You Know What To Do, Do It With Style

⭐️Marvellous, have a gold star ⭐️

[thedemon-crowley]

//Formerly @ infernal-inquiries//

If you want info about upstairs, get in touch with @theangel-aziraphale. You can, er, you can talk to him about me now…

//formerly @ ineffable-asks//

I originally had this blog as 18+, but the sphere has gotten too big to keep track of everyone and enforce that. Due to this, I instead advise that minors exercise caution and be aware that while it is highly unlikely to be explicit in any way, this blog may deal with more mature themes or topics. If you ever need me to tag anything, don’t hesitate to ask!

Speaking of tags, I have a bit of a system with my emoji tags to indicate if I’m under the influence of anything.

🐍🍎🔥 = regular standard Crowley

🐍🍏🔥 = weed

🐍🍷🔥 = alcohol

I know I don’t necessarily have to do this, but I know not everyone likes being around drunk/high people and I believe in informed consent!

This is a side blog so I follow from @sweetmarmite!

Started out as a humble silly ask blog…I love it here.

fun fact: theangel-aziraphale and I are engaged IRL

[ceruleanheaven]

religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women

[redarmyscreaming]

Hertella Auto Kaffeemachine. This Dash-Mounted Coffee Maker Is Likely the Rarest Volkswagen Accessory.

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Getting into a KarAkciddent and splashing 3 cups of FükkenScälden all over myself

[meimdishonest-jack]

“Crowley, are you installing that in the Bentley, eh?”

[thedemon-crowley]

And get coffee on her upholstery? Not a chance.

[thedemon-crowley]

have you and your angel watched project hail mary?

Yes! We both thoroughly enjoyed it.

So much so that we saw it TWICE.

[stevehatch]

Only twice?

[thedemon-crowley]

Only twice! But we’re not really cinema-goers usually, so to go and see the same film more than once in the same week (rather than some decades later) is really something.

[thedemon-crowley]

have you and your angel watched project hail mary?

Yes! We both thoroughly enjoyed it.

So much so that we saw it TWICE.

[thedemon-crowley]

do you ever wake up with the need to bite something?

Usually Aziraphale

[thedemon-crowley]

if aziraphale was a duck how would you take care of him?

Obviously I would dig him a pond. No, I don’t know where - neither of us have a garden but I’d make it work…I think.

[thedemon-crowley]

I understand your car so much more now.

I’m going to need a lot more context for this than you’re currently giving!

[dogpuppy]

[boifujo]

(illustration by Harold Speakman)

[janeway-lover]

*Stomping into Hell with all the grace and enthusiasm of a teenager emerging from their bedroom to ask where their jeans are*

Abigail. We need to talk about one of your loyal subjects. Currently your most loyal, arguably.

- @thedemon-crowley

*She looked up from her chair in the bookshop, where she was currently sitting upside down, head hanging off the seat.*

What? What are you talking about?

[thedemon-crowley]

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you didn’t leave Shax a horrible, saccharine note nestled amongst my plants?

[janeway-lover]

*She tilts her head to the side, confused. (Yes, she is still mostly upside down.)*

No? Why would I leave Shax notes? I can send her memos. Also, sorry, saccharine?

[thedemon-crowley]

Exactly. *Sighs* Someone’s sent her on a wild goose chase with a series of soppy notes, one of which was in my flat.

She’s gone to yours to find you, on the instruction of said note. I did try to dissuade her, but she wasn’t having a bar of it from me.

[janeway-lover]

Ugh. This is what I get for not letting Beelzebub discorporate her.

Well, the good news is she can't get into my cottage. No one can, unless I want them to. So I guess we'll see how many times she zaps herself trying.

How bad are the notes?

[thedemon-crowley]

Oh, they’re bad. They’re all these little riddles - like a scavenger hunt, but gooey.

[janeway-lover]

*She sighs and shuffles around until she's sitting upright in the chair.*

I suppose a wild goose chase is better than torture, which is what my second in command wanted to do. Not that I'm happy about that, of course.

Why was she so convinced they were from me? I don't exactly send anyone romantic notes anymore.

[thedemon-crowley]

Well, it was your writing, your sigil and your signature…she seems to think nobody would forge those things.

