LIA's unspoken thoughts are written in this blog. Therefore, it is assured to be random, awkward and exaggerated.
An English 13 requirement.
This is just a sub-blog because my main blog is image-driven and active.
Image credits to Dulki.
My weirdest habit started when I was Grade Six. I always hung out with my girly guy friend. He was often teased as bading, but that's not the problem here. The main point is that I got so used to hearing the word bading that I unconsciously made the word as an expression of surprise. For example, when I drop my pen accidentally or when I am caught off-guard, I immediately say "Ay, bading!" like it's the easiest word to say. Weird, huh? I know.
My friend transferred schools after we graduated. I thought I'd be able to get over my new habit but I was wrong. It continued. Plus, it evolved! From "Ay, bading!" to "Ay, bayot!" Also, It got worse. It was okay when I was Grade Six since my circle of friends were mostly girls. But when I got to high school, I was surrounded with more boys than usual. So whenever I am startled (which seemed to a frequent thing), I say the magic words and the boys near me would be a bit shocked. Then, I would go to the defensive and say that I wasn't trying to offend them.
I tried to suppress my habit but, unfortunately, it's already in my system. Until now, I still do it. Funny though, it's somewhat contagious. My best friends sometimes say the magic words whenever they're surprised.
As time passed by, the words "Ay, bayot!" became endearing to me. It's become a funny part of my character. Now, I don't mind that this will be part of me until the day I die. However, I am a bit worried. What if when I become a professional and work at a splendid company then I say the magic words and people would get the wrong impression?
I don't know what's happening to me anymore. I know the causes and effects of my deeds but I can't stop doing it. It's giving me more and more insecurities and disappointments.
What if I make a mistake here? What if I fail in doing this? What if people will hate me because of this? What if I'm annoying? Will people avoid me? Will they bear a grudge on me? These questions are circling in my head. I know what this is. This is overthinking. But wait, there's more! I should have done that. I am so stupid. Why did I say that? Why didn't I grab the opportunity? I know what this is too. It's called self-loathe and regrets.
I know that this is just me being so critical about myself but I have always been like this, even when I was still in high school. Now, I have self-actualized more than before. It should've produced good results but it seems that it backfired. Now that I know more about myself, I've learned about the rotten sides of my personality. It's outweighing the good things I see about myself. Then I go through self-loathing. It's very stressful.
I think lately, all I give are fake smiles. People around me seems to be genuinely smiling and I feel really guilty on giving them a halfhearted smile. My guilt complex is acting out again. Hopefully, I'll feel better as the end of the week approaches.
There are a lot of perks on having a best friend and I can enumerate some. One of the advantages is that you’ll have long talks and have fun throughout the whole conversation. Taking my experience as an example, after my best friend and I had lunch at a certain fast food restaurant, we stayed there for hours talking about our common interests which include anime, music, and crushes. Another advantage, especially when you’re both girls, is that you can talk about body growth without much awkwardness. Like for instance, we sometimes ask each other for extra pads whenever we are in our period without embarrassment. Lastly, being with each other for a long time, we are sensitive to each other’s feelings and give each other advices. Talks about our interests are frequent but occasionally, my best friend and I have some heart-to-heart talks about things we ponder upon and our problems. Indeed, mutualism is a common thing for best friends and that is another perk!
Samurai X/Rurouni Kenshin: Live Action Movie Review [Obligation as a fan.]
I just watched the adaptation of the late 1990s' popular manga series, Rurouni Kenshin, drawn and written by Nobuhiro Watsuki. I must say, it did justice to the source material. Even though the plot and events were mixed to give all the main characters screen time and to make it, somehow, a stand-alone film, the movie staff did a fine job.
First, the pros. The first thing that impressed me about the film was the action scenes. Every action scene had excellent fluid movements. It made me gain a lot of respect to those involved in the said scenes, especially Takeru Sato, who played the protagonist. The way the camera moved was good, too. It was roughly taken yet comprehensible. Unlike other movies where the camera movements are too rough, you get dizzy. Well, this film had a great production budget so it has finer quality.
Another thing that impressed me was the wonderful soundtrack. Particularly that ones with the violin. When it played on the flashbacks of Kenshin, the protagonist, I had mixed feelings immediately. It really captured the scene nicely. The antagonist's theme was a nice one, too. It was like a mix of mischievousness & malice in a track.
Most of all, even though I noticed it on the later parts of the movie, I loved the charismatic and good-looking cast. Some characters didn't get enough screen time and development but when they appeared on screen, I can see their effort on playing their roles as close to the original. Almost all of them were a perfect choice for the role. I may be stained with bias because of my fondness towards the source material but can't hate a character in the film. Lack of characterization of the actor/actress didn't even matter. There were some disappointments, yes, but the positive opinions outweighed.
