The night air was warm, and the moon was hanging low like it was watching you both. He had his arms wrapped around you from behind, your bodies swaying slowly on your balcony to music only you could hear. No words, just the soft sound of wind chimes and the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze.
You tilted your head against his shoulder, your eyes fluttering shut.“I like you like this,” you murmured.
“Like what?” he asked, voice low, almost sleepy against your ear.
“Soft. Close. Quiet.”
He kissed your temple, then your cheek, his lips lingering at the corner of your mouth. “You bring that out of me.”
Your fingers laced with his, guiding them to your waist. You could feel his smile against your skin. How he looked at you like you were some kind of magical being. Like the moonlight itself loved you.
He whispered it then, the way he always did when you least expected it: “You’re the best thing I’ve ever seen.” And in that moment, with the stars above and his heart pressed against your back, it didn’t feel like puppy love or infatuation.
It ALWAYS gets me how happy Cardan is during The Prisoners Throne because he has finally achieved what he's longed for for so long, a loving family
He doesn't need to be cruel and wicked to gain other peoples attention because they love and adore him for who he is and he loves and adores them right back. I can't imagine how liberating this must be for him who's been in the dark for so long
I also don't think we give Jude's family enough credit for being extremely welcoming and forgiving towards him no matter what he has done in the past because if he is Jude's family he's there's too!!
Dropping the latest Sketch-a-Wish voted on by my lovely Patreon members for January (yes, I'm drastically behind, but feverishly catching up!)
Featuring Jude and Cardan from The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black! Another scene requested where I took a slight detour to showcase what we didn't see on page (when Jude was unconscious) but was hinted at in the aftermath (Cardan's bloody jacket).
Does anyone else's cat shed fur when they're startled or agitated? Mine leaves behind clumps, which for a Devon Rex is dire. I channeled that energy with Cardan's agitated whipping tail and shedding leaves.
Pomegranate have been my go-to fruit to add to my morning oats for over a year now, so it was a fun time to sprinkle them all over this.
Dropping the latest Sketch-a-Wish voted on by my lovely Patreon members for January (yes, I'm drastically behind, but feverishly catching up!)
Featuring Jude and Cardan from The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black! Another scene requested where I took a slight detour to showcase what we didn't see on page (when Jude was unconscious) but was hinted at in the aftermath (Cardan's bloody jacket).
Does anyone else's cat shed fur when they're startled or agitated? Mine leaves behind clumps, which for a Devon Rex is dire. I channeled that energy with Cardan's agitated whipping tail and shedding leaves.
Pomegranate have been my go-to fruit to add to my morning oats for over a year now, so it was a fun time to sprinkle them all over this.
hi!! i’m this anon, https://www.tumblr.com/lains-reality/723844364791676928/hi-i-hope-youre-having-a-wonderful-day-youre
about the difficult circumstances :)
i’ve followed your advice, and just rested. whenever i had moments/situations that brought up stress, i began to exercise this feeling of completion/bliss. ever since then, my health has been stabilizing. i took a break from tumblr/over-consuming, and just asked myself “what am i?” “who am i?”. i would let my thoughts go, attaching no meaning, nor identifying with them. i would observe them- in an almost manner of meditation. i started to feel lighter, as i no longer identified with the body. while doing such “exercises”, i found that i “tapped into the void” within minutes of doing so. it was so peaceful, and i had no urge to affirm- which even though my ego thinks my life is still far from perfect, i could care less.
i feel a sort of indifference to what used to seem problematic. i now understand, that there is no “convincing” myself of something, when i am already it. i’ve been “documenting” what works best for me- just because i might have brain damage lol, but what i’ve found is when i am in full acceptance of both the desirable and undesirable, it happens instantly- or within a day. just now, i noticed my collar bone feeling fleshy or the skin around it inflamed- which was one of the major symptoms i faced when i had cancer. my whole collar bone to face just puffed up like a pufferfish. in that moment, i knew who i TRULY was- I AM. God. i didn’t care if my collar bone wasn’t prominent or not- i just KNEW that it was normal, and prominent. literally not even a minute later, i touched my collar bone while scratching my neck- AND THE SWELLING WAS COMPLETELY GONE, IT WAS JUST BONE.
So, for me- what worked was knowing there was no conviction necessary, i am already everything, the good and the bad. thoughts and day dreams have no effect on me unless i identify with them- or personally give them power. no effort, and just complete ease and bliss. the past, and future do not exist- and only affect the present, when identified. indifference was the “biggest” aha moment for me.
