To me, when it comes to greeting people, shaking hands, holding hands or leaving a wet mark on a surface or an important document, you would think that I was scared. That I was nervous. But that’s not the case. When someone reaches out their hand to greet me in a friendly manner, it lasts less than a second as they are so QUICK to pull their hands away, questioning to themselves as to what could be wrong with you. There’s the fright of someone always asking me ‘why are your hands so wet?’ And quickly, I come up with an excuse so people don’t think that I’m disgusting. I panic and lie in the process by saying ‘I just washed my hands,’ but in the back of my mind, I’m annoyed at myself for not telling anyone the real reasons. Telling them that it was a condition I was born with. A condition where I was born with sweaty hands and a sweaty head. I try to get rid of the wetness by wiping my hands on my clothes or by using a tissue to get rid of some of the sweat, but it NEVER goes away. It’s something that will stick with me, come sunshine or rain. My parents say it’s natural, but living with it is a constant pain. It’s perpetually. It will never change. In the winter, my hands can be unbelievably cold and still be sweaty. I fear the acumen that comes along with this all. I fear that everyone will be so quick to judge me for the problem I have. I just want to be able to touch a piece of paper or rest my hands flat on a desk without feeling the fear that I’ll leave a little wet mark.
I’m tired of the constant acumen that comes from everyone. The constant judging looks and comments referring to me as ’filthy’ and ‘grungy.’
However, there’s an upside to this. My ‘filthy’ hands have allowed me to become creative and express myself through the use of art. And with the love from my friends and family, I don’t feel the need to shy away. They make me stronger.
See the thing about me is, is that I despise talking about myself. I would rather listen to another person talk and make someone else laugh and listen to their secrets rather than telling anyone else my own.
Writing this was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. Personally I hate talking about myself, I don’t believe this condition is major, but it is something that many people suffer from. It may seem like a pretty shitty issue to address, but I isolate myself because of it. I treat myself less than I should do! It may look like I’m made of stone on the outside, but inside I have a heart.
(My condition is called Hyperhidrosis.
The scientific meaning for this is, is a condition characterised by abnormally increased sweating, in excess of that required for regulation body temperature.
Although primarily a physical border, hyperhidrosis can deteriorate quality of life from a psychological, emotional, and social perspective. It can be referred to ‘the silent handicap.’ by some.)
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