Now for the cons. If I first noticed the exceptional action scenes as a pro, I also noticed that it lacked battle cries. I am used to the anime and manga where the characters shout like there's no tomorrow and announce their special moves. However, in the film, it was silent other than the strikes and slashes of blades. There was a cry or two but not really noticeable enough to impact on the viewers mind. I was a bit disappointed. I looked forward to Takeru shouting special moves.
Another is that, as I've said earlier, the main characters, except for the protagonist, lacked development. Well, you can't blame them for having a time limit of 2 hours and 30 minutes. But the limit is actually longer than most films. The main characters didn't display a tight bond than what they have on the original series. They seemed like strangers that just shared a common goal. They should have had some bonding times. Oh well, I was asking for the unlikely.
Ratio for pros and cons is 3:2. Positive opinions, indeed, outweighed the negative ones. If I were to rate Rurouni Kenshin: Live Action Movie from 1 to 10, I'd say it would be a 9/10. I had some disappointments, which is why the score isn't a perfect 10. In my opinion, the entertainment value of the film, especially for an avid fan like me, was a high one. Getting a chance to watch it again would be heaven. Marvelously, the movie completed my day.
Last Saturday night, I attended an Advent recollection. It started at 7:00 PM and ended at 9:00 PM. Just after the event concluded, I received an unexpected message from my mother. She told me to go to Gaisano Mall. Why?, I replied, isn't the mall already closed? I soon learned there was a midnight sale.
After I arrived, we ate a late and light dinner. Then, my mother and I did some window shopping. We were not in the mood to buy new things, but we were in the mood to walk around. We walked around for more than a couple of hours.
During the walking around, I noticed something interesting. There were a lot of men idling around in the corners, the benches, and the railings of the mall. Their faces were a mix of a frown and a scowl, and their shoulders were slumped. I had my suspicions as to why. Then, I noticed something again. Why are there a lot of men in the level for girls? At that point, my suspicions were proven. They must be accompanying their partners while shopping. A lot of guys are also bringing plastic bags from the mall while trailing behind a girl. They walked like they're being dragged. They must have been following their partners for hours. I give them my sympathies.
It was super amusing looking at them. Their faces clearly reflected their thoughts about their situation. The sight actually made my night!
Blog entry for given topic #7 - If you could live forever, would you? Why?
If I was given the opportunity to live forever, I won't take it. Living for eternity in this cruel world would be too sorrowful. Forever witnessing the misunderstandings, pain, and deaths of people will definitely break my mind. Sure, there may be some hidden happiness in living for eternity but I believe that the hardships will outweigh them.
In the first place, isn't it because life is short that we realize how valuable it is? We treasure our happy memories because we know, deep in our hearts, that that kind of happiness might not happen ever again, right? We often make mistakes and think that we might not have a second chance. That's because we are conscious that life is short, isn't it? Because life is short, we have the choice to stand up for ourselves even though we have committed mistakes and experienced difficulties; we have the option, which always must be chosen, to live life to the fullest.
Life is something not to be taken for granted. Life is complicated and it will probably remain like that forever. Living forever will cause more complications than this short life already have.
Blog entry for given topic #5 - Name three things you wanted as a child but never got.
I've always wanted to own a musical instrument. I loved music ever since I was a child. It made me want to search for a music of my own. It raised my curiosity, wondering if I could play certain musical instruments expertly like those in music videos someday.
When I was a child, I wanted a guitar. It's the most common instrument, no? Many singers play the guitar. Most lead guitarists gets their own solos, showing off their deadly riffs. It's super popular. As an ignorant child, I wanted one. I didn't even settle for an acoustic guitar. I wanted an electric guitar. Being in a middle-class family, my mother reasoned that the money could be used for something more useful. I obeyed my mother almost immediately.
When I was a child, I wanted a keyboard. It's another common instrument. I originally wanted a piano because I felt challenged by the piano's complexity. However, taking my mother's reason about not buying a guitar in mind, I decided to myself that I would settle for something like the piano but cheaper: the keyboard. Unfortunately, we were only living in a small apartment that time. So, my mother refused and reasoned that we have no space for such big instrument. I agreed with her, after a while of pestering. Was I too obedient or did I give up too easily?
When I was a child, I wanted a bass guitar. Maybe I was too childish and ignorant. I admired those cool bass guitarists and wanted the instrument to be like them. I thought that since bass guitars have one less string compared to the guitar, it would be a bit cheaper. Once my mother and I checked, it was nowhere near cheap. A tiny dream crushed yet again.
Looking upon the past, I'm a bit irked about myself who didn't try harder. I might have had a nice and developed talent now if I pursued even one of those instruments. Well, no merits in regrets. Much more than before, I have passion for music. I'm pursuing singing now. I don't have a goal of being a famous international singer. Singing isn't my number one priority. I just want enough skills to please others and myself.
