Holding onto “Maybe’s”
By @10-30-pm and @theiathemonster
Check it out on A03 ^^
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter: 1.
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For days Pomni had aimed to keep her distance from Jax. Their fight had left a sour taste in her mouth and a weighty tension in the air every time they stood in a shared space. Pomni had still been reeling from it all, even after speaking with Ragatha about it briefly beforehand. Nothing he said was adding up, especially not at the end of his speech.. clearly there was more.
Jax had seemed off since the “Guns” adventure; not saying much of anything unless it was necessary or to pipe up with a poorly timed joke; but he seemed to have been jumping back into his usual façade and it was hard for Pomni to just be okay with that. It was as if Jax had already moved on from it somehow.
To her, it felt like she had finally connected with someone.., had a constant by her side and vice versa. What has changed? Jax having hidden things from her before was fair. They were still growing their friendship; they still spoke of fears and comforts together, what-ifs and Maybe’s—conversations about anything and nothing at all together.
Who was she to tell a stupid joke to if there was no one like him to laugh obnoxiously at, then insult her for said bad joke? No one.
Ragatha was always sweet, yes. “Nice to everyone” one hundred percent, but never real. Never showed the bad and it hurt more than acknowledging the bad itself.
Gangle had shut herself off before Pomni could even finish asking to be someone for her to talk to; she severed that line before the hook met the water.
Gummigoo… An NPC who doesn’t even remember her. A friend she had seen poof right before her eyes. The first friend she had made in such an unfamiliar place…gone before she could find footing.
So many attempts, so many inconsistencies, and yet here Jax was… the only one to get her to crack a smile even when she was meant to be hurt by him. Nothing could make things go back to the way they were; she knew that. Even more now Pomni knew she needed more time to process and think things through. She needed to ground herself and that was hard to do with him being obnoxious, or the other characters snapping at him for an insulting joke on the doll, and her positive attitude.
With a slow turn and attempted quiet steps: Pomni made her way back to her room. This adventure had been draining enough. She could not handle their bickering on top of the tension and weight of something-not-right on her shoulders for much longer. She hardly noticed when someone had excused themselves from the argument and began walking with the jester on her trek to the hall lined wall to wall with bedroom doors.
"What? You gonna give me the silent treatment now?" Jax started, leaning down slightly with a comparatively aggravated expression, his smile crumbling at the corners. "Doctor Pomni, that looks like medical neglect to me." He added as his hand flicked at one of the bells that hung at the ends of her pointed hat.
The two came to a sudden halt just outside of their respective doors. Jax had a confident yet unsure gleam to his expression whereas Pomni held still for a moment, hesitating to turn and meet his eyes.
Pomni's brow furrowed in response, not out of anger or annoyance, and that surprised Jax more than anything. She looked like she had just seen roadkill... grief and guilt pulling at her tired eyes. The Jester was faintly trembling as she stepped back once, giving him the space she thought he wanted.
"Oh, come on. Are you really still upset about the other day? A bit sentimental, don't you think?" The rabbit rose to his regular height, yet still a bit slouched, leaning his weight on his left hip as his hands occupied themselves in fists.
"Well yeah.." Pomni nodded with a shrug as she avoided his eyes. She was not sure what to say or if he would even listen without twisting it around into some joke.
"God.. talk about being a party pooper. Stop with the melodrama and move on." Jax huffed an annoyed sigh and rolled his eyes. She did not buy the “It's just a joke” the several times he had attempted it before; so continuing that train felt futile. The damage was done and there was clearly no way of going back to “decent”. Even yet, he still felt the urge to try. And if that did not work then... at least she could hate him and go back to her usual self.
Pomni could see that he was doubling down and hard. She brushed one of her hair’s side strands out of her face and backed up, her hand resting against her neck as if it would help relieve the tension that had built up in it. Her lips parted for a moment, eyes darting back to meet his, then her mouth shut as she lowered her arm with a sigh.
Jax raised a brow and waved a hand in front of Pomni’s face to get her to focus on him again, earning nothing more than a side-eyed glance from her. The look did not hold any aggression or push back. If anything, she looked like she ever so wanted to run away.
"Nah— if you have something to say then say it, Short Stack. You've gone a while without really talking to me so yeah, the floor is all yours!" Jax pried with a smug smile and a squint in his eye as if he was looking for something to grab onto, leverage to further whatever it was he was doubling down on.
“Is—” Pomni paused, scoffing in disbelief. “Would it even be worth it? You…you aren't going to listen to me and I already know that you'll just find a reason to spin my words into a joke. You already did before I even said anything by calling me 'melodramatic', " she started, turning her head to fully face him. "I'm not trying to ignore you, Jax, I just don't know—" She cut herself off, exasperated.
The rabbit's confident face contorted into one of confusion. like a child who was accused of stealing a cookie and had been hiding the fact that they had. Fake.
