[thegreenfieldpost]

Essendon Supporters Guide - 2016

Essendon Supporters: Where to now?

Three years ago, when the supplements scandal first broke, two of my inner circle of Essendon mates said to me, totally independently of each other, that if Essendon were proven to have purposefully administered banned drugs to players they would both start barracking for Richmond. And they seemed to be at least half-serious. I’m not sure why Essendon supporters despise Carlton, Hawthorn and Collingwood, yet have a soft spot for the Tigers. Maybe it’s the sash. Maybe it’s our love of Dimma Hardwick. Maybe it’s pity at the fact they have consistently cocked everything up over the past thirty or so years.

Either way, now, here at Ground Zero, Essendon supporters have a choice to make. How do we tackle 2016? We have had around half of our best team banished to their couches at home for the entire season, are more than likely to get belted every week, and win our first wooden spoon since 1933 with a 0-22 record. Not to mention whatever off-field unpleasantness occurs.

So, setting aside the idea of going and barracking for the (alleged) chopstick warriors at Punt Road, here’s my take on our options as Essendon Supporters.

1. Go Down Swinging (The Dean Wallis technique).

The #In Hird We Trust nuffies will go to every game in force. They’ll point the finger at ASADA, WADA, The AFL, Stephen Dank and anybody who is not the club or James Hird. They will go every week believing we can still win the flag this year, that there will be a miracle. Hope is a beautiful thing, but this can only end in tears.

2. Be Reasonable (The Gary O’Donnell technique)

The club and the players need our support this year, no question. So, you could accept what has happened, and what will probably happen, buy your membership and go when you can stomach it. It won’t be easy, and there’s every chance you’ll be headed for the train before three quarter time, but we need to ignore the scoreboard and watch the development of Fantasia, Parish, Francis, the Merretts and the other kids.

3. Throw Your Toys (The Paddy Ryder technique)

No doubt some supporters won’t be able to deal with what has happened. They won’t renew their membership, they won’t go, watch or listen to games and will invoke many (very valid) excuses when workmates point and laugh at them on Monday after another 25 goal loss on the weekend. It’s hard to blame them.

So the choice is yours. As for me, I bleed red and black, my Dad played in an EFC under 19s flag in the 50s and, as a kid, my fanatical Nanna used to sneak me into the front row of the Hird stand at Windy Hill in the glorious early to mid-80s. To me, what has happened at the Bombers is like your brother getting twelve months in jail for tying an ATM to the back of his ute and driving off. Yeah you messed up, but you are family, forever. I’ll keep going and watching the boys, but will expect pain.

Yes we are hurting, maybe even more than after the 1990 Grand Final, or the ‘99 Prelim (*shudder*), but hold tight, if we can convince these suspended players and our sponsors to hang around, there is light (and possibly a number one draft pick) at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

By Darren Collins

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Dennis Cometti’s Top Ten Draft Selections - 2015

When it comes to the AFL Draft, playing ability is only a small facet of the process.

How would the doyen of AFL commentary, Dennis Cometti, rank these kids?

The wordsmith behind such classics as;

“Spider had both his legs taken out from under him — leaving only the other six to balance on.”

“Farmer may have an injury to his calf... hmm, a farmer with a calf problem!”

“Ball in dispute, Lamb, now Yze the meat in the sandwich. Really, Lamb should be in the sandwich.”

So here is Dennis Commeti's 2015 AFL Draft Top 10 selections:

1. Ben Keays – Brisbane Lions

“Keays with the footy, the space opens up in front of him. He just UNLOCKED the opposition there!”

“Keays has really gone missing in this second term, someone should check down the back of the couch that’s where I usually find mine.”

2. Bailey Rice - St Kilda

“Running goal to Bailey Rice. Rice, Rice Bailey.”

“Scorching day here at Domain Stadium, couple of the players feeling the heat. Bailey Rice looks more like Fried Rice on the bench.”

3. Eric Hipwood - Brisbane Lions

“A flying shot at goal but Hipwood hits the post, he shot from the Hip and hit the Wood!”

4. Tom Cole - West Coast Eagles

“The umpire has given a free kick against Cole, Old King Cole was a merry old soul but young Tom doesn’t look too happy.”

5. Jade Gresham - St Kilda

“A big hit from Gresham there, not quite as big as the books by his uncle John but solid never the less.”

6. Sam Skinner - Brisbane Lions

“Have been impressed with what we’ve seen so far from the young defender, would like to see more Skinner today. That’s one for the Simpsons fans out there.”

7. Oleg Markov - Richmond

“Oh, what a grab! Dare I say, Markov the year?”

8. Wylie Buzza - Geelong

“Wylie Buzza, not sure his teammates have had to think too hard to come up with a nickname for him.”

9. Aidyn Johnson - Port Adelaide

“Bit of friendly fire there as Aidyn Johnson collects his teammate, not quite as helpful as his name would suggest!”

10. Riley Bonner - Port Adelaide

“Gee, I don’t know about holding the ball there! I think Bonner was a bit stiff.”

By Liam Flanagan, @ljflannas

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The Weekly Yank. Article Three.

2015 has been weird. Usually my baseball interest drops off in July when my team annually shits bed however this year they decided to actually try and it took away from my scheduled NBA hype. That World Series dream collapsed last week and while everyone is watching videos of Vampire Bindi Irwin and celebrating the anniversary of a Taylor Swift album (seriously), I’m celebrating the return of my childhood ambitions.

BASKETBALL IS BACK!

What a time it is to be an Australian basketball fan. I’d argue that we’re in the golden age of Aussies in the NBA. Not taking anything away from Luc Longley or Andrew Gaze but just look at the talent from our side of the pond:

Championship point-guard Patty Mills, top 5 draft pick Dante Exum, scrappy finalist Matthew Dellavedova, second year talent Cameron Bairstow, consistent journeymen Aaron Baynes, reigning championship behemoth Andrew Bogut. You can count Kyrie Irving in there if you want but you’d have to wrench him out of a lot of sweaty chubby American hands first.

The best part about all of this is that they’re (for the most part) playing on competitive teams with the games biggest stars. Not mediocre 5th-8th placed cannon fodder teams. I’m talking LeBron James-Stephen Curry-Chris Paul level COMPETITORS.

