. He didn’t jump into things without thinking them through first, and the one time he had was what had gotten them into this mess in the first place. Gently he reached out to take her chin in his hand, tilting her head up so she was looking at him again. “Can we....I want to ask you if I can have some time to think, but that’s not fair to you. None of this is fair to you. I want you to be happy. I want to make you happy.” A truth that he hadn’t completely realized until the potion pulled it from his lips. And then there was another. “I’m a fucking idiot.”

[healerluce]

Doc had been through so much already and Lucy hated that she was just adding to that. But she didn’t know how not to be one more stress for him. She couldn’t lie, especially not tonight, and tell him she didn’t want to be with him. If she thought it would make things easier for him she’d march out to the party right now and snog someone. It wouldn’t help because he cared about her and that would hurt. Lucy knew because it would hurt her if Doc did that. And yet they were both here, hurting. The pain was clear in his voice and it broke her. She wanted to pull him into her arms and never let him leave. Lucy didn’t know how to solve this. They were both hurting apart but Doc couldn’t seem to let them be together. His words should have made her happy. But they just made it all so much more complicated. Lucy knew only one thing, she couldn’t let Doc leave here tonight without some idea of what they were going to do, or not do. Before she said anything she couldn’t stop herself from placing a soft kiss on his forehead. 

“Talk to me. Tell me what it is that’s holding you back. It can’t be just that you think I’ll hurt you because we’re both hurting right now. You said before that I knew too much. Is that because I saw you in your flat like that? Because that’s not all you are, it’s not what I see when I look at you. Yeah you fell but you came back from that. You’re here now, stronger. I can see it, even if you can’t. I see your strength and bravery when I look at you, your kindness and generosity. You’re a great bloke, Doc. And that’s not because you saved my life, twice now. Three times if you wanted to count tonight. I thought that before then, I thought it even before that night in your flat.” Lucy didn’t really know what to say all she knew was that night in the flat seemed to still be with Doc. She couldn’t blame him for that since it had been such a terrible night, even before he’d gotten home.

[thebestravenclaw]

Despite all of the confusion and emotional turmoil coursing through him, Lucy’s lips on his forehead sent a soft, gentle rush of warmth through him that Doc maybe should have taken as some indication of what he needed to do. Just like her words when she finally spoke. Doc was mildly surprised that she remembered what he’d said that night. Even more surprised that she’d pegged him. Again. Like she always did, which was exactly why he’d said she knew too much. She saw him at his worst, over and over and over again, and then she’d seen him at his very worst. Hurt, afraid, angry, lashing out at the one person who’d come to check on him, who’d kept him from inadvertently killing himself through his own stubbornness and isolation. But she’d also seen him at his best, in a setting no one else he knew outside of his family and Tilden had never seen him. Maybe he was afraid she forgot about the bad stuff. That because she only saw the good in him, he was surely going to end up letting her down.

Except tonight he was far from his best -- and she was still standing there, her hands cupping his face, saying things to him that were far nicer than he deserved, especially after how he’d avoided her the last few weeks. And he couldn’t even write her words off as her being nice, or find some way to twist them into pity. She was being completely truthful, just as he was. So maybe the problem was that he hadn’t chosen to let her in. He’d lost control, at a time when he already felt like he had so little of that left in his life. But that wasn’t Lucy’s fault, and he knew it. Her words echoing through his mind again. I feel like you’re punishing me for caring about you. 

“I...I don’t open up to people, Lucy,” he began quietly, unsure of where he was going. “Even Tilden has to pull things out of me most of the time. But I feel like you’ve seen so much of me without even trying and I...that scares me. A lot. I’m...I don’t want to lose control again.” And there it was. The truth that Doc hadn’t even known for himself, that stemmed from that night Lucy had found him -- but it wasn’t because of Lucy. It was because of him, and he couldn’t look her in the eye anymore. 

[healerluce]

As much as she didn’t want it to his words, his conformation that it wasn’t just a one night stand gone awkward for him either, made her heart skip a beat. Part of her had wanted it to be just sex for him. She could deal with that. But this was a tangled mess that she had no idea how to deal with. Doe wasn’t done and Lucy bit her lip at his next words. It should have been obvious, really, that she scared him. But it was such a strange thought, that she could scare someone, that it hadn’t been. And that wasn’t even the half of it. Lucy listened in silence to everything he said. Her head was a swirl of emotions his words had given her. Lucy didn’t want him to set her down and she gripped his arms, not letting him pull away from her after he did so. There was so much she wanted to say to all that he’d said. She didn’t know where to start.

“You’re not damaged goods, Doc. If you ever call yourself that again, I’m going to make your next healing session unpleasant,” she told him, her words laced with hurt because it hurt to hear he thought of himself that way. “Life hurts, there’s no hiding from it. Maybe I can shatter you but you could shatter me. It goes both ways.” All that talk about how she could hurt him when he was hurting her felt stupid. “I feel like you’re punishing me for caring about you. For coming to your flat and refusing to let you die. I’m not sorry, I wasn’t then when you were so angry at me about it I was certain you’d never speak to me again and I’m not now when you’re using it to keep your distance from me. I’m only sorry I didn’t do something sooner because I watched that bloke from the football match slip further and further away and I was too timid to stop it until stopping it was the only option. I’m truly sorry for that. I let my feelings for you get in the way of helping you.” She felt guilty about that still. And for not learning her lesson. “I just want you to find reasons to smile again. I want to be one of those reasons. But I want you to be happy more and if you can’t fight your fear of getting hurt by me to allow yourself to be happy with me then so be it. I’m not going to try and change your mind, you’re too stubborn for that.” Lucy cupped his cheeks between her hands trying to get him to look at her, tears in her eyes because Doc had obviously decided against them. “Let someone help you hold on to whatever happiness you can, please.” She felt like he was shattering her and she was giving him her blessing to do it.

[thebestravenclaw]

Doc wasn’t sure if he was more surprised by the way Lucy grabbed his arms before he could back away, or the strength with which she gripped him. Whichever it was, it was enough to keep him rooted to the spot as she began to speak. His eyes flickering up to her at her threat, at the hurt in her voice that cut him like a knife. This wasn’t what he wanted. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Lucy wasn’t supposed to care as much as she did. Lucy wasn’t supposed to hurt, not because of him. But she did, and she was hurting him right back despite how hard he’d tried to avoid that. Maybe he’d been stupid to think he could escape his feelings. All he knew was that hearing Lucy say she felt like he was punishing her, hearing her blame herself for how bad he’d gotten when she finally found him bleeding out in his flat, made him feel like he was being ripped in two. Torn to shreds, just like he’d known she could do. 

And yet still she just wanted him to be happy. Still she only cared about him, offering him an out through tears in her eyes as she pulled his face up to look at her. Doc wanted to reach out and brush away any tears that might fall, but he didn’t feel like he had the right to. Not when it was his fault they were there in the first place. “Lucy...” he began softly, pain evident in his voice. He couldn’t stop one of his hands reaching up to cover hers where it rested on his cheek. “I never wanted to hurt you.” It was the truth, just like everything else they’d both said tonight, but it wasn’t enough. “But I feel like that’s all I can do. I’m not....I don’t know how to get out of my head,” he confessed, his eyes searching hers as if she might be able to offer him a solution. “I don’t know how to just...stop being afraid. But...I’m also not sure I can be happy without you. I know I can’t be happy knowing you’re hurting. Especially not because of me. I’m...I don’t know what to do,” he finally admitted quietly, feeling more vulnerable than he ever had before.