thedarkwriter_16

An emerging author who recently rekindles his passion for creativity.

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Random Poems Pop Out of Nowhere

"Tarnished Pastel"

by Mark Gabriel Falcon

I've come to think life was meant to be plain—

Stuck on an endless pedestal, unaware

Of what it means to be free, to release myself

From the madness I house in my own mind.

I conjure scenes that may never unfold,

Yet I indulge in their comfort,

Not realizing I’m teaching myself

To feel less, to drift, to become mundane.

Life isn't a spectacle; it’s a syndrome—

Of endless aches, shallow routines,

Histories repeating like broken records.

What’s left for me if I stay in these schemes,

Trapped in weakness, always conforming?

I crave reform—

To become a beast that stands tall.

It’s never easy to cross that outer line—

Outside the picture-perfect frame.

But even the tarnished pastel holds hope,

Still smudged with confusion,

Yet waiting for a paintbrush

To carve beauty,

To let the soul radiate—

From within.

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“Not My Stage Anymore”

I tried to return to the limelight, Longing to belong, to feel secure— But demons of the past still linger, Even as time quietly moved on.

What once brought joy now feels like weakness, A sorrow tied to a life I can’t reclaim. Things are no longer the same— Their eyes stay fixed on who I was, not who I am.

How easy it is to act superior, to feel morally right, Blind to the truth that people grow, That even if I still carry traces of the old fool, I can choose—be the joker or redeem myself in silence.

If peace means letting go of that past self, Then so be it. This is the final comeback— Not to perform, but to release.

It’s all just a memory now, not my present, And I have nothing left to prove. I owe myself this: Peace, without permission.

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Protecting My Peace

I find myself in the limelight again— It’s fun, this longing to feel secure. To belong, to play the game of life my way: The late-night talks, the laughter, The quiet moments of deep realization— A bliss, knowing I’m not alone.

Yet still, I must shield myself. To guard my circle, to not be used. Everyone’s chasing something— A mindful life, not just broader, but wiser.

A message to myself: keep the pace. Engage, but don’t dive too deep. Not everyone dares to read their own pages; Some stories are locked and left unopened.

Not out of rudeness, but caution, For cursed inks may follow When trust is handed too freely. So let this be another stepping stone— A quiet vow, To protect my peace.

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Things I'd Tell My Younger Self

#1. Wanting Space for Myself

There are times in life when we all need space — away from anxiety, drama, and the daily pressures we deal with. For me, it’s juggling loans, managing my budget, keeping up with people, and coping with the discomfort of solitude. Some days, I just feel too tired to interact, to blend in, or to build new connections — especially when I’m not even sure if they’ll be genuine or just temporary.

As I grow older, I’ve realized I’d rather keep a small circle than be surrounded by many. I’ve become used to the idea that people come and go, and genuine bonds are rare. I’m okay with being by myself and choosing how deeply I engage with others depending on the environment I’m in.

I think a lot of adults crave personal space. Back when we were younger — and even for me — we sought out companionship, hoping to make good memories with the people around us. But like I said, genuine connection is harder to find these days.

In the workplace, I used to overshare in the hope of building friendships. But I’ve learned — not just from my own experience but from others too — that sometimes the things you open up about can be twisted into gossip. I’ve witnessed it, and while it bothers me, I try to stay out of it.

That’s why I want to stay more reserved in my current job. I don’t want to be the center of attention — I just want to do what I’m paid to do and protect my personal space, just as I respect others' space in return.

I no longer feel guilty for needing time alone. I also understand that my friends have their own lives and struggles, and sometimes they need space too. I’m grateful for the good relationships I’ve built in the past, but now I want to shift my focus — to work, to earning, and to keeping my personal life private. At the end of the day, we all carry our own burdens. Unless someone is a close friend, they don’t need to know everything.

So I’ll remain observant, stay consistent in my work, and aim to stick around for the long haul. I still hope to grow in my career someday, but right now, my focus is on healing old wounds, paying off debt, building a better mindset, and growing little by little.

And from now on, I’ll stop apologizing for needing space. Setting boundaries is not selfish — it’s something we all do to protect our peace. I’ll live simply, talk less, listen more, and learn to stand quietly in my own presence.

My Moral Takeaway:

In a world that often glorifies constant connection and oversharing, choosing silence, personal space, and self-respect is an act of strength. It’s okay to step back, set boundaries, and focus on healing. You don’t owe everyone your story — sometimes, peace comes from simply knowing yourself and protecting what matters most.

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Things I'd Tell My Younger Self

#2: The Hard Truth About Oversharing: Why Less Is More

One of the hardest truths I’ve learned about life is that people can paint a version of you that isn’t yours. Some will expose the most personal things you once trusted them to keep, and before you know it, you’ve been cast as the villain in someone else’s story.

I used to think oversharing wasn't a big deal. I believed being open was part of forming genuine connections. But over time, I’ve learned why it’s important to hold back, especially with people you’ve just met. As human beings, we're wired to be social—we crave belonging, acceptance, and understanding. We want to blend in with others who share our interests and values. But just because we’re social creatures doesn’t mean we should be an open book to everyone we encounter.

Information is power. In friendships, relationships, or even professional settings, what people know about you can be used to shape how others see you. And sadly, some won't bother to hear your side of the story—they'll simply believe what they've been told. First impressions stick, and once someone has built a version of you in their head, it’s hard to rewrite that narrative.

It’s a tough reality, but people wear masks. They can be kind, charming, and trustworthy on the surface, but you never truly know what’s behind the façade. Some people are like perfectly arranged storefronts: appealing from the outside, but once you're inside, you realize the foundation is weak and full of flaws. That doesn’t make them bad—it makes them human. Like all of us, they’re trying to survive in a world where vulnerability can be dangerous.

And that’s the thing: people don’t hide parts of themselves to be deceptive. They do it to protect themselves—from judgment, from being used, from being misunderstood. In this game of life, sometimes silence is your strongest defense. The less people know, the less ammunition they have to use against you.

If I could go back and give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be this: Don’t talk too much. Don’t give people all the pieces of your puzzle before they’ve earned your trust. The less they know, the less they can twist, and the more peace you’ll preserve.

There’s nothing wrong with building friendships and connections—but be wise about what you share. Speak with intention, not just openness. Choose your circle, and more importantly, choose your silence.

As they say, less is more.

Moral Takeaway:

Guarding your peace means guarding your story. Not everyone deserves front-row seats to your life. Learn to share wisely, not widely.