 Speaking of Mr. Bogut: I noticed earlier in the week #OurBoy Titus O’Reilly decided to give Andrew Bogut a bit of a clip on Twitter:

This eventually escalated into a full on keyboard fight. It was nasty. Cyber blood everywhere.

It’s been a big offseason for Andy: he’s lost about 7kg, he’s had a crack at the Clippers stating they should ‘kiss the championship ring on his middle finger’ and he also officially hates Instagram Models:

 Fellow Aussie NBA player Joel Ingles enjoyed that one. ‘Onya Joel. 

You Gotta See This:

 All other sports take a back seat this week as I take a look at Saturday’s red-hot matchups in the NBA. You can get a FREE TRIAL of NBA League Pass right now. DO IT.

Miami Heat @ Cleveland Cavaliers (ESPN/League Pass, Saturday October 31st, 10am AEDT). LeBron went back to his non-winning ways in 2014-15 after an unlucky playoffs run in his return to Ohio. I guess Patrick Dangerfield was inspired by this as he too will return to his home town only to not win either. Despite 53% of General Managers saying the Cavs will win it all this year, you’d surely have a few roos loose in the top paddock to write off Miami here. With the addition of tough European point guard Goran Dragic alongside the legendary Dwayne Wade and an experienced defensive winger in Luol Deng, this will be closer than you think.

Golden State Warriors @ Houston Rockets (ESPN/League Pass, Saturday October 31st, 12:30pm AEDT). Critics are saying that Houston could be Golden State’s biggest threat in 2015-16. Dwight ‘Big Bitch’ Howard and James ‘Not Quite MVP’ Harden pushed the Warriors last year but with Stephen Curry playing hands-down dominant and Klay Thompson’s 3 pointers numbers getting higher than Sam Newman’s plastic surgery count, I don’t see the Warriors sweating any time soon.

by Nicholas Papadakis

[thegreenfieldpost]

South Melbourne FC in the A-League – It’s Time

When the FFA Cup began last year, the whole point was to the bridge the gap between New Football (the A-League and the FFA) and Old Football (clubs of the NSL, lower leagues and the old Soccer Australia).

For those who don’t follow the inner workings of Australian football, it’s a relationship that’s been on relative non-speaking terms for what’s felt like forever. 

Wrapping up the Wellington Phoenix feels like a heavy-handed solution to a problem that shouldn’t have existed. Nix fans feel every right to feel aggrieved, a moderately sized club who has done very well to be more than competitive on tight budgets. 

But, with New Zealand being in the Oceania Federation (meaning the Nix can’t battle it out for Asian Champions League with the other A-League clubs) or provide the chance to ever get blockbuster TV ratings over here, it’s a blunt but understandable call.

Intel predicts the FFA will try to pull another rabbit out of the hat with the Western Sydney Wanderers MKII, this time located in Cronulla or Wollongong to add to the crowded Sydney sporting marketplace.

This is a terrible idea, namely because it will only cannibalise the existing supporter base of Sydney FC. So, consider the criteria for this new team. A ‘brand’ that cuts through the marketplace, one that provides a derby to existing teams and located somewhere with a lot of potential supporters that aren’t already aligned. That club isn’t just sitting under the nose of the FFA waiting to be formed, they’ve been loudly bashing at the door since the NSL’s life support was turned off in 2004.

South Melbourne F.C (yes, the ETHNIC one) would not only fulfil that criteria, but they have a range of aspects other working class A-League clubs would kill for. They have a loyal and core supporter base that extends a range of demographics, they have a lease on their own state of the art ground for the next 40 years and they have a range of footballing contacts the world over. Instantly there are two derbies created with existing narratives. The South Melbourne/Melbourne City derby would get many down to AAMI Park, as Heart fans mostly disapproved of South Melbourne’s attempt to buy out the club whilst global giants Manchester City were circling. Victory and South already have history, playing in a pre-season game many years ago, where fans aired their grievances at each other about being either old men yelling at clouds or cocky upstart plastics.

Of course, we need to talk finances.

According to John Stensholt and Shaun Mooney’s brilliant book on the first ten years of the A-League, South Melbourne’s had a few bids that have fallen short of the asking price for an A-League license. Their last bid to then Melbourne Heart chairman Peter Sidwell was $7.5 million dollars, almost double than what they’ve been able to offer in the past.   However, those bids appeared doomed from the start and never got any form of stable investor confidence, due to the cynicism in the business community of the FFA affording them an ‘honest’ shot. The money going towards this new NSW team should head straight to SMFC’s coffers. Giving South Melbourne a real go at joining the A-League wouldn’t just be an olive branch between ‘old’ and ‘new’ football, but it would tease back many who are willing to spend their money on Australian football but have been turned off by the new competition.

SMFC not only has geographical significance, but they can also bring a prestige that a new team can’t.  

by Ben Cuzzupe 

Ben likes shouting at fences and has an unhealthy obsession with all sport.

[thegreenfieldpost]

AFL Trade Week diary of a player.

A diary excerpt from an un-named fringe player during AFL trade week

Monday, Day 1 of Trade Week

Pretty nervous about this week.

Had my Exit Interview with the coach last week, it was all pretty positive but I know that no one player is bigger than the club and that if the club decides to move me on there isn’t much I can do about it.

Think I can play a big part through the midfield next year, just need to have a big pre-season and I genuinely believe I’m in the best 22 players at the club.

My manager said I don’t have anything to worry about, I’ve still got a year to run on my contract and as far as he’s concerned I’m not going anywhere.

Tuesday, Day 2 of Trade Week

Got a call from my manager telling me the club are interested in using me as part of a trade to get Nat Fyfe to the club.

Told him to PISS OFF!

I don’t want to move to bloody W.A

I don’t know anyone over there, all my family is in Victoria, and the Dockers spend half their lives on planes travelling every second weekend for games.

This is bullshit!

Wednesday, Day 3 of Trade Week

Spent most of today looking at apartments in Fremantle.

