i gotta crow

"The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it."  

[thecleverestt]

“I wanna be you so bad, and I don’t even know you”

Peter didn't know all that much about Alice's friends, just knew them when he saw them and was happy to call them extensions of his own people; Alice tended to hang around pretty cool people, anyway. The one he caught today, leaning over the bar at the club, was one he'd always liked spending time with. Their name started with a "D" he thought, or maybe their name was Dee? No matter which one it was, they were wild and wonderful, and sometimes Peter tended to wonder if he'd like it better somewhere like Wonderland, dealing with the other wild and wonderful people who worked there as well. "Bud, we should talk more often," he shouted a bit over the noise, big tipsy smile as earnest as it ever was. "I just think we could have a good time, what days are you normally off?"

[wghqentertainment]

Dahlings, it’s that time again! Meme week is here once again. We are dedicating the next week (9/13//21-9/20/21) to memes! I cannot wait to see what you reveal about yourselves and how messy things get this time. Will emotions pour out? Will relationships blossom or get ruined? Only time will tell.

Below the cut are the memes to choose from.

Keep reading

[thecleverestt]

@downthebarrett @thecleverestt

[thecleverestt]

Peter wasn’t totally sure what he’d gotten himself into, but he wasn’t going to make the same mistake he’d made at Pride, waltzing in late to an event he said he wasn’t going to and running straight into everyone he told he wouldn’t be there. When Wendy asked, he’d said of course he’d be there, because honestly, a rave on the beach wasn’t something he was going to dip out on. It had been a matter of realism. And now it was really happening. They hadn’t seen each other all that much since everything went down, and that was shaky enough ground to start with, but Wendy had seemed pissed enough with Randy, and he was sure that with the way these things went he’d be diving headfirst into it. He just hoped the gummies hit before shit got too heavy - Peter did not do heavy well. When he spotted her, summery in red and lathered in sunscreen he was sure, he waved her down, breaking into a light jog that ended in a sloppy embrace when he caught up, one arm over her shoulder, the other under, meeting in the middle where his hands splayed across her back. “There she is, the myth, the legend!” He leaned back and everything came rushing back to him, just how uncertain he was of where he stood. “What’s up, what’s been goin’ on?” @wendymadarling

[thecleverestt]

💏 (cubby)

fifty ways to kiss someone.   send me a 💏 and i will randomise a number in order for my muse to kiss yours, @calvincubby ...

3. ... goodbye. tw: eating disorders, visual triggers

Peter wasn't always aware of his effect on other people. Honestly, it was rare at best that he knew whether he was helping or hurting someone, mostly because he didn't care enough to bother himself with figuring people out. If they wanted to let him know, if somebody needed to tell him about himself, they always had that opportunity. But he didn't watch people closely for the fun of it, didn't waste that kind of time on people who honestly didn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things.

Cubby did, though. And he guessed that was the problem.

They'd go swimming sometimes, bombard the lake as a group when it was so hot they were sweating where they stood, chaotic late summer days where the sun was bright white and set into golden light long hours into the evening, just before it set, and Peter didn't mind when it did. The sun could set when it wanted, because they'd be back at it again tomorrow, and on and on into forever, new adventures to beat the heat and keep themselves alive and alright. He wasn't so sure this time.

He was sitting by Cubby on the bank, calves in the water while he leaned against him shoulder to shoulder, sitting in rare silence with each other. He'd seen a few looks today, ones he hadn't gotten in a while, and they'd never really talked about it but Peter wasn't stupid. He'd always been a lanky kid, bony shoulders and knobby elbows he thought he'd grow into and never did. He just hadn't put two and two together this clearly before. And he wasn't always aware whether he was helping or hurting people, but he'd seen the pain in Cubby's eyes, felt the shift, felt him fighting not to seem too closed off. He had an arm around the boy, draped over his shoulder, and used it to pull him closer in a side hug for a moment that stretched, then turned into him more fully to wrap both arms around him, squeeze tighter. He pressed a long kiss to Cubby's temple, closing his eyes as the others splashed and shouted and swam, as the sun fell further out of the sky. He didn't want to hurt him like that ever again, hated that he'd been too stupid to catch it early if he was getting bad again.

