Heyhey, popcorn snufflers.
So, Prometheus, huh? That happened. That was … weird. And the hype was so intense! How wrong we all were.
I even went to see it in its first week in cinemas. My girlfriend at the time got me super excited about seeing Noomi Rapace run round a space ship in her undies - ‘It’s seminal sci-fi, you’ll love it, yaddayadda!’ Win, win.
So off we toddled, and I spent the rest of the evening thoroughly pissing her off with my exasperated sighs, silent scathing laughter and occasional hushed outbursts of ‘are-they-fucking-serious-right-now’, ‘come-the-fuck-on’, etc, etc. You get the idea. This date did not go well.
Unimpressed face. I haven’t seen Alien (I know! I know, okay. It’s on the to-do list). So, I can’t really speak with any authority about how this fits into the grand scheme of the sci-fi genre (who am I kidding? I can’t speak with any authority on anything).
THAT SAID! I think the story sucked, the technology sucked and the terrible attempts to create some grandiose, meaning-of-life philosophy sucked extra hard. The characters were thoroughly unlikable, rash, clumsy and bad at their work. The alien design was laughably unoriginal and not as scary as they obviously intended it to be. The plot had more holes than The Room, and the ending was unsatisfying as all hell.
And THEN! It’s saving grace! I fell so friggin hard in love with the gorgeous android played by Michael Fassbender.
What a talented mo’ fo’. The robot identity crisis thing was so beautifully and carefully dealt with. His acting was complex and clever. Even the aesthetic of the plasticy, fake-human was done so subtly - a stark contrast to the garish rah-rah-green-gooey-aliens. Love it. Loveitloveitloveit.
So, in preparation for my marriage proposal, I go online to stalk Fassbender and …
Oh, fuck.
I have a question - why is this excusable? When men of the public eye get caught with drugs or being overly promiscuous, it’s a national fucking tragedy, but a little bit of harmless assault and battery? ‘Oh well, what happens behind closed doors, eh?’ It’s just a human being’s health, livelihood and safety.
Why is it that we are so quick to forget the horrific pain and emotional and physical scars inflicted by a celebrity’s hand when ‘oh, he’s just so cute, did you see him in that last thing he did? Oh, he’s just marvellous, isn’t he?’ FUCK. THAT. BOLLOCKS. The fact that gents such as Fassbender are brand ambassadors and role models in their trade makes this so much worse. The willingness of the public and Hollywood to excuse the awfulness of crimes against women as insignificant aspects of their private life actually makes me seethe.
Casting directors of Prometheus, I am looking at you. With my very best bitchface.
Urgh. So unimpressed. Feeling the need to talk more philosophically about this, here’s a classy lady who discusses, far more eloquently than I ever could, about society’s reluctance to publicly chastise notably violent men.Yuck.
So, on that note, Let’s have a friendly chat about female representation in this movie.
There are two notable chicks in this movie, Meredith (Charlize Theron) and Elizabeth (Noomi Rapace). Really original names, huh?
These ladies are pretty great in their own right. Meredith’s a corporate battleaxe. Elizabeth’s a top-notch scientist. They’re both the best at what they do, and have ovaries. Good start.
Here’s where it goes downhill.
Both the female characters have overpoweringly ridiculous daddy issues. These go so far as to radically impact their personalities and life choices, because, apparently, even in the future, you can't be female, driven and not be damaged or dictated by a male superior somehow. The whole reason Charlize’s character is so driven and dedicated to this mission is because she is living in her father’s shadow and is haunted by his overwhelming disappointment. Similarly, Rapace’s character is motivated pretty much solely because of her dad’s death, his philosophies and her weird need to follow in his footsteps. Which is totally cool, respect your folks and whatnot. But trying to become them is potentially not the healthiest way to go about that.
Then, these two very clever ladies have The Sex. (Not together. I know, I was disappointed too.)
And, script writers of Prometheus? I get that. I really do. Sex sells. Hell, I’d be disappointed if there wasn’t a bit of romance to dissipate the sheer drudgery of the rest of the plot. And women are people and people like sex. So, on it’s own, having your leading ladies do the nasty at some point should have been totally fine.
But (and there’s a big but), these female characters’ relationship to sex was represented as super duper unhealthy and destructive. For example, Theron's character’s sexy time was completely arbitrary to the story and contrary to her personality. Completely. Prior to a little leering and convincing, she very obviously didn’t even want to sleep with this weird, drunk, sleazy stranger. But she's a woman in an isolated space surrounded by men she doesn't know. It'd simply be a waste of this intelligent, authoritative and coincidentally attractive character's evening if she didn't fuck someone. And the incident is never mentioned or referenced to again. Gross.
Furthermore, Rapace’s character’s relationship to sex wasn’t exactly treated well either. My favourite Mystical Pregnancy Trope rears it's ugly head when Elizabeth is impregnated with a nightmarish alien parasite. As a character, she’s pretty awesomely complex and conflicted but it'd simply be nonsensical to base some sort of plot around that. Nope, her main struggle is founded on the fact that she's a woman with ovaries and was experiencing the dangerous repercussions of having nice sexy times with her long-term partner. If that’s not sex negative, I don’t know what is.
This weird part of the story also necessitated that she run round the ship for ages in skimpy bandages ... for some reason. And I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the eye candy, but I’m also not saying I didn’t hate myself a little after. The sexual exploitation of this female lead was so obvious and unnecessary and blatant and … oh my god, have you seen those abs?! Are you kidding me? Schwing.
(As a side note, I actually really liked that about her body; that she looked strong. Like she could fuck up some aliens and climb a mountain and didn’t give a shit about counting calories. Fuck yeah, womanhood.)
Then, to rub salt in the wound, this plotline is concluded with her needing an abortion. And, rightly so. There’s a thing inside her that will definitely kill her in the near future if she does not get it out. And coincidentally, there’s actually a way she can do this with Meredith’s futuristic first aid contraption. So, if these writers were half decent, they would have made a cool (albeit not so literal, since it’s an alien baby) political statement about women’s health.
But, alas, no. Actually talking about really basic aspects of women's reproductive rights in a mainstream movie was evidently too controversial. Even just using the accurate scientific word to describe what needed to happen to save her life was obviously vetoed at some stage in the production process, Turns out Elizabeth needed a ‘Caesarean section’, which is both inaccurate and annoying.
Furthermore, her pregnancy complications also probably had something to do with her previous infertility, a component of her and her partner’s relationship that is comparatively very heartfelt and genuine. So, naturally the most respectful way to deal with this legitimate and traumatic aspect of this female character’s identity was to use it and her body as a plot device, a way to write in more gore and to get Elizabeth in her knickers. Grr.
Aaaaaannd to top it off, the aliens are either penises that jab people or vaginas with teeth. Literally. They go around consuming people with they scary labial fangs.
So, Prometheus creators? The women of sci-fi are generally pretty incredible, but unfortunately yours fail miserably to fall in league with them. They are not accurate representations of people with realistic relationships to men, sex and reproduction in the slightest. I would like my $12 back. Please and thank you.