[janeway-lover]

Ugh, that means Beelzebub was poking through my office. Damn it.

Normally, forgery would be impossible, because no one can replicate my sigil stamp, and there are only six demons who are allowed to access my office if I'm not there. Luckily, that means the list of culprits is small. We can cross you and Mo off the list, and Dad too. Which narrows it down to Beelzebub, Eric, or Dagon.

[thedemon-crowley]

Well, I’d hate to be them! Very glad I’m not involved in any of this…

[janeway-lover]

*Stomping into Hell with all the grace and enthusiasm of a teenager emerging from their bedroom to ask where their jeans are*

Abigail. We need to talk about one of your loyal subjects. Currently your most loyal, arguably.

- @thedemon-crowley

*She looked up from her chair in the bookshop, where she was currently sitting upside down, head hanging off the seat.*

What? What are you talking about?

[thedemon-crowley]

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you didn’t leave Shax a horrible, saccharine note nestled amongst my plants?

[janeway-lover]

*She tilts her head to the side, confused. (Yes, she is still mostly upside down.)*

No? Why would I leave Shax notes? I can send her memos. Also, sorry, saccharine?

[thedemon-crowley]

Exactly. *Sighs* Someone’s sent her on a wild goose chase with a series of soppy notes, one of which was in my flat.

She’s gone to yours to find you, on the instruction of said note. I did try to dissuade her, but she wasn’t having a bar of it from me.

[janeway-lover]

Ugh. This is what I get for not letting Beelzebub discorporate her.

Well, the good news is she can't get into my cottage. No one can, unless I want them to. So I guess we'll see how many times she zaps herself trying.

How bad are the notes?

[thedemon-crowley]

Oh, they’re bad. They’re all these little riddles - like a scavenger hunt, but gooey.

[janeway-lover]

*She sighs and shuffles around until she's sitting upright in the chair.*

I suppose a wild goose chase is better than torture, which is what my second in command wanted to do. Not that I'm happy about that, of course.

Why was she so convinced they were from me? I don't exactly send anyone romantic notes anymore.

[thedemon-crowley]

Well, it was your writing, your sigil and your signature…she seems to think nobody would forge those things.

[thedemon-crowley]

Pros:

Shax is no longer in your flat

Shax is no longer stalking the bookshop

Cons:

Shax is now moping in a bush outside the bookshop

Not my fault, nor my problem!

I tried to warn her, she didn’t listen, now she’s learnt her lesson.

[thedemon-crowley]

If aziraphale got eaten would u care

Yeah I’d kill someone

[thedemon-crowley]

if aziraphale asked you to build a raft would you build one? /silly

What does he need a raft for?!

[thedemon-crowley]

wicked or wizard of oz?

Wicked.

[thedemon-crowley]

the tinman does anything scarecrow asks him of

i can see aziraphale asking you to do something and you do it instantly (of course with grumbling)

Depends what it is. I don’t do everything he asks!

[janeway-lover]

*Stomping into Hell with all the grace and enthusiasm of a teenager emerging from their bedroom to ask where their jeans are*

Abigail. We need to talk about one of your loyal subjects. Currently your most loyal, arguably.

- @thedemon-crowley

*She looked up from her chair in the bookshop, where she was currently sitting upside down, head hanging off the seat.*

What? What are you talking about?

[thedemon-crowley]

I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you didn’t leave Shax a horrible, saccharine note nestled amongst my plants?

[janeway-lover]

*She tilts her head to the side, confused. (Yes, she is still mostly upside down.)*

No? Why would I leave Shax notes? I can send her memos. Also, sorry, saccharine?

[thedemon-crowley]

Exactly. *Sighs* Someone’s sent her on a wild goose chase with a series of soppy notes, one of which was in my flat.

She’s gone to yours to find you, on the instruction of said note. I did try to dissuade her, but she wasn’t having a bar of it from me.

[janeway-lover]

Ugh. This is what I get for not letting Beelzebub discorporate her.

Well, the good news is she can't get into my cottage. No one can, unless I want them to. So I guess we'll see how many times she zaps herself trying.

How bad are the notes?

[thedemon-crowley]

Oh, they’re bad. They’re all these little riddles - like a scavenger hunt, but gooey.