"I don't know, uh. I don't know if we should come out again, for a while. Or, uh. Like I don't know if I can do this again, for a while um. Gonna be pretty busy coming up, so. Thanks for coming out with us today. If it's gonna be the last one I'm glad it was a good one."

[thecleverestt]

💏 (Tessa)

fifty ways to kiss someone.   send me a 💏 and i will randomise a number in order for my muse to kiss yours, @tinktess ...

36. ... to give up control

For all that Peter managed to float through life mostly unbothered, for all that he danced through the trees, avoided most obstacles he should have had to face many a time more than he ever did, when things did come crashing down... it wasn't always pretty. And he had no methods in place to cope with feeling uncomfortable. It didn't happen often enough for him to have put anything in place against it. He didn't have mechanisms, and all the weed in the world couldn't dull out the panic sometimes. These times, when the past seemed like it was catching up to him.

He wouldn't have answered an unknown number most days, but with the way his circle burned through phones and lost passwords, he couldn't know that it wasn't a buddy looking for a party or inviting themselves over. He sure as shit didn't look at the area code first. So when a woman's voiced asked if she had reached Peter, nervous, shaky, he'd been unprepared to say the least. And when he did glance at the area code... well.

That had been a few hours ago, and was how he found himself phoneless on Tink's doorstep, knocking like his life depended on it and wiping tears like his pride did too, and when she answered, when she asked what was going on or whatever, his heart was pounding in his ears and he couldn't be sure of much of anything anymore, let alone what the fuck was going on, and his head shook, shoulders rose of their own accord. He sniffled. Pathetically, but it was a little late for saving face.

"I don't know. I don't fucking know, I just--"

He didn't know what he needed, but he knew nothing could feel worse than he was feeling now. And he knew that sometimes he didn't know what he needed, and sometimes Tink did. The words wouldn't come, he just needed her to know, and when he pressed his lips to hers, cupping her cheek, holding her shoulder in desperation, all he could do was hope she understood. He certainly didn't.

[thecleverestt]

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨 nibs

fifty ways to kiss someone.   send me a 💏 and i will randomise a number in order for my muse to kiss yours, @noahnibs ...

08. ... in secrecy

It was late. Maybe that was why it went down the way it did. At least that was what Peter would tell himself in the morning if things got weird.

They were on one of their family vacations, the boys all out camping like they did every so often, and Peter couldn't sleep. He didn't know why it happened like that sometimes, but it was alright. Sometimes he'd hazard a little zip through the trees, but he'd heard the bats screeching a few hours ago and rabies wasn't something he needed to add to the issue. Not again. He'd made promises.

What he did do was take a stroll, never straying too far from camp, walking around in circles and only pausing when he heard another rustle in the thick foliage. He crept towards it instead of away, as one does, as he always did at least, peering around a bush he'd deemed safe to touch and whispering a soft, "Hey," from his hideout. He didn't think about how badly that would startle Nibs until it was too late, and was soon shrieking with laughter as he realized Noah had probably just ventured out to pee only to be harassed from the darkness. As his laughter died down and he positively refused to apologize, he promised to make his way back to camp, leaving him with a little peck at the corner of his lips and a wink before he turned around.

"I won't tell anyone you're chicken. Our little secret."

[thecleverestt]

💏 - wendy

fifty ways to kiss someone.   send me a 💏 and i will randomise a number in order for my muse to kiss yours, @wendymadarling ...

49. ... out of necessity

Somewhere deep down, Peter had seen it coming. He'd known that it was probably inevitable, but some part of him, a sizeable one at that, had been so convinced that if he just kept kicking the can down the road, if he just avoided it for long enough, it'd hit a bump and change its course, or maybe better yet, get stuck and lost to time. If he never let her ask the question, he'd never have to answer it.

It wasn't like he hadn't been asked before by other people, friends watching them in their fishbowl wondering at the possibilities, and he'd had some fun over the years, made a little game of never giving them a yes or a no. He'd never given himself a yes or a no either, for that matter. It was a shapeless sort of thing, what he had with Wendy. They were closer than family and better than friends, and she filled a void in his life that had been a wound, real and raw, ever since he left his childhood home. He didn't know the word for that. He didn't know if there was one. Peter loved her, sure, but he could never tell if he liked her in the way that she might want him to. So he did what he did best, left the question on the ground and tried to keep his distance.

But here she was in front of him, eyes red rimmed from brushing away tears she didn't want to shed, and she had asked him so plainly. She hadn't given him an ultimatum, no, but Peter knew how things worked. He knew how easily people left the lives of those who couldn't be who they needed them to be.

So it was a new game, then. The rules had shifted in an instant and now the goal was simple: to keep her close, whatever that required. It wasn't about the answer anymore, not really. Maybe he'd figure that out later.

For now, he cupped the edge of her jaw just beneath her ear, turning her head only slightly to face him, closed his eyes, and kissed her. It was what he needed to do.

[waltgrovehq]

Dahlings that last Meme Week was messy. In fact, it was so messy that we have decided to do another! We are dedicating an entire week (8/2/21-8/10/21) to memes! I cannot wait to see what you reveal about yourselves.

Below the cut are the memes to choose from.

Keep reading

[thecleverestt]

@downthebarrett @thecleverestt

[thecleverestt]

wendymadarling​:

Though his arm around her shoulder made her heart flutter, Wendy couldn’t break her annoyed facade. She wasn’t not annoyed, but it was certainly less than she was letting on. “Mmm, okay. Why don’t you stop by my place first, yeah? We’ll get you back together before going home.” Wendy knew her offer would likely result in Peter sleeping on her couch, but it was better than worrying all night if he’d gotten home or not. “I’m working on a paper,” she said blandly, “I have that, and another assignment due this weekend. Where were you?” she asked, a bit curious.

Peter shrugged to the best of his ability, though it probably didn’t read as much of anything with how loosely he was draped over Wendy. “You don’t gotta-- we don’t hafta do that,” he promised, “I got myself, got my keys, got my phone. Pretty sure I paid with my phone too, they already know me so I didn’t need ID.” He was rambling a bit, but that was to be expected when he’d had a drink or ten. “Just down, like... I kinda hopped around some, first couple bars were boring. Nobody does anythin’ fun by the time I’m down a drink, ‘s probably not gonna be for me, y’know? Like I don’t need anybody gettin’ in a fight or anythin’ but just something, if I’m not out with anybody.” He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Which paper’s this one?”

[thecleverestt]

wendymadarling​:

continued @thecleverestt​

Wendy knew that voice better than anyone’s. As much as she wanted to roll her eyes and continue as if she hadn’t heard him, here he came, running down the sidewalk like an idiot. She’d just been out for a late night library session, and from the sound of it, Peter had not been as productive as she’d been. Wendy hated when he was like this; it was the only time he ever complimented her, and it felt so very fake when she knew he couldn’t do it sober, as much as she wanted him to. “Hello, Peter,” she said plainly, trying her best to force a smile. “Just headed home from the library. I don’t suppose you’re going the same way?” Wendy knew his apartment was in the same direction, but she never knew on nights like this where he was headed. 

Peter shot back a winning grin, eyes all but shut with the force of his smile and a laugh behind it that remained was as free as the dust on the air, none the wiser to the fact that she was placating him more than anything. “Wendy,” he greeted her again, slinging a hand around her shoulders and pulling her into a side hug, staring at the ground with his hair falling into his face as he tried to remember where he’d been going. “Um...” Maybe he’d been going home? He couldn’t think of anything big or important that he’d been looking forward to, so it was a possibility. “Oh, yeah, actually” he affirmed with a nod, turning them back towards the direction of home and walking with slow, exaggerated steps as he started walking, still linked with an arm over her shoulder. “What took you so long at the library? Jus’ school or...?”

[thecleverestt]

wendymadarling​:

Well, she supposed he was right. It didn’t have much to do with her, and while Mr. Hook had said such awful things, it wasn’t her job to get revenge. It wasn’t her job to do anything for either of them: she was Peter’s friend, and that was all she had to be. While she didn’t exactly agree with what he’d done, she couldn’t change it, and it was quite obvious that Peter didn’t want to be changed, either. 

“I do trust you, but how am I supposed to now, when you didn’t tell me?” Wendy questioned, staring at him blankly. “I know you didn’t, but we’re older now, and I–” she stopped herself, throwing her head in her hands as he did. Leaning the top of head into his, Wendy looked up, forcing his eyes unto her. “You’re my best friend, Peter. I love you.” It was crucial to add the first part, so he wouldn’t get confused, even if she wished she could take it back. “I suppose I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay. I’d hate to see a girl you dated so heartbroken.” Like herself, even if she was convinced it’d never happen.  

