The Death Corp.

Daily accounts of a new Grim Reaper learning the ropes...

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Dreading...

Today Helga and I are going on a soul recovery. I don't know if I am ready for what that may entail. I know I am just supposed to watch. I don't know if I have the stomach for what may happen. I hope it is not too bad.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

So... Floating. .

I still can't get the hang of this flying thing. I can lift off the ground like three inches. So this means I can float into any room looking like a goth version of Magneto. This would look awesome if people could see me. I can't do it for long but anything is better than the first try right? Tomorrow I get to learn how to do what I was conscripted for. I don't know how this is supposed to go but I guess all I can do is hope.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

New Lesson 1

Today's lesson is supposed to be walking through solid objects. This lesson was not so hard. I did get stuck a few times and had to be helped out of literally a few rock and a hard place situations. The worst of which was walking through a house and getting stuck in the bathroom wall. Being dead does not mean I don't have senses. They can still be assaulted. On a side note, Helga is starting to be less cryptic than when we started. I don't know if this is good or bad yet.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

I don't think it works like that...

Helga explained that most of us don't fall like that on the first try. There are a few that hit the ground. There are a few that bounce even. Apparently I am the first to hit terminal velocity. If anyone uses that pickup line on me I can honestly say yes. We will come back to that lesson later according to her. My trust level on that is a bit shaken. I mean she basically Roadrunner cartooned me. My trust issues are warranted.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Still hurts...

So there I was walking with my mentor Helga, and she is explaining all the methods and uses of flight. I am paying really close attention as she is walking and pointing here and there and gesturing at the sky. There was a thick fog around our feet.

I was walking close to her and then I fell. Not a step, not a couple of feet. Try a few hundred.

Oh she fell with me. All the way down till I hit the ground. She stopped a few inches short and knelt down to tell me that normally that method works.

Now I know for future reference that pain is still a thing when you are incorporeal.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Lesson 1

My first lesson today will be learning how to fly. I guess it makes sense.

It was explained to me that we really don’t fly, we just sorta float at varying speeds and heights. Learning to fly sounds way better than learning to float or hover.

We will see what happens.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Update: Project Big Reaper

I may have spoken too soon on how good the hands I am in may have been.

When I was assigned my mentor they told me she was one of the best for someone like me. I am not sure if they are joking with me or not by the way it was said. They gave me a book to reference and she said I don’t need it. I am starting to think I am in trouble. I know I am not alive but this training she keeps talking about to get me ready sounds crazy. I don’t know what she means by “treating me like a baby bird” but it does not sound good.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Big Reaper?

I had to wait most of the day to get assigned a mentor while I learn how to do this. She seems like she could be cool. Her name is Helga and she has been doing this for a while so I feel like I am in good hands.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

Mom always said I was rude...

So I totally forgot.

Hey, my name is Jacob Colcast. Where do I even start? I guess I was always an average guy just minding my own business in life. Never did anything remarkable. I got an award for showing up to school and never missing a day once? I mean my life was pretty boring I guess. Now I am working for “Death” because I died before I was supposed to and have to work off the “wasted” time. Orientation was fuzzy on that part. All I know is here I am wearing this robe and wondering what I am supposed to do really.

[thedeathcorp-blog]

First days are never easy.

Today is my first day. I guess I can say that this is not easy. I thought when I died that I would see a light, see grandma, or something typical.

Nope.

I was in a room full of other people all looking around and just as confused as me. We waited around until someone came in and welcomed us to the world of soul recovery.

Apparently I “owe some time” and have to work it off.

So after some orientation, a couple of classes on what to do and not to do, and what I guess is a uniform, I am ready to escort the dearly departed.

Wish me luck.