Entering adulthood
Me: I had a wacky but overall good childhood!
DID: so about that..
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Entering adulthood
Me: I had a wacky but overall good childhood!
DID: so about that..
How exactly does integration work?
Like, where do I start?
things we used to say before we knew we were a system:
“huh, guess it’s a good art night”
“wow, I feel like a girl for once? I guess I must be genderfluid after all?”
“you already told me that story” -“oh, I did? when?”
“when did I relearn cursive?”
“I am just really not feeling my favorite song? I guess I’ll go back to my old one, that sounds better”
“sorry, you know how bad my memory is”
“you know how fickle I can be, I’ll go back to liking that in a few days”
“I forgot my favorite color again”
“haha, just ‘in a mood’ you know how I can be, I can never make up my mind”
“I just sometimes have an accent, not sure why”
“Nothing…I was talking to myself” (having switched mid-sentence"
“Sorry, I have hearing problems sometimes”
“I’m just not feeling well”
“You made my favorite meal? Oh, that. Yeah, I’m just not hungry right now”
“My eyes change color based on my mood…as well as everything else”
“When was I mainly left-handed?”
“What am I doing here, with these people, who are they again? Last I remember I was in class…”
“I’m 20 years old….sorry, I forgot I’m actually 23. Whoops”
How neurotypicals think you get a diagnosis:
first, you have no idea you are sick at all, you are just a Normal Neurotypical going through life when suddenly you are sent to a therapist (because mentally ill people cannot have anyway of knowing they are ill)
you tell the therapist no! i am normal! not crazy at all! but the therapist knows better…
you are sent to a clinic or hospital where you speak to seven different psychiatrists, talk about your whole life in detail, have brain scans and are under constant monitoring with wires hooked up to you
doctors are pooring over texbooks and consulting other doctors and doing everything they can to find The Perfect Diagnosis
now, at last, your doctor returns. he tells you have a mental disorder. you cry a lot because now your life is ruined. the doctors tells you everything Will Be Okay.
You are given a bottle of pills that will make everything better and of course you ALWAYS remember to take them. You are given therapy appointments three times a week with a doctor you trust who believes in you and your experiences and again you ALWAYS remember to go and never miss
Because of your special professional diagnosis, you are cured and are now functional in society and will never be bothered by your mental health again!
How I actually got all of my professional diagnoses:
“Hey doctor, I’m depressed” “Fill out this checklist” … “You have major depressive disorder”
“Oh by the way, are you ever anxious?” “Yeah” “You have generalized anxiety”
“Doctor, I hear voices” “Sounds like psychosis to me”
“Now my voices are controlling my body” (repeat this times 10 to a hundred different doctors who never believed me) “Oh thats dissociative identity disorder”
How I got my self diagnoses
Days/weeks/months/YEARS of research
Scholarly articles and peer reviewed scientific journals
Talking one on one with people who are diagnossed with it
Soul searching and trying to understand myself
Fighting myself on if I’m right
Cross examining the symptoms with other disorders I have
Finally settling in that I have this disorder and finding self help for it
Dissociative Disorders Reading List
Waters, F. S. (2016). Healing the fractured child: Diagnosis and treatment of youth with dissociation. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Company, LLC.
Chu, J. A. (2011). Rebuilding shattered lives: Treating complex PTSD and dissociative disorders (2nd ed.). Hoboken, N.J.: John Wiley & Sons.
Wieland, S. (2010). Dissociation in traumatized children and adolescents: Theory and clinical interventions. New York: Routledge.
Trudzik, A., & Fogarty, F. (2009). If you tell–: It will kill your mother. Ottawa: Borealis Press.
Brenner, I. (2009). Injured men: Trauma, healing, and the masculine self. Lanham: Jason Aronson.
Dell, P. F., & O'Neil, J. A. (2009). Dissociation and the dissociative disorders: DSM-V and beyond. New York: Routledge.
Moskowitz, A., Schäfer, I., & Dorahy, M. J. (2008). Psychosis, trauma and dissociation: Emerging perspectives on severe psychopathology. Chichester, UK; Hoboken, NJ: Wiley-Blackwell.
