only the dead truly see the end of war.

The fox of the laurel tree

[30-minute-memes]

[maybe-itdoesntmatterr-deactivat]

facts

[thefoxofthelaureltree]

Y’all had it easy, I used to have to use limewire and hope it was an actual song and not just a audio clip of Clinton saying he didn’t have sexual relations.

[lesbianrustcohle]

if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.

me: no??? that’s mean???

brain: polar bear, then

me: no

[lesbianrustcohle]

brain: the lions just got fed raw meat

me: yes?

brain: steal it and eat it in front of them

me: …

[lesbianrustcohle]

rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received

[pro-survivors]

I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. 

[budgiekazoo]

sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering

[thenerdbeast-deactivated2018070]

@harinezumiko

[harinezumiko]

This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it? Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine. Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM. The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it. The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.) The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets. Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite. The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man. All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.

[lesbianrustcohle]

this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you

[blueelectricangels]

as biologist, can confirm

brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no!

brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy… me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it’s awake and angry so no.

brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup. brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn’t.

[thesanityclause]

reblogging for my zookeeper friends

[ohohorla]

Y'all 💀

[best-of-memes]

[leadthefuckingway-deactivated20]

Colin Mochrie is the undisputable fucking king of Improv

[sweaterkittensahoy]

The newscaster puns are a whole different level.

[thefoxofthelaureltree]

I need help. I’m a single father to a three year old and I’m currently unemployed and bills are piling up. I have a few potential job offers but I don’t know when I’m going to be starting so if anyone could help in any way that would be great.

The internet has been shut off and I need it to keep searching for jobs (as well as keeping my child happy as he loves YouTube and Netflix) and to get that turned back on I need $75.

My car payments due which is $204 and I need the car to get to and from interviews as well as taking my son to the places he needs to go. (Note there is absolutely no public transportation where I live)

And the electric bill is currently over due but any amount will keep them happy.

I know it’s a lot to ask for but if anyone could please help by either donating or rebloging that would be greatly appreciated. My paypal link is down below.

https://paypal.me/raynogaming?locale.x=en_US

Pay 1991 using PayPal.Me

Go to paypal.me/raynogaming and type in the amount. Since it’s PayPal, it's easy and secure. Don’t have a PayPal account? No worries.

[neonprotagonist]

New form of joke: telling someone to roll an ability check for something that obviously doesn’t need that type of check

[neonprotagonist]

“I wanna see if this dead body is anyone we recognize” “Roll an acrobatics check”

[thequicksilverfox]

You say joke, but I like to use it as an opportunity to genuinely fuck with players. “I want to see if the dead body is anyone we know.” “Roll acrobatics.” “11?” “The body seizes you by the wrists and lunges at your throat with its teeth, howling like a demon. You are grappled. Roll initiative.”

Or, “I want to check the chest for traps.” “Roll performance.” “Okay, uh. 17…?” “You start whistling quietly while you go about tapping, poking, and examining the sides of the chest. It’s a pretty catchy tune you picked up a couple days ago from the bard.” “Alright, neat, and the chest?” “The chest starts humming along.”

[neonprotagonist]

OH MY GOSH THAT SECOND ONE IS A RLLY GOOD IDEA

[mintstermonsters]

MIMICS ARE THE BANE AND BLESSING OF MY EXISTENCE.

[anarchapella]

Our DnD group has had quite enough of sentient furniture tyvm

[wizardnuke]

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

[wizardnuke]

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

[chotimoti]

[wizardnuke]

hi! op here. I’m fucking hyperventilating

[sovereignbryce]

the road to el dorado when in the context of a d&d game is the most astounding and hellish streak of 1′s and 20′s

[thatgirlonstage]

“The people think that you’re gods, what do you do?”

“…we go along with it.”

“Roll performance.”

“…I got a one.”

“Your foot gets caught in the stirrup while you try to dismount from the horse. You look ridiculous.”

“Well I rolled a twenty.”

“…somehow, a volcano stops erupting on your cue. Everyone falls to their knees in awe.”

[onionitis]

“I roll to come up with an escape plan”  “Alright roll” “…I got a one” “I try to convince the horse to break us out” “Roll…animal handling?” “I got a twenty”

[turningpages731]

“You have been caught playing ball with the locals. What do you do?”

“I roll for persuasion…one.”

“You and your fellow player are roped into playing a game against a rival team of the biggest, buffest people imaginable while the entire city watches.”

“We decide to try cheating.”

“Okay, roll.”

“Twenty.”

“You use a physics-defying armadillo as a ball and he helps propel you to the win.”

[kayforpay]

history fucked me up

oxford was built and operational as a college before the rise of the mayans and cleopatra lived in a time nearer to pizza hut’s invention than to the pyramids being built

[kayforpay]

I need a noncomprehensive history book that covers Known World History in time periods, like “in this century, all this shit was happening concurrently” and not just all spread out so I have to piece it together like some unpaid uneducated scholar

[unclebeanbag]

Mongols were fighting Samurai in Japan and Knights in Europe at the same time. 

Star Wars a New Hope came out the same year as the last execution in France by Guillotine. 

