The Goose Egg @thegooseegg - Tumblr Blog

Get a nice dark glimpse into auditioning processes with this horrible woman!

#racism #racist auditions #acting while black

Tyler of (http://www.rsdnation.com) teaches a room full of nerds how to deal with bitchy women using only the power of their big strong arms and attitudes and screaming abilities.

#bros #make a girl squirt #squirting #how to #douchebag #rsd #tim and eric #found footage

“Fuck you Dad I’m Horny” - The Worst Jock Jam of All Time

#jock jams #jock jam #90s #hip hop #rap #daddy issues

Guns! Guns! Guns!

#gun control #NRA #2nd amendment #constitution #second amendment #defend the second

Bulk your arms up and acquire some hard-earned martial arts wisdom, if you can ignore the buzz saw and crow.

#Work out #Thinspo #shot put #arms #everything is terrible #EIT!#old man #dad #weird #massage

Think sex positivity and gun safety can't go together? Think again, urbanite sex positivist privileged!!!

#sex positive #sex +#guns #NRA #gun control #Everything is terrible #EIT #sex advice

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON

Hey Buddy,

Sorry I missed your birthday, it’s just that work has been a killer lately. You understand.

Actually, my new nutritional supplements business is really starting to take off. I’m selling this new product I’m really excited about called “NutriWin”. The way it works is, that it actually stimulates your body to make its own muscles for itself. Needless to say it’s going to be a real game-changer when it gets approved by the FDA.

I mean, like, you could get in on this too if you want, all you have to do is buy the $1800 starter kit and after that you’re basically your own boss. And if you subscribe to the seminar series, “NutriWin” will give you all the sales tools you need to be a success. It really works too. I’ve only been doing this for 3 months, and I’m already a silver medallion level sales executive.

I’ve even made enough money to pay for ALL of your new step-mom’s English lessons down at the Y. You don’t have to take my word for it, though.

Just look up what Jan-Michael Vincent from the hit television show, Airwolf, has to say about “NutriWin”. And If you mention my name sign up I also get a $500 bonus and a Chipotle gift card.

So what do you say? You want to throw your old dad a bone? Maybe we can hang out the next time I’m in town. Hey, you’re 21 now, so we could go get a drink at the bar. You’re buying!

Haha, just kidding, I’ll buy my own drink.

-Dad

#DADS #daddy #birthday #short story #pyramid scheme