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#14

Settling In at Qualfon: New Beginnings and Quiet Lessons

My training at Qualfon is off to a smooth and steady start. The environment is new, yet surprisingly welcoming, and I’ve met both new faces and familiar ones. We’re currently learning the basics of the account and getting hands-on with the tools we’ll soon be using on the production floor. At first, it felt overwhelming — so much to absorb at once — but once I started to get the hang of it, things became manageable.

I spent most of the first few days familiarizing myself with the systems, workflows, and expectations. There’s a lot to prioritize, but I’ve managed to stay afloat, which I’m proud of. I’ve also met people I naturally blended in with — sharing laughs and light-hearted moments before the real pressure of live calls kicks in. These training days remind me of how valuable it is to enjoy the process before things become more routine.

One thing I’ve been reflecting on lately is my tendency to be outgoing and overly open. I enjoy connecting with people — it’s part of who I am — but I’m learning the value of setting boundaries. I often forget that not everyone is as open, and that many people carry quiet burdens and past experiences that make them cautious in forming bonds. It’s something I want to be more mindful of moving forward — not just for them, but for myself too.

I don’t know how long I’ll stay here, but I want to make it meaningful. I’m slowly letting go of the paycheck-to-paycheck mindset. What I really want is to build something — a career with purpose, stability, and growth. I know it’s just the beginning, but I feel hopeful.

Three days in, and it’s already been a blast. Let’s see where this path takes me.

🧭 Moral Takeaway: Starting something new isn’t just about learning new skills — it’s also about learning yourself. Growth happens not only in what we do, but in how we relate, reflect, and choose to move forward with purpose and boundaries.

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#13

A new chapter begins for me tomorrow. Over the course of my adulting phase, I’ve been through a lot in the past two years. There were days when I cried a lot and overthought everything. Days when I felt disappointed in myself. Days when I just wanted someone to listen—to understand my side. And yes, there were also days when I wanted to give up completely.

But somehow, God works in mysterious ways. He gave me reasons to view life from a different perspective. And after everything I’ve been through, I’m still grateful. I’m still here, holding on to the life given to me. I’m learning to live through the joy, shame, anger, guilt, regret—and most importantly, the maturity that came with it all.

I’ve gone from being an introvert to someone who sought the limelight. I embraced difference and creativity. I fell—but I rose. And I keep rising. Sometimes I look back at old pictures, remembering how I faced awkwardness, rejection, and acceptance. And now, here I am: an adult, facing new horizons, trying to figure out my purpose.

Honestly, adulthood is so different from student life. Back then, I was focused on memorizing textbook lessons and chasing grades—often just to give my parents something to be proud of, something they could mention to relatives. But when I was hit by the harsh realities of adulthood, I thought I wouldn’t be able to cope. I felt lost when I wasn’t part of a group. I experienced bullying, betrayal, humiliation—abused simply for being kind and considerate.

I also faced my own demons and the consequences they brought. At the time, I wasn’t mature enough to manage my emotions. I lashed out. I constantly sought validation just to feel okay. I lived a toxic lifestyle I’m still working to unlearn. Maybe I’ve been too hard on myself because life didn’t go the way I expected. But now, I also understand—if I hadn’t gone through all those difficult chapters, I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

No, I’m not rich. I don’t have grand achievements. I don’t have a long-standing circle of close friends. But I’ve grown. With every person I’ve spoken to, every lesson I’ve learned, I’ve started to shift my perspective.

Tomorrow, I’ll return to work at Qualfon. I’ll leave behind the habits I developed while handling a financial account. I’ll start fresh. What I need most now is to continue shifting how I see things.

A colleague once told me, “If you already focus on the negative, how will you know if you’ll succeed or fail?” That stuck with me. Not every day will be a great day. Some days I’ll feel disgusted with myself. But I’ll still have the values I’ve developed.

That’s what growth is: embracing both the light and the darkness within me. Accepting that I won’t always be productive. That I won’t always have something to say or write. And that’s okay.

I’m only human—capable of success, capable of failure. But no matter what, the growth remains.

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“How Easy Loans Made My Life Harder”

Starting Out With Good Intentions

Truth be told, I’m just starting out in my adult life. I’ve been in my first stable job for over a year now, earning a net salary of around ₱18,000 per month. However, after deductions for government benefits and multiple salary loans, my take-home pay usually ends up between ₱5,000 and ₱7,000 every payout — that’s on the 10th and 25th of each month.

This financial situation started back in October 2024, when I was preparing for a one-week stay in Manila with my girlfriend. I was caught in a dilemma: should I save and cut back, or take the easy route by borrowing money? Unfortunately, I chose the latter.

The Temptation of Easy Money

I was tempted by the thought of having quick cash to cover our expenses. At first, it felt like a relief to have a thick wallet — I felt secure, even a bit proud. But I didn’t handle it wisely. I lost track of my spending and was soon overwhelmed by the reality of the repayments. That’s when I started taking out multiple loans from different lenders, trying to juggle payments and stay afloat.

As the months went by, I found myself buried deeper in debt. Calls from collectors became a regular source of stress and anxiety. They warned me of the consequences of not paying on time — and trust me, those weren’t empty threats. I started doing re-loans just to pay off the older ones. It was a never-ending cycle of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, and it drained both my paycheck and my peace of mind.

The Wake-Up Call

At some point, I realized I was just repeating the same mistakes — constantly exhausting my income with nothing to show for it. I had no room for emergencies, no savings, and no sense of control over my finances.

If I could go back to October 2024, I would have taken the time to track my expenses, build even a small emergency fund, and avoid the temptation of “easy money.” But hindsight is always 20/20, and what matters now is what I do moving forward.

My Plan to Recover

This experience — as stressful and humbling as it’s been — has taught me one of the most important financial lessons: every peso counts. With inflation, rising costs, and the uncertainty of job security in industries like mine (the call center world can be mentally draining and unstable), I know I need to make smarter choices.

I’ve started small. I now use a planner to track my spending and monitor my loan payments. I’ve committed to avoiding any more re-loans, and I’m actively looking for better repayment options — especially for my credit card debt, which has been a major stressor. I know I made poor financial choices, and I take full responsibility for that. But I’m choosing to mature from this experience by delaying instant gratification and focusing on needs, not wants.

I’m also exploring ways to earn extra income, whether through freelancing, side gigs, or reselling. I want to build a more secure future, one small win at a time.

