If Tonight is the Last Time Chapter 3-
-No warnings really for this one. Enjoy!
Part 1 and Part 2 can be found here!
-Y/N blames herself for everything, pushing past exhaustion to search the frozen lake. When the ice collapses beneath her and Mando, Finn arrives just in time to find her barely hanging on, cold, bleeding, and drowning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wind feels colder the farther I walk.
Or maybe thatās just the ache hollowing out my chest.
I keep my eyes on the snow, boots crunching softly with each step, like the world is trying to avoid making noise around me. Maybe it knows Iāll break if anything else hits me today.
I round the corner of the cabinsā
āand my breath catches.
She stands in the middle of the path, arms wrapped around herself, shoulders trembling in the cold morning light. Her hair is tangled, her clothes rumpled, and her face,
Her face looks like she didnāt just cry last night
she survived something.
I cross the distance fast, barely breathing.
āHeyāhey, are you okay?ā I ask as I pull her into a hug.
She stiffens for a second, like sheās not used to being touched after something awful, then she melts just a little enough to press her forehead to my shoulder.
āI almost died,ā Gwen says, voice hoarse. āHeā¦ he almost had me.ā
My heart stops. āWhat?ā
She shakes against me, fingers gripping the back of my sweater like she needs help staying upright.
āThe Grabber,ā she whispers. āHe was here. Last night. In the kitchen. He grabbed meāhe beat meāhe tried to shove me in an oven. He was going to burn me alive.ā
My stomach lurches. My entire body goes cold.
āFinn saved me,ā she adds quickly, like she needs the words out before she falls apart. āHe called him. Distracted him. Finnā¦ Finn saved my life.ā
My chest tightens so sharply I can barely breathe.
Finn was fighting for his sister while I was asleep in his bed.
He was protecting Gwen, talking to a killer
and I didnāt even wake up.
A wave of guilt crashes over me so hard I almost sway.
But I shove it down.
Hard.
Gwen doesnāt need my guilt.
She needs me steady.
I pull her into a tighter hug, both arms wrapped fully around her, grounding her the way I wish I couldāve last night.
āIām so sorry,ā I whisper into her hair. āI am so, so sorry you went through that.ā
She makes a small broken sound but nods.
āYouāre safe now,ā I tell her gently, even if Iām not sure itās true. āYouāre here. Youāre breathing. Thatās what matters.ā
Gwen pulls back, wiping her face roughly with her sleeve, like sheās angry at her own tears.
āI told Mando everything,ā she says. āEverything about the dream. He believes me now. Orā¦ heās trying. He said weāre going to the lake.ā
āLake Maru?ā I ask quietly.
She nods. āThe boys are under the ice. Iām sure of it.ā
A slow, heavy silence settles between us.
I look at her really look and my heart squeezes painfully.
Her trembling.
Her fear.
The exhaustion dragging at her eyes.
She shouldnāt have had to face any of this alone.
āIām going with you,ā I say. Firm. Immediate.
āI mean it.ā I tuck her hair gently behind her ear, voice soft but unshakeable. āYouāre not going back out there without me. Iām not letting you face any of this by yourself.ā
Her chin wobbles. āYou didnāt have toā
āYes,ā I say gently. āI do. I am here to help you after all.ā
She swallows hard and nods.
As we start walking toward the cabins together, Gwen close at my side, I feel the guilt settle deep in my ribs, quiet, sharp, and suffocating.
I shouldāve been awake.
I shouldāve been there.
I shouldāve known.
But Iāll carry that in silence.
Because Gwen almost burned alive last night.
And she needs a friend.
Not a girl crying over a boy who left her bed before sunrise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The morning air tastes like metal when I inhale.
Mandoās words are still ringing in my headāGwenās dream, the lake, the boys trapped beneath ice, and underneath all of it, the one thing I canāt shake:
The Grabber is back.
And heās coming for all of us.
I walk fast, boots crushing through fresh snow.
My hands wonāt stop shaking.
Not from the cold.
From last night.
From the sound of Gwen screaming.
From the way the Grabber laughed through the phone.
From how close I came to losing her.
And from the thought that keeps clawing at the back of my skull no matter how many times I shove it away:
If he wants Gwen, heāll want Y/N next.
