The Feels Project

The project that's all about feelings - for self-awareness, connecting with others, and making college communities better places.

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I’m doubled over trying to make myself small so the pain isn’t as wide.”

When I start falling into the pattern of a panic attack it feels like there's something inside of me. I find myself tearing at my hair or grasping at my skin trying to pull it out of me. It makes me want to tear myself apart or light myself on fire or run and scream until I can't move. It both consumes in a violent and outward motion causing me to shake and tear and sob, but it also consumes inward tearing me apart inside to the point that I'm doubled over trying to make myself small so the pain isn't as wide. It comes in quick bursts and pulling myself out is like getting air in a hurricane with weights on my ankles and an entire ocean around me. And when it fades I am exhausted washed up on the shore of myself tangled and mangled and hoping I have a few days a few hours a few minutes of calm before it drags me in again.

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I don’t think I have ever felt this way before.”

I feel warm. My whole body is flooding with the warmth of anticipation and excitement and NERVES! Butterflies are floating around in my stomach, causing my body to shake and my heart to pound and setting my cheeks on fire. I feel blissfully happy, utterly whole and alive, yet simultaneously afraid -- afraid that I'm reading too far into things, afraid that she doesn't have any interest and that this has never crossed her mind, afraid that she HAS had interest and that this HAS crossed her mind. I don't think I have ever felt this way before. This is new territory for me on every possible front.

Anonymous

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“It feels weird, just this sort of quiet emptiness where I’m really not sure if people like me or want to hang out with me the way I do them.”

Fomo is always described in almost funny terms. But I never feel it like a fear, and it's never funny. For me it's more like wondering every time I'm alone if other people are out with their friends. I am not afraid I'm missing out, though. It feels weird, just this sort of quiet emptiness where I'm really not sure if people like me or want to hang out with me the way I do them. And I don't want to always be that kid constantly nagging other people to do things with them. But what if they're just sitting in their rooms, too?

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I feel like being bored is sort of sinful.”

I feel listless, like there is nothing to do, no one to see. Feeling bored at school is so different than being bored at home. Here, I feel like being bored is sort of sinful, like there is something I ought to be exploring or some friendships I should be strengthening. Every episode of Netflix or hour spent on Facebook is a waste of the "best time of my life." But I'm out of ideas on what to do, and I am stuck in this pattern of boredom and guilt.

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I lose brain power before I’m ready to - before the day is over, before I’ve accomplished all that I had intended to.”

When I feel this way, it's more than just a desire to sleep. I can feel my brain slowing down. I can hear it saying, "yep! that's a wrap folks!" as it turns the the switch controlling my thoughts and logic into an off position, leaving me with droopy eyes and idle hands.

And that's fine, I guess. What's truly frustrating though, is that it all happens too soon. I lose brain power before I'm ready to - before the day is over, before I've accomplished all that I had intended to. And that leads to stress and disappointment, even though I know it doesn't have to and even though I know it's not good for me.

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I could not be more thankful for the people I have in my life.”

I'm feeling content - thankful, warm and fuzzy, happy, blessed, whole.

As I look back on this year, I realize that 2015, and my entire life for that matter, is what it is solely because of the people in it. I could not be more thankful for the people I have in my life. For the people who inspire me and help me grow and learn and create each and every day. I am forever grateful for everyone who has made me who I am today, and I would do anything in the world for them in order to make them as happy as they have made and continue to make me.

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I feel unsure of my every action.”

From friends to boys to my major to my family, I feel unsure of my every action. Will this lead me down the right path? Should I trust my intuition? Is this what love feels like? I'm ready to experience something concrete, though my heart tells me that this isn't truly what I'm seeking.

First Year, Michigan State University

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“Coming home feels like a whirlwind.”

Coming home feels like a whirlwind. Like I am teleporting between worlds that are millions of miles apart.

The minute I get into the car when my parents pick me up is when everything starts to blur - like my life is not real. The drive home is long and winding and I can never quite understand the route, which only adds to the feeling that school is a complete world away.

And when I actually GET home, that’s when things really pick up. All of the sudden there are different expectations of me. Suddenly I am living under my parents’ roof and I am theirs again. Suddenly I am not the independent young adult I was just an hour ago. And it seems as if I have no choice in the matter.

It’s strange. I'm overwhelmed. I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

Anonymous

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“You become a better version of yourself around them.”

There is nothing better than an instant connection with someone. Every time you spend time together you become a better version of yourself around them. You light up when they call your name, you are so excited to hear them calling, and laugh so hard that you pee your pants. There are also the times when you have important conversations that take you to a deeper level. It is like being together with that one friend can make everything a little bit better and help you see the world a little more clearer.

First Year, Michigan State University

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I always ask myself the same question: can I really reach my goals?”