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Final Thoughts

This setback may have been painful, but it gave me a powerful wake-up call. I now understand the true value of every peso I earn, and I’m determined not to waste it. I may not be debt-free yet, but I’m on the road to getting there — and I’ll keep moving forward.

If you’re in a similar situation, start by being honest with yourself. List your debts. Track your spending. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t be stuck in them.

In my next post, I’ll share how I’m building my first emergency fund — even with a tight paycheck.

Stay tuned for this!!!

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“The Cost of Not Knowing Better: My Financial Reset Story”

Going Back to Square One

When I started working at my first job, I told myself I wouldn't be a "one-day millionaire." But in reality, I was spending haphazardly — loading up prepaid credits, ordering fast food, and making in-app game purchases without thinking twice. I didn’t track my expenses or budget. I simply waited for the next paycheck to arrive, hoping it would fix everything.

I often found myself short on money and would borrow from my parents or even my girlfriend. They’d ask where the money went, and I’d respond with white lies because the truth was — I had no real control. I spent on unnecessary things. I didn’t learn how to manage money; I just treated it like new power I wasn’t trained to handle.

Looking back, I can’t help but think about all the time and effort I spent earning that money, only to waste it. If I had saved even a little or set goals back then, I might not be in the financial mess I’m in now — with pending loans overdue for six months or more.

The Habit of Borrowing for Instant Relief

Because I never built financial discipline, I developed a bad habit: taking out multiple loans without thinking of the consequences. Loan apps made it easy to borrow, and I got trapped by their tempting offers. That’s how I ended up with a debt of over ₱100,000.

Now, I’m working hard to repay what I owe — bit by bit. I try to ignore the constant calls and reminders from loan collectors, especially from apps where I borrowed from as little as ₱1,000 to as much as ₱20,000. While I know some people carry even larger debts, it’s still a heavy burden for someone like me, especially when my family earns less than ₱20,000 a month and is also juggling bills and land payments.

That’s why I’m choosing to take responsibility. I want to resolve this on my own, without depending on my family. I’ve even turned to AI tools like this one to help me create a concrete plan, shift my mindset, and stick to delayed gratification. It's going to take time, but I believe that one day, I’ll be debt-free — as long as I keep moving forward with the right mindset.

A Mindset Shift Begins

Now that I’m about to start a new job at Qualfon with a better salary, I’m committed to making real changes. Not just empty promises — but actual systems. I’ll track my expenses, stick to a budget, and most importantly, I’ll spend with purpose.

I’m no longer starting from scratch — I’m starting with a shift in perspective. This time, I’m not just aiming to “get by,” I’m aiming to take control.

Choosing Growth Over Guilt

I’ve already begun watching financial literacy videos and learning to value every peso I earn. I know this journey won’t be easy. I’ll face new challenges in the future — more bills, more responsibilities — but I pray I’ll be wiser by then.

I’m setting small but clear goals:

Track my expenses daily

Save ₱500–₱1,000 every payout

Avoid new loans, no matter how tempting

Stick to delayed gratification as a principle, not just a strategy

I know I’m juggling a lot in life right now. But I trust that if I keep doing my part — step by step — I’ll grow out of this old mindset and into someone who can truly handle money with maturity and purpose.

💡 Moral Takeaway: "Quick money might solve today's problems, but it can create bigger ones tomorrow. True financial freedom begins with self-discipline, honest budgeting, and the courage to say no to instant gratification."

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My Micro Wins!!!

Micro-Wins of the Week #1: Showing Up Even When It’s Hard

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a new road I’m taking in my journey through adulthood. I’ve officially ended my time with my current job, and while I haven’t fully prepared for what’s next, I know this is a bold step toward growth. After a few weeks of rest, I’ll be starting something new.

As I begin this blog series, I want to focus on a small but meaningful win I’ve held onto for a long time: showing up, even when motivation was low.

Over the past year, I’ve struggled with balancing my work metrics, staying consistent, and trying to meet performance expectations. It often felt like no matter how much effort I put in, it wasn’t rewarded. I missed targets. I felt stuck. But despite that, I kept showing up. Even when I was exhausted, even when I wanted to quit, I still got out of bed and reported to work.

There were many days I felt like giving up. I told myself I wanted to escape. But the support of my team leads, coworkers, my girlfriend, and my family helped me push through. Their encouragement reminded me that I’m not alone, and that the only way forward is through.

I used to think I had to run away from discomfort—but I’ve come to understand that there’s nothing to escape except the fear of the unknown. I stayed. I endured. I learned. And I’m proud that I lasted this long. I built tenure. I grew—even if it didn’t always feel like it.

Sure, I still have pending loans and some financial battles to face. But that doesn’t erase the fact that I kept going. Even on days when I didn’t feel like myself, I still handled calls. I still tried. I still gave what I could.

This job hasn’t been easy. It’s been a cycle of burnout, emotional ups and downs, and moments of losing focus. But through it all, I’ve learned to hold onto the hope that tomorrow might feel a little lighter. That I’d be stronger next time. And somehow, I always was.

For the days ahead, I pray for strength, courage, and peace. I know there are more trials to come—but I believe I’ll triumph in the long run.

To anyone reading this—don’t settle for a path that no longer inspires you. You were made for more than just surviving. Go chase your calling, explore the unfamiliar, and carve out a life that reflects who you truly are. The world is wide, and your story is still being written. Make it count.

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My Microwins!!!

Micro-Wins of the Week #2: Rest Without Guilt

It’s been a while since I last wrote here. Just about a week ago, I resigned from my previous job, and now I’m preparing to start a new one. I took a short break from writing — and to be honest, I’m not proud that I wasn’t productive last week. But the truth is, I was exhausted.

Still, a new week has begun, and I feel ready to get back on track.

Looking back, I realized that one of my micro-wins from last week was exactly that: taking a break without feeling guilty.

There are times in my life when I’m extremely productive — pushing myself to finish all my tasks in one go just to lessen the load. I tend to overwhelm myself by trying to get everything done in a single day. It’s a pattern I’ve had since I was a student.

Back in college, especially during the pandemic’s hybrid learning setup, I used to cram all my academic tasks into one day — reading, researching, answering modules, submitting assignments. Once it was all done, I felt relieved and would reward myself by resting. But the problem was, I rarely gave myself proper breaks in between. No 20-minute pauses, no mental reset. That led to burnout. And in the days that followed, my mind would just shut down and refuse to cooperate.

That’s why I don’t feel guilty about the break I took after resigning. My previous job involved handling around 200 customer concerns per week — and as much as I did my best, it was draining. Yes, I had rest days, but most of those were spent lying down, scrolling endlessly through social media, too drained to create or even move.

