JVL
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
art blog(derogatory)
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Origami Around
occasionally subtle
@theartofmadeline
will byers stan first human second
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Stranger Things
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
if i look back, i am lost
Jules of Nature
Discoholic 🪩
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Today's Document
tannertan36
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@thecottontailrabbit
"Wanderess, Wanderess, weave us a story of seduction and ruse. Heroic be the Wanderess, the world be her muse." One thing I learned as I grew up was to only worry about the things that I could control. I couldn't be concerned if Johnny and his sister Suzy didn't like me, it wasn't productive. That was their prerogative and mine wasn't to live a life full of hatred for others. The way I felt about myself set the tone for every relationship that came into my life.
Please don't see just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies Please see me reaching out for someone I can see Take my hand let's see where we wake up tomorrow Best laid plans sometimes it's just a one night stand
I questioned my sanity in writing all this down for the record, but a brilliant friend of ours once told me if I don't let my emotions out..I'll never heal. You should be so happy, Tom. Everyone seems to have the life they wanted back, true love, new babies, new businesses, new pets. I think it's everything we wanted for our friends.Today marks one month to the end of our chapter, or at least what now looks to be an end. I haven't really been sad, I've purposely tried not be. You and Austin are two of the best men Karis and I will ever know. We're still so confused, I feel awful because I know I comprehend it so much better than her sweet little mind does. She misses having someone sneak up on her, or the sound of your voice reading bed time stories. I know that because she says I don't make the character voices right. Even though I'm angry right now, I want you to know how refreshing it is to say that. I am so fucking mad at you, I've avoided every attempt to reach out or otherwise because I love you but I don't like you right now. I feel like finally saying that allows me to breathe, a little.You showed me that I can do this though, I can have two kids. I can be strong, sweet and brave. I'm not my mom and if anything has proved that, it's been this month. The sun doesn't always rise the same way it did, but after enough time..you get used to it and that little difference in the colors stretched out in the sky isn't as noticeable. I see the blues and the grays and I have no one to thank other than you. I don't say it to hurt you, I say it because some part of me wants you to know we will be okay. Don't feel guilty, but know that I will grow like weed and that see things so differently. Know that I forgive you, even if I'm having trouble with it right now. Know that we won't forget either of you and that I love Austin like my own. Remember that even though you're not here, I won't forget the months I had with you both..and I won't forget all of the lessons I've learned because of it. Maybe this isn't a goodbye, maybe it's a see you one day. I like to believe that I will see you again, and that will relieve the ache in my bones. Give Austin hugs for me, every night but don't say they are from me. Let me be a distant memory, if that's what he needs.Put him first, Tom. I know you always have and I hope you always will. Don't forget us, or our pillow forts, or the first batch of cinnamon rolls I ever made you.So I guess here is to one month on my own, and a good luck to myself for the proceeding time it takes to feel good again. I'm going to move on with my life, and this next step finalizes that for me. Like I said, maybe I'll see you one day..and we can catch up.. I hope you're okay wherever you are.Good luck, my love. Good luck.Dear Austin, I wanted to write you, your own little note. We miss you so much, and you bug your daddy to call us anytime you need. I love you, Karis loves you and we always will. There is still a little bedroom, made up, with your name carved into the wood work. It's okay if you forget though, I know you'll have so many great memories in store. I'll try and keep up my letters to you, one for all those important life events like your wedding day and graduation and the day you will make Tom a grandpa, cause he is gonna tell ya you're making him old.I'm always here buddy, anything you need.
Love, Bunny.
Some late night work in the shop, dancing around in my own little chemise to spunky music. Hours have passed and I've been counting the minutes but my duties of restocking the store have been completed. This is the first night in some time that all I've had to hear is the own sound of my own voice, singing along to the wombats. People are a lot like sex toys, they come in all sizes, colors and with their very own set of complicated directions that should just say "insert batteries here". Sometimes they fuck you and other times its not even worth turning them on. Life is complicated and I wish I were wasted. Someone should probably come save me from being a ridiculous workaholic. Anyway, if you were looking for jade dildos..I just got three in so come get them.
Had you asked me a few years ago, I'd have told you anyone having a child is stupid. In my mind bringing a small little human into the world was nothing but selfish, especially to raise them in the world we live in currently. It wasn't until I had Karis that my views on such matters changed so dramatically. My little pumpkin queen gave me a fighting chance to start a real life for myself and to find true success. She continues to give me a fighting chance, simply in being her. This morning I woke up with a stomach full of worry, fear that come noon I'd be in tears. She took my hand and told me it was 'hawoween', that if we didn't go get pumpkins she'd probably die. How could I crush this little girls dreams and tell her that she was 30 days off? Never. So after four cups of coffee and my best grin we headed off to get the first pick of the litter. Karis picked out a few round ones, A tiny yet bumpy white one and some kind of autumn squash. It looks like I'll be making pumpkin pie, so the real question is..who's coming over?