Pretty expensive but it sounds like the deal I’ll be getting is a bit more than I am on at the moment so shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s actually got me wondering why I’m not on a bigger deal already, I’ve been in the system for three years now, I’ve got 30 games to my name and the truth is if I was at a club like Essendon or the Gold Coast Suns I would’ve played even more.

I’ve always loved playing at Subi, it will be amazing to have it as my home deck and I’m bloody excited at the prospect of big Sandi tapping the ball down my throat at stoppages.

Spoke to a couple of lads from the Dockers and they reckon the travel isn’t that bad once you get use to it. And apparently all the chicks in Perth are smoking hot!

Thursday, Day 4 of Trade Week

Manager called to say Nat Fyfe has turned down the clubs offer and has signed an extension with Fremantle.

Bloody excited that I’m not being traded. I think we’re really building towards something and the core group of players is a great bunch of blokes and I think we’ve genuinely got a chance of playing finals next year and giving the premiership a crack.

Mum and Dad were pretty happy too, they told me that there was no way they were going to fly five hours each way to watch me play footy.

Friday, Final Day of Trade Week

I’ve been traded to Brisbane for a third round draft pick.

Shit.

[thegreenfieldpost]

The Weekly Yank. Distractions.

I’ve been distracted lately. The AFL trade period/annual Brisbane Lions exodus is in full swing, Pauline Hanson has stuck her head out of whatever bin she’s been residing in but my distraction was mainly because of this:

Australia just shafted the entire United Kingdom in one world cup. The only thing left to do is remove the Union Jack!

Speaking of Rugby and shafting the opposition, let’s chat about a fella who has been doing that his whole life.

Former Parramatta highlight-reel Jarryd Hayne has captured the attention of Australians everywhere as he begins his NFL career. And why wouldn’t we pay attention? He’s big, fast, strong and he’s probably giving a different American girl the ol’ Yankee Doodle on a daily basis. But what about his football?

Australian big-man and 2015 NBA champion Andrew Bogut was certainly impressed by this:

The Hayne Plane is being praised for adapting so quickly and is being rewarded with some good opportunities at the 49ers this season (some not so great).

However: it’s tough to go into the NFL without becoming a bit of a wanker and we’re starting to hear some alarm bells from our boy:

An American accent? Chirping refs? Calling everyone ‘baby’ and ‘dog’? You’re from Minto: we love you but give the US slang a spell.

Sure, your teammates might not understand 90% of what you’re saying but don’t make me send this guy over there mate:

YOU GOTTA SEE THIS:

• MLB: New York Mets vs. Chicago Cubs – National League Championship Series  (ESPN, Thursday October 22nd, 11am AEDT)

With the much loved/despised Yankees eliminated, New York is rallying behind its baby brother. The Mets have been putrid for a long time and so have the Cubs. The odds of these two teams going all the way at the start of the season was ultra-slim to none, but at least Back To The Future 2 predicted a Cubs win in 1989. Fairy tale finish regardless of the result.

• NFL: Philadelphia Eagles @ Carolina Panthers (Channel 7, Monday October 26th, 11:30am AEDT). The undefeated Panthers Quarterback Cam Newton visited Australia earlier this year and spent some time with the Richmond footy club learning our game. Up against the Tigers players he looked like a super-fit goliath. To be fair though even Darryl Summers looks fit next to Richmond players, but this game is worth watching just to see Newton physically devour other humans.

• NHL: Washington Capitals @ Edmonton Oilers (NHL Network Online, Saturday October 24th, 12pm AEDT). The super young Oilers recently drafted 19 year old ‘once in a generation’ player Connor McDavid. The Oilers are kinda like the Melbourne Demons: years of good draft picks, new coaches, loyal fans etc. but they’re still complete poop. The only difference now is that 4 games into the season McDavid is on fire. If he continues this form the Oilers will make the playoffs. How’s Jack Watts going Dees fans?

As for the NBA Season: October 27th.

Me too Kobe, me too.

by Pappy

Nick (Pappy) is a Tasmanian who moved to Toronto, Canada in the hope of not being ridiculed for being Tasmanian anymore. He spends every waking hour watching sports, particularly the American kind. He also eats a lot of pizza

[thegreenfieldpost]

Why basketball is bigger than soccer in Australia.

Basketball’s popularity in this country has increased dramatically over the last couple of years from the success of Aussie NBA players Andrew Bogut, Matthew Dellavadova and always crowd favourite Patty Mills.

Now, it comes back to Australia for the revamped NBL season that features the best Aussie talent and even a few ex-NBA players.

Tell me where the “A-league” is capable of being able to draw the best home grown talent with players from the EPL? Yeh, I didn’t think it was possible. But to their credit, they have built a great following in recent years, but it’s still not as exciting to watch as the NBL.

This NBL season is going to be great… We have some of the best Aussies coming back home to revamp the league that has been down the past couple of years. Although not household names, they certainly will provide much better highlights throughout the year.

The pre-season blitz has already had more highlights to rival a full A-League season. Dunks, Dunks and more Dunks. How is that not better than Soccer already and “we’re talking about practice?”

One of the main reasons that basketball is better than soccer is the crazy amount of games they play within the season. Not only do we have the NBL who plays 28 games for their season per team, but we also have the privilege of watching 82 games over 30 teams in the NBA over the next 8 months.

The NBA season is going to be the best season they’ve had in the last couple of years. 

All the superstars are back - Kobe, Durant, Carmelo, Kevin Love, Kyrie. What else can you want for the summer? The highlights and the drama alone give you much more reason to stay tuned.

I’d love to hear what is going to be the main attraction for the soccer season this year? Maybe someone will score; maybe someone will win an Oscar for a winning acting performance; maybe we can get up at 2am to watch the EPL?

Basketball is so much better than Soccer and the go-to this summer. Watch a fast paced sport with the greatest athletes in the world. Or just watch a movie, there’s better acting than a soccer match.

by James McKinnon

James likes to help little old ladies reach the top shelf in the supermarket.

[thegreenfieldpost]

Punting tips from a person without a winner since 1997*

The spring racing carnival is underway and the first of the 'mega meetings' is this Saturday with the running of the Caulfield Cup - the first leg of the famous 'Cups double.'