I realized, each time I affirmed/thought of something- then let go, and gave it no more attention, it appeared (instantly). for problems, i just forgot of it. i disregarded it- and then bam. gone. since my last experience with the void, i knew since then that everything was perfect with my relationship regarding the void. i always wake up in it, everything perfect for me- i’m aware, blah blah blah. and that’s how it’s “manifested!”. i don’t even think of it any more. ever since that indifference feeling/knowing came- life has been soooo different.
during times of meditation, or of just observing my thoughts and letting them pass- is when i truly began to understand non-dualism. that’s when the knowing came for me. taking accountability and responsibility, and knowing everything is as temporary as night and day. i still have to “fix” my problems with school and university, but i know that is my ego talking. it is already done because i am it. i’m (my ego) is a bit worried if i will properly fix my problems, but after proving what lester, and all the info i’ve consumed (from blog to blog), i truly understand that there is no problem until i think i have a problem. my problems are as an easy fix as my situation with my collar bone.
i’ve also “fixed” my relationship with my mother, and grandparents. they now truly have realized the abuse that is in my household, and are 100% into supporting me, and protecting me. i was so surprised, because they would usually just ignore it and normalize it. especially my mother. all i’ve wanted was my mom- to actually be a mom. and now she is. even though there were moments where my ego wanted to cuss her out and identify as having a bad mother, i thought of it as nonsense, and now our entire dynamic has changed. i can’t really get into it without trauma dumping- but it’s been my wish since i was a child. she has truly changed and grown. even my therapist was shocked, and happy for me! i’ve been trying to “manifest” a change in her, for about 3 years- and after applying little to no effort, through what i’ve mentioned above- everything has changed.
(also “manifested” appearance changes, health to be completely perfect, my safety, perfect grades (literally all A+ or straight up 100%s loll, my pets health, and many other things. literally we all “manifest” our entire day just by identification)
i believe, or what has been true personally to me, about the reason behind the struggle of changing anything- even after seeing confirmation of one’s true power, is because it wasn’t a “big” enough accomplishment. they/me have put problems and “desires” on a pedestal- thinking it will be a varying degree to alter, than let’s say the weather. but it is all the same. everything holds the same balance. it is just the ego that convinces you that it does not. we literally shape our “today” and “tomorrow” from memory and identification. when i’ve thought/knew what my tomorrow would be- that is how it was.
i just wanted to say thank you to your kind response to my ask, last time. i know that it wasn’t easy- and i’m so sorry if i’ve caused anyone to feel any negative emotions. i also wanted to say thank you to your- and every other bloggers dedication to helping anons, and continuously posting the truth. you, and adasdisciple (idk how to do the @ thing, im so sorry!!!) as well as, 4dkelly something (i hope they may see this! i apologize for not remembering your user😭) have aided in ways not even professionals, or other bloggers have. my life has done a true 180- and i know it’s only going to get better from here on out. i appreciate everyone’s kindness to my first post, it truly warmed my heart to see so many people sympathizing with my ask. not many people have reacted with such genuine sweetness. thank you so much!! i’m fr feeling on top of the world 😋
wow! i'm so proud of you!!! speechless tbh!
i'll tag them here for you: @adadisciple, @4dkellysworld
What a great wonderful person for coming through for themselves like that and not giving up on themselves. Trying their best with what they’ve understood/learned and ending up victorious.
I admire the dedication (in all of you) and it makes me soooo happy to see people attain this peacefulness and freedom. Everything is thanks to you relying on you and not us blogs (although the selflessness in this work is truly admirable from all nd blogs and i appreciate them to bits)
Thanks for sharing the process with everyone else <3 hope ur life continues to be full of sweetness
(how come I didn't get a notification when I got mentioned 😯!)
And anon!!! 🥹 Your story warms my heart so much and I'm truly humbled to have helped your journey in any way. This is so wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing your story and the process - it will definitely help other Vanessas learn from it. 🫶 I'd love to hear from you again if you've got any interesting experiences to share later on 🥰 truly well done for not giving up on yourself, it was all YOU!
(I just feel all warm and fuzzy rn - GROUP HUG TIME 🫂🫂🫂)
You are fighting shadows. You are wasting your time.
You are nothing, have nothing, can do nothing. Yet all comes out of you — the source is you; the root, the origin is you.
Everything you see and experience is only a mental condition, a dream-like state, easy to dispel by questioning its reality. It's you imagining it as real and fighting it with all your might that keeps it alive.
Both sleep and waking are imagined. In the waking state the world emerges because you are conscious of there being one. We are only dreaming. We dream that we are awake, we dream that we are asleep. Treat everything as such and be liberated. As long as you give reality to dreams, you are their slave. By imagining that you are born as so-and-so, you become a slave to the so-and-so. In this dream you imagine yourself to be a process, to have past and future, to have history. In fact, we have no history, we are not a process, we do not develop, nor decay; see all as a dream and stay out of it.
While it lasts, the dream has temporary being. It is your own desire to hold on to it that creates the problem. Let go. Stop imagining that the dream is yours.
"When you see your dream as dream, you wake up. But in your dream itself I am not interested. Enough for me to know that you must wake up. You need not bring your dream to a definite conclusion, or make it noble, or happy, or beautiful; all you need is to realise that you are dreaming. Stop imagining, stop believing. See the contradictions, the incongruities, the falsehood and the sorrow of the human state, the need to go beyond. Within the immensity of space floats a tiny atom of consciousness and in it the entire universe is contained." - Nisargadatta Maharaj
All depends on you. It is by your consent that the world exists. Withdraw your belief in its reality and it will dissolve like a dream.
As you cannot separate the dream from yourself, so you cannot have an outer world independent of yourself. You are independent, not the world. Don’t be afraid of a world you yourself have created. Cease from looking for happiness and reality in a dream and you will wake up.
I am that I am. Everything else is a choice and not an obligation. You cannot love yourself truthfully when you cannot choose the self or person you wish to express yourself as. You can learn to accept or learn how to view it positively, but without a choice and real freedom no love is actual. You can work on yourself in therapy and learn how to see yourself in a better light for years, all it is is an edurance and a tolerance of who you think yourself to be.
You are that "I Am" with nothing, no one attached to it. The body is temporary, it could die tomorrow. And yet you let it dominate your life and thinking patterns. It might be all you've known how to operate as, but that doesn't change the fact that it is but a habit, one you are a slave of because you identify yourself with. You could work at reconditioning and reprogramming your mind for the rest of your life, but it is a dependent thing, slammed around by conditions and circumstances. You won't be able to beat it into submission, the more you try the more it will rebel — the more it will control you. Anything you fear or work at removing you are a captive of. Reality is effortless. Your real self is effortless. It needs nothing to be what it is.
My asks are all "BUT HOW TO!! HOW TO!!" I keep telling yourself how to, stop believing that you are what you thought yourself to be.
As long as you imagine yourself to be something tangible and solid, a thing among things, actually existing in time and space, short-lived and vulnerable, naturally you will be anxious to survive and increase. But when you know yourself as beyond space and time — in contact with them only at the point of here and now, otherwise all-pervading and all-containing, unapproachable, unassailable, invulnerable — you will be afraid no longer. Know yourself as you are — against fear there is no other remedy.
Consciousness (the world) will stay a prison unless you learn how to move in and out of it at will, only then does it become a home. Only then will you know real happiness and not the temporary relief from pain which you call pleasure.
But how to know!! how to know 😢!!
Knowing is not a technique, it's your sense of being. You know yourself to be a body therefore you behave as a body. To know your real being you have to first abandon what you thought yourself to be.
The experience is of being empty, uncluttered by memories and expectations; it is like the happiness of open spaces, of being young, of having all the time and energy for doing things, for discovery, for adventure. A sense of 'there is nothing wrong with me. I have nothing to worry about'. But not one you condition yourself into like you conditioned yourself into a body, it is one that naturally and effortlessly dawns on you by itself when you reject all else, because it is your natural state.
The person, the 'I am this body, this mind, this chain of memories, this bundle of desires and fears' disappears, but something you may call identity, a sense of independent existence, remains. It enables you to become a person when you want. Love creates its own necessities, even of becoming a person. You love experiencing your creations, life - but you cannot love the things you feel are done to you and not by you. A patient will leave the hospital after he recovers, not when he still believes himself to be diseased. In the same way you can't insist on immediate freedom of choice and action while still believing yourself to be a tiny speck in time and space. You are bound by your own imaginations and delusions, and your refusal to act on what I'm telling you is merely postponing your own recovery.
Don't be like the rich man who has made a detailed will, but refuses to die.
two banished princes who yearned for honor and attention/love from their fathers all their lives…and then got their (really good) redemptions… wow i think i have a type
Q: All you say sounds beautifully convincing. Yet my feeling of being just a person in a world strange and alien, often inimical and dangerous, does not cease. Being a person, limited in space and time, how can I possibly realise myself as the opposite; a depersonalised, universalised awareness of nothing in particular?
M: You assert yourself to be what you are not and deny yourself to be what you are. You omit the element of pure cognition, of awareness free from all personal distortions. Unless you admit the reality of the absolute, you will never know yourself.
Q: What am I to do? I do not see myself as you see me. Maybe you are right and I am wrong, but how can I cease to be what I feel I am?
M: A prince who believes himself to be a beggar can be convinced conclusively in one way only: he must behave as a prince and see what happens. Behave as if what I say is true and judge by what actually happens. All I ask is the little faith needed for making the first step. With experience will come confidence and you will not need me any more. I know what you are and I am telling you. Trust me for a while.
Q: To be here and now, I need my body and its senses. To understand, I need a mind.
M: The body and the mind are only symptoms of ignorance, of misapprehension. Behave as if you were pure awareness, bodiless and mindless, spaceless and timeless, beyond 'where' and 'when' and 'how'. Dwell on it, think of it, learn to accept its reality. Don't oppose it and deny it all the time. Keep an open mind at least. Make your mind and body express the real which is all and beyond all. By doing you succeed, not by arguing.
Q: Kindly allow me to come back to my first question. How does the error of being a person originate?
M: The absolute precedes time. Awareness comes first. A bundle of memories and mental habits attracts attention, awareness gets focalised and a person suddenly appears. Remove the light of awareness, go to sleep or swoon away — and the person disappears. The person flickers, awareness contains all space and time, the absolute is.
"Stuffed into a corner is a copy of a book I know but didn’t expect to see here in this place—Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, bound together in one volume. Mom read to us from one a lot like that back in the mortal world."
nerdystoner!jason | university au | smut | masterlist
synopsis: it’s your last year of university and jason todd has been in your classes, plotting on you. you’d promised yourself you’d make the most of this year, go to more parties, finally lose your virginity, and step out of your comfort zone, while jason steps into yours.
series masterlist
tags + extras: college!au, angst, smoking, drinking, smut, reader is (was) a virgin. jealousy, frat houses mentioned, bsfs!brother, yes the reader has more than one bsf. plottwist. dick is in a frat because of course out of all the batboys it would be him. jason is not in a frat cause he wouldn’t join it, he’d think its stupid but would stick around for some parties for funsies.
a/n: this was fun to write. i love my boy jason, he deserves real college problems that don’t have to do with parents or being a vigilante. in this story, he’s still got those problems too though just wait heh.
the party is loud and obscene.
sweat and warm air cling to your skin as soon as you walk in, and suddenly you’re regretting moisturizing before coming here.
cassandra is to blame for you being here. she practically dragged you out of your dorm, whisper-yelling at you so not to wake anyone on your floor.
“you’re young and hot! stop being a nerd, reading about our shitty judicial system and come get cracked with me!”
she always manages to insult you and make it sound nice at the same time. plus you were tired of studying and feeling like crap for not retaining the information, so leaving your tiny dorm seemed like a good idea. you told yourself you were going to be more fun this year and stop rotting in your bedroom. you were prepared to actually socialize, maybe drink, and talk to a cute boy.
hope flickered behind your eyes until you actually got there and saw the state of the place.
the frat president, dick grayson, and his best friend and co-president, wally west, are doing body shots off of some girl you were sure was part of another sorority. you roll your eyes before walking towards the kitchen, where your bestfriend cassandra was.
you’ve known grayson since middle school, before he even got into this whole frat boy persona. but honestly, it suits him. he makes it work for him and doesn’t get consumed by it, though as his bestfriend, you know the man is a whore.
you pour whatever was in the giant jug into your red solo cup while talking to her with her back turned.
“hey, don’t you think this body shot thing is kinda nasty—”
the sound of lips smacking on lips makes you turn your head upwards to find cassandra making out with stephanie. of course she is. you raise your cup to fake cheers them and walk out of the kitchen. it seems like you gotta find your own entertainment tonight, even if cassandra was the one to drag you to the party with it, it was to see her favourite ex-girlfriend.
“i personally think it’s disgusting.” a raspy voice called, leaning against the wall. smoke clouds around him like a quiet, intoxicating hello.
“are you allowed to smoke in here?” you ask with a slightest tilt of your head.
he shrugs, “there’s people practically fucking on the dinner table. i think my brother won’t mind.”
you raise your eyes, “brother?”
he takes another long drag before beckoning you closer. all six-feet and a half feet of him enchant you to move closer as his muscles flex under that long sleeve black tee he wore.
“see that idiot in the blue?” using his hand with the joint to point.
“grayson is your brother?”
he nods, "we're both adopted."
stumped, you hum. talking about parents and family life wasn't something you did often with grayson, and you never really pushed for more information."
“so you’re part of this frat too then?”
“fuck no. just go to this university too,” shamelessly trailing his eyes down your frame while you scan the room, you don’t catch him doing it. he clears his throat, “you’re in my ethics class.”
you turn to him, “um, yeah. gordans lecture.”
he flashes his gorgeous eyes and white teeth to you, “you’re smart. pretty. always have the answers.”
you nod back, “technically so do you,” responding too quickly, feeling warmth run through your face as you curse yourself for sounding to eager.
you’re trying not to show the way his words were making you feel. he smiles and shakes his head, you try not to look at the way his muscles flexed when he raised it. you take a sip of your drink hoping for it to give you more courage but it was a terrible punch that tasted like more vodka than seltzer. you make an ugh sound and he laughs.
