The Duchess without a Duke

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

Thoughts Entry April 16, 2011 --- some thoughts that night

If words could express my annoyance then I wouldn't be telling you this story. I figured, while riding the jeepney away from the place of my utter disgrace, that I need a bigger medium for my thoughts. I know not a lot of people care for my thoughts but they should coz' I might me talking about them, bashing them and trashing them and on rare occasions praising them. I'm not an evil person nor am I an authority on anything other than my own thoughts. But one's things for sure, this is from my point of view.

Ugh. I got some sauce on my shirt. Tsk. Oh wait. Hmmm..I could swear I spilled some on my shirt. Tsk. Whatever. Where am I going anyways? Both are parties only one's more bigger than the other. One's a public party and everybody'll probably be there. I for one am sure that he's going to be there. I should go. But I don't have cash. RM will take care of that. hmmm...maybe. Wait. Lemme check my phone. Why are you looking at me like that? Annoying mother. Why does this door take so much effort to open?! Hey Princess! You're as noisy as usual. 4 texts. One was from Yokii. Just a GM. Two texts from Jhim. The new kid. Still hasn't gotten close with anyone, huh? Oh well. Not my problem. The last one was from Charles. 

INTAScharles

"raven, jheq, ivan, marc, jerome, tosh, grune, jonas. text niyo ko. now na."

I wonder why?

oh bakit?

He's probably gonna ask us to go to his or rain's house for a session. Ugh. Now I'm totally not sure where to go. tsk. I need to tweet this. Oh and lemme check who won Mo's draw-whats-on-your-mind contest. Hmmm...Oh, cool picture! Looks kinda like on of the unicorns in Kesha's Blow MV but this one's a girl with a horned fish on her head. Still cool! Tweeting...

ravenkissed Raven Navarro 

Mom: Where are you going? Me: Somewhere.

I love my mom but she can a pest at times. Going on and on and on and ON! She hurts my eardrums more than the radio on max volume. But I guess that's how all mom's are. They care so much. Oh! Charles replied. I knew it. Nomo mode! Hmmm...tsk fine. I'll go to rain's place. I'll just ditch the 2 parties. I never did enjoy partying with people I don't know. Not that I don't some of them but still. I should text Baby Je. What are you staring at bitches? Yes I'm fat! But I'm more fabulous than you are! Stupid teenagers. How annoying. Hey Kuya Vhogz!

to baby je

"ano nak? tulog pa?"

I hope not but he probably IS asleep. He likes sleeping. He's like his brother Tosh. Ugh. Marc's probably going too. I wonder how Ivan will react. Oh well, we'll see. I always liked fireworks. Whether it be heartwarmingly beautiful or painstakingly hostle. Nice! English! haha!!

 to charles

"geh.gh"

That's probably go. Maybe I should just walk to the highway. Nah! Too lazy. I'll just ride the tricycle. Oh! I wonder if I can get to see that cute guy in the computer shop. Oh shit there he is! And he saw me looking. argh! Just walk fast. Faster. Gosh! Whatever. tsk. Tricycle! Perfect! 

Happy Shalala It's so nice to me happy shalalala...---that went on repeat in my head until I got of the jeep.

Shit! Cute Guy Alert! Don't look. Act with grace. Pa-demure! Guess there's nothing going on at the plaza. How dull. 

Para po.

Bye cute. I should probably buy a box of cigs. Or maybe just half.

Pabili nga po ng Marlboro Black. Half.

Lighter? tsk. I'll just borrow one from Charles. I wonder if the Gay Watchers are there? Oh, they're not. That's new. Charles? Seriously? You're greeting me with just a towel wrapped around your waist? Tsk. Nanay's looks well. I wonder where Tatay is? His jeeps outside so he should be here somewhere. Haha! Charles just asked Nanay to go with him to the back of the house. Probably still afraid of the ghosts. It's PGT. Nice! He's got a such a beautiful voice. I wonder where the others are? Where's Jheq? I thought he was already here. I miss them. All of them. I was kinda annoyed to find out that they went out to drink and they didn't invite me. But whatever, I try not to think of those things. It's not healthy. Besides, I don't like being depressed. It's not a good feeling. I refuse to be like that person. I know. I can't say his name. It's like taboo. haha!! Wow! That was fast. a 3 minute bath? Oh come on. Shit! I forgot to bring my cards.

2am pa uwi ni kuya. Si rain at ross naman nagpunta sa Blackout.

Oh okay. So that's where everyone is. Maybe I should check my FB and Twitter. There's bound to be some updates. Besides, it's better then sitting here bored while waiting for the others to arrive.

Kanina pa nga walang Internet e. Hindi nga ko makapagbukas e. 

