Dean would never have considered it before. Would never even have allowed his mind to stray in that direction (or at least thatās what heāll say if anyone asks), but now, exhausted and covered in black goo and so damn relieved Cas is back ā human and just as filthy as Dean ā he does.
He asks if Cas would mind sharing the shower room.
Cas has a towel slung over his arm and is on his way there already, but he stops and tilts his head when Dean asks. Maybe he simply finds it puzzling, or maybe heās trying to work out the exact level of filth needed for Dean Winchester to get naked around someone whoās not a woman. All he says, however, with that earnest look in his eyes, is, āOf course.ā
āCool.ā Dean nods, once. āYou go ahead, Iāll go get a towel.ā
When he returns with the towel and enters the shower room, Cas is already standing underneath the spray. Heās facing the wall, water running down his back and over the curve of his ass, clinging to his legs in rivulets that coalesce at his feet and disappear down the drain. Itās the first time Dean has seen him like this, no trench coat or suit or bees covering him up, and heād be lying if he said he didnāt notice that Casās body is a masterpiece, thick and strong like itās carved out of marble, but⦠that acknowledgement is secondary to the other thing heās feeling. The thing he hasnāt put into words yet, except in his mind.Ā
Dean feels strangely reverent when his stained clothes are finally lying in a heap on the floor and heās walking up to Cas. Undressed, bared. Stripped of everything but himself.
Cas looks at Dean quizzically when he steps into the shower immediately adjacent to his and turns on the water. Dean flushes hot and itās wholly unrelated to water temperature, but he lets Cas look. Reaches for the bodywash between them and begins cleaning Empty off his skin. Heās never been more happy to see something disappear down the drain.
Itās only when heās washed every last black smudge off his skin and Cas has stopped looking that Dean dares look back, sees the spot of black that remains on the side of Casās neck. āHey. Youāve got some more Empty on you.ā
Cas looks down himself questioningly, but Dean doesnāt indicate where it is. Instead, he steps out of the spray, closer to Cas.
āHere, let me.ā He canāt remember when he last spoke to Cas in a voice this soft, but he thinks maybe he should have all along. His hand reaches up to Casās neck, but his eyes are caught by Casās gaze, searching, curious. Fingers reach warm skin, and he sways closer while he rubs against the black substance with his thumb.
āDean,ā Cas murmurs into the humid space between them. His hand comes up to cautiously cover Deanās. āWhat is this?ā
Dean comes closer still, until he and Cas are sharing a shower and their foreheads are mere inches away from touching. āIām cleaning the last bit of Empty off you.ā Thereās water running down both their faces, but Dean doesnāt care. āI just⦠I want it gone.ā He can see all too well in his mind the Empty enveloping Cas, taking him away. Heād kill that damn thing a thousand times if he could.
āI donāt know how to read this situation,ā Cas admits, and Dean canāt blame him. He hasnāt let him know how he feels yet, and here they are, naked together in a shower, and Cas still thinks ā he thinks Dean doesnāt ā
āRead it however you like,ā Dean says. āRead it as⦠as that thing you want. The thing you said you couldnāt ā I didnāt misunderstand, did I? What you want, itās āā
āYou. Itās always been you,ā Cas breathes, as unafraid to speak the truth now as he was in the moments before the Empty took him. Deanās glad, because it makes it easier to say what heās about to say next.
āThen you were wrong about one thing.ā He finally allows his forehead to rest against Casās. āIām sorry I made you think it wasnāt a possibility, but if you really do want meā¦ā He resists the instinct to ask why the hell Cas would want to be with him. Heās not going to question his worth anymore, or his capacity to love and be loved ā not after everything Cas told him. Not when his heart is damn near brimming over with love for the angel-turned-human in front of him. āCas, youāve got me. Iām yours.ā
Casās soft intake of breath is barely audible over the sound of the water, but Dean hears it anyway, and then hands are tugging on skin and they fall into a wet embrace.
As many times as Dean has imagined them naked and flush against each other, this is not how he thought it would go. But this, itās⦠better. Itās perfect. āI love you,ā he murmurs into the crook of Casās neck, and Cas shivers. āI love you,ā he whispers once more against Casās jaw ā and then a final, third time against his lips before Cas claims Deanās in a kiss.
Dean hardly manages to catch his breath with the water running down their faces, but he canāt bring himself to care. Heāll happily drown in Cas.
Hands trail over skin while they kiss, down, down, until they find hardening flesh. Itās rapturous and blissful and euphoric, and when they finally call out each otherās names, Dean feels well and truly cleansed of the Empty. In fact, he thinks heāll probably never feel empty again.
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