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The Swiss must have been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a cork screw in their army knife

Dating someone is like gathering information until you realize you don’t like that person anymore

In the Hershey kisses commercials they show the kisses as living sentient beings having a ceremony sending one of thier own to its death.

Facial recognition can pick a person out of a crowd, but the vending machine at work can’t recognize a dollar with a bent corner.

Neil A was the first human on the moon. Neil A backwards is Alien

New Years Eve (2017) will be the only day when every adult was born in the 1900s, and every minor was born in the 2000s.

Life could be worse. Milk could have pulp.

Give a spider a fly, it eats for a day. Teach a spider to fly and suddenly you’re Satan.

You know you asked a dumb question on Google when Yahoo Answers is the first result.

What if the butterfly effect is real and all these fidget spinners caused the hurricanes ?

What program do the Jedi use to open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi

The nutritional information on foods should have a section for “what if I eat the entire thing”

Nothing ruins a song like setting it as your alarm in the morning

You betrayed me, bed

every single night

Attention

it me

Illusion

Just some straightforward puns for y’all from brainlesstales.com

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