THEY GOT THE FUCKING PENTAGON

hey guys there’s straight up penis on the screen

[thefuckingpentagon]

well anything is better than tinder...

this is bullshit because one of the options was sportucus from lazytown and clearly i did not fucking get sportucus 

[thefuckingpentagon]

I'll guess your hight, might be like 4-5 cm wrong

wow they were only 20cm off😍😍😍

[crack-official-deactivated20191]

I want girls to dress like this in 2023

[thefuckingpentagon]

is this me be honest

[thefuckingpentagon]

Which Ned from the neds are you from the outside mv (made my cutmyiip_ on twitter)

honestly true love that

[thefuckingpentagon]

I didn’t think the current quizzes were accurate so I made my own ig, also this is just mane 6 bc I’m lazy :)

let’s fucking go

[thefuckingpentagon]

A Quiz about which of King Henry's Ex wives you are based off on the musical. I’m also telling you something about your love life.

let’s go

[thefuckingpentagon]

Results for quiz Which is your religion?

guys i’m not a buddhist

[thefuckingpentagon]

this is 100% accurate and you are not allowed to argue with me because i'm right

i think i’m just going to use tumblr to share my uquiz results so everyone knows i mean business

[roanniom]

always thinking about a sweeeeet and giggly high make out sesh with eddie or steve or both really lolololol nothing about it is rushed it’s just relaxed and maybe a lil messy

Oh.

Oh god.

Smoke

Steddie x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+ ONLY, drug use, two men & one woman, over the clothes touching, fingering, making out, teasing (Eddie is a taunting menace here wow)

The three of you are hanging out in Harrington’s apartment. It’s a super chill night. There’s nowhere you need to be. Nobody expects anything of the three of you anyway, let’s be honest.

Eddie’s brought the good shit. You’d begged him over the phone earlier and he’d threatened to make you pay for you it so you’d whined and threw Steve under the bus, volunteering him to pay for it. Both of you knew no money would be passed between anyone that might, only joints.

And that’s how you find yourself lounging on the couch between the two of them, taking a hit that pulls deep into your lungs. You exhale toward the ceiling, feeling floaty until Eddie shifts to lay his had on your chest looking up at you, weighing you down.

“Alright that’s enough, my turn princess.” He reaches up with weak grabby fingers but you lift the joint up into the air above you, out of his reach.

“Harrington literally just handed it to me. Calm your tits,” you argue, rolling your eyes. Eddie moves his head a bit side to side, squashing his cheek against your chest.

“I’d rather calm yours,” he mutters, giving you a blinding grin and flinching when you pinch him with your free hand. To your right Steve flips through the channels on the tv, paying no mind to the physical contact going on between you and Eddie.

“Ugh, there’s nothing good on.”

You don’t hear him though. Your brain has become consumed by the minutiae of Eddie’s lip shape. By their wet look when he licks them. By the curve at the corners as he watches you watch him.

“Gonna pass it or not, Princess? Don’t hold out on me here,” he mumbles quietly. You bring the joint back down to your lips and inhale deeply, making Eddie roll his eyes and huff in frustration. However, you grab his face suddenly, wrenching him up to you and bullying his mouth open to exhale the heady smoke directly into his lungs.

Eddie accepts the smoke greedily, moaning as his hands clench around your wrists. The sound causes Steve to look over, his eyes going wide.

“What the fuck, guys! Don’t make out while I’m right fucking here!”

You pull away, letting go of your grip on Eddie and allowing him to drop so the back of his head rests in your lap. He stares up at you, dazed.

“We weren’t making out, dumbass. I was shotgunning him a smoke,” you say dismissively. You twiddle with the joint between your fingers and try to ignore the way Steve is staring at you accusatorily and Eddie is staring at you with awe.

“Look, I pay rent here. If anyone’s getting liplocked in this apartment it’s me,” Steve grumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

Your brain feels light and airy from the weed and to be honest, all of your decision making brain cells have tapped out for the night anyway, so you shrug and take another drag from the joint. Eddie’s eyes go wide from where he lays in your lap staring up at you as you lean over and pull Steve aggressively to you by his collar and force your way into his mouth to exhale into him his own hit.

