Addict

My name is Xxxxx and I am an over-eater

[thedescriptiveaddict]

I don’t say it enough but I love my life, I have a beautiful family a husband who loves me so so much I have a bustling business I had the most incredible side piece that I have no business of deserving or having but I’m so fucking glad that I do. My addiction got really bad there for a little bit I wasn’t eating anything except for takeout now I’m not really eating anything except for peanut butter and jam sandwiches but at least I’ve calmed down a little bit lol

I need to remember to come back on here more. I know no one reads these but it’s always nice to get your ideas or your thoughts or your anger emotions blah blah blah blah blah blah I saw most of Elvis last night it was such a fucking great movie I’m really tempted to go tonight but only to the last bit of it lol

[thedescriptiveaddict]

Well, it has been a fucking minute since I’ve been here. Definitely have been off the rails lately. I’m not entirely sure why but I am hurting deep deep down inside I am hurting and I don’t know why I don’t understand I don’t feel upset I don’t feel overly sad I just feel like a normal person but yet I’ll continue to shove my face full of shit all day every day for no fucking reason. I have no self-control I recently have started medicating for my ADHD. That is not the cause of my lack of control I believe that I had lack of control before this and if anything I feel like this should help me with control it helps me with control over other things I don’t know. And on top of all of that I am smoking weed like it’s my oxygen source which is so fucked up and ridiculous. I used to have control I used to be strong enough to talk myself down from a massive binge or even a small snack and that’s when I was I thought the most addicted now I’m just out of control and I don’t know why yes a lot of shit has happened since January but like I don’t understand why things would change this drastically in like eight weeks I have my suspicions but I don’t want to blame an outside source for my lack of discipline but it could be a multitude of factors that just all piled on top of one another I don’t know all I know is that I’m struggling

[akindplace]

The depression project

[thedescriptiveaddict]

I am off the rails for realz.

I want all the foods. And mountains of it. I only want to smoke weed and work and be with my immediate household. I think maybe my meds aren’t working? Or the dose is too high? I don’t know but I don’t seem to care about ANYTHING.

I don’t know if that’s a good thing, I gain weight very easily. I’m eating whatever I want because I don’t have any care in the world, and this is not who I want to be.

I want to take care of my body and by not, I end up hurting my soul. But I can’t stop myself from eating sometimes.

I stood up pacing back and forth eating all bran straight from the box while I waited for my sister in law to come over today.

I hope I can be better tomorrow. I hope I find my strength again.

[thedescriptiveaddict]

Is it weird that I think jugglers are attractive? I have been enjoying the shit out of some very tasty treats lately. I ate 6 bear paw cookies 2 days in a row. Just, OM NOM one right after the other and they were amazing both days. Ironically there’s an episode of the golden girls on right meow that is about dieting and I feel bad for people who don’t let themselves enjoy and live life. Restrictions are hard. Some people need them, though I know that for sure. I’m one of them sometimes too, if I’m being honest.

[thedescriptiveaddict]

My son had a seizure a few weekends ago. Thankfully he is okay. As happy as I am that he’s doing okay… I fully believe I’m experiencing PTSD. I just keep thinking about it over and over again. Replaying it constantly. The more I talk about it the better it gets and I’m not sure why. I’m sure my clients are going to bring earplugs their next visits.I’m being optimistic and positive for the most part which I’m proud of.

[thedescriptiveaddict]

My husband and I went out to BP tonight to play trivia and have supper. We sat on the same side like a coupla loser lovers. I enjoyed every second of it.

We shared 2 orders of wings, Memphis hot sauce and barbq. You generally can’t go wrong with barbq wings. I had an individual spicy perogie pizza and it was so so good. Whoever thought of putting potatoes on pizza with sour cream and cheese, thank you. Thank you so much. I ate the celery sticks and ranch with our wings, BP ranch dressing is probably the greatest ranch I’ve ever personally tasted. I kept the rest of the ranch in the off chance I wanted to dip my pizza and of course, I did.

The starch on bread with sour cream and cheese is just a lot of… richness? DEFINITELY not a complaint, it’s delicious don’t get me wrong! Haha! Luckily the ranch was nice and tangy so it balanced out.

I then came home and ate some Purity Jam Jams.

Currently sitting Stoney Baloney and watching the golden girls.

Tonight is pretty sweet. 💗

[thedescriptiveaddict]

My husband and I used to make dupe chicken and gnocchi soup from Olive Garden. I would sit down and have 2 or 3 massive bowls, adding popcorn twists in it as my crackers, it was buttery, packed full of gnocchi, and so creamy. That is one of the recipes that frequently pops into my mind. The way the flavours all melded together, and it obviously only got better the next day.

Mmmmmmmmm 😌 I’m not even sorry