Rereading Out of Control and I'm like... Why did I like this so much?
The relationships in it are clearly toxic. Even the main couple before they got together, and I know they get super sweet once they finally became a couple â Yuri, especially â but the process of Yuri trying to figure out his feelings for Jaerim was very uncomfortable for me to read. "Oh he's so ugly but he's so incredibly kind". Like, sure, Jaerim does think he's "ugly" by society's standards, but calling your crush ugly? Really?
I understand that Korea is known for its lookism because of its unreasonable beauty standards, but that is the issue. And while a story about a "good-looking" guy falling in love with an "ugly" guy is an interesting â if not problematic â premise, I don't think it's a story that properly addresses the issue (and I'm not saying that it should, but the premise does concern lookism). And it's that same issue that begets so much bullying and irrational violence, things that persist up to this day.
And it's weird. I don't know if Out Of Control is supposed to be satire or a social commentary, but the way the author has written the monologues of some characters feel so raw, even if their perspective on things can sometimes be warped. Like, the characters are terrible people, and it baffles me that they're rewarded with good things. Aerek's story was especially mind-boggling. It was so unbearable that I didn't care reading through it again.
The thing is, despite Yuri ending up with Jaerim and how sweet they are, it's so hard for me to believe that Yuri has actually gotten over his prejudice â that's the problem. Like, beauty is fucking relative and I would have wanted Jaerim to explore that â his beauty, mentally, emotionally, physically. I hate that his "ugliness" (quote and quote again because fuck I just hate that he's considered that) is always the butt of the joke. His whole family looking like squids? Yeah, that was so fucking rude.
It's like the message of the story is how going past a person's physical appearance that aren't generally conventional or align with your personal preferences is, apart from being something that's "nice to do", something that potentially rewards you. But that isn't the fucking point, the point is you and your fucking prejudices are the problem. Because when you say that a person is ugly, that probably says more about you than the person. That's lookism. And the story just fucking goes around that.
Anyway, just wanted to put this out there. I'm not sure if I still like Out Of Control. Regardless, I still do think it's a good story. Really well-written and very visceral at some points. But yeah, rereading books at a different time can really put some things to light.
I'm... fucking crying. Out of Control took me on a fucking emotional ride. It was good, but I don't know if the author's just got a sick sense of humor or their work was meant to be a satire lmao.
Stories like Love Me, Doctor often read like the calm before the storm. When the other shoe drops, it hurts like a motherfucker. Still, I like how this was handled so far. Dr. Han's monologue in Chapter 44 was so on point.
Dr. Han's confession in a nutshell was basically, and I don't mean to demean his character, a cry for help. He'd been living his whole life in a haze, thanks to his controlling father who made him feel like he should be grateful that the life he's living is better than most. As if placing yourself in comparison to others is the ultimate measure of happiness. He lost himself in responsibility, denied himself the ability to dream for himself â even found it pointless, that and to romanticize things (â especially a thing like love) â because the only thing he believed in was loneliness.
"I really thought that love was just a fleeting delusion, that marriage and dating were the wasteful habits of the lonely. The way I saw it, everyone around me, including my parents, were perfect proofs of that theory."
And then he meets Hyuk, young, naive, bright-eyed, innocent Hyuk. The 'virgin' (I don't really like this word, but this is almost a literary concept), and one in so many ways. This is one of the reasons why I find these kinds of stories, though intriguing, unsettling. It takes you along the process of taking off the rose-colored lenses, particularly on Hyuk's behalf. In more substantial terms, taking away Hyuk's innocence (A premise that's actually indie film worthy imo lol).
How Dr. Han begged Hyuk to make him love him again, that was hellishly painful.
"Just give me some hope... A single thread."
A single thread â to cling onto. Because, conceptually speaking, Hyuk was a ray of light in the darkness, in the haze that was Dr. Han's life. One time Dr Han told him, "I've been wondering why I was drawn to you," and that's exactly why. Like a moth to a flame. Dammit, that was sad. When I read moments of the two of them, my heart always ached. (BUT! I still have hopes things will turn out for the better asdfghjkl T^T I'm fucking crying I'm always thinking of the worst that could happen.)
And then, this:
"The only real reason I've ever been reluctant to commit to a relationship is because I've never had the courage to allow a whole new world into my own."
This was a REALIZATION people. One of the best. What character development. I really want Dr. Han to be happy. He needs that, and Hyuk could help him with that. Their relationship is going to be healing. Still, Hyuk himself has wounds to heal, those inflicted by Dr. Han himself. So really when it comes to the two of them the decision is inarguably entirely up to him, to either cut him off or welcome him back into his life.