“that’s why i don’t drink ma. that shit is terrible for you.”
you wince slightly, “and i suppose the joint in your hand isn’t bad for you?”
he laughs, stepping away from the wall and closer to you, “i never said it was, but it beats cigarettes don’t it?”
he takes the solo cup from your hand and places it on the table. you don’t really protest.
jason takes another drag as he steps closer to you, inching as his cheeks hollow and his eyes are unwavering. when you thought of someone cute to talk to during the night, you didn’t expect to actually find someone, let alone someone who looked like he could split you in two. maybe it was how low the lights were, maybe it was the fact that you pregamed with cassandra before getting here, or maybe it was the second hand high (if that’s even possible).
but when jason hooked his arm around your waist, you immediately moved into it. his hands move up to your jaw and he gives you a smile again as he looks from eye to eye. when you nod to spur him on, he squeezes your cheeks so your lips fall open and he pulls the joint from his lips, lowering himself so your lips just barely touched.
just ghosting over his lips, you instinctively shut your eyes.
slowly, he pushes the intoxicating air into your mouth, filling your lungs with delicious sin. you breathe it in immediately, tilting your head upwards to get every push of smoke from him. when you open your shut eyes, he’s grinning down at you, satisfaction evident in his tone.
“the smart ones are always freaks hmm,”
you let out a surprised laugh just as grayson spots you from the billiard table and gasps dramatically. you instinctively back up from jason and create space, but his arm lingers by your waist, not touching, but hovering close enough to know the purpose. grayson strides right over, singing your name drunkenly as he makes it to you and wraps you in his arms. he twirls you in his arms in the air.
“you actually came! cassandra listened to me for once!” he laughs before turning to the cutie you were talking to, “jason, are you bothering her?” he turns to you again, “is he bothering you?”
jason laughs as your eyes lift to his tall stature, taking in just how hot he really was.
“no, not at all. he’s sweet.”
jason’s lips fall in surprise and grayson barks out a laugh, “sweet? my brother is sweet? that’s a sentence i never thought i’d hear from a girl.”
jason rubs the back of his head while his joint boats and burns out. he tucks what was left of it behind his ear, letting it hang there.
graysons name keeps getting chanted from somewhere behind you guys, back where he was doing those body shots prior. you recognize the voice of roy harper, calling his name the loudest. grayson moves his head to kiss your cheek like he always does and you duck.
“don’t kiss me with those nasty lips dick, i don’t want herpes.”
he pouts and drunkenly whines, “it’s just the sororities over there that we did it off of,”
“that’s literally not any better.”
jason sighs, “all that bodily fluid,” and shivers, “that is gross dickhead.”
“fine, fine fine. i’ll leave you nerds to talk to eachother.” he starts backing up before turning around to call your name, “this is why you never get laid.”
your face visibly loses colour at how he’d just announced that out loud and grayson is too far to see it. jason gives you a little smile, inching closer to you again. the music engulfs you whole just as grayson is gone and jason is close enough to feel his breath on your skin. he reaches out and fingertips trace up your bare arm to get your attention. you gulp as if in anticipation.
“sooo, you’re a virgin?”
you pfft, “no, what? you think i’m in college and a virgin?”
“well are you?” “does it matter?” you answer too quickly. too defensively.
he gleams, “i don’t care honestly.”
you sigh, “yeah, i am. i’m sick of it honestly i just wanna have sex to get it over with at this point. feels like a big deal for no reason.”
“you don’t care about who you sleep with?” he laughs.
“come on that’s not what i said at all,” you rub your forehead, laughing at your own words now, “i’m just sick of the expectation of it.”
his expression shifts, “yeah i know exactly what you mean. feels like a burden and a weird moral superiority thing.”
at that you find yourself nodding, not expecting this big burly guy to have such a take on sex like you did. then again, he’s minoring in women and gender studies and you vaguely remember him being in one of those lectures too.
“i kinda came to this party to step out of my comfort zone. not be crammed in my room all day buried in my textbooks.”
he offers you a softer smile despite his earlier eagerness, “you sound a lot like me.”
“you a virgin too todd?” you laugh into the emptiness, missing how he freezes at your words until you face him again, “uh, you don’t have to answer that.”
he’s shaking his head, “nah, it’s okay. would you think it’s weird if i say i am?”
your eyes widen, “i kinda find that hard to believe.”
he barks out a laugh, “what’s that mean princess?”
“pardon my bluntness but you’re pretty hot, so i wouldn’t think that you are.”