Badtrip. I need to tweet. Oh gosh. That just sounded so much like an addict. It's like smoking. Or pringles. Once you pop you can't stop. harhar. Ugh. How annoying. I don't like it when people with disabilities audition. I'm not questioning their talent coz they really are good but wheneer they join a contest the "Sympathy" factor always comes into play. Especially for contests like this where the "Masa" has to vote. Another thing I noticed is that. Most of the contestants just sing and dance. I mean, come on. Is that all the talent there is out there?! Given that there are some who do different stuff like acrobatics or poledancing but that's not something we haven't seen before. Especially the yoyo, magic tricks, ventriloquists and impersonators. We have to seriously find the next Joseph the Dreamer. Now his talent is not something you come across in your everyday life. 

Si Grune?

He said he was already on his way. Hmmm..maybe he stopped by his house first. They're here! I missed my Baby Jerome and his pint-sized dad, Marc. Baby Je looks fab as usual, my kids are so handsome. I'm such a proud mother.

Marc, tumataba ka. 

Not by much but he is. Or maybe it's just the clothes. Come on Nomo Mode go! Oh hey TL! Missed you much. Baby Je, you're sleeping again.

TL pumapayat ka.

I wonder where Grune is. I miss Enzo. tsk. I shouldn't though. That was just a one time thing. It's not gonna happen again. My battery's low. I forgot to charge my phone again. My poor battered phone. Yey! The drinks are here! Go! Ewwww...why pick the spicy chips? Not a fan of spicy food. I don't hate it but it's not exactly a delight to eat it. My head hurts. Stop thinking and just drink dammit! 

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...annyeong...

Hey lovelies!

been awhile..bored stiff here at home

okay I'm not exactly at home now

and that of course further supports my statement

I need to do something

just not sure what

my mom keeps pushing me to go back to school

my friends are asking me to go with them when they go look for work

we even have plans to rent an apartment together if ever

but whatever

not sure yet

My friend Andrew Lauchengco graduated last Monday

Super happy for him!

I can't say I know how he feels coz i never really graduated

but that's a totally different story

I wish I had a band like he does

That would totally keep me preoccupied

I can't keep doing solo activities

It isn't as fun as it used to be

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...Missed blogging+the Duchess without a Duke...

It's been awhile since I've blogged.

I think my last blog was two years ago? I'll have to check.

No, I won't check right now coz' then I'd lose all the spontaneity that's currently coursing through my veins.

I miss blogging. I forgot how much of a release it was for me.

I had read through some of my previous posts and waves and waves of nostalgia hit me like the tsunami in Japan. (let's continue to pray for them btw)

Life's been both good and crappy.

Lost two jobs because I couldn't set my priorities straight.

Fell in love with the wrong guy and we all know what happens when you give someone your all and they just throw it out the window.

Actually, I don't have an exact idea of what really happens but here's what happened to me.

I shattered. But after a few days, hours and minutes, I picked up all the pieces and put myself together.

I felt like a broken antique vase that lost it's value but regained it's life.

I know that sounds like a crappy comparison but please forgive me. It's been awhile since I've blogged.

I'm not as witty (if I ever was), as I used to be.

I'm still the same though.

Vocabulary still in check. Grammar still correct.

Open-mindedness like 711 and Creativeness...it's here somewhere.

But enough about that, I'm feeling very emotional today.

My Duke. The one my heart currently beats for just told all our friends that he's really worried coz' they all think we're together when we're really not.

I get the fact that he doesn't want to give them the wrong idea.

But hey, to say that you're actually CONCERNED.

ugh.

We're sweet. I'm sweet to him and he has his own level of sweetness that he gives to me.

I told him I would court him. He didn't know what to say since he's happy the way we are now that he feels that it might go to ruin if our status becomes "dating"

I'm annoyed to tell you the truth. But I don't blame him.

I'm not exactly prince-charming on a white horse.

And seeing some of his exes made me feel tons insecure.

My minds telling me that I should just give up and that this is, AGAIN, a failed attempt at love.

But whatever, I've come this far. I've been hurt tons of times. What's a few more bruises.

I still remember something a friend told me.

Our conversation's in a previous post and you can check it if you like.

He told me what he's loved the same girl of 4 years now although she's never really loved him.

He simply wanted her to be happy.

And he didn't want her to by her side if she's not going to be happy with him.

He me told that real love is when you put your loved ones best interests above your own.

Sacrifice.

I don't know if I can do it. Or rather, if I can do it well.

It's hard.

I want to be the Duchess in his Dukedom.

He simply won't let me.