Throw in the Cox Plate - Australia's weight-for-age championship - the following Saturday before we head into the famous four day Flemington Melbourne Cup carnival and this is the time of year when racing takes centre stage in the crowded sporting landscape.

But to truly enjoy your day at the races it helps if you can back a winner - if only to pay for the outrageous general admission and food and drink prices you have to endure at the track.

However it's hard enough for seasoned punters to back a winner at this time of year let alone the 'once a year' punters - who often rely on luck.

There is nothing wrong with that of course and if you can back a winner by picking a horse based on its name or your favourite number then good luck to you.

But if you want to have a slightly better chance here are some useful guidelines.

Firstly fairy tales might happen in the movies but they rarely happen on the race track.

So that means sticking to the proven trainers and jockeys, the big names who regularly dominate the spring carnival.

And when it comes to trainers you can do a lot worse than follow the W's - Chris Waller, Darren Weir, Gai Waterhouse and Lloyd Williams.

You won't see the name Lloyd Williams - the Crown Casino founder and record equalling four-time Melbourne Cup winning owner - in the form guide (they are trained by a man few people believe actually exists named Robert Hickmott) but make no mistake Lloyd is the man calling the shots.

And when the races are run at Caulfield also don't underestimate those trainers based there such as Mick Price, Robert Smerdon and Peter Moody while veteran trainer David Hayes has been the star of the early part of the spring carnival.

When it comes to jockeys, the big three are Damien Oliver, Glen Boss and Craig Williams.

But there is also Hugh Bowman, the jockey for the all-conquering Waller stable, while the combination of trainer John O'Shea and jockey James McDonald should also always be respected.

O'Shea and McDonald are of course the Australian faces of the world's most powerful racing outfit - the Dubai based Godolphin stable.

The spring racing carnival has long ceased to be the domain of Australian and New Zealand horses and now is truly an international event.

But lining up the overseas form with our own makes finding a winner even tougher.

Again here are some general rules.

In the shorter races - 1600m and below back the Australian horses which are mostly bred for speed.

But in longer races - 2000m and above and especially the Melbourne Cup (3200m) the overseas horses are generally far superior because they are better bred stayers.

Remember last year the three big races - Caulfield Cup, Cox Plate and Melbourne Cup - were all won by overseas based horses.

But which ones should you go for.

Forget the English horses - apart from the gallant Red Cadeaux they are overrated squibs who hate our hard tracks and don't race well in big fields.

However the Japanese, French and Irish horses are all proven winners in Australia.

But all is not lost for those that want to be patriotic and back the locals, particularly if you count our Kiwi brothers.

New Zealand's top trainer Murray Baker has an excellent chance of snaring the Caulfield Cup on Saturday with Mongolian Khan while Lloyd Williams already has a strong Melbourne Cup contender in Amralah.

But don't ask me how to fill out a TAB ticket - that would take another article in itself.

Good luck and good punting.

by Paul Gough

*Goughy is a former sportswriter whose greatest punting success was snaring the 1997 Melbourne Cup trifecta.

[thegreenfieldpost]

The emotional stages of free agency.

Ah, the AFL trade period. It easily the biggest event on the AFL calendar but it’s an emotional roller coaster for the fans. It makes a big difference if your team is a club that players actually want to go to or if it’s one they avoid like it’s Chernobyl.

Here’s a look at the emotional stages of free agency for destination club fans and non-destination club fans.

For fans of destination clubs

Hope The trade period begins with boundless hope, as every top free agent declares they would love to come to your club and some who aren’t even free agents do too.

Some only got drafted last year! Life is sweet.

Excitement The excitement builds as your main free agent target says he’ll take a reduced wage to join your club. ‘How good is this free agent stuff?’ you think as you again watch the replay of your recent Grand Final win.

Even more excitement

Several players have now committed to you and you’ve had to give up almost nothing for them. A top fifty player for a 50th round pick? You didn’t even realise there was a 50th round but you’re happy to see it go to the team who won the wooden spoon last year. Good luck to them.

Seriously, as a supporter of a destination club you can’t believe this free agency stuff isn’t illegal. It’s like having about ten feeder teams working for you every season.

Every day is Christmas

A player you weren’t even expecting to get has signed with your club! You quickly renew your membership. Not only has your club got stronger but you’ve weakened several other clubs significantly.

You can’t stop smiling. It’s like being in love but more intense.

Bliss

Life is great, footy is great. You head into summer looking forward to next season and without a care in the world.

For fans of non-destination clubs

Hope

The trade period begins with the hope a few smart trades will get you the players to turn this thing around. You’ve heard no rumours linking big stars to your team but you’re sure the club is working on a deal so big they’re just keeping it very quiet.

Concern

That big deal seems to be being kept really quiet. Unfortunately, several other players are being linked to your club and it’s not good.

All of them are terrible and you seem to be offering them enormous amounts of money over decades.

Excitement

A player you are actually keen on is linked to your club. Finally! They’re not the big fish you’d hope for but they’re actually decent and a big upgrade.

Panic

Everything you’re hearing sounds bad. You urge your club to throw insane amounts of money at players you would normally tell them to run away from.

All your good free agents are leaving the club. You can’t even retain your players let alone attract new ones.

You have serious concerns that you may not even be able to field a team next season.

Despair

So that guy’s not coming after all. Turns out they want to play finals sometime this century.

All the other good players seem to have been sown up too. Unfortunately, all the players you didn’t want have grabbed the insane amount of money your club offered them.

The free agents you had at your club have left except for the one you wanted to trade and the club has paid too much for him too.

Denial

You convince yourself that the guy you wanted isn’t that good anyway. You also manage to convince yourself that the C grade talent you have recruit is actually B+ talent.

That’s going to set you up for even bigger disappointment when these guys actually start playing for you next season.

Anger

Free agency is a joke. All it does is move the good players to the good teams! What’s the point?

Man your club sucks. Why do you bother to fork over all that money to pay for a bunch of spuds to run around? Where’s the equalisation AFL?

That’s it, you’re going to follow another sport.    

Acceptance

This is just how it is. You’re always going to be terrible but you love your club. Perhaps this year will be different anyway.