Taking a real break — stepping out of “agent mode” — was necessary. I still need to work on how to structure my rest and find balance, but I’m slowly learning.

This week’s micro-win taught me this: When life becomes a cycle of “work–home–work–home,” it’s okay to pause. But don’t just collapse — try to rest with intention. Find a hobby, a small project, or something new to learn. Let your mind breathe and engage in something that fuels you — not just numbs you.

It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting there.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#12

Well, this marks my final week with Ubiquity — just four days to go before I officially step away from my current role. I know some might think it’s a letdown that I won’t be staying until the end of the month, but honestly, we all have different limits. And for me, I’ve reached mine. I simply don’t see myself continuing here. What I need now is space — for growth, adjustment, and a clearer direction.

As for my plans moving forward, I’m still figuring things out. I’m not rushing or putting too much pressure on myself. I trust that in time, I’ll find the right path. Right now, my top priority is finding a new source of income — whether it’s a full-time job or side hustles to keep things going. I’ve started a few things here and there, but the earnings are still limited, so I need to hold on and stay patient.

My brother has been urging me to get into virtual assistant work, and I know it’s a solid option. But the truth is, I haven’t told him the real reason I haven’t pursued it: I don’t have my own laptop. I’m carrying over ₱100,000 in salary and personal loan debt, and it’s weighing heavily on me. I’m barely making it work with what’s left of my paycheck — usually just 50 to 60 percent after all the deductions.

Right now, I really have to choose myself and be more disciplined with my spending. “Adulting” isn’t giving me much room to breathe; it’s a constant reminder that staying unemployed isn’t an option when you’ve got bills and loans hanging over your head. I’m learning the hard way that I have to shift from a lifestyle of spending freely to one that’s focused on budgeting and responsibility.

Looking back, I know there were things I shouldn’t have bought — expenses I could’ve avoided if I hadn’t been chasing the temporary high of paycheck-to-paycheck living. It’s frustrating to not afford the things I want now, but I also know this is temporary. I’m holding onto that.

This chapter is tough — no doubt about it. But I know I’ll get through it. I just have to hustle, find the next opportunity, and remind myself that it’s okay to rest when needed.

“Growth doesn’t always look graceful — sometimes it’s messy, painful, and broke. But it’s still growth.”

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Random Poems Pop Out of Nowhere

"Tarnished Pastel"

by Mark Gabriel Falcon

I've come to think life was meant to be plain—

Stuck on an endless pedestal, unaware

Of what it means to be free, to release myself

From the madness I house in my own mind.

I conjure scenes that may never unfold,

Yet I indulge in their comfort,

Not realizing I’m teaching myself

To feel less, to drift, to become mundane.

Life isn't a spectacle; it’s a syndrome—

Of endless aches, shallow routines,

Histories repeating like broken records.

What’s left for me if I stay in these schemes,

Trapped in weakness, always conforming?

I crave reform—

To become a beast that stands tall.

It’s never easy to cross that outer line—

Outside the picture-perfect frame.

But even the tarnished pastel holds hope,

Still smudged with confusion,

Yet waiting for a paintbrush

To carve beauty,

To let the soul radiate—

From within.

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Poetry Series: Hidden Pages from the Past

Secrets to Be Hidden

By Mark Gabriel Falcon

Shimmering stars fade beyond the skyline, Haunted echoes— Is she there? I wondered.

A fallen torment, Bittersweet failure. I was captured— Yet did you leave me To drown in the cravings Of something once gentle, now ominous?

I fell, And still, you called it a truce. But when, not today, Can I wait for the envy Of what was vast and already lost?

There was richness in our silence, A harmony in the glance— A joy, Even if only a dream Too fragile to name.

Was there ever an end to time, Where both our hands Could finally meet?

I do remember. The grimace of the pact we made, The law of hearts unspoken— I imagined it over and over again.

And so, I keep this drama alive, Wrapped in the veal of a pinkish rose. Still, you’re there— An earl of such finesse. I hope you haven’t forgotten.

You were the first, The only one, The best. Clumsy, yes. But real.

I’m truly sorry. Even now.

✍️ Author’s Note:

This is one of the oldest poems I wrote—a time capsule of how it felt to love, lose, and linger in the in-between. Some parts are cryptic, because that’s how memory works: it hides, it haunts, it holds on. This is for the “what-ifs,” the unfinished, and the quiet truths we tuck away.

If you’ve ever had something beautiful slip through your hands—yet still find pieces of it in your dreams—this is for you.

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A Ray in the Dark

By Mark Gabriel Falcon

In the darkness shone—I sensed such fear, The voices of camaraderie fading into damnation. Only alone did I hear the shouts of ravens, Here the belchers, there the critters—everywhere, then.

A shambled man flails through the streets, Children’s mercy cries out to the nobles: “Please go away… I have none.” “I don’t need money, just food and water.”

This is today’s reality—a world scorched. Gnashing words echo through every corner, As I listen, whether treason or tradition, I ask: How does society still function?

True—perhaps I wear a taped mouth, But I hear. I see. I feel. I live. The harsh scrape of polished hardwood, Meager hunger munching until the gnash.

This is the norm. Redemption comes only When judgment falls with balanced weight. To whom is the soul saved? To whom is it lost? Yet unknown to darkness… A ray of light still comes.

Author’s Note:

This poem was born out of silent observations—moments when the world seemed too loud in judgment, yet too quiet in compassion. I wrote this as a mirror of society’s forgotten corners: the hungry, the ignored, the silenced.

Sometimes, the truest cries aren’t the loudest. They come from shambled streets, hushed voices, and people passed by every day. This piece is for them.

Yet even in all that darkness—there's still a flicker. A single ray of light. That’s what keeps me writing.

— Mark Gabriel Falcon

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Reality

By Mark Gabriel Falcon

Mid-noon blazes with merciless heat— Sweat drips while trees offer calm and shade. Inside, a grand university filled with students. Outside? A hellish place.

Believe me, I see the small within the big: Young scholars, artists, and hopeful hearts. But beyond the gates— Survival flinches at every corner. To eat is to steal. The bad becomes the just.

HOW RUDE IT MAY BE? I cried as I watched. Skies of peace—yet dust stirs into rage. Middle-class comforts bloom in silence, While in the Middle East… a child lies dead.

Yes, every person holds a heart of stone. It takes alchemy to forge it into metal. Stone to metal—what's the point? Metal is shinier. Stronger. Sharper.

