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[thehealthyepicurean]

Gazpacho and midnight feasts

Gazpacho and midnight feasts

France has been subjected to apocalyptic heat and unusually large, uncontrollable forest fires over the past ten days. Apparently though, this isn’t punishment enough; according to Britain’s half-witted Foreign Secretary, France is also single-handedly responsible for the giant tailbacks happening at the Port of Dover. And today, a colleague of the half-wit, who is also on the Genius Podium, is…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

A cruel summer

Léo and I went to London in June, leaving Luc in the company of a couple of deer that appear to have moved in. The lady deer, who Luc calls Georgette, is quite pally with the horses and they graze together in the sun every morning and evening, but the male, Georgio, is noisily territorial and barks at Luc if he approaches ‘his’ field after 9.15pm. For some reason, 9.15pm is the time at which time…

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Stuffed peppers and a bread shop desert

Stuffed peppers and a bread shop desert

Our son, Léo, has recently finished an intense cycle of competitive exams and interviews for his next three years of further education. He wants to pursue viticulture/oenology studies in an agricultural engineering establishment, and the relevant schools are based either in Bordeaux, Toulouse or Montpellier. After visiting Toulouse, Léo made a rapid decision to strike it from his list because,…

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Chocolate and almond mousse cake and badgered by badgers

Chocolate and almond mousse cake and badgered by badgers

I’m not going to gloat about the results of the French election, because that would be neither kind, nor fair for supporters of Putin’s putain (Putin’s tart). The trouble is though, apparently the moment you get rid of one pest, you gain another: We’re currently being persecuted by a badger. Badgers are reputed to be fearless, thick skinned, resourceful and unwavering, and the one that comes to…

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Courgette and goat cheese soup and raucous men

Courgette and goat cheese soup and raucous men

Neither Luc nor I are fans of shopping, especially shopping together. You know those couples you see casually and contentedly wandering around shops hand in hand? That will never be us. Lockdown suited very well from that point of view; one of us went shopping (usually Luc as he thinks I’m an irrational, inefficient and irresponsible shopper), and the rest was bought online. But we needed new…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Provencal petit fours and a needy washing machine (on a tropical beach)

Provencal petit fours and a needy washing machine (on a tropical beach)

We bought a new washing machine a few months ago, when the old one held up a white flag and said: ‘Have mercy, I can’t take any more dog hair!’ The thing is, as sophisticated and Germanically robust as the new one is, I’m not a fan; it’s too angular and white, with too many flashing buttons and digital messages, none of which I understand. Our new washing machine makes me think, irrationally, of…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Beef Wellington and grazing blondes

Beef Wellington and grazing blondes

I have just emerged, morally battered and bruised, from a ‘phone call during which I was flung around like a hot potato, between seven different employees of the Regional Health Agency (‘Agence Régionale de Santé’, or ARS, which is very apt). I am desperately, and unsuccessfully, trying to get an exemption for the C-19 booster, as my second vaccine caused me to need a ‘little lie down’ that went…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Galette des rois and ghetto blasters

Galette des rois and ghetto blasters

We were invited to lunch at a friend’s house last Sunday, where we met their handsome, polite, nicely-mannered dog. While we ate, he sat by us with a gentle expression that said: ‘If you’re having trouble finishing, I could possibly be of assistance…’ This is in stark contrast to Hugo, who barks impatiently and punches Luc in the thigh with his paw, his expression along the lines: ‘Oy! Give me…

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Celeriac and walnut gratin and greedy gourmet dogs

Celeriac and walnut gratin and greedy gourmet dogs

Families that have managed to celebrate Christmas ‘normally’ seem to be in the minority this year, so I would like to spare a thought for all the people that have had a challenging time due to illness, bereavement, enforced isolation, travel restrictions, etc. Sending love to you all. A noisy commotion broke out next to our land yesterday, with lots of shouting, barking and swearing. We found…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Onion and goat cheese tart, smoke signals and tyrannical parrots

Onion and goat cheese tart, smoke signals and tyrannical parrots

I have learnt three surprising things in the past few weeks. One: Results of recent genetic testing revealed that I have considerably more French genes than either Luc or Léo. (Which doesn’t stop everyone referring to me as ‘l’Anglaise’.) Two: Hugo, the labrador, hates violin concertos with a passion, something he made quite clear last week, when I had the audacity to listen to Tchaikovsky’s…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Soda bread and medical gaslighting

Soda bread and medical gaslighting

A couple of days after my Covid vaccine, I started to suffer from severe abdominal pain, fatigue, dizziness, low blood pressure, and breathlessness. I had trouble staying upright for any length of time. I had expected this might happen, as I had had exactly the same sort of reaction to a flu vaccine 15 years previously. Still, I had decided I would rather run the risk of another vaccine reaction…

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Basque cheesecake and mad cows

Basque cheesecake and mad cows

Yesterday I decided to give blood, and ‘phoned the blood bank for instructions. I was asked a couple of questions about my age and health, then subjected to some rather indiscreet inquiries as to my ‘tendency to sluttiness’. After that, apparently randomly, they asked if I lived in the UK between 1980 and 1996, which, although I now have dual nationality, I had. Gauging their reaction, I might…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Chicken and morel mushrooms in white wine cream sauce and needy cats

Chicken and morel mushrooms in white wine cream sauce and needy cats

A friend who has a country house in Burgundy told me about a problem she’d been having with a particularly ornery billy goat. The goat had got into the habit of appearing in her garden every evening; apparently its sole intent was digging up her roses bushes, and anything else in temptation’s way. She was greatly relieved when she finally managed to track down the owner and explain the damage…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Courgette gratin and Java’s midnight garden

Courgette gratin and Java’s midnight garden

I love the summer, when the windows are left open for the night air to cool the house. And for me to escape through, furtively. Once everyone’s in bed, I creep past Hugo on the tips of my paws, jump onto the window sill, then spring over the rosebush to freedom in the shadowy, moonlit garden. My first stop is the wise old boar who lives quite close by. He’s always good for dispensing advice on…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

French walnut tart and masking your confusion

French walnut tart and masking your confusion

A pair of goats turned up, quite unannounced, the other evening. Obviously visitors are always a welcome surprise, but I was a bit thrown by these; I’m not familiar with goat etiquette. Do you stick them in a grange and hope someone will claim them, or offer them dinner and send them on their way? I sent messages to all our potentially goat-owning neighbours, and the consensus seemed to be: ‘Not…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Boulangère potatoes and man versus pigeon

Boulangère potatoes and man versus pigeon

It’s possibly not something you’ve tried, but it’s not easy to convince pigeons to move house. Especially if they’re luxuriating in the pigeon equivalent of a smallish, but charming château, and you’re trying to entice them into a one-bedroom flat with no balcony. Luckily, Luc loves a challenge, and we need their present accommodation to expand the wine-making cellar, so war has been declared. As…

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[thehealthyepicurean]

Broccoli with blue cheese and walnut sauce, dogs vs boars, and wedding anniversaries

Broccoli with blue cheese and walnut sauce, dogs vs boars, and wedding anniversaries

There is a particularly grumpy, confirmed bachelor wild boar that lives in the woods not far from us. I think that he and Hugo are very alike and, as such, seem to annoy each other unreasonably. Whenever we go through the woods, either on foot or horseback, Hugo uproots the poor chap, who really wishes us no harm. I haven’t seen the boar recently; I think he’s probably in the market for a new…

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