this winter has been so crazy. i feel like im finding out who i really am, and it only took five years to do it lol. i don’t know if music is meant to be apart of my life forever, but it still is right now and that’s what keeps me going. ive long considered other avenues of life to walk but something always brings me back to music. it feels like home. but maybe that’s just because ive been doing it for so long.
there was a period of time in my life, in high school, when i had the opportunity to go to, as one of my vice principals put it, “any school i wanted.” im not under the impression that makes me cool, and i don’t think im particularly smart, it’s just what i was told. probably in an effort to get me to work harder and get a scholarship because that kinda shit makes the school look good, but whatever. i turned it down. not for that reason, but because i had somewhat recently become enamored with hip-hop. so much so that i had begun to write my own music and learn how to use a DAW to make beats. my plan was to start making music seriously and make it a full time job. looking back, i realize that the mistake i made was monumental.
i have no backup plan. if this doesn’t work out for me, like it doesn’t for most people, i will be doomed to a life of just getting by. working retail, or in food, for the rest of my life. not that there’s anything particularly wrong with those industries, but it’s not glamorous work and the pay is not always great, and i hardly have a work history that can be put on paper. i need a backup plan. something to keep this boat afloat ya know. we all do. no matter how strong your passion is for something, sometimes you fail. sometimes your best isn’t good enough. we all have to be prepared for that to happen. artists that were in the same situation im in get successful and then start pulling cliche statements out of their ass, claiming that all you need to be successful in the industry is a strong drive and belief in yourself. but that’s bullshit. it’s all about who you know and being prepared, and if you’re an awkward guy like me, networking is hard as fuck. the fact of the matter is that some people get lucky. some people knew the right person and were in the right place at the right time and now they have a platform to share their art with the world. that’s life. some people are taller, stronger, and better lays than other people. some people are luckier than other people. you gotta know who you are before you do anything, and after you know who you are, you gotta be prepared. so that’s what im working on right now; being prepared.
prepared for what you might ask? well, ive been working on an album since summer 2017, with plans to release said album fall 2018. my goal is to make stuff (rap songs, beats, music videos, graphic art pieces) that is as good as possible and put it everywhere. i have plans for other albums and things not long after the fall but right now the majority of my focus is on this. im going to give this album circuit my all and if it doesn’t work out then im going to consider going back to school to get a non-music degree and try to build a life that’s a bit more solid, cause it’s what i feel like i should have been doing 5 years ago. it doesn’t mean that im going to quit making music, just that my priorities are going to shift a bit. it’s something i need to do for myself.
being prepared is hard. especially when you do most of your work without any help. but it’s not impossible. sometimes all it takes is a little faith in yourself and a few long nights. other times there’s no amount of prep. that will help you. it’s all about knowing and respecting your own limitations and understanding the limitations society puts on you, and trying to find a way to make everything work under or around that pressure. so, with that being said, i invite you to join me on this journey of self-discovery and growing up. i mean, that is what my album is about. do that thing you’ve been putting off. talk to that person who needs to hear from you. stop letting the fake you get in the way of what the real you knows you need. cause *spoiler alert* we all die at the end of this movie.
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