Men have broken my heart before but none of them hurt as long and as many times as my own father broke my heart.
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@thedarkwillhide
Men have broken my heart before but none of them hurt as long and as many times as my own father broke my heart.
The best thing we can do right now is not be silent and not be afraid. The best things we can do right now is turn to god and believe in Jesus. Find him yourself and spread the word. Don’t let them put out Charlie’s light or your own. We have an obligation to it for our nation and for our children. I have been silent for a long time as I was burdened with a lot to deal with in my life but that’s what the devil would have wanted. I have had to see and experience how horrible this world can be many times in my life. Whether it’s personal experience or bystander of it and I let it make me afraid and at times maybe even bitter or numb so I didn’t have to feel the weight of the pain as someone who feels very strong a deeply for this world. It was easy to be quiet and run from it. But if anything we can take from this is let Charlie’s words live on to inspire and keep our own voices heard as well. Not only our own but Jesus voice as well. That’s what he would want and that is our obligation as well. The Bible says do not be afraid over 100 times. And it’s okay as humans to still be afraid as it’s our nature but we must be brave. The devil will always try and skew the words of us and the words of Jesus but we must say our words anyways so that the seeds can be planted in the ones that are on their own road to be saved. You don’t have to be perfect you just have to do it.
“You aren’t alone. All of us that came before are a part of you because we echo through you.”
“They’re in my blood, in my heart. I’m a part of them, and they’re a part of me. I’m their legacy, not yours.”
“You have greatness in you. Take your hurt, your loss, take your pain, make it into something useful”
I did EVERYTHING for you to keep you a float. Any more and I would have given the skin off my back. I let you embarrass me, you stole from my family who gave you a home when your own family abandoned you. I helped you and your mom through chemo, gave you countless money, let you say terrible things about me, you held a knife to my throat. It plays over and over again in my head. You took a gun and threatened to shoot yourself. I had to take the gun from you. I gave you my heart and soul cause god I just wanted you to get better. I wanted you to be happy. You said you owed me your life and saved you but what you really meant was you are mine to destroy now. You tried. You tried so hard to destroy me. Thank you for thinking that you giving me the silent treatment would work on me. Cause I already started to hate you before that. I learned how to manipulate you back. But when you were gone I felt peace for the first time in 3 years. When you called again and I felt a fire in me a explosion. No longer afraid. I knew I was done. I never wanted to hear your voice again, see you again. I yelled at you at the top of my lungs I AM DONE with you. It made me feel exhilarated how speechless you were. It gave me pleasure to turn your phone service off that I paid for. I won. I will continue to win. I see all the messages you send me still even a year later as I block every account. I know I left you homeless with nothing. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I am glad you are. Maybe you will finally take care of yourself. You should be locked up. I found out what you did to thos other girls. You disgust me for that. I trusted you, loved you, believed in you. But you did not deserve that. You already know now how much you underestimated me. How if you ever show up here again you won't make it out alive. I WILL NOT BE YOUR VICTIM. I AM A SURVIVOR. The scars you left on my mind may be here but I am not broken. The grave you were digging for me I am out of. You will never put another hand on me again and I hope you don't forget me. The one who tried harder than any one ever had or will try to save you. The one you tried to destroy but couldn't. So you got left with nothing and no one.
I looked the devil in the face and called him love. I saw his dead black heart and thought there were flowers some where in the cracks. Between every word he said to break me I convinced myself I could save him. Every time he put his cold dead hands around my neck I convinced myself it would not be this way forever. I let him put out pieces of my light that burned in my soul. Little by little I was fading away. Until he thought he smothered me . Nothing left but a shell of where a kind, hopeless dreamer once lived. But he did not know he was toying with a fighter and survivor. I took the last speck of light in me and hid it far in the depth of my aching chest. Until one day it was ready to engulf me once more. The fire exploded in my chest. The anger and rage of what I had become, what I let him do to me fueled the flames. Then is when I decided I would never let him talk to me like that again. I would never let him touch me again. I let every memory of him that I thought was love and let the devil appear in front of me. He knew I was no longer his toy to play with and torture. He watched as I let the girl I used to be burn and die with only a scorched skelton now lays in her old ways. No more feelings of false hopes for a false lover. No more taking my softness for weakness. No one would stomp on the flames again without getting burned. Only the ones who will fan the flames will feel the love I have to offer.
Often times I catch myself regretting that I ever met you. How much you hurt me and disappointed me. How much you made me break promises to myself that I will never be able to forgive. But then I see her that beautiful little girl. I hear her laugh. See her smile. And it’s the only joy I feel anymore. That’s when I know god had to let it happen because she needed to be. From the time I knew she existed in my stomach and saw her face for the first time she was meant to be. The thought of her wakes up the mama lioness in me to protect her to find strength for her. That’s when my regret can leave. Because she has so much purpose and I will find strength in that. I needed this strength and god knew that. He had a plan all along because she needed to be.
I wish I could tell my body sorry for all the trauma that I have put it through and the pain would disappear and I could feel good again. but just like how some times when you tell people sorry and it’s too late it’s hard to forgive and let go. I can feel it’s hurt all through my body unable to let go manifesting its suffering through every bone and every muscle in my body. With no end in sight so I can either give in and give up or keep fighting through every ache and pain even when I feel like I am breaking. I am sorry I didn’t love you in time.
𝑇𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ ⋆.˚
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They said I felt to much. Now I am so numb I forget what feeling even felt like.
Some of the best Quotes from our president:
"Remember this: Nothing worth doing ever, ever, ever came easy. Following your convictions means you must be willing to face criticism from those who lack the same courage to do what is right."
"Go forth into the world and turn your hopes and dreams into action. America has always been the land of dreams because America is a nation of true believers.”
"The future belongs to the dreamers, not to the critics. The future belongs to the people who follow their heart, no matter what the critics say, because they truly believe in their vision.”
"Never, ever give up. There will be times in your life you'll want to quit, you'll want to go home, you'll want to go home perhaps to that wonderful mother that's sitting back there watching you and say, 'Mom, I can't do it. I can't do it.' Just never quit. Go back home and tell mom, dad, "I can do it, I can do it. I will do it.' You're going to be successful."
"Never stop fighting for what you believe in and for the people who care about you."
"The more people tell you it's not possible, that it can't be done, the more you should be absolutely determined to prove them wrong. Treat the word 'impossible' as nothing more than motivation."
"Relish the opportunity to be an outsider. Embrace that label -- being an outsider is fine, embrace the label -- because it's the outsiders who change the world and who make a real and lasting difference."
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Fadwa Tuqan, tr. by Mohammed Sawaie, from Tent Generations: Palestinian Poems; “At Allenby Bridge”
[Text ID: “Yes, my humanness bleeds, my heart / drips rancor, my blood is poison and fire.”]
Sanna Wani, “Who is the Sun, Asking for Sleep?”, My Grief, the Sun // Brenna Twohy, A Coworker Asks Me If I Am Sad, Still