red

[thecauliflower]

Your arms around me all night I woke to find me there Cramped Frightened Not knowing what you held Cramped Frightened By the tenderness holding me And once my eyes opened on Creation Tearing through your face In the act of come, I didn’t know you looked like that

Alone. Time. Everything I love, I need to be Hides in you.

[thecauliflower]

In case you put me down

I put you down

already, doll

I know the games you play

In case you put me down I got it figured

how there are better mouths than yours

more swinging bodies

wilder scenes than this.

In case you put me down it won’t help much.

[thecauliflower]

Identity is not something that we innately possess and reveal, but something we understand through narratives provided to us by others.

-- Adriana Cavarero

[thecauliflower]

(…) just because the question can be answered doesn’t mean that i ought to answer it, or that it ought to be asked.

(…) there is no good answer to being a woman; the art may instead lie in how we refuse the question.

— Rebecca Solnit, The mother of all questions (2017)

[thecauliflower]

Tu t'en vas sans moi, ma vie. Tu roules. Et moi j'attends encore de faire un pas. Tu portes ailleurs la bataille. Tu me désertes ainsi.  Je ne t'ai jamais suivie. Je ne vois pas clair dans tes offres. Le petit peu que je veux, jamais tu ne l'apportes. A cause de ce manque, j'aspire à tant. A tant de choses, à presque l'infini... A cause de ce peu qui manque, que jamais tu n'apportes. 

-- Henri Michaux

[thecauliflower]

[recaption]

[thecauliflower]

Such a man is beyond throwing bombs, beyond revolt; he wants to stop reacting, whether inertly or ferociously. This man, of all men on earth, wants to act to be a manifestation of life. If, in the realization of his terrible need, he begins to act regressively, to become incapable of earning a living, know that this man has found his way back to the womb and source of life and that tomorrow, instead of the contemptible object of ridicule which you have made of him, he will stand forth as a man in his own right and all the powers of the world will be of no avail against him.

[sometimessunshines]

[budatruda]

Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been.

[thecauliflower]

My attempt to correct that marriage is madness from start to finish. The way she reacted to my actions also has all the appearence of a kind of madness – her insistence on a divorce, the one thing in this world she did not want, the proud hostility and hatred, the malevolent acts, that she showed to me, when all she wanted to say simply was that if I didn’t go back to her she could not live.

[thecauliflower]

[thecauliflower]

E, no entanto, Jaromil começa a refletir:

O que valia ao certo o seu amor? Algumas semanas de tristeza? Muito bem, e o que era tristeza? Um pouco de neura, um pouco de langor? E o que era uma semana de tristeza? Nunca se está triste sem interrupções, ficaria triste durante minutos do dia, alguns minutos da noite; quantos minutos daria isso ao todo? Quantos minutos de tristeza pesava o seu amor? Em quantos minutos de tristeza ele era avaliado?

…

a estupidez das idéias recebidas na linguagem da beleza e do sentimento leva-nos às lágrimas por auto-compaixão, pela banalidade do que pensamos e sentimos.

somos nós loucos porque não enlouquecemos?

[thecauliflower]

[thecauliflower]

O que acontece é justamente o silêncio, esse lento trabalho de toda a minha vida. Ainda estou lá, na frente daquelas crianças possessas, à mesma distância do mistério. Jamais escrevi, acreditanto escrever, jamais amei, acreditando amar, jamais fiz coisa alguma que não fosse esperar diante da porta fechada.

[thecauliflower]

[thecauliflower]