The Peaceful Garden

A blog for stress-relief

[thepeacefulgarden]

[teaboot]

Please don't ask me for relationship advice unless you are prepared to receive some truly upsetting information because some people are ready for the "He's exhibiting the literal textbook signs of a psychological abuser and you need to get away from him before he successfully cuts you off from your support network" talk and some people aren't

[teaboot]

FOR WHOEVER NEEDS A REMINDER:

There is never any justification for someone putting their hands on you in any way without your consent short of immediate risk of harm or death.

If someone tells you that "the way I'm acting is your fault because you know that doing X thing would make me do it and you chose to do it anyway" is just fancy bullshit talk for, "I know my behaviour is wrong, but I don't want to be held responsible for it so I'm pushing it on you"

Nothing good ever, ever comes from someone who tells you, "I don't want you talking about our relationship with anyone". This person cannot handle accepting responsibility and processing criticism so they need you to never, ever question them. That's easier if they control the narrative and your friends aren't there to cut in.

Nothing constructive comes from screaming.

"It's not like that all the time" is optimistic and sweet, but the truth is, it shouldn't be like that at all. Sweet words and gifts and gestures don't erase being frightened for yourself or for your loved ones. That is not normal. Don't minimize it.

It is not healthy or normal to be genuinely afraid of saying "no" to someone, for any reason at all. Violence, outbursts, retaliation, anything. You should not have to be afraid of someone's reaction to your boundaries.

You are not responsible for saving anyone. Even if you love them. Even if they have nobody else. At the end of the day, if they want to hurt themselves in any way, they will, and you can't stop them forever. People need to want to improve before they can actually improve, and if they're threatening to harm themselves to keep you around, they're using your love to hold themselves hostage. You do not decide their choices for them, and they don't get to shunt that off on you.

There will always be other people who can love you better. You will not be alone forever. This will not be the last time you care for someone like this and it will not be the last time someone cares for you

[teaboot]

This applies to ALL relationships btw

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[positivelypresent]

You deserve better. 🧡 This applies not only to romantic partners, but also to friends, family members, and colleagues as well.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[wetheurban]

For the sake of your mental health, let yourself be unreachable sometimes.

[thepeacefulgarden]

Yes! Ignore the work calls/texts/emails that arrive on your day off, or after you've clocked out for the day. Say no to manufactured urgency. And remember, lack of planning on the part of anyone at work, even (especially!) your boss, is not an emergency on your part. Take a day every now and then where you don't use social media. Turn off your phone at dinner, or at least don't bring it to the table. Go on a vacation every now and then someplace where cell phone signal is spotty at best. Let the family drama go to voicemail. It doesn't mean you don't love or care about your family. Manufactured urgency has no place in the workplace, and even less place in the family.

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[curingourhearts]

It is nearly impossible to heal without forgiving yourself for 'wasting time'. The times you grieved in your pain are not wasted, you were simply doing everything you can to survive. Sometimes it can take a long time before you start making progressing to getting better but that doesn't mean your time now is wasted. The more you keep trying, the more peace you allow yourself, the easier it'll become to keep getting up and trying again. Recovery is painful, but that's simply because you will end up stronger than anyone could ever imagine when you go through it.