Subtitled

YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE.

[thefalserift-d]

Happy Year of the Dragon

Uhh.. either you don't know your zodiacs or I'm 2 yrs late

[pdmori]

[thefalserift-d]

even taking the tongue out wouldn’t stop the screaming

no, it just turned into laughter

[cptsdraw]

online grooming is at an all time high. please, minors, be cautious of monsters like this

[annanova]

YES. 

This is exactly how online predators work. 

[loveforlesbiens]

girls please just don’t date men online or talk to men who hit on you. 

[bluegreyandgay]

Once again, not just girls. Every. Single. Minor. on the internet should be aware of this. No matter what gender.

[thefalserift-d]

trying to root around for feelings is like trying to crack open a pandora’s box

even afterwards  ithink it will only be worse

I am starved and stressed and trapped. of course.

[positiveautistic-deactivated202]

You have been through a lot, but you are still here, and that’s very brave.

[thefalserift-d]

I feel like I've tried nearly everything that doesn't involve self harm to get me out of this state

Is like

Something smothering that's too heavy to life

What if I just stopped taking my meds

I

Just

.

It's hard. It's hard to say *I feel* this or I want that because there is none and all it is is intuiting and that would frustrate me if I had anything to feel

I'm just acting

I'm acting like me

That's terrible, right?

I want to be me. Again.

I can't even bother to dismiss the notion of death

What's the point of life if you can't feel anything

What's the point of succeeding if you don't feel rewarded

The fleeting senses, the notions of an emotion today, were stamped out by

I don't want to think about it

The only sense of self preservation is just from shifter telling me what to do and what I should do

The only wants and urgencies are from him

Where am I

?

[thefalserift-d]

haha oh I want to die

I hate this feeling so much every aspect of it

[thefalserift-d]

you know this is dangerously close to dissociating

I know, but what’s there to do with that knowledge

like I can’t get rid of the MCAT any faster. nor could it not be the cause, but only the fact that it’s summer and I become like this almost every summer.... except it’s different now that I’m on meds and can still think clearly while other ones I would be in a haze...

I just can’t think of any other cause that would merit this numbness that I’m trying to get rid of but hopefully moving back to -- will get rid of this.

we’re all just worried about you.

I’m just worried I’ll push people away unintentionally. like I have done before. in this state because I didn’t know how.. to be in this state. because. I can’t seem to care about anything at all, even though I should because that’s how I was and ..

well. I don’t want to come out of this having lost everything again. even though I have no preference right now if I do.

am I glad you’re smart enough to think about that..

reading more about this, I’m probably experiencing blunt affect. but who knows.

oh. I should get back to therapy when I’m in lexington again. gotta remind myself.

sounds like a plan. lots of things to do after the MCAT.

sometimes.. I want to just drink to maybe see if I feel anything..

let’s uh, also do that after the mcat. okay babe?

[svnddlsnts]

Social Repose - Filthy Pride

[drawtistic]

[thefalserift-d]

they’re dreams of being with you but they’re dreams, but they’re peaceful and spending time by your side and that’s all I need

I don’t need itI should just convince myself I don’t need it that I believed in a lie all along I

it’s like when something combusts in your hands so why should you pick it back up, when it could burn you at any time but perhaps it’s more accurate to be more like when Kari bites me and it hurts terribly but I still love her.

.

[thefalserift-d]

Thoughts weigh heavy

freeze when I think

it was habit

it was habit he doesn’t, they don’t. they don’t. it’s easier to deny it than to . play.. with the notion,

it’s easier to deny, why it could even happen.

just deny it. accept that.

. you know, I’m afraid that if I see you again, I will freeze in my tracks

my body only knows how to fear

my body only knows how to fear but I wish I could learn more

than just fear

[gianu-system]

[theproxysystem]

You mean like the time Ignis set my hair on fire for a few seconds because his lighter was “broken” and he wanted to check if he could hear the gas…. Oy. ~ Areic

[thewasteland]

I will see that story and raise you the time Ashley drank way too much vodka and permanently melted a plastic bag to the kitchen floor with a lighter

[bubonicplaguefactkin]

Alas, I raise you this: that time Phoenix, our host, snorted cayenne pepper because their friend’s alter called them a pussy as a joke -Xerxes

[thewasteland]

Alright, alright. I’ll see that. And I’ll raise you the time Payne drove up a fucking mountain with 0.2 gallons of gas in the car and panic at the disco playing at full volume, went sixty on a dirt road and almost flipped and I had to take over mid car accident 🙄🙄🙄🙄to keep us from rolling into the ravine

[gianu-system]

You have not disappointed. All right. Stupidest thing an alter has done. I would say the time our little was out and went driving, but she actually drives pretty well. So, let’s go with the time I (Jen) was trying to drive while dissociating and almost ran into the same tree three times. I’m now banned from driving, but the little isn’t.

[mishear]

[deactivated-blog]

Things that are literally impossible with a dissociative disorder: weight loss, skincare improvement, productivity of any kind, having personal possessions, having a private life

Things that are possible: Self loathing that breaches beyond the concept of “self”

[thefalserift-d]

I want to stop having those dreams

even though I admit, they’re good ones that aren’t nightmares

they’re dreams

and they’re not reality. and I don’t want to start. hoping again.

it’s dead. I’m dead. it just doesn’t exist. not in this timeline.