Peter took a long deep breath in, looking to the ceiling on the inhale as he wondered how exactly he’d gotten himself here. He’d always figured if she knew she didn’t love the idea, didn’t talk about it much, but at this point nobody really did. It was lost boys lore if anything, deep in the history, legend but hardly alive. The shit with Hook had shifted to an ongoing merry war, and how they got there barely meant anything anymore. But clearly it did to Wendy. He couldn’t let this be why she left him in the dust.

As she brought their foreheads together, Peter was wary but wiling to hold eye contact, his gaze shifting back and forth between the clear blue-grey that always seemed to see too much. He imagined she’d always been this way, always dug this deep to understand. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he promised, voice low and gentle in the few inches of space between them, shaking his head ever so slightly as he came to rest a hand at the crook of her elbow, squeezing once. “I don’t ever try to lie to ya, sometimes I just don’t know you don’t know somethin’. But you can ask me anything, right now even, I’ll answer honest.” He wasn’t sure what to say about his future; he was used to disappointing people, but that didn’t bear mentioning as he’d made a sort of peace with that fact. “I’ll be okay. I just don’t want you hurt ‘cause of this.”

[thecleverestt]

“ you’re more like family to me than my own blood. ” (cubby)

Peter’s coffee table wasn’t much. He’d hauled it off the side of the road because he refused to hit up an Ikea when he was moving in, so it was stained with things and by people he’d never seen, but he’d made enough of a mark on it. There were a couple of scorch marks from a couple of long nights, some water damage with no known origin but that had definitely happened within the confines of his walls, and it was mostly littered with White Owl wrappers and a diverse amalgam of candy-centric detritus, a few Froot Loops finding their way into the mix when you really squinted. But he was going to have company, so there was space cleared and cleaned in front of the couch at the very least, a clean bowl of clean grapes set in the center almost mocking the skunk settled into every piece of furniture Peter owned. It would have been funny, was wildly out of character to anyone on the outside looking in, but he kept a few things around. He wasn’t allergic to the thought of a healthy diet.

And sometimes his buddies needed somewhere to stop by, and his door was always open, and sometimes when they needed somewhere to stop by it was alright to have an unassuming bowl of assorted grapes that Peter could pretend to like for the sake of staying casual. The skin was dry garbage, and every time he caught a seed he wished he could phase out of his own body, but sometimes opening the fridge seemed like a hurdle to jump, for a buddy, and sometimes...

Sometimes Peter just liked knowing his buddies had a couple grapes.

It was a little crazy sometimes, he thought. His parents, his blood brother, could be dead somewhere. Or they could be out at some amusement park just like Neverland, or they could be struggling to make ends meet, or they could be appearing on variety talk shows, thriving or dying or just barely surviving. He didn’t care. They didn’t mean a goddamn thing to him; they couldn’t. They were a few wasted years and a few wasted thoughts, and they were firmly lodged in his past.

Cubby was his brother now. In the ever-vibrant present, and he’d do anything for him on any given day, however annoying or inconvenient or absurd it was. As high as flying or as simple as keeping some applesauce in the fridge. They were brothers now, and brothers forever, one day at a time. Fuck blood.

[thecleverestt]

wendymadarling​:

“You thought I’d heard from someone other than you?” She hadn’t wanted to hear from anyone but Peter. His nonchalance was concerning, but if it was as long ago as he’d insisted, maybe it was warranted. Maybe she was the one bringing up old wounds. “Oh, okay,” she said sadly, feeling particularly left out. Had the boys known all this time, and just hadn’t told her? It was a definite possibility. Had her brothers? 

“Shady things? Peter. He sells fishing supplies. How is that shady things? I just–I was with him an hour ago. He’s a very sad person, but he seems like a perfectly fine person.” Better than you, she wanted to say, but didn’t. “Peter, how are you going to treat a girl in the future? What if you cheat on them then?” It was more of a question of whether he’d cheat on her, but Wendy wasn’t ready to admit that. “I’m just–I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I can’t believe I had to hear from Hook himself. I feel so stupid, that he was the one to tell me.” Wendy lifted her head from his knees, looking up at him sheepishly. It certainly wasn’t the conversation she was expecting, but she had to be truthful before it was too late.