I question life. But even more, I question death. What lies after? A decayed failure of purpose?

If this is misery— Then what is living? Reality… is the price we pay.

Author's Note:

This piece is my rawest response to the disconnect between what we live and what we ignore. I wrote this on a hot day, inside a university campus where opportunity lives—but just outside, suffering was louder than silence.

The world gives comfort to some, chaos to others. And in that gap, we pretend not to see. We tell ourselves it’s not our problem. But it is.

We talk about life and death in numbers, but we forget the real stories behind them. A starving child. A refugee. A classmate with quiet eyes.

This poem isn’t here to explain. It’s here to confront.

— Mark Gabriel Falcon

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Beauty and Its Damnation

By Mark Gabriel Falcon

I saw her walking— Poised, glamorous, the world froze. Men applauded. Shocked and appalled.

Eyes not primitive— But velvet, deep. Lips dark pink, decisive, Frugal in their charm.

They whispered, “She’s no movie star.” A face not famous, But caked in cover.

Beneath the rouge— A crier fluzed in black, Mascara running like old regrets. A self-proclaimed goddess, Fooling no one.

Yes, beauty shines, But where is grace? Humility traded for filters, Endless selfies to “make a name.”

Sure, the likes roll in— But they're hollow, Rudimental at best.

How did we get here? To mocking womanhood, To calling someone “beautiful” Only in sarcasm?

This isn't boldness— It's blasphemy, A parody of elegance.

If abuse were the only sin— Then beauty, misused, Is the sharpest blade.

Stop, little goddess— If all you offer is skin, Then what truth are you claiming? Beauty without soul… Is damnation.

✍️ Author’s Note: (Personal + Social Lens)

This poem is not an attack on beauty— but a call-out to the way it’s been distorted.

I've seen how social media turns worth into numbers, how pain gets powdered over, and how attention can feel like love—even when it’s not.

This is about the pressure to perform, to perfect, to pretend.

It’s about how society tells women (and men) that image is everything— even if it costs you your honesty, your softness, your soul.

We all deserve to be seen—truly seen— not just liked.

— Mark Gabriel Falcon

[thedarkwritersblog]

The Best of You

By Mark Gabriel Falcon

In the fourth room, where only two hearts met, I felt sincerity—no mask, no doubt. Your smile lit the air, A laugh—brief, but real.

Aphrodite, aim your arrow— For I fell, without warning. You seemed so ordinary then, Yet I was undone by your truth.

That moment held joy—pure, honest. I saw you, and for a second, I couldn’t believe it was really you.

So yes, call it an understatement— This wasn’t just a crush. I wanted to believe in this dream, Even beneath fallen stars. Let me be your Augustus.

But love came rushing—too fast, Not a work of art, But a burst of lust, A heart with no checkmate.

You always had the freedom to leave— To run and never look back, To make me just a forgotten memory.

Still, I see you… And whisper, “I’ll keep my distance.”

I say I love you, Even if you’ll never hear it.

You made me dance in autumn’s fall— And forget how to breathe.

✍️ Author’s Note: (Personal & Reflective)

This poem came from a memory I never quite moved past. A moment—brief, surprising, powerful—when I felt something real for someone who never truly knew it.

It wasn’t about the length of time, or even about whether it was returned. It was about what it awakened in me: a rare, quiet kind of joy… and the ache that followed when I knew it might not last.

Sometimes, the best parts of people live in the version we see only once. And yet we carry them—far beyond the room, the smile, or the goodbye.

— Mark Gabriel Falcon

[thedarkwritersblog]

My Micro Wins!!!

Micro-Wins of the Week #1: Showing Up Even When It’s Hard

Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life—a new road I’m taking in my journey through adulthood. I’ve officially ended my time with my current job, and while I haven’t fully prepared for what’s next, I know this is a bold step toward growth. After a few weeks of rest, I’ll be starting something new.

As I begin this blog series, I want to focus on a small but meaningful win I’ve held onto for a long time: showing up, even when motivation was low.

Over the past year, I’ve struggled with balancing my work metrics, staying consistent, and trying to meet performance expectations. It often felt like no matter how much effort I put in, it wasn’t rewarded. I missed targets. I felt stuck. But despite that, I kept showing up. Even when I was exhausted, even when I wanted to quit, I still got out of bed and reported to work.

There were many days I felt like giving up. I told myself I wanted to escape. But the support of my team leads, coworkers, my girlfriend, and my family helped me push through. Their encouragement reminded me that I’m not alone, and that the only way forward is through.

I used to think I had to run away from discomfort—but I’ve come to understand that there’s nothing to escape except the fear of the unknown. I stayed. I endured. I learned. And I’m proud that I lasted this long. I built tenure. I grew—even if it didn’t always feel like it.

Sure, I still have pending loans and some financial battles to face. But that doesn’t erase the fact that I kept going. Even on days when I didn’t feel like myself, I still handled calls. I still tried. I still gave what I could.

This job hasn’t been easy. It’s been a cycle of burnout, emotional ups and downs, and moments of losing focus. But through it all, I’ve learned to hold onto the hope that tomorrow might feel a little lighter. That I’d be stronger next time. And somehow, I always was.

For the days ahead, I pray for strength, courage, and peace. I know there are more trials to come—but I believe I’ll triumph in the long run.

To anyone reading this—don’t settle for a path that no longer inspires you. You were made for more than just surviving. Go chase your calling, explore the unfamiliar, and carve out a life that reflects who you truly are. The world is wide, and your story is still being written. Make it count.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#11

Hard Truths I Learned in Early Adulthood

Fear and constant worrying about the future have been weighing heavily on me. I’ve come to realize this fear stems from being too comfortable with the world I’ve created for myself. I’ve built this secured little box—going to work, handling 8-hour shifts, spending rest days with my girlfriend, scrolling through social media, posting random TikTok content, and sharing memes on Facebook. Sometimes I catch up with friends, and for a while, I thought that was enough. That was my life after graduating in 2023.

But things shifted.

Back then, I went through a personal backlash—a social media issue that I wasn’t proud of. Being publicly called out was painful. Yet strangely, it also became a turning point in my life. I realized that comfort doesn’t offer growth—it offers stagnation. And I didn’t want to be stuck anymore.

1. Making Money Is Hard—But Managing It Is Even Harder

Earning a paycheck takes effort. But spending it wisely? That’s where I truly struggled.