Lately I have been feeling a lot more self-doubt than usual. Generally, I doubt myself a fair amount due to confidence issues, but lately I have been doubting myself excessively. My doubt has been mainly focused on my future and the goals I have set for myself and desire to achieve. Many times throughout every day, I always ask myself the same question: "Can I really reach my goals?" This question sparks an onslaught of other questions tied to doubt and sends me into a state of emotional distraught and drains me of all motivation. When this happens, it feels like I'm shrouded in a cloak of despair and worthlessness. It makes me feel as if I'm a failure and cannot achieve anything I set my mind to. Feelings of inferiority and not wanting to even try at life anymore are very common for me to experience. One of my biggest fears is to just be average because I want to change the world permanently and positively, so these feelings of self-doubt put excessive strain on my goals and show me if I'm truly dedicated or not. Even though I dislike having depression and doubting everything I do, I'm still grateful I have experienced it before because it shows me what I'm truly dedicated to.

Second Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“Despite all of these things, I love it here. I am truly happy, I have found myself.”

There have been so many wonderful things that have happened to me since I first came to school. However there have been so many terrible things as well. I have met my best friend, we go together like cream cheese and a bagel, she is there for me like nobody has been before. However I have lost touch with my old best friend. My chronic illness has seemed to disappear. But being sick for an entire month and dealing with awful hangovers isn't much better. I've gained many new friends, but I've had a falling out with many as well. I lost my best furry friend. Ive gone from a shy person who was talking to new people to becoming a social and happy person who wants to meet everyone. I've been screwed over by guys who only want me for whats under my clothes and for what is in my heart. I've learned what its like to study for days and days and still do poorly on exams. I've had to deal with an introvert as a roommate, who goes to bed at 9 every night. I wake up with bruises everywhere because my body is deprived of iron. I've known what its like to laugh so hard you might pee. I've know what its like to be so happy you could cry, or so sad you couldn't stop crying. College has shown me so many emotions. College has shown me the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. Despite all of these things, I love it here. I am truly happy, I have found myself. I have found true friends, and have made so many amazing memories so far. I can't wait to see what next semester holds :)

First Year, Michigan State University

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I am who I am because of how I make people feel.”

I am actively making the decision to not let my grades dictate who I am or my self worth. I am more than a letter or a number on a screen in a database. I am much more than any single test can describe. I am who I am because of how I make people feel, because of how I interact with the world, because of my values and how I carry myself each and every day. I will not let this institution diminish me to a mere number. I will remember that I am much more than that - that I have been and always will be much more than that. And as we more forward in this hectic week, I wish the same for all of you!

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“I am currently at the happiest point in my life.”

Looking back on my first semester in college, I can't help but be thankful for the experiences I've had, the memories I've made and the people that I've shared them with. Sure stress has been constantly present for months now, but the amount of happiness and joy I have been around and been apart of in a short period of time has outweighed all the negative things that have held me back. I am currently at the happiest point in my life and I would not change a thing about these past three months. I have finally started to piece together my life the way I want it to be, figuring out where I belong and who I want by my side every step of the way. I have focused a lot on myself and have started to become the person I hope to be. For the first time in my life, I am content.

First Year, Michigan State University

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“It’s all different now.”

All of high school I was going at 300%. I was only focused on schools and extracurriculars. How was I going to distinguish myself to get into college? How am I going to stand when I'm compared to the others, the prodigies, the geniuses? I know someone that got a 36 on the ACT and a 2400 on the SAT. I got a 34. Somehow it didn't feel like enough, even though statistically it was a good score. I spent all my time planning out my time to schedule every moment of my day.

It's all different now. I go to school with people that aren't the best at everything. I don't challenge myself as much anymore. I don't have the motivation to challenge myself. I feel myself living for the weekends, but every weekend seems to turn into a lazy weekend; my whole semester has been lazy.

I'm struggling to find my purpose. Maybe that's because freshman classes are supposed to be easy. But I'm not okay with that. I am in two classes that are a majority of sophomores. Those classes are no harder than my entry level courses. What if it never gets harder? What if I'm never challenged? What if I stay indifferent forever?

First Year

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“So many new experiences have been packed into one tiny little semester and I don’t know what to do with them.”

Wave after wave crashes over me making me even more dumbstruck than the last time.  This overwhelming sense of awe at how much I've learned and have grown makes me almost stumble and fall.  Looking back at the beginning of the year looks like I'm looking back hundreds of years.  So many new experiences have been packed into one tiny little semester and I don't know what to do with them.  Do I pack them away in my mind letting them gather dust?  Do I let them explode frantically into any listener's ear?  The problem is, when I get back home to the ones I love, to my comfy abode, to my ordinary life, how will I ever be able to reiterate all those experiences?  It seems like a nearly impossible feat to accomplish. 

I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I can't share my overwhelming thoughts in the overwhelming capacity that they should be told!

First Year, Central Michigan University

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“As I do so he cannot hold my hand.”

I make a fist so he cannot slip through my fingers But as I do so he cannot hold my hand.

First Year, University of Michigan

[thefeelsproject-blog1]

“And some days I don’t even feel real.”

Some days when everything is right and things are beautiful and I am smiling it feels like the world is spinning out of control and this is just a dream or a movie of what things should be and someone is going to swoop in and yank me away because I'm too happy and that can't be. I feel guilt in my happiness because I don't feel like I deserve it. There's always something to be worried about and if I manage to forget that, then doubt comes in and I worry about feeling happy. Does that mean the other feelings aren't valid? My sadness and hurt are the dominant ones, so happiness cannot exist. And some days I don't even feel real.

First Year, University of Michigan