The dorm comes into view quiet, still, half-frosted over.
Too still.
A sick feeling twists low in my gut, sharp and instinctive. I push the door open, step inside, and head for my bunk.
āY/N?ā I call out softly.
I reach the doorwayā
and the first thing I see is the bed.
Still a little rumpled from where she slept.
The sweater she wore last night is gone.
Her shoes are gone.
Her scentāwarm, familiarālingers just faintly in the air, already fading.
My voice drops, rough and confused.
I step closer, touching the blanket like maybe sheās hiding underneath it, like maybe sheāll materialize if I want it hard enough.
A sharp, ugly rush of emotions hits me all at once, too fast to separate:
Relief.
Fear.
Anger.
Self-disgust.
Longing.
Guilt.
I rake a hand through my hair, breathing hard.
She shouldnāt have been here last night.
She shouldnāt have been anywhere near me.
Not when the Grabber is hunting again.
Not when Iām the one he hates enough to come back for.
I squeeze my eyes shut, jaw clenching.
I shouldnāt have touched her.
I shouldnāt have let her touch me.
I shouldnāt have let any of it happen.
But I wanted her.
God, I wanted her so bad it scared me.
And thatās the problem.
Because wanting things, wanting people, is how they get taken away.
I open my eyes again, scanning the room like maybe I missed something. A note. A sign. Anything.
A silence that feels like punishment.
āDammit, y/n/nā¦ā I whisper, voice cracking. āWhyād you leave?ā
But the answer cuts through my skull before I even finish asking:
Because Iām dangerous to be around.
Because the Grabber knows I survived him.
Because he wants to make me suffer again.
And y/n is the kind of person he would take just to watch me break.
Just like he tried with Gwen last night.
I swallow hard, throat tight.
I imagine Y/N waking in the dark without me there.
I imagine her confusion.
Her hurt.
Her shaky voice calling my name.
But the fear is louder than the ache.
If sheās not in this room, then maybeā¦.maybeā¦.sheās safer.
Even if it means she thinks I regretted everything.
Even if she thinks I left because of her.
I drag a hand over my face, breathing unevenly.
āI canāt lose you,ā I mutter to the empty room. āI canāt.ā
Not after last night.
Not after hearing the Grabber breathe through the phone, whispering what heād do to me.
Not after imagining her screams
I shake my head violently.
Sheās not dying because she likes me.
Sheās not getting hurt because she ended up in my bed for one night where I finally feltā¦ whole.
Wanted.
Alive.
I take one last look at the empty sheets.
My chest aches.
But I turn away anyway.
Because the only thing worse than Y/N walking away from meā¦is Y/N never walking again.
I grab my jacket, shove my arms through the sleeves, and head toward the door.
I have to see her.
Not to pull her close.
Not to explain anything.
Just to see her breathing, alive.
Whatever this thing is between usā
it doesnāt matter if she dies.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The walk to Lake Maru feels like walking through a dream I donāt want to be in.
Everything is too quiet.
Too cold.
Too heavy.
Gwen stays close beside me, her breath hitching sometimes like sheās trying not to remember last night. I stay glued to her if she even sways, Iām ready to catch her. Ready to fight for her. Ready to do anything except fall apart.
I canāt break.
Not right now.
Not when she almost died only hours ago.
But my chest hasnāt stopped aching since I saw Finnās empty bed.
I keep telling myself:
Donāt think about him.
Donāt feel this right now.
Just breathe.
Just walk.
Just be here for Gwen.
Lake Maru opens ahead of us, wide and frozen, a sheet of white stretching out under the gray sky. Ken and Barb are already out there brushing snow from the surface with wide brooms, revealing the glassy ice beneath. Not digging just revealing. Searching.
I focus on Gwenās hand brushing against my sleeve. I focus on the snow. The cold. Anything exceptā
Heās standing near the edge of the lake, close to Mustang and Mando, breath fogging out in sharp little bursts. His cheeks are red from the cold, his hair messy, his posture tight like heās holding himself together with sheer force.
He looks exhausted.
He looks haunted.
He looks alive in a way that makes my heart twist painfully, like something inside me recognizes him before my brain does.
My breath.
My steps.
My heartbeat.
The whole damn world.
