The role of Japanese dating culture in YOI
Disclaimer: This post is based on my research on Japanese culture. If you are Japanese and note that I missed the point, please enlighten me. I’m always happy to learn.
At first glance, Yuuri’s behaviour is rooted in awkwardness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Whereas all of this is true, his cultural upbringing engenders some of his demeanours as well. It adds nuance to his character and to his relationship with Viktor.
Let’s break this down chronologically.
Inappropriate physical contact
When Viktor shows up at the onsen, his advances weird Yuuri out. Viktor’s courtship behaviour is totally over the top even beyond the borders of Japan, but it definitely isn’t how things work in Japan. Touching, for instance, is quite an intimate thing. It’s rude to touch a stranger in the ways Viktor touches Yuuri. No wonder Yūri has a flight or freeze response and doesn’t seem comfortable with it at all. That having Viktor’s hands on his body causes a visceral reaction doesn’t help the matter at all.
Hugs are uncommon unless they happen between people close to each other, such as friends or family, and they tend to don’t last long. Long hugs usually happen between people who are in love. Thus, it’s a big deal when Yuuri hugs Viktor before his performance at the Onsen on Ice. Yuuri is very anxious and determined to make Viktor stay in Japan. He is desperate and doesn’t know if he can win against the other Yuri. And he’s super awkward, even more so when interacting with Viktor. This hug is a desperate attempt to show that Viktor means something to him.
Kissing in public is widely frowned upon in Japan, although this view is slowly coming out of fashion. Traditionally, kisses were considered a long-term promise—you don’t kiss if you’re not serious about your relationship. When Yuuri and Viktor kiss at the end of episode 7, this is very serious. The shocked expression on the faces of Yuuri’s friends and family reflects the prevailing reaction of Japanese people to such a public display of intimacy.
A kokuhaku (告白) is a love confession, usually phrased along the lines of “I like you. Can we start seeing each other?” However, there are no rules on how a kokuhaku should be carried out. Some Japanese get very creative or explicit in voicing their feelings. If you google kokuhaku, you’ll find many examples of successful kokuhakus and such that backfired. People voice a kokuhaku when they want to date someone. If the other person’s response is positive, they start dating and are in a romantic relationship henceforth. Just hanging out with someone you have feelings for doesn’t qualify as dating until you’ve voiced your kokuhaku. I like this custom because it follows a rule set that minimises confusion and defines what both people can expect of each other. According to my research, many Japanese start relationships this way, although more and more prefer the “Western” way.
Until the end of episode 5, Yuuri struggles with the concept of love and identifying his feelings. I believe realisation strikes him when he crashes into the barrier at the Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu Regional Championship. This finally enables him to act on his feelings.
Yuuri chooses the press conference in which the skaters of the Japanese team present their season’s themes to voice his kokuhaku, and he is very explicit about it. Luckily, he knows Viktor is in love with him, for otherwise, his confession could have easily resulted in losing face as it was broadcasted nationwide.
This line is the most important part of Yuuri’s kokuhaku:
For the first time in my life, there’s a person I want to hold on to. That person is Viktor. I don’t really have a name for that emotion, but I’ve decided to call it ‘love’.
Note the usage of 自分か 繋ぎとめたい. As pointed out here, a more literal translation would be “Viktor being the first person I want to reach out to and bond with, and with those bonds, bind us together so that we will never part.” It’s a reference to Stammi Vicino (Non Te Ne Andare). If this isn’t a textbook kokuhaku, I don’t know what this is!
After this public kokuhaku, Yuuri and Viktor can finally start dating and get into relationship mode. Although we don’t get to see them dating, their interactions reveal a level of intimacy at the Cup of China, that leaves no doubt that they are boyfriends. It’s obvious to everyone around them, too. It’s mostly Viktor who initiates public displays of intimacy because, due to his own cultural upbringing, he’s less reserved, whereas Yuuri expresses his feelings in subtler ways. This turn in their relationship eventually prompts Viktor to instruct Yuuri to skate Eros as himself.
Like so many things in Japanese culture, love language is subtle. By saying “I love you” (愛してる), you’re more likely to weird your beloved one out. Even in a committed relationship, people rarely use this phrase. A key aspect of Japanese storytelling is “show don’t tell, but do it subtly and with nuance”. We see a lot of this in YOI, and those scenes say so much more about how much Yuuri and Viktor are in love than “I love you” ever could.
Traditional Japanese marriage proposals tend to be formal and indirect (e.g. “I like to make miso soup for you every day.”), and this is exactly what Yuuri is going for at the end of episode 9.
Please note the subs supply the word “coach” although Yuuri never uses it. What he really is saying here is “Please take care of me until I retire”, using お願いします which is a very formal expression that translates as “please take care of me”. However, the condition “until I retire” speaks volumes of his fear Viktor might say “no”. He’s been agonising over the possibility that Viktor might return to Russia soon for the whole Rostelecom Cup because his anxiety is telling him again that he isn’t enough.
By now, Viktor is familiar enough with Japanese customs that he identifies Yuuri’s request as a marriage proposal. His response is in the same fashion, and he implies he wants this to be forever (which is exactly what Yuuri was hoping for).
Traditionally, an engagement must be finalised in a ceremony that the couple’s families attend. It’s like a dinner party with gifts and a presentation of the rings. Only when the rings are presented, the engagement is official.
When Yuuri and Viktor get officially engaged in Barcelona, the only family member around is Mari. They can’t wait to finalise their engagement until they’re back in Japan because Yuuri made omamori of their rings for the Grand Prix Final because their love and Yuuri’s skating are intertwined. This post explores in great depth what Yuuri tries to explain very awkwardly about the multiple meanings of the rings.
Yuuri and Viktor invite Mari, Minako, and their skater friends to celebrate. Even though the reveal doesn’t happen as planned, it does enough to make their engagement official.
The evolution of Yuuri and Viktor’s relationship is driven by Japanese customs. Awkwardness, anxiety and his aversion to being pushed aside, there is little progress until Yuuri figures out his feelings and voices his kokuhaku. Yuuri values and adheres to the traditions of his culture, and he only breaks them when being heavily inebriated.
Speaking of traditions, I picture Yuuri and Viktor having a traditional Japanese wedding, including a Shinto shrine ceremony and kimonos.
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