finding the reasons:
when life once again seems as though living is impossible, my therapist asks what my reasons are to stay.
i can usually come up with some overly optimistic future plans or dreams i had as a kid, anything really, to get her to stop asking.
but these reasons have always been external.
there is nothing in me that i see as having enough potential to outweigh the benefits of disappearing into the oblivion.
so what do i tell her when i can no longer find the positives in this world?
i don’t hope to have my dream job.
i don’t wish to live in my dream city.
i don’t care about finding love.
i don’t want to have a family anymore.
i hope, wish and want to end suffering. but what if i am only capable of ending my own?
—
random thoughts about finding it hard to find reasons to stay when this world feels so incredibly destroyed.
i see you, and i love you.
keep on going, please.