“so are you,” he tilts his head, “and pardon my bluntness but i’d like you to take that from me.”
you blink hard, suddenly recalling just how close he was to you, “you mean you’d take my virginity for me?”
you’d wanted an opportunity to make a rash decision, and this seemed like the one you’d been searching for. jason todd looked like a snack that was dying to be unwrapped and you wanted to do it. he moves even closer, eyes looking to each of your eyes and then your lips.
“if you’ll take mine,” he grins, pearly teeth and all.
your breath hitches at the proximity. the music drowns out all other people as he lowers himself ever closer to your face, eyes flickering over your lips. his tongue darts out to wet the supple skin before giving it a soft bite that only makes him look all the more kissable.
this was your last year of university. this was your last chance to actually do something that was out of your comfort and have your age and your nativity to fall back on. jason todd was probably the first guy you’d seen on campus that peaked your interest and wasn’t in a frat.
in class, you’d seen him raise his hand from the back of the lecture hall, answering a question about ethics that toed the lines of morality and vengeance. you never really turned back to see him, never really thought that someone like him would even look twice at you. but jason was always staring when you didn’t notice, eyes glued to the back of your pretty head while you took down your thorough notes, sometimes getting shivers down your spine from the sensation of being watched. you never turned back though. you knew of him vaguely but never met him before tonight.
this felt like a fucking sign and god he was so hot.
you breathe in the scent of him, intoxicating marijuana and oud mixing on his skin.
you pick up the solo cup from next to him and down it quickly while he just watches in amusement. you don’t wince this time, particularly cause you wanted to show you were serious and partially cause you were also swallowing down your own pride. you tilt your head towards his then toward the staircase.
“do you have a bedroom here?”
the door just clicked shut and you turn around to him already on you. jason’s lips were on yours before you got anything else out and the scent of him engulfed the space as he trailed his lips up your jaw, coaxing a pretty moan out of you.
he smiles against your skin, pulling up your shirt, “you’re so beautiful. you know that?”
you suck in a sharp breath of air, “stop flattering me.”
he doesn’t respond. how could he?
he places you so gently on his bed like he couldn’t fathom that you’d agreed with him. he pulls away just to stare at you, taking in the sight of you laying there.
“you sure about this?” you nod in response, “no like, actually have to hear you say it.”
“yes jason, i’m more than okay with this,” he smiles as you gently tug on the front of his jeans, “now take your clothes off and let me prove you wrong.”
“oh yes ma’am,” he tugs his clothes off so fast you have to stifle a laugh.
you’re giggling as he pulls you closer to him by your belt loops and seating himself on his bed. he drags you ontop of him and continues his previous ministrations, kissing up your neck to watch you hum in amusement. his fingers toy with the band of your panties, the other drags up your spine. with one hand, he unclasped your bra and you nearly fold in on yourself.
“jason,” you exclaim.
“what? you gotta let me see all of you if you want this sweetheart.”
with a gulp, you lean back on his lap, just enough to let him see you. he gives you a stupid grin while he tugs the straps off your arms, turning into a daze that you could only describe as fucked out even though he hasn’t touched you. his tongue darts out to wet his lips as he mindlessly moves closer to you, murmuring under his breath about how you’d got the prettiest tits.
before you could respond, he latched onto one and sucks, making you jolt in his lap.
“don’t move,” he groans into you, “lemme taste you.”
he laps like a man starved, groaning into your peaked edges and circling with his tongue. you hum low and broken while he raises a hand to toy with the other nipple. it’s messy and it feels insane. he switches to the other, sucking harder like he needed this more than you did and then he’s mouthing up the swell of your breast. hands moving to hold your waist and ease you onto your back in his place, legs effortlessly falling inbetween yours and pulling them further apart.
jason has wanted this from the moment he stepped into that law and ethics class a month ago, silently watching you from afar like he’s been plotting on you.
there’s gentleness in his hands as he traces them down the curve of your sides, trailing lower and lower and lower. his mouth moves quicker, pulling up to your neck before reaching your lips again. he kisses you harder this time, like time was wasting and he needed you now. when his hands reach the button of your pants, you gasp into his mouth and he swallows it down.
between pants, he speaks, “can i?”
you nod, dazed already.
they work faster, pulling them off with your panties as a testament to his desperation. you move with him, unbuttoning his jeans and just pushing them down before he helps you and kicks them away.
“you haven’t noticed me before,” he pants against your skin, hands pulling your leg up by the knee, bracing it around his waist, “have you?”
startled by the question and the situation all at once, you stammer, “uh, what do you mean?”
