when moving back in with one's parents, there are some immediate and some longterm hurdles to overcome. and while the domestic adventure that is bunking with mom and dad continues to present surprising twists and turns every day, here are a few of the most life altering changes i have come to know since making my triumphant return to the homestead:
your pride and inflated sense of independence and self sufficiency has absolutely no here. don't fight it. the sooner you embrace your total and complete regression, the sooner you can start enjoying some of its perks, like endless snacks and free laundry.
your schedule is going to have to change. things get going pretty early every morning and shut down right around 8:00 pm, after dinner and Jeopardy!. so get used to keeping a pretty regular, pretty abbreviated social schedule. your parents are up and at 'em at 6:30 am, whether or not it's a goddamn saturday morning.
it's important to note that weekends aren't really a thing anymore. there just isn't much to distinguish tuesday from sunday from thursday and so on and the days are going to start to bleed together. before you know it, you haven't left the house in a week and your most regular social outlet is chatting up the mailman. the sooner you recognize and change this inevitable downward spiral, the better. join a gym. call your friends from your former life and get the gossip. do something. break the chain.
hangovers are no longer an option. if you're in your room with the curtains drawn, eating a bowl of sesame noodles in bed at 2:30 pm, your mom is going to barge in and she is going shame you. it's dark. so before you take that last flaming shot, think to yourself, what would my mother say if she saw me doing this? because that, my friend, is no longer a hypothetical.
your parents have probably gotten pretty weird since you last lived at home. prolonged empty nesting can lead to the regular practice of some habits that most would consider, well, left of center. they might talk to themselves or cry regularly during the evening news. they might tape creepy little scrap notes in shaky serial killer handwriting all over the house reminding them to go to the dentist or to close the garage door. my mom has gotten really into fermenting her own pepper-infused vanilla extract. it's cool. they're old and crazy. it happens to all of us. eventually.
but, of course, most important change in the life of the homeward bound twentysomething is as terrifyingly obvious as it is true:
you are never going to go on a date ever again in your life so just get the fuck over it.
titsay
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind