The Cheated

On April 5th 2017, I found out that my boyfriend had been sleeping with another girl for the past 6 months of our relationship. But I decided to stay with him. Here, I write the struggles and feeling around carrying on my relationship with a boy who broke my heart and cheated.

[thecheated]

Why I decided to stay

The person you're in a relationship with should make you feel like you're walking on water, like the sun was something they created just for you and most importantly they should make you feel like you're enough. When I found out that my boyfriend had been sleeping with another girl, I vomited. I spoke with anxiety. I cried. I felt worthless and like I wasn't enough. But when he woke up a few hours later and found me crying, sat with my bin between my legs and shaking, he turned into the ideal boyfriend. He went and got me a glass of water, he helped me climb back into bed and he cuddled me, and while I knew what he had done, I felt a rush of calm and warmth. And when he began tell me sweet nothings, my stomach filled with butterflies. No ones ever made me feel that way. Being only 18, I've not really had much experience in the way of love, but it seems like everyone else has. And when I began dating my boyfriend and the further our relationship went, I began to believe that that is how love feels. And even after all of this, I still believe that I feel love towards him. He has the ability to calm me in my worst moments and make me happy in my darkest moments, something no ones done for me before. We can laugh about things endlessly and be ourselves around each other. He's my best friend. When I found out that he had been cheating, it felt like my world come crashing down. All I had known and felt for him was worthless and broken. But when he showed me love in little ways like caring for me that night, I couldn't help but melt back into his arms. And that's why I decided to stay. I know what you're thinking, that this is just manipulation and I'm being manipulated. But I'm a firm believer of giving people second chances and the opportunity to change and I think it's fair to do in this situation. The three people I've trusted to tell have all told me I'm stupid for staying, that's he's scum and I'm worth so much more. But when it comes down to it, it would hurt me more to leave than it would to face the facts and rebuild around them.

[thecheated]

The beginning

When I found out my boyfriend had been cheating, I threw up. I asked the girl myself, I knew her, and she told me the truth. And when I confronted him. It all came spilling out. In October I went away for a week with a girlfriend and couldn't go to a gig the my boyfriend had bought tickets for us to go to. So he ask his friend to come instead. I'd never really liked this friend, I always felt she was very full on and clingy around him, but brushed it off. She travelled for three hours to see the gig and booked a hotel room to stay. This was the first time they had sex. My sister messaged me that night, saying she had seen them, worried he was doing wrong, and I told her not to worry. If only I'd known. He later made a last minute decision to travel to see her on the Halloween of the same October, only for one night. As far as I'm aware, they had sex on this occasion too. He later visited her for two nights in January and two nights in February. This was the last time they'd have sex. The girl he had been visiting had broken up with her boyfriend (yes, both were cheating!) and had slept with a friend of hers, who she started dating shortly after. Due to her sleeping with him, my boyfriend and her argued and called their thing off. This happened at the beginning of February. In December, I had asked him if he had been cheating, he said no and we carried on. Fast forward to April 5th, he's asleep on my bed and I remember a conversation I saw happening between him and her, her saying he'll always be special and she'll always love him. So I take upon my self to look through their messages and read back to just before he visited her in February but don't have the heart to read on. He woke up a few hours later and got concerned about the state I was in, began telling me how much I meant to him, that he loved me, I was special and that he wanted to marry me. The next day I messaged her and asked for her to confirmed what I already knew. My boyfriend and myself spoke later that day and I later decided I wanted I carry on the relationship and try to rebuild what had been lost. Now you know what happened, I hope you can relate more to the things I say and the emotions I feel. I want you to read this and understand but to also help me understand.