He shrugged, a little bit helplessly for the circumstances. He didn’t know what to do or say; there was no undoing what he’d done, and he quite frankly didn’t want to either. He didn’t have any remorse or regrets about it, he’d had some fun and had some laughs and it was funny, or so he’d thought. He’d wrecked a grown man’s whole marriage in a single instant? And just for a fling, at that, at eighteen. He’d been living the dream for a boy fresh out of school, he wasn’t going to be embarrassed about it now, just because a girl with better sense and better sensitivity tried to shift his stance.

He sighed when she asked what shady things, rubbed his hands over his face with a deep heaving breath. “Just trust me, Wendy,” he forced, muffled but sure in tone. Some people had to learn some things earlier than other people, and some people never would, and he wasn’t gonna be the one to tell her if she was destined to float above the filthy side of things in the town. “I didn’t cheat on anyone,” he insisted, a bit too defensive perhaps, but he wasn’t going to let slander slide. “I didn’t. I slept with someone who was cheating; I was not dating anybody, I don’t tend to date all that much, and if I did I’d make sure it was somebody I wasn’t gonna cheat on, don’t ya think?” 

[thecleverestt]

“ you can stay with me tonight. ”

Peter laughed at first, soft and full of mirth, a little perplexed. He was used to his friends cracking jokes like that, not so much strangers. Kind of weird, he'd just met the guy and yeah, he was a little lost but... Oh. It dawned on him like day breaking, painfully slow, intimidating, bright. Maybe not a total joke.

He threw his head back in mock exasperation, hands running through the messy length of his own hair, trying to self soothe or make himself presentable or distract himself from something or another. Whatever it was, it helped. He righted himself, shrugged as his cheeks grew a little warm. He'd blame the booze even though he was coming down a touch. "I, uh. I mean I wouldn't wanna impose." He glanced around in spite of himself. "But, uh. If you've got the space for the evenin'."

@cheshirechace

[thecleverestt]

intoxicated (vidia)

It was quiet, this time. It had to be. That was just about all he could remember in his drunken state, that this was a secret, and that he needed to avoid a pretty quick right hook if he was going to succeed. He got in close over the back of the couch, leaning in while she was distracted by some big motherfucker throwing around some playing cards, and with just enough volume to be heard over the music, it came.

"Hey, you uhh, missin' this dick?" And he ran. He would be running for a very long time.

@vidiaduhhh

[thecleverestt]

intoxicated

Peter was feeling easy easy, always the best sense and never a good sign, and this time was no different. He shouldn't have been left to his own devices, and now he was and he knew the back of Wendy's head like the back of his own hand, and she was using one of the bags he'd picked up in his travels for her, and he couldn't resist, could he? "Hey, beautiful!" He called down the sidewalk, turning a few heads along the way as he jogged easily to catch up with her. "Pretty girl, hey, where you headed?" Obnoxious, perhaps, but it tended to be effective.

[thecleverestt]

“ please, let me help you. ” - Fawn

@ffawnxx 

Peter did okay with just about everything but blood. His own, specifically; he had a tendency to catastrophize when he was injured, which was saying something, because while he didn't get hurt too often, when he did it tended to be a big deal. If he just had a scratch, he'd long ago mastered pretending it had simply never happened, and whenever other people were hurt he tried to step into some amorphous big brother role where he could do nothing but lead and take charge. But sometimes he wasn't doing too hot, and didn't work well for someone with an open wound and an inability to rely on other people.

Still, still, when the woman he barely recognized approached, some furry little thing in her arms, he felt hopeful again. He'd been standing for a while just staring at the gash, trying to remember how to move his legs to walk, to go clean up if nothing else, to leave the branch that had led him here in the first place. But she came up quickly, and her lilting voice was fuzzy in his ears, and she was fussing all the same, cooing over him like some sort of wounded animal - he imagined he wasn't much more useful. He'd have felt pathetic, but... she was kind down to her soul, he could feel it. Something soft, almost maternal though she couldn't have been any older than him. He wasn't sure, and didn't remember much until he was all wrapped up again, but he knew he owed her something. He'd forgotten what that felt like. It had been a long time.