Best friends are called the best because you've been with them through overwhelming happiness and depressing hardships and they are still by your side, continually supporting you through it all... or so I thought. It seems that I've forgotten about shattered friendships.
In my first year of high school, the friendship with my best friend, who I've been so close with since elementary school, suddenly went cold. It all started when she suddenly stopped talking to me. Soon after, it was broken for some reason which even I am not sure of. Piled up regrets made me stop approaching her. Along with that are her looks that seems to be emitting an I-don't-want-to-be-your-friend-anymore aura. Farewell to you, my friend. I guess our friendship was a shallow one. Those happenings made me open my eyes, though. I was too selfish for my own good. I realized I take too many things for granted. I should cherish my friends with all my heart, I thought.
For three years, I built up stronger bonds with new friends. They became my best friends. However, there's something I noticed about this one member of our circle. Girl A is influenced too easily with the people surrounding her and is indifferent to many things. When people around her starts saying bad words, she does it too after a while. When she doesn't care about this particular thing, she doesn't hesitate to show her disinterest.
Now we're in college, I rarely see her since we go to different universities. I heard that she found a new circle of friends. However, there's a problem. Girl A's avoiding two members of OUR group who takes the same classes as her. We see this as a big deal since this also happened in high school when she found a friend who she admires and relate to. We're not saying she shouldn't make new friends but she should know how to balance things out. I am most especially worried about her new friends. In what way was she influenced? What's the reason for this cold shoulder she's giving? I am not nearby to be my observant self.
The members of our group, excluding her, are all worried. Three of us are far from immediate reach and the other two are being avoided. We're not agreeing on confronting her since this little cold quarrel may escalate into something worse. In what way we should resolve this, we still don't know. I am praying that we can patch things up before her birthday on early December.
Nice moments happened this day ―moments with my family, moments with my crush, moments with my friends, and moments with strangers. The best of all, precious moments with my beloved... pizza.
My mother treated me to pizza after we fully paid my balance in my tuition. We used the change for some food since we were hungry. We went to Victoria Plaza and ate in Greenwich. We shared a double-sized Hawaiian but it ended up with me eating more slices than my mom. However, that's not my main point in this entry.
This thought has been on my mind for months and it's about time to unleash them. Pizzas must be eaten by hand! Why must you eat pizzas with forks and knives? Those are cold, hard and stainless while hands are warm, soft and a part of you! Imagine the grease that coats your fingers while eating delish pizza. Then, when you're finished eating, you lick your fingers with satisfaction. Aren't those actions clearly a body language of happiness?! Just writing about this is making my mouth water again.
An advice: Make sure to wash your hands until it's transparent before eating scrumptious pizza! This is to avoid uncontrollable seizures of neurons in your body and trauma from eating by hand. Also, wash your hands after you eat pizza to rinse the remaining grease and crumbs. They are to be rinsed so that you can hold your phone and the hands of your loved one with no slimy feelings. A person with no proper hygiene is a turn-off!
I guess, I ranted too much. Of course, you spotted the exaggerations, right?
For the whole day, I've been wondering about what I should write in my blog as the first entry. I was planning buy books for school today, but nothing went according to plan so I can't write about it. Then, LIGHT BULB! An idea came.
After all the stress in the first semester of my college life, I was really looking forward to the things I can freely do in the semestral break. For almost the whole break, I caught up with the animes I've been following. I was pretty much in front of the computer everyday. It resulted in losing the track of time. There was an instance when I was surprised when I looked at the clock and it read 1:25 in the morning. I was thinking, "But the last time I looked it was 9! Time is too fast!" Well, as they say, time flies when you're having fun.
My irregular sleeping schedule started. I didn't sleep at night. I slept at dawn. It started when I slept at 1AM and woke up at near noon. Because I wake up late, I can spend my energy up to dawn again. It became a cycle. One time, I tried to wake up early sacrificing precious hours just so I can sleep at night. However, it still failed. Since I lacked sleep, I felt really sleepy in the afternoon which resulted with a long nap. Yes, I'm back in the cycle.
It was okay in the sembreak but when school came, I panicked. I still slept at dawn because I can't sleep at night. I went to school without enough sleep. Thank God, I survived without sleeping in class. From sleeping at 4AM in the sembreak, I'm back to 1AM. Then it became 11PM. I was happy that I was steadily going back to the healthy sleeping schedule but then weekend came. With the thinking that, "No class tomorrrow! Yes!" I went back to the inconsistent cycle. I am displeased with this happenings but I am looking forward to the day that I'll be able to sleep soundly and early. And I hope that day will come soon... or else... *sobs*
That was the story of my messed up sleeping schedule.
