Youre Better Than You Think

You deserve more than you know.

[theboyandhisbrain]

Lmaooo thi was my super secret side blog for my super secret sad feelings about my super dumb ex boyfriend whom I now hate. And it was aaaaaallll truuuuue bitches I clocked that shit a mile away I KNEW lmao go with your gut y’all if he doesn’t treat you right and it doesn’t feel right yeet it bc you deserve better and I damn well deserve better than what I got. I only needed this place to let out my feelings so they be inside me hurting me anymore.

[theboyandhisbrain]

“I miss you too”

But you don’t.

[theboyandhisbrain]

I think I’ve fallen ill.

I’ve been coughing for days.

Petals, like flowers.

You don’t love me anymore.

[theboyandhisbrain]

God I just love the way you hurt me babe.

[theboyandhisbrain]

How does he even dare to talk about taking a break when he doesn’t ever pay attention to me in the first place? You ignore me and ignore me and ignore me and ignore me but insist that that’s not enough? I’m in a relationship with myself and I fucking hate myself so why can’t I break up with myself?

Whatever, I hope whoever you’re spending all your time on is worth it because you’re going to lose me. Not that you’ll miss me, but I deserve better than being treated like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe and you know that.

[theboyandhisbrain]

Loving you is heaven, but it is also hell.

[theboyandhisbrain]

Dear Diary

I wonder if he knows that I clock every time he suggests he’d be happier with someone who isn’t me, or me, but a little bit different, little bit better.

I wonder if he knows how much it kills me inside knowing that while I’m loving him wholey as he is he’s lusting for something else.

[theboyandhisbrain]

Dear Diary

He doesn’t understand my struggles, where I’ve been or how I got there, and he refuses to even try. In his eyes what I’ve done is just disgusting and makes me untrustworthy. It makes me tainted. What I’ve done to escape my pain is unlovable, however, and in his words no less, I “could kill someone and I would still love you.”

He thinks my flaws are ugly, so I hide them away and try to be perfect. The ground beneath me is cracking, though. It’s been brittle from the start, but the added weight of regret and secrecy has been eroding the dry earth bit by bit. I’m afraid It’ll break and I’ll spiral back down to that unlovable person I used to be, and that I’ll lose him and once again be left with an unbearable pain.

[theboyandhisbrain]

Dear Diary

I can hide my pain so well, so effortlessly, that I think even I’ve begun to buy into the lie.

[caitlinluvsmanga]

One of the reasons Spinel’s story breaks my heart so much is because I’ve been in that one-sided friendship where I was the one who was used.

Spinel was the best friend and that was her job, to make Pink happy. But Pink never told Spinel she could go or anything. She tricked her with a game and said “you say it will be fun, I’ll be back”. Those friendships where you put in energy and discover you were the only one doing so.

I broke down in tears hearing her story because it became a matter of Spinel felt like a useless, pointless thing. And Pink giving that look of embarrassment of her made it worse because she later told Steven “at least you thought I was funny, right?” She felt annoying and like a joke once she realized why she was felt behind.

As a person who constantly feels annoying and has experienced what is basically being ghosted. It kills you instead because you feel pointless and that angry destroys you.

The lyrics to her song kill me because I’ve loved them. Spinel being left behind and tricked and showing what it’s like to be in that situation. The lyrics reflecting what it’s like to be in that one-sided friendship.

“You keep on turning pages for people who don't care

People who don't care about you

And still, it takes you ages to see that no one's there.

Isn’t it lovely?

Isn't that cool?

And isn't that cruel

And aren't I a fool to have

Happily listened

Happy to stay”

Her entire backstory struck a cord. Breaks my freaking heart because everyone deserves better. I’ve never hated Pink Diamond because she was naive and didn’t realize her selfishness but poor Spinel. Who would have done everything for her best friend and became what she calls “a bad guy” because of how cruel it was what was done to her.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

(All gifs did not come from me)

[battling-my-demons]

‪If adults called you an “old soul” as a child that was their polite way of saying, “wow you’re only 12 and you’ve already lost all your serotonin.” ‬

[esthete-god]

It's getting cold

[queerlysad]

Me@me: what the fucking heck dude

[myopressivedepression]

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

[lost-24-7]

[lost-24-7]