“i mean,” he leans over you again, leaving sloppy kisses on your jaw as he speaks, “you haven’t seen me in class before, have you?”
you know he knows the answer. that you’d seen him, locked eyes with him even but never said anything to him. it’s university and you don’t talk to every person you lock eyes with, even if they’re the hottest and tallest guy you’d ever seen. not even if you’d daydreamed about him folding you in half while your professor is lecturing on about penalties and ethical conduct.
“i—i have.” you admit
he pulls back for you to see his dazed smile, while he grinds himself through your slick, “good, now we’re being honest.”
mouth agape in a silent gasp. he was so big, you could feel how he was going to split you apart already without even pushing in yet. he smirks like knows it.
he runs his length through your soaked folds, hissing at the warmth that coats him, “shit, you’re soaked for me ma, so pretty.”
you whisper his name as runs it up and down again, collecting slick. he hums in response, “tell me, what do you want me to do to you?”
“please jason,” you whimper when he slaps his hard length against your clit.
“please what? we established you gotta tell me with words baby,” he hums in amusement when you whine again.
bucking your hips up into his, you sigh his name again, “just fuck me already.”
he stops his movements, leaving his angry tip flush against your entrance, teasing but not pushing in yet. heavy enough to feel how it was going to ruin you.
“just fuck you? baby i was gonna do that anyways. i’m gonna ruin you.”
then he pushes in with slowness that made you feel every inch, every ridge, every vein. your lips part and he leans down to kiss you while he inches the rest of himself inside. it was already getting to be too much, so you shut your eyes, trying to adjust to his size, breathing shortened breathes from your nose while he continued to mouth at you. jason stays still to let you adjust, waiting til you start fluttering around him, clenching with need that meant he could move. but he still waits for you to speak and it takes you a moment to realize why he wasn’t moving.
your eyes open to meet his, with sweat beginning to form on his forehead from restraint.
“are you… okay?” he asks in a strained voice from the feeling of you around him.
“s’good, you can move jay,” and he nods moving to tuck his face in your neck.
this was supposed to be a hookup, something fun from your unplanned abstinence since your horrible ex. jason was supposed to be that letting loose that you craved so badly earlier—but why did the his presence already make you wanna melt into him?
jason began to move just at the thoughts got louder in your head. his movements were slow and controlled as though afraid of hurting you. he knew his size, he knew how it might feel for you if he didn’t prep you properly. but you were already so wet for him— how could he resist?
“god sweetheart you feel s’good,”
you moan in response as you hook your legs around his waist, drawing him closer, drawing him deeper. he hisses as he leans down and does something that makes your heart flutter, he kisses the top of your nose, “tell me if it’s too much okay?”
a sigh escapes past your lips, “don’t stop please.”
he whimpers by your ear while you buck into him, choking on his words, “i wasn’t planning on it.”
he drags himself deeper, keeping a slow pace but working himself further with every thrust. his hips moving with a purpose as he memorized the way your body reacts to each one. grasping your thighs as they remained wrapped around him, he grips and squeezes enough to make you moan for him again.
jason drives his hips forward harder when you keep bucking back into him, “no, let me, let me show you what it means.”
you almost don’t ask him from the haze of pleasure clouding your mind but somehow you question, “what it means?”
“you said you wanted me to fuck you,” he pants, “let me show you what it means to be fucked pretty girl.”
the words he chooses felt meticulously practiced, like he knew what would make you lose it. he snaps his hips into yours, watching your head stretch out of the pillow, exposing more of your neck to him. he immediately latches on, leaving marks that a random hookup shouldn’t be leaving. pushing his fat length so far that it hit spots no one had ever reached. your fingers grasped at his back, grounding yourself and forgetting the sharpness of your nails.
he groans so prettily, “fuck yes, keep doing that.”
grinding ever harder into you, enough to make you move up the mattress and make him think you’re moving away from him, “no, no, where are you going pretty?” he drags you right back to his hips, keeping locked in to the hilt.
you cry out, clawing up his back without a care, saying his name over and over.
“keep saying it,” he’s moaning lowly as he drops his hand to circle your clit.
messy circles that had just enough pressure to push you there. panting his name again, you stare at him through glazed eyes that he recognizes, nodding down at you like he knows what it means without you saying it. he makes faster circles, snapping his hips impossibly deep as he goes. the peak grabbing you by the throat and absolutely ruining you. you’re clamping around him while he groans again, his hips stuttering into yours as his pace falters.