In footy there’s always hope, even if it is false hope.

by Titus O’Reilly

Titus is known as ‘the voice of Australia’s working class’, despite the fact he long lost touch with them and in the main, reality.

[thegreenfieldpost]

The Weekly Yank. Article One.

October is a beautiful time of year for North American sports fans. Baseball playoffs begin. Hockey and basketball are just around the corner and the NFL is celebrating its first month in 6 years where no players were arrested.

Australia is usually void of good sport in October. You’re probably telling yourself: “hey, Sam Frost is really hot but there’s only so many rose ceremonies I can tolerate… maybe there’s more for me in the universe?”

That’s where I come in. You know that annoying guy you meet at a house party who knows the most pointless shit about North American sports? Yeah that’s me.

Oh, speaking of roses: I’m going to start by giving a quick shout out to the Wallabies for running the Poms an ABSOLUTE. FUCKING. BATH in the Rugby World Cup last weekend.  Devastated teenage Pappy from 2003 has a message for you England:

“Swing low on your sweet chariot and cup my balls.”

Anyway, it’s October baby! For me it’s all about Baseball this week. Here’s why:

• If there was ever a time to jump onto Baseball, it’s now. After 162 REGUAR SEASON GAMES (!!!!!!): the playoffs begin tomorrow and notorious cellar-dwellers in the Cubs, Mets and Blue Jays have all made it this year. Let me put that into perspective for you: the Cronulla Sharks and Western Bulldogs both win premierships in 2016. I KNOW.

• Know who this is?

That’s Liam Hendriks. He’s from Perth, he’s a pitcher for my Toronto Blue Jays and he’s a very good chance at becoming only the second Aussie to win a World Series. This is a big deal.

You Gotta See This…

• MLB: National League Wild Card Game: Chicago Cubs @ Pittsburgh Pirates, 11am Thursday October 8th (AEDT) In a 2003 playoff game an absolute moron interfered with play that cost the Cubs their World Series push. They hadn’t won since 1908 and still haven’t. That’s almost as long as Richmond.

• NFL: Seattle Seahawks @ Cincinnati Bengals, 4am Monday October 12th (AEDT). These two teams rarely play each other but it’s the Bengals’ one-man offence in A.J. Green vs. the Seattle Super D. Set to be a bigger shit-fight than Abbott vs. Turnbull.

• NHL: New York Rangers @ Chicago Blackhawks, 11am Thursday October 8th (AEDT).  The NHL kicks off Wednesday. For most of you that’s about as relevant as Caroline Wilson’s opinion but all eyes are on Chicago’s Patrick Kane: a top 5 player who just won his 3rd Stanley Cup. He bashed a taxi driver 3 years ago and is under review for various assaults. He’s going to get scrutinized more than Harley Bennell’s social endeavors.

I haven’t forgotten you either Basketball fans. That all begins in a few weeks. Don’t worry though: the NBA twitter beefs have already started…

by Nicholas Papadakis

Nick is from Tassie and spends too much time watching American sports and eating pizza. 

[thegreenfieldpost]

Hawthorn’s dominance is bad for footy. When will it end?

This is one column I never thought I would have to write.

As an AFL and soccer fanatic, I have never understood the attraction of rugby league.

And when last year's NRL grand final produced so much more excitement than the AFL equivalent, I dismissed it as a fluke - only because South Sydney ended a 43 year premiership drought.

But after sitting through another boringly one-sided, Hawthorn dominated AFL finale and then watching North Queensland's incredible, heartstopping, fairytale maiden NRL grand final win the day after - I hate to admit it but right now the NRL has a superior product to the AFL.

The NRL grand final had everything the AFL's lacked - a contest, a romantic winner and the right mixture of attack and defence.

Part of the AFL's problem is the current dominance of Hawthorn and before that Geelong (seven of the past nine flags between them) has eroded what was once the competition's strength - it's evenness and the fact most sides had a genuine chance of winning the flag.

Yet Hawthorn has now won 12 of the past 44 premierships meaning a Hawthorn flag comes around more often than the Olympics.

So is it any wonder fans of the other clubs besides the Hawks (whose fans consider a premiership to be their birthright) are becoming utterly disenchanted.

So as Hawthorn prepares to emulate Collingwood (1927-30) as the only club to win four successive premierships next year, the big question is can anyone stop them.

And while the answer to that question depends largely on player movements in the coming weeks, here is my early take on what hope the other 17 clubs have of knocking off the Hawks next year.

ADELAIDE: About to lose key player Patrick Dangerfield to Geelong. No hope.

BRISBANE:  Won just four games this year and about to lose some of their few stars to rivals. Years away.

CARLTON: New coach in former Hawthorn assistant Brendon Bolton gives hope for improvement but have a dreadful list.

COLLINGWOOD: Quite bullish about the Pies. Good young list despite missing the finals the past two years. Shapes as a big improver.

ESSENDON:  New coach in John Worsfold - who is everything James Hird was not - will spark improvement but still a long way off it.

FREMANTLE: Have had their chance and blown it. Expect decline.

GEELONG: The last team other fans would want to see emerge to challenge Hawthorn given their own recent dominance but if they can get Dangerfield from Adelaide, expect the Hawks-Cats dominance to continue.

GOLD COAST: Will improve in Rodney Eade's second year as coach next year but top eight best they can hope for.

GWS GIANTS:  Definite top eight contenders next year but still a couple of years away from a flag.

MELBOURNE: Apart from their great hope Jesse Hogan, not much to recommend.

NORTH MELBOURNE: Like Fremantle an ageing side that might have had their best opportunity.

PORT ADELAIDE: Too bad to be true this year after almost beating the Hawks in 2014 preliminary final.  One of the few teams capable of toppling Hawthorn next year.

RICHMOND: One of the great underachievers. Good enough to challenge but doubt they will.

ST KILDA:  Making good progress under Alan Richardson but still a fair way off.

SYDNEY: Another ageing side that has seen better days and Lance Franklin's health a serious worry.

WEST COAST: The logical danger to the Hawks. Young side on the way up and the last two times they lost a grand final, immediately rebounded to win the flag the next year.