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

Julie & Julia (2009)

365 days, 524 recipes. This was the target, the goal. A true story about two women from different generations trying, hoping, to make their mark in the world...of cooking. Julie Powell was an aspiring writer but that took a backseat coz she can't seem to finish a book. Now, she works as a government secretary, day by day listening to the tragedies and woes in the life of strangers. Then one day, she starts a blog. A blog about her everyday struggle as she tries to make every single recipe from the cook book written by Julia Child. When I first saw the trailer I instantly went, "Meryl Streep! One of my favorite actresses. I'm gonna watch this movie." Then yesterday as I was buying pirated DVD's at the Complex, I saw it and just added it to the pile. But it was well worth it. The movie was very good. Not spectacular, not great. But very good. Meryl Streep and Amy Adams, the first time I saw them together in the movie "Doubt" I was just uh..loved it. Then here again. Though they didn't have scenes together but the shifting from Julia's time to Julie's time didn't overpower each other simply because they were both such good actresses. Every shift was like BOOM, BOOM, and KABOOM! for me. I seriously loved it. Especially the food! OMG! Delicious! Mouth watering! I honestly recommend this movie to all my friends. This isn't a movie you'd like to watch when your with your barkada. This is something you'd watch with your family, bf/gf, or a bestfriend. Bon Appetit!

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

Work all Day, Play all Night

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...UST Visits...

unuploaded pics I took during my visits in UST. I put it in a single album since i didn't take a lot of pics nmn e:D

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

TULONG TOMASINO: DONATION DRIVE FOR THE ONDOY VICTIMS!

CSC ADVISORY:

In the midst of hard times, once again, we Thomasians have shown the spirit of unity and brotherhood and we made each other reach and lie on stable grounds. Let us thank God, our shield, because He served as a sturdy wall to protect us. Let us all pray not only for ourselves but to our fellow Filipinos, who have been affected.

We salute the courage of every Thomasian who has stood strong despite the presence of this apparent danger.

We have helped each other and now it is the time to help those people who were really hit by the typhoon.

For those who want to donate canned goods, clothes, etc. to help the typhoon victims, kindly communicate with the Central Student Council Committee on Community Development on SEPTEMEBER 30, 2009.

We, Thomasians, stand on an indestructible rock of faith and hope; we have strengthen ours, now is the time to take the hands of others and keep the flame of faith and hope burning in them.

*Please repost! Please pass the CSC Advisory around. We have sent you this message, through SMS. Let's not only pass SUSPENSION ADVISORIES but also this important message. UNITY. SOLIDARITY. LET'S ALL PUT UST ON TOP!

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

Feris Wheel

During our lifetime, we get to meet a lot of different people. Some of them we learn to like and get along with and eventually become friends with. There are also some people who we just can't jive with and sometimes even end up hating. And within this group of people we eventually find someone we really, really like. Someone who doesn't necessarily like the exact same things that we do but we find ourselves being able to easily connect with this person. And if everything goes right, we grow to love this person and start having a relationship with him/her. And the cycle just goes on and on. Some people go through the cycle countless times, some only for a few times and a few lucky ones get it right the first time. First off, kudos to those who get it right after just 1 to 3 tries but not all of us are that lucky. To find that one special person that would give your life a brand new meaning is something a lot of people wish for. But what if it doesn't work out that way? What if, the right choice you think you made turns out to be the wrong one? Or what if you think you made the right choice but the one you chose is actually the one having second thoughts? Are you gonna let go or hold on? And if you are going to hold on, for how long are you gonna do so? This realization doesn't happen within any particular time frame. It doesn't matter if you decide that you've just made the wrong choice in a month's time or after you've already been in the relationship for a few years. It just happens. People may try to explain why that happens but no ONE explaination applies to all. We all have our reasons for doing so. No one can say that we made the wrong decision. Only we can tell ourselves that. And sometimes when we do realize it, it's already too late. Love's a cycle. It's a process (a painful one) but with no definite instructions. It differs from person to person. No one knows how it began or when it'll end. All we can be sure of is that it feels good to be inlove. There's no greater high. But like I said, it's a cycle, a feris wheel. Minsan nasa taas ka, minsan nasa baba.

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...It's a dud...

All my life I've watched countless love stories unfold before my very eyes. Some of them I see in the movies, most of them are very, very real. I like it when I see two people come together, going against all the odds and damning those who dare to bring them apart. I'd always feel jealous of these people and wish it were me. To experience something so beautiful and to feel that magic, is something I could only hope for. I know I have my own love story to write and right now is just a temporary writer's block. Inspiration's gonna hit me one of these days. It's out there somewhere. Waiting to land a punch. I don't know if it's gonna be a knockout story just like everybody else's but I do know that it's gonna be mine.They say that true love waits and that love is patient. I believe that but that doesn't mean I'm just gonna stand around and wait for it to come. Finding true love is a wonderful thing and probably the best thing that could ever happen to a person but that's not all there is to life. Life is so much more beautiful and complex. You don't need a LOVELIFE to have a LIFE. I'm not gonna say that I enjoy being single nor am I gonna say that I hate it too. But I am gonna say that I've been single for a long time. I don't even consider my past relationship an actual relationship. It was a...dud. Hahaha!!Love's somewhere, it just hasn't found me yet.