“fuck baby, you’re so hot. that was so hot,” he pants too quickly, dropping his head into the crook your neck as he chases his high. “so pretty, so so pretty,” he groans into your skin.
the stimulation is almost too much, his hips deep enough to rub against your clit at every thrust. you felt him pulsing and throbbing right before he pulls out and cums all over your stomach. painting you white, rope after rope pulsing like he’d been pent up, enough that it reaches your tits and even on his abdomen. his pretty whimpers are like another reward as he collapses down ontop of you.
you both hum together in contentment while the high dissipates and his weight grounds you entirely. his cock softens between you while the warmth begins to cool on your stomach. but jason didn’t care about the mess, he only lifted himself off of you to see if you did. before he gets up, he kisses you again, deeper like he wanted to suck the soul out of you. he laps at your lips, plumping them from the drag of his teeth while he bites the bottom one for a moment too long.
he gets up and looks down at you while you were completely worn out, barely staring at him like you were about to fall asleep. he smiles fondly before going to his bathroom and coming back to wipe you off. his hands are careful as he cleans you of the evidence of him, looking up to watch you watch him through tired, fucked out eyes.
“thanks jay,” you hum, needing this to relieve you of the steer stress of the last couple weeks.
he looks up to watch your eyes flutter shut, “i should be thanking you princess.” sitting back down.
you mumble something incoherent while he gets under the covers, crawling right next to you. he opens his arms and inches closer to you when you curl right into him. aching for that warmth of him. jason kisses the top of your head with stupid sweetness while you drift asleep, not thinking of anything but how soft this existence was. then not thinking at all and letting him hold you with trust that jason could never truly understand but swallowed down regardless. he didn’t understand it yet, that for some reason that he can’t place yet, his heart aches for you. he wants like he’s never wanted anything.
but he also feels sorry for what he’s just done. he didn’t mean for this to happen. he didn’t know how you’d make him feel up close.
his phone buzzes on the bedside table and he picks it up, careful not to move you passed out on his chest. roy had texted him a dozen times but the last one made regret creep up his spine and his stomach churn as you let out a content sigh.
you disappeared with her?? don’t tell me i lost the bet…
next ->
a/n: guys i have a midterm tomorrow and if i didn’t post this i felt like i was going to die cause i kept going back and adding more to the story but i also didn’t proofread it cause of course im a lazy fuck and if i do proofread it, im never gonna study for my midterm so enjoy lmao! and if you have midterms, good luck! im lowkey into college au’s lately its sickening. we don’t even have frats where im from lmfaooao. i will be back to proof read this some faithful day 🫡
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆! when your car breaks down, your best friend, tim drake, sends you to the best mechanic he knows - his brother, jason todd. what you expect is for your car to get fixed. what you don't expect, is to fall in love with the mechanic who exhilarates your heart and angers you to no end.
𝘁𝗮𝗴𝘀! this is an alternate universe!!! there is no specific place mentioned, but there are descriptions of geography and nature, inaccurate car stuff, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, multiple chapters, jason is self-deprecating af, romance, smut! cliche tropes as well yall im corny af
Note:- First time writing about them I hope this is not too ooc
Warnings ⚠️:- Slightly freaky (implied) do not read if not comfortable, talks about trauma, nightmares
Their first date in the mortal world is to in-and-out
Jude 'steals' his jewellery to match her outfits from time to time
They both pepper kisses on eachothers scars as a way to show they appreciate and accept the other no matter what
Cardan loves to nibble the tip of her ear
Jude always tries to get him to tell her exactly what he wrote in his letters to her and he always deflects
Cardan loves to undress her himself every night (or day whatever you want to call it)
They bathe together all the time
When they cannot fall asleep they start to plot and work because why not
No matter what they always cuddle while sleeping. Even when they are fighting
Jude tries to sleep on the side of the bed closer to the door... It is her way of trying to protect him if there is an intruder
He has an obsession with calling her his wife. He will bring up the fact she is his wife in any and every converstation possible
They sneak out of the palace all the time just to sun bathe and talk in the forests
Both the king and queen have nightmares and only they both have seen the other in that state of panic
Cardan is always scared that Jude would leave him... It has gotten to the point where she lovingly rolls her eyes and the laughs telling him that would never happen... He says it's not funny (it is funny)
Whenever Jude puts herself in danger and gets hurt, she lies to him saying it does not hurt. All he says is "You are a lying liar who lies alot"
Most nights after their bedroom activites Jude sleeps in his shirt because it's comfortable. Cardan just smirks
Jude loves to just stand and stare at her husband and family getting along playing whatever mortal boardgame Oak had picked for them... She then joins them and wins
Cardan presses their foreheads together when he knows she in upset. A silent way to show that she is not alone
Cardan loves chinese takeout and insists that the royal chefs learn how to make the same food. Jude finds it endearing
Jude once had a nightmare about her time undersea and woke up, tears pricking at her eyes. Cardan tried to console her but she could not stop sobbing (she hated that she could not stop herself)… That was the day Cardan found out what Balekin did to her. Jude had never seen her husband be that angry
They love reading the same book together so that they can debate talk about it
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