“Holy…fuck…” Eddie breathes from beneath the two of you.

When you’ve finally released all of the smoke, you go to pull back, but Steve’s hand comes to grip the back of your neck, keeping you fused to him. You gasp a necessary breath against his lips and his tongue takes the opportunity to plunge in.

Kissing Steve is enthusiastic but still somehow…gentle. Though he holds you to him, he’s still cradling you. His tongue massages yours and tastes like vodka and spearmint and you’re enjoying it when suddenly you’re pulled apart by Eddie abruptly sitting up.

“I’m literally right fucking here,” he says gruffly, brows knitted together in frustration. Steve runs a distracted hand through his hair and chuckles breathlessly.

“That’s what I said.”

“Did you…?” You trail off when Eddie’s eyes drop from accusatory to hopeful. He’s nodding immediately and leaning in, so you soon find your hand fisting his shirt and his tongue in your mouth.

This is a different experience than the kiss with Steve. Eddie’s all rough edges and eagerness. His tongue tastes of beer and cigarettes but sweet, somehow, and his big hands wrap around your waist, pulling you to him.

Before you know it, however, you’re being broken apart, disoriented and gasping for a second time tonight. You turn and look at Steve, whose hand his clamped hard on your shoulder. His eyes darting between you and Eddie. Your heart rate kicks up and you expect him to pull you back in, but instead he reaches his free hand to grab the front of Eddie’s shirt, pulling the long haired man over you so that their lips crash together.

You gasp as you watch them go at one another. It’s rough and primal and so much more aggressive than how either of them handle you and you can’t take your eyes away. Your stomach flips and lower down heat settles in your core, making you whimper. They finally break apart at the sound, the two of them looking to you with heaving chests and parted, kiss swollen lips.

“I…fuck…” is all you manage to whisper, face screwed up with want. You lift both of your hands, one reaching towards each of them, but then you drop them back in your lap limply, throwing your head back against the back of the couch. “That was just so hot…”

“Yeah Princess?” Eddie asks with a smirk. He grabs your hand and strokes the pulse point at your wrist with his thumb. “You liked that?”

You nod weakly and croon when he leans forward to kiss your neck.

Steve meanwhile is silent, panting beside you with a faraway look in his eye, like he’s grappling with what he just did. You grab his hand and make him look at you. His eyes shift from your face to Eddie sucking a mark into the skin of your neck. He looks so conflicted you tug him back to you for a kiss, which seems to quiet his mind as he immediately kisses you back.

The stimulation is positively overwhelming and you down realize you’re shifting in your seat until Eddie places a hand on your lower belly, grounding you back down against the couch.

“Someone’s getting a little turned on, huh?” he asks into your ear before nipping at your lobe. You pull back from Steve’s kiss to roll your eyes at Eddie’s teasing.

“I always get turned on when I’m high,” you argue. Steve begins kissing the other side of your neck and your eyelids flutter. Eddie pulls away from you to chuckle. His hand on your belly starts rubbing back and forth…and sliding lower.

“That true, Princess? We get high together pretty often. You always turned on around us?” he asks. Tauntingly. You go to respond with something snarky but his hand moves down to cup your heat through the fabric of your sweatpants and your lips part in a breathy inhale that makes him look too smug.

Before you can tell him to wipe the look off his face, Eddie surges forward to capture your lips again. Steve continues kissing his way down your neck, tugging the neckline of your shirt over to expose your collarbone so he can ravage that skin too. You feel Eddie’s hand leave your lap but barely notice due to the distraction of his mouth.

You don’t come to again until you hear Steve moan against your shoulder. You pull away from Eddie and look down to realize that Eddie had reached over you during your kiss and placed a hand over Steve’s crotch, palming the other man’s cock in his jeans. You swallow audibly and Eddie chuckles.

“Want me to touch you like this, sweetheart?” he asks. Your lip trembles and you want to shake your head. The three of you are friends, this is crazy. But you find yourself nodding and Eddie nods condescendingly along with you. “Yeah? Good thing I’ve got two hands.”