I admit—I’m a big spender. I’ve splurged on food, mobile data, clothes, streaming subscriptions, and personal wants. Every payday, I’d promise myself to be more disciplined. But when the money hits, it’s off to Jollibee or McDo. I treat myself, my girlfriend, even my parents.

But what I lacked was financial prioritization.

Back then, I wasn’t even deep in debt, but I still failed to budget. My girlfriend would sometimes call me out, reminding me that buying food for her was sweet—but exhausting my wallet wasn’t smart. She was right. It stung, but it was the truth.

Usually, by the 6th to 10th day of my pay cycle, I’d be scraping together just enough fare to get home—sometimes borrowing from my mom, my girlfriend, or workmates. Now that I’m facing a mountain of debt, I’ve come to realize how careless those habits were. I can’t afford to live like that anymore.

It hurts when you work hard and barely enjoy your salary because of deductions. But that’s life. And now, I’m learning to budget smarter, spend wiser, and prioritize better.

2. Friends Who Don’t Tolerate Your Wrongdoings Are the Ones You Should Keep

There was a time I was deeply involved in a Christian youth group. One of my closest friends came from that community. We bonded over anime, cosplay events, and the same kind of humor. We understood each other in ways few people ever could.

But everything changed when I was involved in a controversy that hurt my reputation. After that, he stopped talking to me. Just vanished.

And you know what? I don’t blame him. He had warned me many times not to take the wrong path—but I didn’t listen.

Losing him was painful. But it taught me a lesson: Real friends don’t tolerate your bad behavior. They call you out because they care. And when you ignore that, there are consequences.

I’ve learned that loyalty isn’t about standing by you when you’re wrong—it’s about helping you become better.

3. Mistakes Can Be Disguised as Opportunities for Growth

I used to find escape through cosplay. It gave me joy, a community, and a sense of identity. But after my issue, I was banned—talked about behind my back, shamed publicly. That community I loved so much no longer welcomed me.

I tried to come back, to reconnect, to relive that part of me. But the damage was done. I was naïve, careless with my actions, and I hurt people. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal—but it was. And the fallout was real.

In time, I healed from the shame. I learned to accept what happened. And eventually, I walked away from cosplay—not out of bitterness, but for my peace.

That chapter taught me something big: some mistakes are lessons in disguise. They hurt, yes. But they also shape you into a more self-aware, responsible person.

Moving Forward

All these experiences—burnout, debt, broken friendships, shame—they’ve helped me understand what it really means to be an adult. It’s about owning your mistakes, taking responsibility for your actions, and not letting setbacks define your future.

So as I take the leap of ending my current job, I do so not out of recklessness—but out of growth. I’m not running away. I’m choosing to move forward, carrying every hard truth with me as a guide.

I’m not the same person I was in 2023.

And I have no plans of going back.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#10

When Burnout Pushes You to the Edge

Leaving my job right now might seem like a reckless decision—especially with multiple loans still hanging over my head. But lately, I've been asking myself: Is surviving really the same as living?

The truth is, I’m burned out. Completely.

Each day feels like a cycle I can’t break—an endless loop of 8-hour shifts, going home drained, and waking up only to do it all again. I’m stuck in a routine that leaves no space for rest, joy, or growth. Even now, as I write this, I feel the weight of exhaustion. I catch myself zoning out at work, dragging through my calls, just counting the hours until I can go home. But even home doesn’t offer relief. There’s no real rest when your mind is constantly racing, worried about debt and how to make ends meet.

I currently have around seven or eight loans that I need to settle. I never expected my life to go in this direction—buried in financial obligations this early into adulthood. I carry this silently. I don’t want to burden my parents or my girlfriend, and especially not my brother. If he knew the extent of it, I know it would cause chaos. This isn’t something I’m proud of. But this is my reality now—and I have to face it.

Despite the chaos and fatigue, I’ve learned something important: I need change. I need room to grow. I can’t stay in the same place forever, no matter how safe or familiar it feels. I don’t want to feel stuck for the rest of my life.

I’m grateful for my current job. It’s the first place where I became a regular employee. I’ve met incredible people, faced both good and bad experiences, and, most importantly, I’ve grown. My communication skills have improved. I’ve become more confident in taking calls. For all that, I’ll always carry a sense of gratitude.

But I can’t ignore the voice in my head telling me that it’s time to move on.

I know resigning comes with risks—especially while I’m still in the middle of financial recovery. But sometimes, growth requires hard decisions. I’m ready to face the consequences if it means opening doors to something better. I’m not giving up. I’m simply choosing to move forward.

Adulthood isn’t easy. The financial mistakes, the debt, the pressure to keep it together—I’ve felt them all. But I’m learning to deal with these challenges with grace, not shame. I want a life where I don’t just survive—I want to live with purpose, stability, and growth.

So to my current job: thank you. You’ve played a big part in my journey. But it’s time to face new horizons.

To anyone going through something similar—you’re not alone. Burnout is real. Debt is heavy. And sometimes, change is necessary. Don’t be afraid to choose yourself.

[thedarkwritersblog]

“How Easy Loans Made My Life Harder”

Starting Out With Good Intentions

Truth be told, I’m just starting out in my adult life. I’ve been in my first stable job for over a year now, earning a net salary of around ₱18,000 per month. However, after deductions for government benefits and multiple salary loans, my take-home pay usually ends up between ₱5,000 and ₱7,000 every payout — that’s on the 10th and 25th of each month.

This financial situation started back in October 2024, when I was preparing for a one-week stay in Manila with my girlfriend. I was caught in a dilemma: should I save and cut back, or take the easy route by borrowing money? Unfortunately, I chose the latter.

The Temptation of Easy Money

I was tempted by the thought of having quick cash to cover our expenses. At first, it felt like a relief to have a thick wallet — I felt secure, even a bit proud. But I didn’t handle it wisely. I lost track of my spending and was soon overwhelmed by the reality of the repayments. That’s when I started taking out multiple loans from different lenders, trying to juggle payments and stay afloat.

As the months went by, I found myself buried deeper in debt. Calls from collectors became a regular source of stress and anxiety. They warned me of the consequences of not paying on time — and trust me, those weren’t empty threats. I started doing re-loans just to pay off the older ones. It was a never-ending cycle of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, and it drained both my paycheck and my peace of mind.

The Wake-Up Call

At some point, I realized I was just repeating the same mistakes — constantly exhausting my income with nothing to show for it. I had no room for emergencies, no savings, and no sense of control over my finances.

If I could go back to October 2024, I would have taken the time to track my expenses, build even a small emergency fund, and avoid the temptation of “easy money.” But hindsight is always 20/20, and what matters now is what I do moving forward.