WESTERN BULLDOGS: Surprise packets of this year but will get a much tougher draw in 2016 and will do well to hold their ground.

*Goughy is a former AFL and soccer sportswriter who is now an NRL convert.

by Paul Gough

Goughy is a former AFL and soccer sportswriter who is now an NRL convert.

[thegreenfieldpost]

5 Reasons NRL fans are better off with an all QLD Grand Final.

There’s never been a worse time to be a New South Wales supporter. 

Coming from a Blues fanatic living on the wrong side of the Tweed, I’ve watched Queenslanders ride the crest of a wave of greatness for far too long.

They dominate in State of Origin. Their players flood the ranks of the Kangaroos. And now they’ve taken control of the Grand Final.

The Broncos will play the Cowboys for the Premiership on Sunday, and they’ll do so on the green grass of ANZ Stadium, which I believe is kept healthy by the tears of Mitchell Pearce.

But guess what? I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited for a Grand Final.

Here’s five reasons why NRL fans are better off watching this maroon-soaked affair:

1. JT’s finest hour

Johnathan Thurston has picked up a record-breaking fourth Dally M Medal to cement himself as the greatest player of the NRL era. 

At this point JT has his Rugby League Immortality in the bag, but there’s one thing he’s never done. He’s never captained his team to Grand Final glory.

Thurston arrived at the Cowboys in 2005 to become the centre-piece of that club, and took them all the way to the big dance. Now 10 years on from that loss to the Wests Tigers he’s led them back for another shot. 

The Cowboys will start underdogs for this one, coming up against the big brother whose shadow they could never escape. 

Thurston realises what everyone else in the Rugby League community already knows; this is the defining moment of his career. 

2. The dawn of the new Broncos era

If Brisbane don’t win this game don’t think you’ll be rid of them anytime soon. Because mark my words, they’ll be back for the first weekend of October next season.

Not since two blokes by the names of Alfie and Kevvie were running around have Broncos fans had more to be tickled about. 

Blues supremo Phil Gould has already described Ben Hunt as the second-best halfback in the competition, and he’s been partnered by one of the sport’s brightest sparks in Anthony Milford. 

The spine is rounded out by Wayne Bennett’s favourite adopted son Darius Boyd, and the serially underrated Andrew McCullough. Their forward pack is devastatingly talented, brimming with Test and Origin experience. Throw in young dynamo Kodi Nikorima and the so-powerful-it’s-not-funny Corey Oates, and Brisbane will be pounding opposition into the dirt for years to come. 

3. We’re making history here folks

When the Broncos and the Cowboys run out on Sunday night it will mark the first time two Queensland sides have ever met in a Grand Final. History will be made at ANZ Stadium, which is fittingly an even playing field for both sides. Not to mention North Queensland is marking its twentieth year in the competition, and Maroons villain Justin Hodges is playing his final NRL game. This match has more than just a whiff of greatness about it. 

4. Wayne Bennett 

Speaking of Grand Finals, the Broncos coach has never lost one. 

Whether it be once-in-a-lifetime genius or voodoo magic, Wayne Bennett is the master when it comes to winning the premiership. 

Every one of Brisbane’s six wins have come under his watchful gaze, and he took the Dragons to premiership glory in 2010. Now Gran Torino is back at his beloved Broncos, picking up the key he left under the mat. 

Paul Green will earn himself a lifetime supply of XXXX if he pulls this one off. 

5. The footy! 

The game between the Broncos and Cowboys in Week One of the finals was the greatest contest I’ve seen all year. 

Before a packed-house at Suncorp Stadium these two heavyweights went at 100 miles an hour for 80 minutes of Origin-like intensity, before Brisbane scraped away with a 16-12 victory. 

Now those same teams are meeting once again on the biggest stage of them all.

Both Brisbane and North Queensland play the style of footy that has made their state so successful in Origin over the past decade, and boast some of the biggest names this sport has to offer. 

Strap yourself in. This one’s going to be a beauty. 

by Matt Petropoulos

[thegreenfieldpost]

Is it time to ban booze during the Footy?

We saw the worst of society in the AFL preliminary finals last weekend:

One guy struck a woman then had the gall to tell the court that he “had injuries too” (that dog of a man was lucky security staff got there before his injuries prevented him from complaining about them without a Morse code machine that took the pulses of the only finger left working in his hand); 

Another idiot held up a fist pretending he was about to hit Isaac Smith;

And one abused Luke Breust moments after he was hurled into the fence.

By all reports, all three incidents by blokes working feverishly on tomorrow’s hangover.

So should we ban booze at sporting events?

Here are some of the arguments I’ve heard this week and why they’re flawed:

You can only get alcohol by pre-purchasing a maximum of three drinks that are then put onto your match.

People will always find a way around regulations.

It might even lead to a black market whereby teetotalers profit from their moral high ground by loading up their tickets and selling the drink credits for inflated prices to parched boozehounds.

The profit margins will probably be the same as the guy across the road from the MCG hiring out his 40-square-metre backyard for parking at $6 a pop, but that won’t stop it from eventuating.

We should ban booze between sirens.

Why should we be punished for the actions of a tiny few that have the inability to act like human beings when they’re pissing on? Sure this argument is flawed because, even if it the law put the onus on society for all laws and, say, allowed murder, most people would still be able to refrain from that. But still, you can’t ban booze because a select few abuse it, much like you can’t ban long hair on guys just because a select few decide to embarrass themselves by putting them into top knots.

Reduce the number of bars at ovals to make it harder to get a drink.

This is the equivalent of trying to stop people from driving by making all freeways one lane wide. Next.

Ban all dickheads.

This one is actually a great idea. Of course the only flaw in this one is the identification system. What are the indicators of a dickhead? A mullet? Tattoos? Sub woofers in your car? Having the first name Ricky and/or the surname Nixon?

So, as great as this plan is, it would be too hard to police until it’s too late. We can dream that one day we might create a Minority Report-esque method of preventing dickhead behaviour before it happens, swooping in seconds before a Fev urinates on a restaurant window or tries to give Juddy pressure points on national TV.

But, considering we still don’t have the technology to edit tweets, that might be a while off.

