Reason #1: The Tap Water
Our first reason DC sucks is simple and often overlooked, but nevertheless contributes highly to the capital city's overall suckage. Anybody who has ever had a nice tall glass of water fresh from a sink located in DC will tell you straight: the tap water here is just foul.
Sure you could find plenty of other American cities that have bad water, some much worse than DC's (hint: only drink the water in Pensacola if you're a big fan of cancer), but this is the goddamn capital of the greatest country in the world!* Can't we have some water that doesn't taste like dirt/mold/dirty underwear? Or at the very least some water that might not threaten to poison us? Seriously, its ruining the ice cubes for my scotch.
*Anyone wanna fact check me there?