The Fieri

This is what we were. This is what we are. This is what we are becoming

[thefieri]

I've been thinking a lot about the nature of love and affection, kind vs. nice.

How someone can be perfectly lovely and great for me, but I feel nothing of a spark - only a fondness and a desire to see them safely home.

Or the way that a person can be nice: pleasant, friendly, sweet; but not be kind. The deep, unwavering kindness of doing the right thing even when it's shitty. Even when it means that you don't seem nice at all.

I am kind, but not always nice. I am tired of spending my time with people who would rather keep up appearances than do the good, and necessary, thing.

Just a thought.

Myles

[thefieri]

So good to see Sidus and Augusta today! Sorry I had to leave so early, wish I could have stayed. I'll be back whenever you need me to help out with your badass dresses. 

I better see the rest of you soon! I miss you guys. Maybe we can all have a cool reunion and talk about our semesters/years and our plans for the summer? Could be fun :) 

Much love always,

Compono

[thefieri]

So I met the nicest boy. He's absolutely perfect for me. There is so much trust and laughter in our relationship. All of you need to meet him. Love, Amandine.

[thefieri]

This weekend I started my job at Macy's AND got rehired as a core staff member at the Yankee Candle job that I loved. 

I came upon a car crash on my way home from the mall. Everyone was basically okay and the young guy driving was mostly unhurt, but the girl had some sort of crushed hip or broken leg. My mom and I were in the car together when we saw the accident and we stayed with the two kids in the car until the EMT's arrived.

They were really amazing. Honestly, it inspired me.

I'm going to go for EMT training this summer.

Sidus

[thefieri]

I'm at my new job!

I work at faerie festivals and am currently at spoutwood farms mayday fest! So much fun! Much love, Amandine

[thefieri]

Dear Compono

I would love to have fun adventures with you this summer.

Much love,

Sidus

[thefieri]

I miss you guys

I really hate dreading summer. But I do. I dread summer. I always feel alone. And I really want that to change this year. I know I isolate myself, and I don't mean to. But I'm done sitting alone in my room with my thoughts and my guitar. I want to be active, and go adventuring, and be social and fun. I want to spend time with you all and know you as you are now rather than as I remember you. 

Please say you will. 

Much love, as always,

Compono

[thefieri]

you're fucking welcome

[thefieri]

Dearest step mother

My room is never going to look like a museum. Deal with it. There are far better things to do to than make my bed each morning. I understand your daughter is never around but do not try and mold me into the perfect child you always wanted. Also, I would love if you stopped leaving passive aggresive post-it notes on the bathroom mirror each morning. We are both adults ya know. You can actually talk to me. Also also, I swear if you take me out to get waffles after work again and then lecture me about how I need to change my diet and exercise and correct my sleep schedule I will move out the next morning. 

With much love 

Cinis

[thefieri]

I think better in photographs. 

Sidus

[thefieri]

Dear my first love,

I love you doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. You're beautiful doesn't even begin to describe how you look to me. Even with your makeup smudged Mascara running down your cheeks Tears dripping Body shaking Or when you just wake up Hair rumpled Flat on one side Sleep crusted eyes. I love you despite your flaws. You were the first and I'll always remember you as perfect. Perfect for me.

[thefieri]

Please?

You wanted me to quit. You know, you never actually asked me to. But I didn't. I wouldn't. Ask me again. I will. No bargaining. No begging. No pleading. I would. If only you would ask again. If only you would care again.

[thefieri]

So Sorry.

I haven't posted in here in so long. Maybe if I ever had free time I could actually talk about what's going on in my life. It's just a lot. I'm stressed out of my mind. People have no idea what going through a classically orientated music conservatory is like, and in fact I think many people VASTLY underestimate its difficulty. Especially me. I thought I had a basic knowledge of most things, and turns out I knew nothing. But I was naive and 18 and everything was great with life. Now everything is real with life. I'm getting a house with my three best friends, things are getting really serious with my boyfriend and I've been offered multiple job opportunities to start composing. That's another thing...I got offered to write music in Tanzania for a movie...but I can't quit my college education yet. I'm halfway there, and I feel like I have to do this. There will be more chances...right?? I'm doing well, and I miss you all very much. I hope we can get together in the summer. Please forgive my scatterbrained thoughts, I'm running on caffeine at this point and nothing else. 

With Love,

Compono

[thefieri]

Cinis in the Cafe

I love finding new coffee shops in the city. I love the conversations held over steamed milk and white mugs. I love the hipster vibes from each new cafe. Today was a nice day. 

Sidus

[thefieri]

I’m growing tired of feeling like I’m damaged goods in some way. Like there’s some hidden defect in me that everyone else can see and I just don’t notice it. I’d rather feel invisible. I’ve taken to just hiding back and trying to go unnoticed, because it’s better than feeling rejected and foolish for even trying to be the one that gets noticed. It doesn’t help that everyone tries to pinpoint the reason. Too small, can’t dance, I knew you when you were really ugly…It doesn’t change anything. It also doesn't help when I am the one everyone talks to about how pretty and wonderful other girls are. I appreciate the gesture of friendship. Please talk to your bro's about it. I'm sick of just being a "bro chick". I just feel defeated. I gave it the real college try and now I’m done trying. I feel much better hiding in the back and watching the rest of the world go about their lives.

Sidus

[thefieri]

Good things about my life at the current moment.

Started the process of applying to online classes at Liberty to finish my Early Childhood Ed. major one day.

I'm looking at apartments with my lady love.

Spring is here.

I bought myself a cute vintagey bathing suit and lingerie.

I may have recently arranged to of my best friends on a date and they may have hit it off really well and they may or may not be in serious like with each other.

I'm really proud of my writing recently and the fact I submitted to a publisher.

I started running again

My mom comes home soon.

I am breathing.

I am healthy.

I am alive.

-cinis

[thefieri]

I'm just sitting in my bed having all of these feelings.

Nothing happened, but all of a sudden Bon Iver makes me want to cry and I'm just looking through old facebook pictures and feeling nostalgic and sad. 

I don't even want to talk about it with anyone, because it's not a kind of sad or frustrated that I can put into words. 

I'm not having all of these feelings over anyone or anything in particular, it's just a general kind of sad.

I'm just frustrated with life and with myself.

A strangely emotional Sidus.