We’ll always have booze and we’ll always have moron. But if living with a bloke who got fired while doing Dry July for masturbating at work has taught me anything, it’s that morons will be around even if booze isn’t.

So just look after yourself at the footy, keep an eye on the people around you and, above all, don’t be the only form of life below a cockroach and hit women. But I know you won’t.

So drink on!

by Nick Gill

Nick is the only ex-AFL player to have a worse goal-kicking record than John Butcher

[thegreenfieldpost]

The who cares Grand Final for a frustrated old man.

Let me get this straight from the outset - I don't hate either Hawthorn or West Coast.

And as my colleague Ben Cuzzupe points out in his excellent article, the Hawks will deserve to be remembered as one of the greatest, if not the greatest team in VFL/AFL history if they join Brisbane (2001-03) as the only team to win three straight premierships in the modern era on Saturday.

As for the Eagles one can only admire how quickly they have been able to re-build another team capable of winning a premiership with just one survivor (Sam Butler) from their last premiership-winning team in 2006.

And unlike that team - which was full of players whose careers and lives later ended up in the headlines for all the wrong reasons such as Daniel Kerr and Ben Cousins and to a lesser extent Chad Fletcher, Michael Gardiner, Adam Hunter and Daniel Chick - this current Eagles' team is full of admirable players led by Nic Naitanui and Matt Priddis.

But call me a frustrated and even embittered Gen Xer - who at the age of 44 is yet to even see his team play in a grand final - but I really couldn't care who wins on Saturday.

As a man who saw his original club Fitzroy mercilessly booted out of the competition - a foundation club in the AFL's centenary year (1996) no less - and then stupidly chose to support Richmond with equal passion, it is hard not to feel jealous at the exploits of Hawthorn and West Coast.

I have long given up hope of ever seeing Richmond (two finals wins in 33 years) ever reach a grand final let alone win one but wouldn't it have been great this year to see North Melbourne reach the big dance or the Western Bulldogs or even Adelaide in such an emotional year for that club following the death of coach Phil Walsh mid-season.

And if Melbourne or St Kilda were running out onto the MCG on Saturday I would be as keen to be part of the 100,000 crowd as if the Tigers were playing.

But when you are instead watching Hawthorn saddle up for their 13th grand final in the past 33 seasons or West Coast get ready for their sixth in 25 seasons, forgive me if I am a little less enthusiastic than usual.

Of course, I will watch Saturday's grand final.

But having attended every grand final between 1988 and 2009 and having already seen both of these clubs do the lap of honour around the MCG on several occasions on grand final day - I am more than happy to be watching this one from the comfort of my own lounge room.

by Paul Gough

Goughy is a former AFL sportswriter who can only dream of following an AFL club as successful as the Hawks and the Eagles.

[thegreenfieldpost]

Haters be damned, Clarkson’s Hawks are for the footy purist.

In Brisbane’s run into the 2004 Grand Final or when Geelong’s attempts in 2012 and 2013 fell short, the public sentiment turned had long turned on them. They weren’t applaud off, they were mercilessly mocked.

Many had gotten sick of someone taking all the spoils again and again.

But, regardless of what happens on Friday or even next week, there is no doubting this Hawks side is amongst one of the great teams. Not just in terms of wins and losses or flags, but in terms of pure footballing aesthetic.

Think of the way this Hawks side came to prominence. Out of the era of peak defensive flooding and dour football came a Geelong team that had many similarities with that great Brisbane Lions side - A physically intimidating and attack minded unit that grinded many opponents into the dirt.

Clarkson’s men had a good 2007 and an outstanding 2008. They not only were able to briefly go with that Geelong team, but found out a way to rob them of what should have been a comfortable three peat.

For 18 months, Collingwood and St.Kilda took their place as the greatest threat to Geelong’s dominance, but their fortunes rose and collapsed as quickly as they arrived. After dealing with a swathe of injuries, suspensions and player turnover, the Hawks returned from their poor showing in 2009 and 2010.

In 2011, they let slip a Grand Final spot. In 2012, they were overcome by another good team at the death. In 2013 and 2014, they were by far the best side in the league.

What makes this Hawthorn team so special, is it’s by pure design. It’s a philosophy, an ideology.

To defend, they block off passing lanes and force the opponent long down the ground. They swarm and force through a sheer weight of numbers a turnover.

In attack, it’s basically keepings off as skilled laser-like passes guide the ball down the ground to their array of attacking threats. They rotate through, zone and press perfectly with the intricate design and timing of a crafted upmarket Swiss watch.

Players seem to be aware of their surroundings at all times, almost telepathic in the way they communicate.

There’s a reason for this. Depending on who you ask, there is a pre-game ritual that happens behind closed doors at Waverley Park. Members of the team surround a heap of cut up playing cards. Scrawled on these cards are the roles for each player in the team.

The cards are placed in the centre of a circle, and one by one everyone has to pick up a card and guess what role belongs to which teammate. No one leaves until all are on the same page.

By all means, hate the two year members and the other bandwagoners that hop on for this ride.

The last laugh is on them, as it’s a form of support that is shallow and empty. It will not fulfil them and deep down they know how treasonous it is to get on when things are going well.

For sure, hate the captain Luke Hodge for his boorish on field actions and his moronic off-field indiscretions. Completely and utterly understandable.

But remember this.

What this group produces, doesn’t come along often. This is the sort of football that many in the industry could only dream of creating. It’s a meeting of substance AND style. A grand vision, a masterpiece that has a million different details and flourished strokes of a fine brush.

As much as it is a bitter pill to swallow by watching them enjoy the spoils of victory, for the purists, enjoy what’s on offer while it lasts.

By Ben Cuzzupe

Ben likes to shout at fences.

[thegreenfieldpost]

Which team has the most to lose this week?

It’s that beautiful time of year again when the field has been whittled down to four and the preliminary finals are upon us.

The footy purists say it’s the best weekend of the year as the corporates take a back seat and the fans make up the vast majority of the crowds.

In 2015 there’s a different spin on things with Domain Stadium preparing to host both grand final qualifiers for the first time ever.