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...Everytime...

Coz' I was so bored, I wrote a poem. It's not that great. Hope you guys like it:)

Every second I miss youA teardrop fallsSo don't ask me how much I miss youJust look at all the water around youEvery minute I'm with youMy heart plays a beatSo don't ask me if I'm happyJust come and dance with meEvery time I kiss youSends a shiver down my spineYes, you give me goosebumpsJust thinking about how you're all mineFor every time I say I love youDon't ever think that I'm lyingCoz' those three words mean nothingWithout I and You

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

I'm inlove with Speed Racer:)

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...I'm a grown-up kid (haha!!)...

All kids have dreams. Mine just happens to chase me to adulthood. hehe May PS2 na ko! yey! Yes I know it's super late and the thing's practically going to be outplayed by the new PS3 but who cares! I gonna be able to play and finish those damn RPG's that I only got to play at the local computer shop. hehehe...Childish ba? sorry. I never had a childhood:D

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

My yellow days are over. It's time to move on. But I'll never forget the people I met and the moments we shared together. I'll miss them so much I'm about to cry but still I have to move forward. I'll keep them in my heart and never forget those moments we were together. Don't worry guys. This isn't the end, I'll see you someday soon. Just remember I'll always be there. Don't hesitate, coz' I want to be there:)

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...What's Up...

While I was doing something, I don't really remember, I just started singing this song. I'm not sure why or what triggered it but it sort of just came to me. At first I was just singing it casually, then just now I realized, why the hell am I singing it? I was LSS'd to this song and I don't even know what the title is. Weird. But I actually like this song. So, I Googled it and here are the lyrics to a vintage song that is in my opinion can me called one of the greats. What's Up by 4 Non Blondes 25 years of my life and still I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination I realized quickly when I knew I should That the world was made up of this Brotherhood of man For whatever that means So I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed To get it all out what's in my head Then I start feeling a little peculiar So I wake in the morning and I step Outside I take deep breath I get real high Then I scream from the top of my lungs What's goin' on And I say hey... And I say hey what's goin' on And I say hey... I said hey what's goin' on And I try, oh my God do I try I try all the time In this institution And I pray, oh my God do I pray I pray every single day For a revolution So I cry sometimes when I'm lying in my bed To get it all out what's in my head Then I start feeling a little peculiar So I wake in the morning and I step outside I take a deep breaththen I get real high Then I scream from the top of my lungs What's goin' on And I say hey... And I say hey what's goin' on And I say hey... I said hey what's goin' on And I say hey... And I say hey what's goin' on And I say hey... I said hey what's goin' on 25 years of my life and still I'm trying to get up that great big hill of hope For a destination

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...I'm doing it all over again...

Where do I begin? or rather, how do I begin?

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...Yellow? Green? Doesn't matter. I'll stay happy...

Byebye UST! La Salle...hmmm...I'm knocking. So will you please let me in? :)

[theduchesswithoutaduke-blog]

...Moving on is so refreshing...

A lot's happened since the day I realized I liked you. We became groupmates. Then friends. Slept beside each other. Then summer came and for some reason I felt like I needed to get away from you. Maybe it was because of past experiences I've had that I don't wish to go through anymore. I needed time. So I shut myself from you. From your whole being. 

It was hard. Ignoring even the tiniest detail about you put such strain on me. The mere mention of you name causes my heart to skip a beat. Everyday was torture since we had the same classes together and were friends with the same group of people. I acted normally around them since you were the only one whose existence I tried to block out. 

Time passed and I eventually learned to live with you in my life. I still felt the same way but I knew that I would never make a mistake. I knew what I was to you and that's the only thing I can make myself feel right now or I'd self-destruct. We were friends. That's a good thing right? 

I admit that there are still times when the pounding in my chest becomes too strong it hurts. But I can handle it now. The beast in my chest isn't going to ruin the walls I've built around my heart. I want this to work. To just be like this, just friends. I'm happy with that.

I'm going to be away from you this coming year and though that kinda sucks, it's also kind of relaxing. To not be able to see you everyday would need some getting used to but I know it's better than seeing you and knowing that there's a big wall I need to crossover just to be with you. 

I don't wanna do it again. Call me a coward, a chicken. But I've done it too many times and I can't take the hurt anymore. Besides, I don't think I really quit on you. I simply chose not to be the one who's chasing. 

This time I'll just wait. If you come over to my side of the wall than I'll be happy. If not then atleast we're friends. 

P.S If you do decide to come over, you don't need to climb over the wall. I made a door only you can use, all you need to do is knock.