Goat babies are heading in for the night and I'm enjoying a beautiful sunset. I can't believe we are already mid-October, it seems like yesterday that I was enjoying summer sunburns. I can't complain though, nights like this remind me of Kansas, right after the last sunflower harvest. God, I loved it..the sense of calm as the fireflies greeted your nose with such insistence. We spent summers laid out in the grass, absolutely attacked by the vicious mosquitoes. I followed dim street lights down to Haverkamp's grocery which Funny enough was smaller than the in-n-out in Cali. Crazy culture shock. I missed this, it takes me back..back to a once happy place and so here I'll sit with a cheesy fucking grin on my face. Thanks California, I needed a night like this.
Storm is coming in and we are just in time. The inside of each barn has been completely cleaned out and repainted which has got us both exhausted. Hot baths and good movies for the rest of the night, probably some amount of liquor too. I'm so excited to see the farm coming together, and to be able to say that we are really making a difference for these animals. Plus, who doesn't love fresh eggs, farmed produce and family?
Halloween is just around the corner and I'm happy to say I'll be having a spooky special! As some of you may know, my family farm will be welcoming some new rescues and we need to buy all new equipment/supplies to house, feed, groom and transport them all! This sale will be going to taking care of our new friends, and any extra proceeds will be donated to animal rescues all throughout California!
After everyone is settled in, I will be hosting a November carnival/petting zoo gala at my home where The Cotton Tail will raise more proceeds for charity! I'd like to take a moment to thank Rose, Taylor, Kelsie, Lee and June for help with all the recent modeling. I'd love to have you all help in the planning of our upcoming event if you're available! Anyone else willing to volunteer or hire on, It would be much appreciated!
The Cotton Tail was built from the ground up, and I can honestly say this is the highest point I have ever been in my life. I'd like to give back, and I hope some of you will join me in doing so!
I was walking down the streetWhen out the corner of my eye, I saw a pretty little thing approaching me.She said I never seen a man, Who looks so all alone, Oh, could you use a little company?If you could pay the right price, Your evening will be nice, And you can go and send me on my way, I said you're such a sweet young thing, Oh why you do this to yourself.She looked at me and this is what she said.Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked, Money don't grow on trees, I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed, There ain't nothing in this world for free.Oh no I can't slow down, I can't hold backThough you know, I wish, I could, Oh no there ain't no rest for the wicked, Until we close our eyes for good.
“It’s better to have nobody than someone who is half there, or who doesn’t want to be there.”
Angelina Jolie
Recently, I've felt so alone..unable to follow simple tasks because not so long ago each of those tasks would have somehow lead me back to you. I think I realize how apparent it was that my efforts, though made with good intent were for the most part, one sided. Still, I feel torn apart..as though every bone in my body cracked the second you stepped out the door. I remember staying up with you into the wee hours of the morning, talking about the wedding we would have and this happy life we would share together. I spent minutes, in between work thinking about how you'd joke and say "mayonnaise are gross" to the caterers. I still see that in dreams, only now dreams have turned into nightmares and I, the screaming victim. It's like seeing a ghost, beautiful and pale but you haven't died, and in so many ways..I have. I feel limp, even as I try to keep a smile on my face. Somewhere inside me, I am screaming in pain and yet my exterior stays as it always has been. You've taught me so many things, Things I never expected to learn. Thank you, for teaching me that I can no longer be so dependent. The sun doesn't always rise, no matter how much love fills the air and my only regret would be not holding onto you long enough to say goodbye. I didn't know how to say goodbye then, more time probably wouldn't have helped but in my head it gives me the time to think it over. I thought about running back a lot, begging on my knees for this idea that somehow we were perfect..sometimes we were perfect or I was perfect..I can't tell anymore. I don't know that I did everything right, but I hope you know that I tried.Right now, I'll just lay here waiting out the storm on our front stoop..my front stoop. I wish you were laying here with me. I don't quite know how to explain my feelings, but the first time you told me you loved me is on repeat in my head. I just wish you were here, I miss you and austin an incomprehensible amount. I'm still so offended by all the people, asking me about our perfect life..life's not perfect but it was better with you..I've got a lot to learn, but I can't give up on us yet..not yet. I've gotta spend this time figuring out who I am..and I hope in time you figure out who you are as well. I will always love you boys but I've got to be tough now..you'll be okay. I just need a sign. I don't know where to go now.
All the things I wanna say, just aren't coming out right.
"thats not very lady-like of you"
My anaconda will consider it
My anaconda has, upon review of the information presented with it’s partners, decided that it, in fact, does not. My anaconda apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and thanks you for your time.
Had such a great time yesterday with this photo shoot. I was so nervous at first and it took me a bit before I was truly comfortable. But with the help of an amazing photographer and the most comfortable lingerie I have ever worn I finally found my inner goddess and pulled this off. Thank you Bunny for this chance I hope to make you proud. Also big thanks to my supportive husband Ryan, thank you for always being there for me and pushing me to do what makes me happy. Enjoy
It is amazing how a simple set of clothes can change your entire attitude. Pleasing and reaching the stars can change with just a simple change of clothes.
2xbottlesxofxsorrow thecottontailrabbit
The unqualified truth is, that when I loved Estella with the love of a man, I loved her simply because I found her irresistible. Once for all; I knew to my sorrow, often and often, if not always, that I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be. Once for all; I loved her nonetheless because I knew it, and it had no more influence in restraining me, than if I had devoutly believed her to be human perfection. (29.2)
Charles Dickens, Great Expectations