The biggest problem that Director Kang and Yiyoung might encounter will probably be Kang's priorities. There's a possibility that in future chapters Kang will be faced with a choice between work and his relationship with Yiyoung.
Am also waiting for some developments with Yiyoung. He needs that Libra energy (his sun sign) to balance out his head-in-the-clouds tendencies. He can be too idealistic.
How Bum Geon Woo communicates through his body language (Plus how he's actually giving the special treatment Eui Joon's been yearning for)
I reread DCS for, like, the tenth time now. Yes, I'm obsessed ohmygod! I'm liking how these two characters are written so far. I originally wanted to break down just Chapters 20-24 of DCS because the first time I read it I got just a little annoyed with how Geon Woo (a.k.a. Ahjussi) was, let's say, just kind of pushing Euijoon's limits. But I ended up doing more than just Chapters 20-24. Dios mio.
I was just a little tired of seeing the same trend with guys in manhwa. They always seem to be domineering, especially if their partner is the "sweet and naive" archetype. (Eui Joon, I think, does not really fit into this mold.) Of course, that's usually because they're dealing with their own issues, and I don't really blame them.
But I like DCS because it justified that kind of behavior in Geon Woo when he was having sex with Eui Joon (in Chapters 20-24, particularly). Lol I'm probably the only one who realized this later than I should have ehehe. I'm still posting this tho.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEADâŒïžâŒïž
His antics speak volumes. It's amazing how I missed all those details just because the sex scenes were. Steamy. As. Fuck. Good lordy! Geon Woo is definitely a man of few words (He once said Eui Joon makes him talk like he would for a whole year, haha!), so it would make sense to communicate whatever's going through his mind in a situation through body language.
I also want to add the times that he makes the effort to hold a conversation with Eui Joon. Geon Woo doesn't really talk when he doesn't need to, so it's important to pay attention to his actions.
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Chapters 0-12
The first time we get a glimpse of Geon Woo's side of the story was when Eui Joon finally confesses to the person who's been his crush for 3 effing years, Hyeon Woo. Eui Joon is inexplicably happy when Hyeon Woo says he'll consider and comes to the convenience store in good spirits. Geon Woo, keen as always, notices, and when Eui Joon tells him what happened this is what we get:
It's the way it was framed. How we see his reaction from behind rather than from the front. He turns away, seeming to go inward and brood once again.
Afterwards, another gangster comes. The guy challenges Geon Woo for taking too long at the front of the line. Geon Woo asks Eui Joon if he smokes, and when he replies that he doesn't, Geon Woo "borrows" the lighter on the countertop and uses that to throw a stronger punch to the man behind him, who temporarily falls unconscious. Geon Woo turns back to Eui Joon, seeming to have something else to say. But he sees the frightened look on Eui Joon's face and decides to keep it to himself before leaving through the door.
"And..." He pauses, turning to Eui Joon. "... Never mind. Good work."
JUST WHAT WAS HE ABOUT TO SAY?!?!?!
In the succeeding panel, Eui Joon is nonplussed. He wonders out loud, "What is happening?" Couldn't have said it better, girl. Geon Woo was just taking out his frustration and he had the perfect opportunity at the moment.
The second time was when Geon Woo invites Eui Joon to drink after the incident with Hyeon Woo (who basically asks Eui Joon to cheat with him and inebriates himâprobably with the intention to take advantage of him). From the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo has taken an interest in Eui Joon after seeing him for the second time, and when he comes by through the hallwayâfinally discovering they were neighborsâand witnesses the two, he sees it as a chance with Eui Joon.
He invites Eui Joon out to drink, after Eui Joon's suggestion for a dinner at 2 in the morning fails to entice him. Eui Joon rambles his questions away, wanting to get to know him better, but Geon Woo doesn't immediately answer and catches him off guard when he "casually" inquires after his sexuality. Not the smoothest move there, lol, but in the side stories we see that wasn't really his intention.
"Damn it, why did I ask that question? It just slipped out..."
He answers Eui Joon's questions afterwards, surprising Eui Joon with the fact that he's actually been listening to what he's been saying for the past minute. We're starting to see just what kind of a person he is (Listening skills are always a plus in my book).
A little later, we see them on their way back to the apartment. Eui Joon asks Geon Woo to tell him anything interesting because he's been the one talking all night. Geon Woo acquiesces, asking a question that may have been part in consideration of Eui Joon's vulnerable state, and perhaps also part due to the possibility that he worried about him.
"Come to think of it... School has already started. Isn't it tiring to work 'til dawn? Aren't you working too much?"
