The Camera Shudder

HI! My name is Chessy W. Smith. Welcome to my black and white photo blog of life in the city. --I didni't realize I'd be documenting the downfall of society.

[thecamerashudder]

Dec 1

With a heavy heart I exited my underground parking today. I headed for the city limits and didn’t look back. As I navigated the city streets, my stomach sunk at what I saw. I’ve stayed pretty close to home these past few weeks and without much news, I didn’t know the state of things. I was completely shocked. Debris was everywhere. Makeshift barricades blocked streets and neighbourhoods and I could see organized patrols and checkpoints that look like they were civilian run. People have started replacing the police with their own enforcement. I don’t want to be a part of any of it. I breathed a sigh of relief as I passed the city limits and saw the road open up before me. I stopped briefly to snap this shot with my polaroid and make this final post. I’ve passed this sign so many times in my life… will this be the last? I can’t think about it too much. With a little luck, I’ll be at my cabin within a few days. I don’t know when or if I’ll have access to internet again, kind reader. I’ll do my best to post one day again. Please take care of yourself. This is The Camera Shudder, signing off.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 27

There it is, folks. It’s really over. The power went out this week and was off for days. It only came on in the last hour and I’m scrambling to do everything I need that requires electricity. I took this shot last night as the sun went down over the darkened city. I have many mixed emotions. The city looks peaceful and quiet but I know chaos has descended into the streets. I’ve decided I need to go, now. I can’t wait until December 14th, especially if the power becoming unpredictable. I’m almost completely ready to go. I have to say a few goodbyes and finish up a few packing tasks and that’s it. I’ll be leaving on December 1st. It feels like an eternity until then. I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I leave.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 24

I’ve got a good collection of maps for my upcoming journey. Nothing like simple technology to keep things on track during the apocalypse. I’ve managed to gather a few that go beyond my cabin. Who knows if I’ll need to keep travelling at some point. The guy I traded with to get these maps thinks I’m crazy for leaving the city. I think he’s crazy for staying. I hope we’re both wrong. I’m sticking with my plan, though. The city doesn’t really have much left for me right now. I can grow food and live in relative peace up at my cabin. I really don’t know if it’s the best strategy in the long run but I’ve got to make some move. I don’t want to see Winter unfold here. The desperation is growing and the electricity has started to be spotty. My god, what will people do in January with no heat? Maybe it won’t come to that. What little comes out of the mayor’s office now is repetitive in it’s re-assurance… things will be normal soon, we’ve turned a corner, etc. But I don’t believe it. I feel it’s a strategy to keep us calm. Regardless, I don’t want to find out either way.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 20

I’m living a bit like a nomad now. I’ve traded or sold any dishes I don’t need and I’m using takeout containers now for everyday use until I hit the road. I have kitchen supplies at the cabin so this makes the most sense. I don’t really mind too much. I’ve survived before with very little dish ware. It’s kind of a fun challenge even thought the situation isn’t great. I’m trying to see the humour in it all. At least the dirty dishes don’t pile up!

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 17

I did a dry run on packing my car today. I needed to know how much much space I have left for more supplies. I loaded the trailer up and crammed everything I could into my car. With the seats down I really got a lot in there. I have room for a few more boxes so that’ll be my focus over this last month. Time has flown by and I can’t believe I’m departing soon. I’m going to leave my car mostly packed as I’m concerned about the state of things. I want to be ready to go quickly if needed. I can’t believe it’s come to this.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 13

I came across another body this week. I’m gutted. The ominous feeling over the city is getting heavier. This body stayed in the alley for a few days. Eventually someone with a van and a high-vis vest came to pick it up. I’m hoping it was someone with the city or coroner’s office. I don’t really know. It felt best not to intervene or ask questions. The cycle of life and death in the city has always been here but it’s not so hidden anymore. That takes resources and a well-oiled machine. Instead, things have gotten messy and it is in plain site.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 10

My houseplants have kept me company during this difficult time but unfortunately, most won’t be making the trip with me. I don’t have the space and unless they have a use, I can’t justify leaving something else of value behind. The exception is my aloe plants. I’ve separated some out and will be taking this small pot with me. This plant will be useful at the cabin. The gel is good for burns and wounds and aloe juice has many uses and is full of vitamins and minerals. This little plant will be useful in many ways.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 6

I’m still finding the most random things abandoned. I don’t know that a vacuum cleaner is top of anybody’s needs list, but I’ve been surprised before. Some people seem to be clinging onto anything that brings them a sense of normalcy. I suppose a clean carpet can be part of that. I’m not going to judge. I also scored a few pieces of wood so those I’ll keep personally. The vacuum works and I’ll add it to my list of tradable goods as I continue to prepare to depart in about six weeks.