Abraham Lincoln and Edgar Allen Poe were friends in their early 20′s. 

When the Great Pyramids were being built there were areas that still had Woolly Mammoths roaming. 

[wombat-annihilator-deactivated2]

[charlesoberonn]

Harvard University didn’t teach calculus in its first few years after being established because calculus wasn’t invented yet.

[fallen-gravity]

Nintendo was founded two years after the Eiffel Tower was constructed

[naryrising]

This is the book you want: The Timetables of History - going year by year (or in the earlier sections, at least century by century) and showing you what was going on in various parts of the world in several categories (e.g. Politics, Literature, Science, etc.)  Super useful for visualizing what events were happening at the same time.

[mantis-lizbian]

looking at Wikipedia’s pages for years, decades, or centuries can also be fun for this reason

[thefantasygirl3]

How everyone else sees kyogre and groudon fighting:

How I see them fighting:

[brainstatic]

We naturally put millionaires and billionaires in the same general class of person, but the only reason to do that is because the words are similar. Since these aren’t numbers we can actually visualize, it’s important to understand what a billion of something is. To travel a million inches, you’d have to travel from the Southern-most tip of Manhattan and go to the Bronx. To travel a billion inches, you’d have to fly from New York to Shanghai twice. A million seconds is a little over 11 days. A billion seconds is nearly 32 years. A million ounces is about the weight of a train car. A billion ounces is 4.5 Eiffel Towers. Use these to conceptualize what the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire is, and the absurd amount of wealth we’re talking about.

[robotlyra]

Millionaire: I can buy a fancy sports car, and a huge house!

Billionaire: I can buy THE SPACE PROGRAM

[jackdawn]

Visit Original Link

I wanted to download We Will Rock You, but…

[howlsomehowell]

[visitingfan]

[samandriel]

everytime i hear this my lungs hurt from laughing

[timeturnersandwands-blog]

I just fOUND HTE BEST GIF OMFG

[vintage-bleeznuggets]

I HAVE LOOKED FOR THIS LONGER THAN I HAVE BEEN ALIVE

[hazlelnoot]

37chickenducks

[sashahilbert]

No, no, these .gifs are terrible to go with this song.

You need something like this:

[inverted-author-blog]

ITS BACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!

[becausedragonage]

This came up on my dash. Meanwhile on the radar:

I clicked over (source) and saw these:

Serendipity and perfection.

[northeastartist]

I need this in my life this sounds like a sassy mafia gang circling you and instead of guns they only use the power of dance and music

[isoputual-moved]

I am morally obligated to reblog this post

[cousinborris-deactivated2021070]

does anyone know who this cover is actually done by?

[96theater]

yeah its by max raabe

[gloomymegu]

I died laughing.

[kidlokigloves]

i am so sorry

[metalscoops]

I will always reblog this because it makes me laugh so hard every time

[deadfatheremporium]

Visit Original Link

May I stand unshaken Amid, amidst a crash of worlds.

[exeunt-pursued-by-a-bear]

describe the d&d campaign you’re in right now in the shittiest way possible

right now mine are:

-The Gang Loses A Baby

-Fighting Eldritch Gods With The Power Of Women In STEM Fields

[dnd-homebrew5e]

- Gotta collect. Gotta destroy.

- Evil ladies want to destroy the patriarchy.

[dungeondelvers]

Homosexual men and a spicy goblin start WW1

[smallmight]

The worst wizard, a messy fusion, and the orc that ran at a god with a rusty axe that basically traded in a lesser god to a god in exchange for a different lesser god

[thefoxofthelaureltree]

The bard causes the rakdos guild to start a revolution.

[deadfatheremporium]

Visit Original Link

May I stand unshaken Amid, amidst a crash of worlds.

[exploregif-blog]

[gifsboom]

Perfect magnets

[hoiplatapolloi]

Fun story: One of the first things I was taught as an astronomy student is that, if you want to be a dick to someone giving a presentation, ask them “and how do the magnetic fields play into this?” and they will invariably say “fuck you I don’t know” because no one understands magnetic fields they are black magic.

[edwardspoonhands]

Originally posted by fencehopping

[kasaron]

Magnets are pure bullshit.

Pure utter bullshit. Electromagnetic forces somehow outstrip gravitic forces in strength by an obscene factor, for no reason I can comprehend and it bothers me.

I love magnets

[supernova2395]

One, that gif showing the Curie temperature is really cool. 

Two, you don’t understand, magnetic fields are the bane of my existance and I have a masters dissertation about them. I studied how magnetic fields develop in low mass stars and every single meeting with my supervisor ended in some conversation about how stupid magnetism is.

“Oh yeah and this is effected by the magnetic field strength…”

“But why?”

“God knows, I don’t have a clue.”

Was literally said to me by a professor who has spent 20 years of his life looking at magnetism in stars.

ALSO:

“Don’t ask why, we don’t know. Maybe magnetism? Who knows anything about magnetism.” - My Stellar Physics professor when asked about certain processes in stellar formation, something he has been studying for 10 years.

Like we know so little about that it’s actually funny.