Geon Woo's face is a little hard to read. So every subtle change in his expression says something. If you read the manhwa, you'll see the slightest bit of concern in his eyes. It's hard to catch until you've read the side stories (at least for me, haha).
One more thing I like about Geon Woo is that he doesn't meddle when it's not his business. He knows the state of Eui Joon's familyâtheir inability to afford his college tuition, his hospitalized brotherâand he knows he can help. I mean, I don't know how wealthy and powerful he is as a gangster but he probably has the means to. But he rarely opens the topic to Eui Joon.
Aaaand onto Chapter 8! Just before the first sex scene in the entire series. Eui Joon is crying because he had a shitty day both at school and at work, poor thingâall because of Hyeon Woo. He cries even more when he notices that Geon Woo, who came to the store every day, didn't come to the store that day. When he encounters him outside, he breaks down, catching Geon Woo off guard.
Geon Woo tells his lackey to leave and asks Eui Joon to stay. Eui Joon tells him he was fine and proceeds to go back to his room, but Geon Woo frightens him when he says he was already being nice. And then we get this:
"Ah, I don't mean it that way... Just a while."
That gentle tug is honestly so uncharacteristic of the usual ruffian behavior we often see from Geon Woo. It's a nice sweet detail that proves what he says in Chapter 26 (when he finally confesses) that he treats Eui Joon differently from others.
Eui Joon cries his heart out to Geon Woo, and Geon Woo just lets him. Afterwards, Eui Joon resolves to forget about Hyeon Woo. By finding someone, hmm, more physically endowed.
"I must find someone more good-looking than him. With a nicer body... And a bigger dick!"
Clueless guy basically described the man beside him.
To that, Geon Woo says:
"How long have you known me? You really dare to say anything like that in front of me?"
Which comes off as slightly hostile at first. The next panel shows a dark aura surrounding Geon Woo, which Eui Joon interprets as distress from his implications of doing it with himâwhose sexual preference so far remains ambiguous (In the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo himself struggles with figuring this out.). But then, he surprises Eui Joon when he slowly leans in to kiss him.
CUE SEX SCENE! I pitied Eui Joon a little because he wasn't really in the best state when Geon Woo offered this. In Geon Woo's defense, though, from the moment he found out that Eui Joon was gay he saw doors opening. When Eui Joon said something like that, I think his attraction to Eui Joon finally caught up to him and he couldn't resist the opportunity. He definitely wasnât distressed by the implication of Eui Joonâs words; he was distressed by the decision he had to makeâto go through that door or not. Because he knew he wanted it, even though he was constantly denying it from the start.
âThis dirty thought wasnât something that I have planned from the beginning.â
The day after, Eui Joon is a little rattled. He doesnât know how to treat Geon Woo after thatânot when he realized that sex could be that hot and satisfying (uwu). Geon Woo appears to be unaffected while Eui Jonâs brain is in knots about everything. But the questions Geon Woo asks tell us that heâs beginning to show Eui Joon a little emotion. He asks to see Eui Joonâs face to inspect the healing bruise he got yesterday (the one that Geon Woo covered with a bandaidâwhich was so sweet, huhu). And then, he asks if he was tired after school.
âLet me see your face.â
âSchool classes. Are you tired after taking them?â
From my perspective, he wasnât just asking for the sake of being nice to the person he slept with. The story still hasnât covered much of Geon Wooâs history to know whether he had been like this with his previous partners. Although there was a moment in Chapter 27 during one of their conversations when he gave us a little glimpse:
Geon Woo: It's normal to cry over pathetic things at your age.
Eui Joon: Have you cried like that before too?
Geon Woo: No.
Eui Joon: Then how do you know that?
Geon Woo: I just... know. Because there was a guy like that around.
From the time Geon Woo invited him out to drink, I think Geon Woo was genuinely concerned when he asked how Eui Joon was doing.
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Chapters 13-26
Geon Woo's love language, I think, is his actions. He fights off the gangsters that bully Eui Joon into giving them discounts or even paying for them from his own pockets so they won't have to. He gives Eui Joon food and medicine when he finds out he was sick (the morning after having sex with him in the car for hours, lol). He likes taking care of the person he likes. So in Chapter 26, when he "confesses" to Eui Joon, that was Geon Woo pointing out that he's been doing the same thing all along.
"I mean, look at me just once... What kind of person I am. How I treat you. Take a good look at it. If you think that I'm good, then pick me. If not, you can throw me aside."
"But. Before you do, you should understand this. Until then, I don't intend to let you get away."