"Ouch! So quick to think the worst of me. Proof again that we aren't friends!"
"What? I didn't even mention that— see? You're doing it again. Jax— it's like you want me to see you that way!" Her voice rose unconsciously, quickly holding her other arm to ground her. "I’m not falling for it and you keep trying to push and push— it's not going to work. If it's a reaction you want then I won't give it.. if it's space you need then just tell me— I’ll back up." Pomni practically begged as she took a step closer to him.
Jax took a surprised step back as he scanned over the jester before him. He wanted to retort, to say something back with wit and venom, but nothing could come out. She had caught him and his facade was slipping. He did not want space, he did not want the conversation to have gone this way, and it frustrated him more and more that he could not predict her.
"Dude— clingy much?"
Yuck.
Pomni shook her head and turned to walk away, off to anywhere but there, but stopped for a moment to reply. "Would you stop doing that? You act like you'd rather be anywhere else or listen to anything else but you talked to ME. You came to ME. Don't try to switch this around. Again." Her tone was more stern than she intended. Covering up her heavier emotions was never her forte but she did not want to give him more ammo. It felt impossible to do that and still be honest with him.
"You give yourself too much credit. You're not that good of an actor and that's coming from someone who is a fan of entertainment," Jax chided.
"Yeah—“ Pomni interrupted “You mentioned with your cringe a*s villain monologue a few days ago. How long did you practice that one in a mirror? It wasn't convincing and it wasn't compelling!" She snapped back. "Just drop the act, Jax, because I'm not buying it!"
The taller rabbit let the primary colored character before him say what she wanted to say. The floor was hers after all. However, her words felt like daggers stabbing at him from every angle.
After a few deep breaths to regulate Pomni raised a finger to Jax to indicate she was not done. "In no world could you, or anyone, convince me of that when I've seen you be real before."
"Clearly you're seeing things that just aren't there!" Jax started, stepping closer as an act of intimidation. "You said it yourself: I would spin whatever you say into a joke. Stop contradicting yourself, Pomni." Jax insisted, ignoring whatever movement had flashed in the corner of his eye.
"Says you! This whole conversation is contradictory! You, again, came to me and are somehow surprised I have something to say? Surprised I have feelings about something important? What do you even want from me, Jax?" Pomni stepped forward as well. She made sure to put her foot down this time. "I can't do this back and forth, Jax, I just can't—"
"Then don't!” Jax cut in “Take this as your chance to leave then! Go on! Ignore me, beat me up like you did last time we fought— I don't care! Just stop trying to convince yourself of something that's not there! You're just going to hurt yourself more..."
“Am I interrupting something?” A familiar voice boomed through the hall causing the duo’s attention to snap right to it. The look of surprise flashed across their features in response.
Jax was the first to adjust his posture, fixing the look on his face to rest in his usual smug smile. It made Pomni’s stomach churn as she watched him contort his features so fast. She held tighter to her arm as she looked up to the grinning jaws above her.
“Nothin’ important dentures, what’s up?” The purple rabbit responded with a quick flick of his ear, earning a grimace from Pomni that he ignored with a huff.
Caine had looked genuinely confused and worried that he may actually be intruding on a serious conversation; but he continued nonetheless. “Well— in that case..” He smiled through the worry in his voice. “I’ve noticed you two haven’t been as chipper as the last few times I've seen you and I wanted to make sure there was nothing too concerning happening. I wouldn't want two out of my six favorite humans having a hard time if I had something to do about it!” He batted lashes that did not exist mere seconds ago as he spoke.
Before Pomni could respond with an assurance Jax had already stepped forward and waved the ringmaster off. “Oh don't you fret Caine. Pom Pom and I were only joking around! Nothin’ to worry about.” He smiled wider; but the flick of his ear had caught Pomni’s attention… again.
“Wonderful! Well then! For good measure, I’ll be sure to whip up something so you two can joke around more!” Caine said with what sounded like sarcasm? Whatever it was, his tone did not match the words he spoke. Instead, it had reflected the mimicked brow raise his upper jaw had attempted to replicate.
Pomni shook her head and sighed as her eyes slid from Caine to her door. With a made-up mind: Pomni waved the two off and headed to her room. “That adventure was.. something. I'm getting some rest. Thank you, Caine.” She said, quietly and strained, as she reached her door.
“Why, of course Dear Pomni! Rest up! I have many things planned for the two of you in the morning” Caine called out to the Jester as she closed her door with one more dismissive wave. Jax had slipped away while Caine had catered his attention to the tired primary colored character, leaving the Ringmaster alone in the hall with a shudder.
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Big thanks to @lokear and Kero for editing this fic! ^^
Hope you all enjoy the first chapter. It’s one of the shorter chapters of the series so far but expect most of them to be about 3k words and up! New chapters soooooooon >:p
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ITS OUT! >:]