My Plan to Recover

This experience — as stressful and humbling as it’s been — has taught me one of the most important financial lessons: every peso counts. With inflation, rising costs, and the uncertainty of job security in industries like mine (the call center world can be mentally draining and unstable), I know I need to make smarter choices.

I’ve started small. I now use a planner to track my spending and monitor my loan payments. I’ve committed to avoiding any more re-loans, and I’m actively looking for better repayment options — especially for my credit card debt, which has been a major stressor. I know I made poor financial choices, and I take full responsibility for that. But I’m choosing to mature from this experience by delaying instant gratification and focusing on needs, not wants.

I’m also exploring ways to earn extra income, whether through freelancing, side gigs, or reselling. I want to build a more secure future, one small win at a time.

---

Final Thoughts

This setback may have been painful, but it gave me a powerful wake-up call. I now understand the true value of every peso I earn, and I’m determined not to waste it. I may not be debt-free yet, but I’m on the road to getting there — and I’ll keep moving forward.

If you’re in a similar situation, start by being honest with yourself. List your debts. Track your spending. Learn from your mistakes, but don’t be stuck in them.

In my next post, I’ll share how I’m building my first emergency fund — even with a tight paycheck.

Stay tuned for this!!!

[thedarkwritersblog]

#9

It appears that today I'm feeling refreshed after the fatigue I experienced from taking calls over the past six days. The last 48 hours were particularly hectic, as I had to reach out to customers needing assistance with their finances. I felt a similar level of burnout during my first tax season that ran from January to May. Based on my experiences with my current financial technology account, I can assert that I've handled both the best and worst customers, and they proved to be much easier to manage than those from my telco account. Of course the salary varies, but the stress levels vary too, and I'm not strong enough to endure that again. However, in recent months, specifically over the last two to three, I've struggled with consistency in my work performance, failing to meet my personal benchmarks and managing my emotions. Honestly, I struggle with the negative habits I’ve developed while working at NetSpend; it feels like I've become accustomed to them, and I'm not cautious or mindful of the risk of being caught or interrogated.

Why am I acting this way? It's due to these foolish customers, yet at least a 5 to 10 percent proportion who struggle to grasp the chaos they've entered while utilizing this card. They complain about charges, the inability to use the card right away, and going through extensive verification steps like sending documents and other items just for a prepaid card. I’ve listened to the same grievances, the same frustrations, and truthfully, I relate to their circumstances because they may also be going through serious financial troubles, but some of them are simply irritating me. Why would you request courtesy credits when they were already given and also insist on getting the fees refunded to the card while not realizing you're being charged 2 dollars per transaction after calling late? To be honest, if the game indicates I shouldn't be kind to those who don't merit kindness, then I want to be the person during the call who personalizes a response and tells customers that it's not my issue, it's yours. I've had my share of outbursts with such customers, and I've said things like, would you quit talking or take it or leave it. 

As a customer service rep with these tendencies at times, I’m grateful those calls went unnoticed; when I imagine being disrespectful to a customer from a telecom account, I simply hope to save my soul in time before facing severe repercussions. I have to remember that it’s my responsibility to handle these matters and stay calm with my clients, as if I were in their position facing difficulty accessing my funds, I might also feel just as frustrated and would express that on the call. They will try hard not to respond in kind, making it a mutual relationship for me to be a patient representative, even if I frequently have a poor attitude while silent.

That being said, I primarily focus on resting well after a busy call, and when the next day comes, I recover with the belief that everything will pass and tomorrow is a fresh opportunity to work hard. Well, I simply have to endure and wait an additional six months to receive my 13th month. I just need to remain calm for the upcoming months and enhance my skills in handling calls. I appreciate that my teammates showed concern for me, and I like being distanced with them; it also makes handling work much simpler instead of feeling upset and exhausted most of the time due to my scores. However, in the coming months, I will return to form.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#8

Loan update.

I'm genuinely pleased that I settled my billease account, but I've merged it with my savi salary app by taking another loan. It was challenging to resolve, but I'm pleased it's been handled and taken off the list. I would still have additional ones to manage, and I need to compile a complete list of them later today.

Because of all these loans I have taken on, such as TALA Gcash, Gcredits, MabilisCash, Online Loans Philippines, and the most recent one I paid off, BillEase, I found myself in this situation simply because I wanted to see my girlfriend in Manila and didn’t save from my earlier paychecks at work. It's as if every time I put in 5 hours a week just to face deductions from my gross income, I find myself wondering what nonsense got me to this situation. The sensation that I'm not satisfied with the salary I'm receiving; regardless, I will need to manage survival for now and focus on practicing delayed gratification.

But it doesn't matter now. All I need to focus on is to recover from my loans and not do any re-loans. It's already half of the year and I'm still far from being debt-free. But I know I'll get there, I'll just need patience and time for myself to recover from these debts. If I don't have the money to pay it, so be it. At least I'm not running away from it and suffer dire consequences further which I've experienced. Interests, delayed fees, the most grueling one, is from my credit card. I'm not really proud of spending too much and maxing out my credit card in just a short time but I'll manage, just like always. I've come to terms with myself that I will have to overcome my big spender mindset and go with the saver mindset for the time being. I'll need to make sure that my next pay is covering my payments and I will have to delay any rewarding for myself just for these remaining six months because of the debts I need to pay. Besides, without this experience I might not have stayed for too long with my current job but as long as I'm earning, that's it. I'll just need to deal with resigning and finding a new job once my current responsibilities have already been taken care of especially with my debts. It's still a tough road ahead for me for my debt repayments. I'll make sure to update again next week here in my journal.