This "non-confession" (he actually tells Eui Joon it wasn't a confession) actually says a lot about Geon Woo. His attitude towards their relationship is very blunt and straightforward. Once he's made a decision, he stops listening to his doubts and stands by it.
I don't really know when Geon Woo decided that he liked Eui Joon. It was more slow-growing. In the side stories though, we see him considering this big-time when this thought crosses his mind:
"There's the common phrase of having the opportunity to meet your fateful love. If there's a sign for it, would it be possible to stay vigilant?"
AHJUSSI YOU SOFT-HEARTED ROMANTIC I CAN'T T^T
He becomes more bold with Eui Joon afterwards, but he's still a little prickly. He's constantly weighing his options, trying to figure out in what way will doing the things he does for Eui Joon benefit him, if at all.
In Chapter 13, when a customer comes inside the store and forces Eui Joon to pay for what he bought, he's on the scales. But then the memory of that morning flashes through his mind, and he remembers how the simple act of Eui Joon giving him his number had made him smile like an idiot. He beats the customer for him, taking the money he owed, and gives it back to Eui Joon. He even manages to casually ask him out on a date. The guy can be smooth as fuck.
Eui Joon: Are you saying... we should eat together? Geon Woo: Sure. I guess I've done something worth compensating. Will you give me my reward?
Take notes, people!
At this point, Eui Joon has gotten him wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it! Of course, Eui Joon still thinks their relationship is only purely sexual, but then Geon Woo begins doing these uncharacteristically tender gestures that Eui Joon initially interprets as Geon Woo giving him special treatment.
"Let me see your face."
"School classes. Are you tired after them"
"I'm thinking that... You'll look good in short hair, too."
And Geon Woo even tries to initiate a conversation with Eui Joon when he feels like Eui Joon couldn't take the awkwardness. A good example was when Geon Woo treats him dinner at the restaurant.
"...."
"Is this your first time coming to this kind of place?"
Somehow, these things he does still feel kind of forced, like he was genuinely annoyed at Eui Joon and everything he did. Even when he asks to do it with him again and Eui Joon refuses because he was still sore, there was a moment of frustration that shone through.
It was a sign that Geon Woo was still confused about the things he was feeling towards Eui Joon. He knew he wanted him physically, but then he doesn't take up the woman's offer that evening after Eui Joon refuses him. It wasn't actually written on paper, but knowing Geon Woo's character he might have felt uneasy about going through with it. Not particularly on Eui Joon's behalf, but it may have been unconscious because of his budding feelings.
His feelings were something that rattled him, and he was usually undeterred in any kind of situation. What rattled him more was that Eui Joon didn't know anything about what he was going through.
"Being naturally attracted to you, and going through unfamiliar emotions. This feeling should only be felt at an adolescent age."
We're seeing him from behind again. The use of this perspective in manhwas / mangas / comics usually makes you feel like can't tell what the character's thinking about, but most importantly that they're most likely about to go do or SAY SOMETHING DAMN IMPORTANT. Like, maybe, telling their feelings to the person they like!?!?!
"Eui Joon-Ah. I like you."
ASDFGHJKL DID ANYONE SEE THAT COMING?!?!?!
That actually surprised me hella lot. I'd originally thought Geon Woo was the tsundere type, but he was more honest with his feelings than I believed. However, he hadn't been completely convinced by these feelings until Eui Joon had offered to break it off. Suddenly there was an exit to his situation, but he didn't really feel happy about it. He was frustrated at not being able to properly understand what his words made him feel. Because the truth was he didn't want to break things off. He just wouldn't admit to himself at the time that the reason was he actually wanted Eui Joon.
We could see him debating it himself, poor thing:
"I didn't expect myself to be in a situation where I couldn't even understand my own feelings. I should've figured it out the moment I couldn't understand my sexual preference. I'm not that young anymore... What is this?"
"No... It could also be a spur of the moment... It doesn't seem to be like that. It might also be due to pride, but I feel it's not necessary for these kinds of feelings to affect my pride... But even when it's like this, I still want to..."
Geon Woo decides to "have a little fun" before conceding to Eui Joon's request to "end their entanglement". But I've noticed that whenever something bothers Geon Woo too much, he takes a smoke. When Eui Joon makes the suggestion, Geon Woo does just that.
The slightly rough way in which Geon Woo treats him afterwards shows his frustration. He grabs his arm roughly and pulls him towards the car, but he doesn't realize he was hurting Eui Joon's wrist with his own watch until Eui Joon whines in painâat which point Geon Woo just laces his hand through his instead. Which I thought was so sweet T^T
When Eui Joon freaks out about doing it at the school where he studies and asks Geon Woo to consider it for him, Geon Woo says, "Do I have to consider that for you too?" And when Eui Joon asks for him to do that, Geon Woo replies, "I guess I've been too nice to you."