Eddie takes his free hand and drops it to your lap, making you immediately hiss when he cups your pussy again, this time delivering intentional rubs to the hood that hides your clit. You drop your head back against the couch and settle back, noticing hazily in your peripherals that Steve’s done the same thing, and take in the feeling of Eddie touching you in this salacious way.

“Feels good, huh Stevie?” Eddie asks when Steve shifts, lifting his hips into Eddie’s touch.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Steve huffs. It’s something he’s said a million times in response to Eddie’s flirtatious teasing, something he’s never really fed into or indulged.

Until now.

Eddie chuckles heartily.

“Maybe that argument holds more weight when you aren’t hard as a rock under my hand, Stevie.”

You loll your head to the side and watch Eddie’s hand working against Steve’s straining zipper.

“You’re hard, Steve?” You ask quietly. Stupidly, in fact, because you can see his outline under Eddie’s moving hand. But your brain isn’t exactly working under these circumstances. Steve’s head turns to take you in, too, his gaze dropping to Eddie’s hand on your lap, moving up to your heaving breasts, and then finally back to your face.

“Yeah. You wet?”

“Why don’t you check for yourself?” Eddie asks. He pulls away from both of you and you both gasp in disappointment. Eddie tsks and reaches for a fresh joint, the last one since burnt out in the ashtray. He moves to sit across from you and Steve on an armchair, lighting up and taking a drag. “Go ahead. Touch her, Stevie.”

Steve stares at Eddie for a good long while. Taking in the way the curly hair man settled into the chair, legs spread wide in a position of total ease. The end of his joint blazing in front of smirking lips while his own erection struggled to tent his own jeans.

You glance between both of them and are caught off guard when Steve grabs the side of your neck to pull you into a hungry kiss. You kiss him back and gasp when his hand finds the waistband of your sweatpants. It’s quick to slide under the fabric, bypassing your underwear entirely to slide a finger through your folds.

“Fuck,” Steve breathes against your lips. He turns to Eddie. “She’s soaked.”

Eddie releases two streams of smoke out of his nose and smirks.

“Yeah she is,” he says cockily, settling down even lower in the chair. “The real question is, sweetheart - who got you all hot and bothered? Me or Harrington?”

Steve’s head snaps over to look at you and you feel heat settle in every crevice of your body to be under the scrutiny of both men. You shrug.

“When I’m high I get -,”

“‘You get turned on’ blah blah,” Eddie taunts, waving the joint through the air. “You said that. And I believe you, Princess. You’re a freak and I know it.” He winks and your stomach flips again. “But seriously. What’s got you all wet and ready?”

Your eyelids flutter at that statement. Ready. Your mind has only been going second by second, not moving fast enough to think ahead. But the promise of something more to be ‘ready’ for has you clenching around Steve’s finger.

“Oh god, she just got tighter when you said that, Steve says, almost in a whine. He swirls his thumb around your clit and your hips buck upwards. Eddie laughs.

“You not telling the truth cuz you’re embarrassed sweetheart?” Eddie asks. He leans forward and puts the joint down on the ashtray, only to lean back completely at his leisure. “If you want both of us to fuck you, all you have to do is ask.”

Steve retracts his hand from your sweatpants and swallows audibly. You’re both staring at Eddie now, silence filling the room. This is wrong. It’s so wrong. But your heart is beating in your pussy and your blood is slogging through your veins and there’s cotton between your ears and when you turn to look at Steve his eyes are glazed over and equally hungry as Eddie’s as the slide over to survey you too. All the hesitation is gone from his face. So yours slips away too.

You turn back to look at Eddie and he’s got his hand on his lap, dragging back and forth over his hard on. You lick your lips, an action he doesn’t miss and which makes his grin widen.

“Yeah,” you finally say. You look at Steve and then back at Eddie. “I want you both to fuck me.”

[thefuckingpentagon]

penis

[neptune-corner]

i love stat so much

[thefuckingpentagon]

slay queen