However, it is irrelevant at this point. My main focus should be on repaying my loans and avoiding any new borrowing. We're halfway through the year, and I'm still distant from being free of debt. However, I'm aware that I will reach my goal; I simply require patience and time to heal from these financial burdens. If I can't afford to pay it, then so be it. At least I'm facing it instead of fleeing and dealing with severe repercussions later, which I've encountered. Fees, interest charges, and the most challenging of all, come from my credit card. I'm not exactly thrilled about overspending and hitting my credit card limit in such a short period, but I'll handle it, as I always do. I've accepted that I need to shift from my big spender mentality to a saver mentality for now. I must ensure that my upcoming salary covers my bills, and I will have to postpone any rewards for myself for the next six months due to the debts I have to settle. Additionally, if it weren't for this experience, I probably wouldn't have remained in my current job for long, but as long as I'm making money, that’s what matters. I will have to focus on resigning and searching for a new job once my existing duties are resolved, particularly regarding my debts. I still face a challenging path ahead with my debt repayments. I will ensure to provide another update here in my journal next week.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#7

Honestly, when I compose something that I would articulate, I occasionally question whether there are any elements in it? For instance, if there is a piece of my writing or a specific section that resonates with others. In some way, telling my life story or any experiences I’ve had feels like a comparable reflection to other people's books or, in a straightforward manner, how their lives unfold. Their individual experiences of struggle, their feelings of grief for a cherished person, or for the fervor they once possessed but now have lost. A remarkable story or piece often arises when a writer can relate to and immerse their sense of self in another's experiences, capturing the emotions of joy, sorrow, anger, revulsion, fear, and intricate feelings that are difficult for me to articulate and express in writing. The environment surrounding me is an extensive reservoir of thoughts, notions, and debates, making it implausible to fully understand them all. Often, the most impactful content originates from a well-defined subject, a collective of individuals who connect with the feelings in the conversation, and expressing that emotion through a series of words that create a sentence that can be imagined by the reader. When I reflect on my life story at this moment, I can pinpoint it to these particular aspects: working as a call center agent, managing several loans, feeling trapped in my twenties—these are the distinct topics I can connect with.

Truly, it's significantly simpler to express what you have encountered throughout your life. I can readily express how exhausted and fatigued I feel as a call center agent, having numerous stories that relate to others who share my experience. I can describe the challenges of participating in a mock call, the need to clarify and simplify information for a customer who understands, the frustrations and exhaustion of emotions if the situation escalates. Or perhaps being burdened by a loan, the challenges of late payments, the constant calls from collectors, the anxiety of being sued by the lender, and risking the sale of your possessions. I can effortlessly compose an essay ranging from 300 to 500 words. Yet, I’ve come to understand that my writing lacks the capacity to empathize and convey to the reader that I truly grasp their feelings, I comprehend the difficulty they face, I've experienced it, the feeling of belonging to a close-knit group where you are genuinely comprehended.

As a writer, I confined myself in a persona of being a man on an island, where few could penetrate my defenses; then life intervened, and I faced numerous first experiences, initial failures, early setbacks, and a lot more. Then, I understood my existence doesn't solely center on me; I'm merely a book on an infinite shelf of insight, wisdom, and life's complexities. Life is simply an infinite canvas that I can use to craft something that evokes joy, tears, or similar emotions in people. Honestly, I discover joy in moments when I don't push myself to come up with something to make. The ability to simply write what's on my mind without interruptions feels like returning to my roots, just sitting with my notebook, spontaneously generating ideas from my imagination, and voilà, it's there. I simply require a spark to fuel my enthusiasm. It's truly tiring to rely solely on myself during this journey. I truly hoped to connect with individuals with whom I could share the experience of crafting pieces that would touch those who needed them the most. I wish to return to this time period. My enthusiasm and affection for helping others realize they are not isolated. That's the reason I allow my story to be shared once again, even if it reaches only one individual. I simply wanted to return to what I enjoy doing.

[thedarkwritersblog]

#6

It's certainly a new month, and already half of it has gone by. It truly was traveling at the speed of light. Fatigued and drained, all the pressure from handling calls; at times I acclimate to it, but often, I simply tolerate each 8-hour call while addressing Americans who are on the line, voicing complaints, grumbling, and requiring assistance to address their financial issues since I work in a financial account. However, I'm simply maintaining my sanity and allowing the work mindset to remain at the workplace. I've been accustomed to the new schedule for a year and four months since starting at Ubiquity, sleeping during the day and working at night. I spend each 5 days focused on work to ensure I meet the required quota to remain employed, but there are times I genuinely wish I could quit if it were up to me; still, with ongoing debts, re-loans, and my poor money management, I feel stuck. I simply put myself at risk by staying too long and endangering my health in this industry without any savings, living from paycheck to paycheck. Honestly, I question how I continue to push myself in this industry; I often reflect on the debts I've taken on from inadequate planning for my trip to Manila. It's all right; I just need to cope with it.

I simply need to ensure that I adopt a mindset of not borrowing again and prioritize managing my financial perspective. Each day I come to understand how challenging adulthood is and the ongoing grievances I express quietly, yet it's a valuable lesson I must endure. Experiencing hardships is essential for growth, regardless of the circumstances. Currently, I aim to eliminate my outstanding debts, maintain a paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle, and achieve a work-life balance, even if that means being at home, browsing social media, occasionally exercising, and discovering different ways to amuse myself. I often become easily distracted these days and lack clear objectives in my mid 20s. I encounter the phrases I come across on my Facebook feed, TikTok clips, and YouTube content like "you have your own journey, don’t rush, and all the advice regarding fulfilling your purpose," but I must admit there are moments when I feel envious of my friends achieving their goals at a young age and living their best lives. However, I think that what I observe on social media—my friends' posts, my daily experiences, reels—represents only a tiny fraction of what they confront daily, their struggles with keeping friendships and relationships, how they save money, and their future planning, a lot of life's propaganda.

I often long for the moments when writing came effortlessly, allowing me to express any thoughts flowing through my mind, much like an endless fountain of creativity. Currently, I often find myself overwhelmed by excessive thoughts about my future, I become fatigued quickly, and I lack the drive to maintain my progress. However, there are moments when my thoughts run deep, and I feel like I'm in a film, where the perspective is primarily my own, reflecting on my existence—an endless cycle of futile attempts or occasionally yearning to discover my genuine purpose. Web-based loans, nonstop calls, missed friends I wish to reconnect with, managing a long distance relationship while ensuring good communication with her, confronting my personal struggles and thoughts, and much more that I can't articulate. When I assess my development with my writing, I would say I have only made slight improvements without workshops for enhancement or resources for betterment. I’m not sure if it’s merely my comfort zone influencing me, but I felt trapped, uninspired, and sluggish as I experience a monotonous life, with the same dull routine daily; it feels more like surviving than truly living. I do enjoy having fun occasionally, but it's usually more about spending time alone than with a crowd, which I mainly favor due to my uniqueness.

I hoped that if I ever got the opportunity to escape this, I'd return to my passionate writing self, embracing my uniqueness without shame, seeking to grasp life and its deeper philosophies, but lately I feel trapped, living as an ordinary person who seeks fleeting happiness through social media and others' approval. Well, that’s what I think for now. Wishing to write more often for myself, even if it won’t be very frequent. ☺️