THE MAN WAS FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!!
Geon Woo even challenges him to stay quiet, telling him no one will hear them if he does. Throughout the whole thing, Geon Woo wanted to dominate him, daring him to take what pleasure he could give him, but with an aggression that bespeaks the storm in his heart and mind.
Reading it back, I realized just how damn hot that scene was. I mean, goddamn.
After Geon Woo admits his feelings, there's a serenity about him afterwards. He no longer has to second-guess taking care of Eui Joon or expressing what he felt towards him. He gives him food and medicine the next day since he caught a fever. He "invites himself" to watch a movie with him since they both had nothing to do for the rest of the day. The guy was basically courting Eui Joon, haha. Not a confession, my ass XD
And then, when Eui Joon opens up about how he rejected Hyeon Woo, Geon Woo tells him he'll also wait for him for around three years T^T
MY HEART I CAN'T T ^ T
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So that's kiiind of a long breakdown. I included as little pictures as possible. Copyright and all that. I just really like this series so far. I want to be able to read the original someday. Hopefully I'd be able to learn Korean T^T. If you like this as much as I do, chat me up =D would love to hear other thoughts.
Description: So I started reading this recently and found that I enjoyed it very much. Dear Door is a story about demons and cops and supernatural disarray, an overlap between horror and fantasy. Very Constantine-like. Making a playlist suddenly just popped into my mind, so I did it 'cause why not? The art style in this manhwa evoked so much emotions and it kind of reminded me of Sandman, which is so precious to me.
The only thing I didn't realize was it would be pretty hard to find the right music to track to the scenes. You COULD listen to it as you read the manhwa, but I can't assure it would go well with how you read it since everyone's pace is different. I planned on uploading this on youtube but I was worried about copyright issues. For now, I'll post it here. I credited the artists below. Hope you enjoy!
Note: I plan on doing this chapter by chapter. I don't know if I'd actually do the whole manhwa but I'll keep doing it as long as I like it. (Also there are chapters that are purely sex scenes so I don't really know how to track that XD). The soundtrack cover was edited by me, but the original artwork was the author Pluto's!
Time stamps (Along with some scene names I came up with hehe):
0:00-0:30 Home With You Again >> Music: One Day We'll Be Okay by Modulogeek
0:30-0:54 The Station >> Music: 33a Peckender St, N1 by Daniel Pemberton
0:54-1:52 Questions >> Music: Rejected Videogame Love by Daniel Pemberton
1:52-2:33 Jin Yeong >> Music: Brooklyn Necklace (Oceans 8 Official Soundtrack) by Daniel Pemberton
2:33-3:07 Home With You Again Reprise >> Music: One Day We'll Be Okay by Modulogeek
**Click here to listen to it as a playlist on Vimeo =D (Tip: Hit "Autoplay" on the right side of the page.)
Description: So I started reading this recently and found that I enjoyed it very much. Dear Door is a story about demons and cops and supernatural disarray, an overlap between horror and fantasy. Very Constantine-like. Making a playlist suddenly just popped into my mind, so I did it 'cause why not? The art style in this manhwa evoked so much emotions and it kind of reminded me of Sandman, which is so precious to me.
The only thing I didn't realize was it would be pretty hard to find the right music to track to the scenes. You COULD listen to it as you read the manhwa, but I can't assure it would go well with how you read it since everyone's pace is different. I planned on uploading this on youtube but I was worried about copyright issues. For now, I'll post it here. I put the time stamps and credited the artists below. Hope you enjoy!
Note: I plan on doing this chapter by chapter. I don't know if I'd actually do the whole manhwa but I'll keep doing it as long as I like it. (Also there are chapters that are purely sex scenes so I don't really know how to track that XD). The soundtrack cover was edited by me, but the original artwork was the author Pluto's!
Time stamps (Along with some scene titles I've come up with hehe):
0:00-0:23 The Chase >> Music: Escape Chase by David Fesliyan
0:23-0:50 Hell >> Music: Combat Ready (Epic Hybrid Action Rock) by Extreme Music
0:50-1:50 Lord of the West Wing >> Music: Into The Void by Titan Slayer
**Click here to listen to it as a playlist on Vimeo =D (Tip: Hit "Autoplay" on the right side of the page.)
snowghoul
pixelskylines
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
stormborns
gracieabrams
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind
2087
discoholicmusic