[thecamerashudder]

Nov 3

I found someone interested in my refurbished cooker and a couple boxes of scrap metal. In return I scored this random shelf of wood. This will be valuable to me at the cabin. I have a trailer for my vehicle so I’ll be loading up and hauling this with me. I’m super happy about this. And the I got the hose thrown in for free! I have wood up at the cabin but more is always better and this pile will buy me some time. This trade has definitely lifted my spirits today.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 30

It happened this week. I saw my first body in the street. Someone had covered it with a sheet but a hand was visible, poking out from the side, grey and lifeless. I had a flood of emotions. The body was still there the next day. No one was available to pick it up, I guess. I’m absolutely distraught over this. Nothing is getting better. I don’t know how it will. As my departure date approaches, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever be back here, or if there will be anything to return to. What will happen to the city? How will everyone survive the Winter? The army food bank has slowed down to once a month… even they are having trouble getting food. I’ve heard through the grapevine they will be pulling out of the city early in the New Year. Things will not be better then, will they? What will happen after they leave? I’m starting to countdown the days as the tension rises in the city. I hope it all holds steady just a bit longer.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 27

A beautiful flower… a sign of hope. Nature is still working away as the civilized world falls apart. The weather is still warm even though we’re into Fall. At this point I’m not sure it matters. I guess I’ll take the beauty and try to enjoy it.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 23

As I slowly pack up my apartment I keep putting off taking down my dark room. It’s cobbled together in my bathroom and is one of the few things that has kept me occupied these last few months. I now you guys have followed me along this wild journey and I want to continue. I hope my photographs are helping you in one way or another, to keep you informed or entertained. I’ve decided to leave the darkroom set up until almost my last day here. After that, I don’t know what will happen. I plan on packing it up and taking it with me but I’m getting low on chemicals and there is not a single place I can think of where more can be secured. It’s dire. For now I’ll continue to shoot and develop my work. I feel like it’s almost my duty now to document as we slip into a new world of anarchy.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 20

Found another dead bird and I need to steer clear. Bird flu has swept into the Eastern part of the city and a few city blocks have been quarantined. Luckily there’s much less travel around the city because public transit has basically ceased to exist and gas is increasingly difficult to come by. The human cases numbers are so far low. The army has set up some check points and it seems to be organized and contained. This strain is not as deadly as some of the other ones but every precaution is being taken. My departure date is less than two months away and I’m starting to wonder if it’s wise to stay that long. I’ve increased my supply hunting to gather all I can. I haven’t had any work in a while but there really isn’t anywhere to spend money anymore. My landlord is still collecting rent but I haven’t seen him for a few weeks, which is odd. If no one collects rent… well, that’s a undeniable sign that it has all fallen apart.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 16

What a find! This little cooker was sitting in a tree planter this week. Once again, I replaced the power plug and was able to get it working. I know I won’t use this at the cabin. I’ve got a wood stove and will be cooking without using electricity. Nonetheless, this is still a great find and I can definitely trade it for something else. I’m going to ask around and see if I can find someone with a heavy sweater they’re willing to trade. Fingers crossed.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 13

I suppose an abandoned funeral home could be a hopeful sign in some worlds… like people are living longer, less death… I don’t know. That’s probably a huge stretch. This one has been abandoned for other reasons, I’m sure. Nature is slowly taking over, reclaiming her resources. The beautiful brick is starting to crumbling were the water is draining and the awning is barely holding on. I snapped this photo on the way by. I’ve always loved this little building but there really isn’t much time for that anymore. I quickly moved on to look for more supplies. It’s was late afternoon and it’s best to not be out for much longer.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 9

I’ve officially set my departure date for December 14th but I’m not really telling anyone except you. That’ll give me about two more months to find supplies and plan my route. I’m not in a rush but I think waiting longer would be foolish. I don’t think the city will be seeing snow until the New Year but getting out before then would be preferred. I’m continuing to gather anything I can use for up at the cabin. I found a pile of scrap metal today. I quickly grabbed it and brought it back to my apartment to sort through. Unfortunately there wasn’t much I could use but I can probably trade some for other supplies. Someone will be looking for what I have. This is the new reality.

[thecamerashudder]

Oct 6

There’s no denying it anymore. This used to be a bustling street but this string of six stores is now completely shut down. I don’t think anyone can deny that things have really taking a nose dive for the worst. Not too long ago this street was full of people coming and going, with lots of cars rumbling by. Now it’s a bit eerie. I took this shot from across the street and not a single car went by in almost five minutes. Actually, that’s not eerie but apocalyptic. I truly don’t know how or when the city will ever come back from all of this.