neva happy:( @thebloodyxanzs - Tumblr Blog

To be suffocated by love for a person. Their presence, their mind, their skin, their emotions. To being suffocated when they’re gone. Almost as if they give you the air to breathe. Them being your biggest strength and your damnest weakness. Doing everything in your power to ensure their happiness…even giving up yourself. Letting your resolve crumble. Giving up everything you’ve ever known. Just for them. All for love.

achillesinhighheels

I felt love once..now I look for it every person I meet

is fairytale love real? is the love and connections you see in romance novels real? what about all those people who post about their relationships and how deep their feelings are for each other ? the cute little things they done for one another . is any of that shit fucking real?

all of the men I’ve been with have never shown such emotions . I put myself out there fully . i let my love be known . i love hard . I went from a shitty household to another shitty household. both with fake love all around . i’m not suppose to be treated this way. no one should be treated this way. i’m suppose to be treated like a fucking princess. suppose to be swooped up from my peasant house and put into a fucking castle . but here i sit in a dungeon. is any of that shit fucking real? and if it is , why hasn’t it happen to me? am i so unworthy of love ? are all my suitors not doing their basic duties as a significant other? or am i asking too much ? is that fairytale kind of love not the standard anymore ?

i just wonder how life will go . like i can truly sit and thinking about ts for days , weeks , hell months. the future for me is just such an unknown. will i ever change ? there’s so much stuff i would change but it’s so difficult for me. the world changing around me is inevitable so it doesn’t bother me but changing something in myself is excruciating

why do i always end up fucking with weirdos?

i misss you

why does everyone love me while i’m so damaged

to have the man I’ve put my pride aside for and stuck beside tell me that he basically doesn’t deserve me. i felt sadness and anger. Sadness cause I’ve done everything to keep this man with me and I love him. No matter what I’ll always love him. I’ve been a good girlfriend, changed my ways , all the same way I did with my father. I became a better daughter , changed who I was entirely to please and meet his standards. He still left. I felt like the little girl that everybody abandoned, nobody really cared for . And then . I thought about everything I’ve done for him and he’s just willing to throw it all away cause he felt he wasn’t worthy? Just like that? Absolutely not. I will overcome once again. I’m not going to just sit there and let all of my hard work be thrown away. To get over this delegated burden he has about this , we’ll just have to change him. Make him into a better partner.

the situation gets better but i still feel so empty. like even though it’s better , i’m not enough . i can’t compete with my own expectations of life and my wants.

going back to you once again. i’m such a fucking idiot. god i cannot stand myself. cry cry cry and nothing changes.

i hate thinking that this war will be over. that life gets better. it gets good for 5 minutes and everything comes falling down. like it can’t be good at all. why do the happy moments fade so quickly?

is this all worth it? are you worth it?

anger fills my body completely

i long for you even though i shall see you at midnight

just spent 20 mins in the car zoned out listening to the weeknd and thinking about fighting my father

you snapped at me on new year’s eve for trying to get outside and take pictures with you. you left me alone on valentine’s day to cry in the bathroom for two hours after you got mad over a slick joke. it wasn’t even valentine’s day, it was your birthday because we know you always come first .

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neva happy:(