It goes without saying that, outside grand final day, the stakes don’t get any higher.

But besides the obvious devastation of missing out on a grand final berth that awaits the two losing clubs, which team has the most to lose this week in a broader context?

4. West Coast

Based on pre-season predictions, the Eagles are the joker in the pack this weekend. Few thought Adam Simpson’s men were capable of making the finals, let alone hosting a preliminary final, after their two key defenders Eric Mackenzie and Mitch Brown suffered season-ending knee injuries in the early months of the campaign. But they have taken all before them this season to be premiership favourites eight days out from the grand final. Of course losing a home preliminary final, and the chance at a flag, would be devastating but in the scheme of things it isn’t likely to be the end of the world. West Coast have the eighth youngest list in the AFL and now look set for a sustained period success with stars on every line.

3. North Melbourne

It might look funny to read that the Kangaroos have more to lose this weekend than their opponents West Coast despite being rank outsiders. But after making a preliminary final last year, North loaded up again with experienced talent in a clear statement of intent that their time is now. Jarrad Waite and Shaun Higgins have proven to be inspired recruits, but if the Kangas fall at the second-last hurdle again this year, how many more shots at the title does this current group have? North has the second-oldest list in the AFL with 10 players on the wrong side of 29. The bottom has the potential to fall out from underneath the Kangaroos very quickly in 2016. If they don’t make hay this year, it could be a long wait before they get close to the summit again.

2. Hawthorn

The Hawks are just one win away from attempting what only five sides in the 119-year history of the VFL/AFL have achieved – winning a hat-trick of premierships. Only one team (Brisbane Lions) has been able to claim a ‘three-peat’ in the last 58 years which highlights just how tough it is to accomplish in the national competition. They would become the first Hawthorn side to ever do it and would have serious claims on being regarded as one of, if not, the greatest teams of all time if they did. Opportunities like these are rare as hen’s teeth and to come so close only to be denied would be a very bitter pill to swallow for Alastair Clarkson and his charges. But if they were to lose to Fremantle this week, they can at least rest easy with the fact that they won the last two premierships and some of their players claimed a third back in 2008.

1. Fremantle

Without question the Dockers and coach Ross Lyon have the most to lose of any team this weekend. Their meeting with Hawthorn on Friday night is the culmination of numerous failed premiership bids under Lyon. After being perennial contenders in the last four seasons, they have now been presented with another golden opportunity to qualify for a grand final and also win one for the first time since they entered the competition in 1995. They have a home preliminary final with more than half of their players not only avoiding plane travel for a month but also enjoying increased rest having only played one game in that same timeframe. A loss to the Hawks after finishing the season on top of the ladder would be a catastrophe for a club that boasts the oldest list in the competition. Season 2015 feels as though it is the last chance for ageing key players Aaron Sandilands, Matthew Pavlich, Luke McPharlin, Michael Johnson and David Mundy as a collective unit to win a flag. If they fall short yet again this year, just when will the Dockers break through for their maiden premiership? A huge question mark would certainly hang over Freo’s ability to go back to the well next season. And given Lyon’s record in finals, a loss would personally be disastrous for him. The former St Kilda coach has coached in four grand finals without having tasted the ultimate success. Lyon has the best winning percentage of any coach in history (67.1) to have coached at least 150 games without winning a flag.

by Ronny Lerner

Ronny is a former Jean-Claude Van Damme stunt double.

[thegreenfieldpost]

It’s time for a fourth field Umpire: The Bouncer

As a traditionalist it hurts me to say this, but the centre bounce in football is dead.

For years we have relished in the unique act that is the bounce, we’ve celebrated it, maybe even found ourselves with a blood nose and involuntarily watery eyes when we’ve attempted it.

But it died before the North Melbourne/Richmond final last week, as the collective minds, bodies and beers of AFL lovers countrywide were pregnant with anticipation for what promised to be a stunning spectacle.

2:50pm struck. The siren rung. The ball was held aloft. Maric and Goldstein eyed each other. Goldstein briefly wondered how a grown man could sport a mullet for so many years without a hint of irony. Martin wrestled Swallow. The nation breathed in…

The bounce was recalled.

Even Jack Watts would have had every right to call it a letdown.

This was representative of the state of affairs across the weekend: like Kate Upton on a trampoline in super slo-mo, the bounce was all over the place.

And it has been for a while.

They’ve removed the around-the-ground bounce and for good reason, but the lack of bouncing practice gained from this has made the centre bounce such a hit and miss affair that the Twittersphere, the Facebookshelf and the MySpaceSpace has been, quite justifiably, screaming out to #bouncethebounce!

But there is a solution.

Picture this: standing on a sequined stage next to the fence is a man in a leather jacket and sunnies, being attended by a masseur and surrounded by a security detail that would make Justin Bieber’s look as effeminate as the guy they’re protecting.

Who is this man? He is ‘The Bouncer’.

His sole job is to bounce the ball and bounce it well.

When he is called upon after a goal, he (and his security cronies) walk out – probably in a strut – to the middle of the oval to rapturous applause, a purpose-written ball-tearer of an AC/DC song, the 100 motorbikes Meat Loaf was promised, and glares from the ever-jealous, spotlight-loving, field umpires like Ray Chamberlain, who are now relegated to the lowly roles of decision making and field throw ups.  

He pounds the ball into the turf, requiring no assistance from any Shaun Rehn-knee-ruining bounce pads for height. He nails it every time.

Rules are made to pay free kicks against any player who infringes on The Bouncer’s walk back to his sideline stage.

During breaks between goals and quarters, he is seen warming up with medicine balls, checking wind conditions, signing autographs, watching footage of previous bounces and generally investing a lot of time in being awesome.

The Bouncer doesn’t even have a day job, such is the demand on his time to reply to all the fan mail his full-time assistant, Candy, can’t get to.

We’ve lost the brawl; we’ve lost the 100-goal forward; we’ve lost muddy grounds; we’ve lost sleep wondering what the heck the AFL Integrity Unit actually do; but, if the AFL can just introduce this one specialised position to the game day experience, we might save the bounce.

by Nick Gill

I'm not the Associate Professor in Human Geography at the University of Exeter.