Finn looks at me like heās seeing something he thought heād lost.
And Godā¦.it hurts.
It hurts so deep I canāt breathe for a second.
He takes half a step toward me.
Mustang steps into his space, bumping his shoulder lightly.
She says something I donāt hear.
She smiles.
She looks comfortable near him.
And thatās when my stomach drops.
Finn doesnāt look away from me once.
But he doesnāt move toward me either.
I swallow hard, forcing my eyes off him before I start crying in front of the entire team.
Gwen nudges me.
āHeyā¦ you good?ā
āYeah,ā I lie, because what am I supposed to say? Actually, I woke up alone in Finn Blakeās bed after we had mind blowing sex and now heās standing next to Mustang like he didnāt hold me down and give me the best orgasm of my life or whisper things into my neck.
I step forward, grab a broom from the equipment pile, and move toward the lake.
My hands are shaking on the handle.
I stand near Gwen and start brushing the snow away. Slow, even strokes. The cold bites through my gloves. The wind burns my cheeks.
Just keep moving.
Just focus on the ice.
Just breathe.
But the moment I see my reflection faintly on the surface
It hits me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A summer night.
Music thumping from a party behind us.
The smell of weed still clinging to my hair.
Iām sitting on a porch swing, legs tucked under me, laughing too much, too loud, because everything feels soft and warm and Finn is sitting next to me.
Heās staring at the sky, talking about constellations and something about how cats secretly rule the world. I remember the way his voice sounded, warm and safe and a little slurred from the high.
I remember leaning into him.
I remember his arm sliding around me like it belonged there.
I remember falling asleep with my head on his chest, his heartbeat steady in my ear.
And he stayed.
He stayed all night.
In the morning, I opened my eyes and he was already awake, looking down at me like he wasnāt sure if it was okay to breathe.
āYou okay?ā he whispered.
Something fluttered in my chest. I didnāt have a name for it then.
Donna leaned against Finnās locker, flipping her hair and giggling. Finn smirked at something she said.
I turned quickly walking down a different hall.
It shouldnāt have hurt.
It wasnāt even rejection.
Not really.
But it felt like someone pressed a thumb straight into my heart and didnāt stop.
I didnāt understand why.
My chest aches so sharply I suck in a shaky breath.
Ever since I met Finn Blakeā
without knowing it,
without meaning to,
without choosing itā
Now heās twenty feet away, and I canāt look at him without feeling like my ribs are splintering.
What do you do when you are hopelessly in love with someoneā¦
and they donāt want you?
I keep brushing snow.
Slowly.
Painfully.
Waiting for my heartbeat to stop hurting.
Across the lake, I feel his eyes on me like heat in the freezing air.
Because if I doā¦
If I meet his eyes right nowā¦
I will shatter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The rest of the team packs it in when the sun disappears.
One by one, their flashlights fade into the tree line.
Their voices drift back toward the cabins.
Their exhaustion, fear, and shivers win out.
Not when there are boys under the ice.
Not when the Grabber is still out there.
Not when Gwen nearly died last night because no one listened soon enough.
And not when I canāt sleep anyway.
Not with Finnās empty bed burned into my skull.
So when Mando says, āIāll stay if you stay,ā
I nod,
grab a new flare,
and walk back onto the lake.
The flares paint the ice in streaks of red and orange, glowing like veins beneath the surface.
The air is colder now ā the kind of cold that cracks skin.
Snow crunches under every step.
Mando takes the far side of the lake.
I take the other.
Darkness yawns between us, broken only by the flares.
I start brushing again.
Slow, steady sweeps.
My muscles ache.
My hands sting.
But I canāt stop.
Every now and then, that crawling feeling hits the back of my neck ā the one that whispers:
Youāre not alone.
Something is watching.
Itās nothing.
Itās just the cold.
Itās just the dark.
Itās justā
Mandoās shout tears through the night.
I sprint toward him, boots slidding on the slick surface.
Heās kneeling over the ice, palms flat, breath fogging in frantic bursts.
āY/Nālook.ā His voice breaks. āI found him.ā
I skid to a stop beside him and drop to my knees.
His skull is pressed against the ice, frozen mid-scream. His hat floats upward in the slow, eerie underwater current.
My stomach turns. My heartbeat falters.
āOkayāokay.ā Mandoās breathing hard. āWe need to get him out. We need to get him toāā
āTo his parents,ā I whisper.
We start chipping the ice together, his gloved hands striking the ice with an axe, my sledgehammer hammering, the echo carrying across the lake in sharp, violent cracks.
āAlmostāā Mando grunts. āCāmonāalmostāā
Like something is standing behind us.
Mando keeps chipping away at the ice.Ā
I stop for a brief moment.
Everything in my body screams danger.
My skin crawls.
My breath fogs faster.
My heart stutters against my ribs.
But I donāt stop chipping.
I canāt stop.
Felix is right there.
A soft scraping sound echoes across the lake, metal against metal.
I whip around, scanning the darkness.
Nothing.
Just shadows.
Just flares.
Mandoās hits on the ice get louder and louder. I canāt hear anything now.
But that wrong feeling?
It gets stronger.
Heavier.
āY/N!ā Mando snaps. āWatch your footingāā
The ice beneath us shatters.
And we plunge into the freezing water.
Cold like knives.
Cold like death.
Cold so intense it rips the breath out of my lungs before I even register the fall.
Underwater chaos swallows me whole.
White bubbles.
Black water.
Felixās pale face drifting past me.
Mando kicking wildly.
I claw upward, breaking through the waterās surface with a gasp that burns.
āMando!ā I scream, voice raw. āGrab the edge!ā
He tries.
He tries so hard.
But something holds him down.
He vanishes beneath the water like heās being pressed down by an invisible force.
āMando!ā I choke, lungs seizing. āMando!ā
He thrashes under the surface, trapped, pulled, drowning.
I just reach for the pocket knife in my back pocket, the tiny one Finn insisted I carry ājust in case.ā
I flip the blade open with numb fingers.
And I stab the air above the water.
A ripple.
A distortion in the air, like heat waves on pavement.
And Mando shoots upward, gasping, coughing, clawing at the ice edge.
āIt let go,ā he sobs. āIt let go!"
But I donāt have time to process it.
Because something hits me.
A blow to the side of my skull that explodes stars in my vision.
Pain flashes white.
My ears ring.
My body jerks sideways.
Then Iām underwater again.
Cold grips me like chains.
My limbs feel slow, heavy.
Something is holding me down.
A force that pushes against my head, shoving me deeper.
My lungs scream.
My vision blurs.
This is it, I think.
Iām going to die under the ice.
And weirdlyā
Iām not scared.
Finn with the haunted eyes.
Finn with the broken voice.
Finn who saved his sister last night.
Finn who left me this morning.
Finn who will blame himself for this until the day he dies.
That hurts more than the cold.
I kick.
I claw.
I swing the knife blindly underwater.
I shoot upward again, breaking the surface with a violent cough.
āMandoāā my voice is shredded. āGrab the edge!ā
āIām not leaving you!ā he shouts, gripping the ice.
āYou have to!ā My breath comes out in ragged gasps. āYou have to survive!ā
He hesitates.
One fraction of a second.
The cold claws up my arms, my chest, my spine.
My head throbs.
My vision swims sideways.
Concussion, I think distantly.
Maybe. Probably.
I canāt pull myself out anymore.
I canāt feelā¦ anything.
I latch onto Mandoās boot, pushing him up the iceās edge with what little strength I have left.
He crawls forward on the ice.
The ice is red from the flares, from the blood on my temple, from Felix beneath me.
I blink up at the dark sky.
Huh.
Itās actually kind of pretty.
I exhale, fog drifting upward.
This might be it, I realize.
This might be where I end.
And the only thing that hurtsā
is that I didnāt get to say goodbye.
That Gwen will blame herself.
That Finn will think he pushed me into danger.
I hope they donāt carry that.
I hope they forgive themselves.
Iāmā¦ weirdly at peace.
I helped.
I kept Gwen alive another night.
We found Felix.
And Mando is safe.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Gwen shoots upright so fast she almost falls over.
āMando,ā she gasps, voice cracking. āMandoāFinnāheās, heās on the lake. GO!ā
She doesnāt say shit like this unless itās real.
I donāt waste a second.
Iām out the door before anyone else.
Ernesto and Mustang sprint behind me.
Gwenās footsteps are frantic, uneven, terrified.
The cold slams into my face, burning my lungs as I run faster, faster, faster across the empty campgrounds. My boots slide on the snow, my chest tightens, my breath comes in sharp bursts.
Please be okay.
Please be okay.
Please.
I see the flares.
I see the hole.
I seeā
āMando!ā Ernesto shouts, diving to his knees on the ice.
Mando is collapsed near the edge of the hole, half-conscious, shaking uncontrollably. His legs are still submerged in the water. His lips are blue.
Me and Ernesto pull him out quickly.
I donāt look at Mando.
I look straight into the black hole gaping in the lake.
Ernesto grabs Mandoās wrist, checking for a pulse.
Mando jerks awake with a violent gasp.
āIāI found himā¦ Felixā¦ we found himā¦ā His teeth chatter. āY/Nā¦ Y/Nās stillā¦ in the lakeā¦ā
Then he passes out again.
My heart dropsā
no, it free-falls straight out of my chest.
I hit my knees so hard the ice cracks under me.
Gwen screams somewhere behind me. Mustang curses loudly. My ears ring.
āY/N, pleaseāPLEASEāā My voice cracks so hard it hurts
Everything inside me rips open.
I lean so far over the edge Ernesto grabs my jacket.
āLET GO OF ME!ā I snarl, voice breaking. āY/N!ā
I shove him off, nearly falling into the hole myself.
White-knuckled.
Barely hooked onto the jagged ice.
Like she held on as long as she could.
āY/Nā¦ā My voice isnāt even a voice anymore. Itās a prayer. A scream. A dying animal sound. āY/Nāoh GodānoāNOāā
Her head lifts out of the water for half a second.
Her face is pale.
Blue.
Her eyelashes crusted with ice.
Blood streaking down her temple.
āERNESTO!ā I scream. āHELP MEāNOW!ā
I plunge my arms into the freezing water. The cold hits so hard I gasp, but I donāt care. I grab her under her arms, fingers digging into her frozen jacket.
āHold herāHOLD HERāā
Ernesto drops beside me and grabs her other arm.
Together, we haul her out of the lake.
Her body hits the ice with a sickening slap.
āY/N?ā My voice cracks into pieces. āAngelāheyāhey, look at meāopen your eyesāpleaseāā
I drop to my knees beside her, hands shaking so violently I can barely press them to her neck.
āCāmonā¦ā I whisper. āCāmon, babyāpleaseāā
Tiny.
Fragile.
Barely there.
āOh thank Godāoh thank Godāā I breathe out a sob so raw it burns my throat. āStay with meāstay with me, angelādonāt you dare leave meāā
Gwen collapses beside us, grabbing Y/nās hand, sobbing so hard she canāt breathe.
āY/N!ā she wails. āPlease donāt dieāPLEASEāā
I slide a hand under Y/Nās jaw, turning her toward me. Her cheek is ice-cold. Her lips are purple. Blood drips slowly down her face. Scratches carve across her skin.
āNo,ā I whisper, voice shaking. āYouāre not allowed. You hear me? Youāre not allowed to leave me like this.ā
I scoop her into my arms.
She falls against my chest like a rag doll.
Sheās so cold my breath catches.
āErnestoāMustangā!ā I shout over my shoulder. āGET MANDO OUT OF HERE. NOW!ā
They scramble into action.
Holding her against me.
Feeling how limp she is.
How cold.
How wrong.
āStay with me,ā I plead, tears freezing on my cheeks. āAngelāpleaseājust stayājust breatheājust hold onāā
Her head lolls into my shoulder.
She doesnāt do anything.
My boots slip.
My lungs burn.
My heart is a fist punching itself apart inside my ribs.
āDonāt you do this to me!ā I yell into the night. āNot youāNOT YOUāā
The cabins come into view.
Lights flicker inside.
I sprint for the nearest door.
I donāt stop holding her.
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I got this done a lot earlier than expected, hell yeah! I am so excited for the next part, talk about emotionally intense (at least I hope so). Thank you for taking the time to read my story! I am seriously so grateful that my experience has been so positive. Let me know your thoughts, feelings, and if you have any steamy ideas. I love those!