Despine, C., McKeown, J. M., & Fine, C. G. (2008). Despine and the evolution of psychology: Historical and medical perspectives on dissociative disorders. New York, NY: Palgrave Macmillan.
Boulanger, G. (2007). Wounded by reality: Understanding and treating adult onset trauma. Mahwah, NJ: Analytic Press.
American Psychiatric Publishing., Vermetten, E., Dorahy, M. J., & Spiegel, D. (2007). Traumatic dissociation: Neurobiology and treatment. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Pub.
Rieber, R. W. (2006). The bifurcation of the self: The history and theory of dissociation and its disorders. New York, NY: Springer.
Howell, E. F. (2005). The dissociative mind. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
West, C. (1999). First person plural: My life as a multiple. New York: Hyperion.
Gerity, L. A. (1999). Creativity and the dissociative patient: Puppets, narrative and art in the treatment of survivors of childhood trauma. London; Philadelphia: Jessica Kingsley.
Goldberg, A. (1999). Being of two minds: The vertical split in psychoanalysis and psychotherapy. Hillsdale, NJ; London: Analytic Press.
Bremner, J. D., & Marmar, C. R. (1998). Trauma, memory, and dissociation. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.
Chu, J. A. (1998). Rebuilding shattered lives: The responsible treatment of complex post-traumatic and dissociative disorders. New York: John Wiley.
Vanderlinden, J., & Vandereycken, W. (1997). Trauma, dissociation, and impulse dyscontrol in eating disorders. Bristol, Pa.: Brunner/Mazel.
Watkins, J. G. 1., & Watkins, H. H. (1997). Ego states: Theory and therapy. New York: W.W. Norton.
Carlson, E. B. (1997). Trauma assessments: A clinician’s guide. New York: Guilford Press.
Prozan, C. K. (1997). Construction and reconstruction of memory: Dilemmas of childhood sexual abuse. Northvale, N.J.: Jason Aronson.
Stern, D. B. (1997). Unformulated experience: From dissociation to imagination in psychoanalysis. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.
Putnam, F. W. (1997). Dissociation in children and adolescents: A developmental perspective. New York: Guilford Press.
Radden, J. (1996). Divided minds and successive selves: Ethical issues in disorders of identity and personality. Cambridge, Mass.: MIT Press.
Shirar, L. (1996). Dissociative children: Bridging the inner and outer worlds. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.
Steinberg, M. (1995). Handbook for the assessment of dissociation: A clinical guide. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.
Phillips, M., & Frederick, C. (1995). Healing the divided self: Clinical and Ericksonian hypnotherapy for post-traumatic and dissociative conditions. New York: W.W. Norton & Co.
Lynn, S. J., & Rhue, J. W. (1994). Dissociation: Clinical and theoretical perspectives. New York: Guilford Press.
Steinberg, M. (1994). Interviewer’s guide to the structured clinical interview for DSM-IV dissociative disorders (SCID-D) (Rev.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.
Spiegel, D. (1994). Dissociation: Culture, mind, and body. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Press.
Klein, R. M., & Doane, B. K. (1994). Psychological concepts and dissociative disorders. Hillsdale, N.J.: L. Erlbaum.
Bloch, J. P. (1991). Assessment and treatment of multiple personality and dissociative disorders. Sarasota, Fla.: Professional Resource Press.
Singer, J. L. (1990). Repression and dissociation: Implications for personality theory, psychopathology, and health. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center. Section on the History of Psychiatry., & Quen, J. M. (1986). Split minds/split brains: Historical and current perspectives. New York: New York University Press.
Hilgard, E. R. 1. (1986). Divided consciousness: Multiple controls in human thought and action (Expanded ed.). New York: Wiley.
DID/OSDD FOLX:
THIS is how you handle something properly - Corporate, DID style… A niche, but hear me out:
My initial response:
“Hell. Fucking. No.”
Justifying my point to someone who said I was being too sensitive:
“Actually, I get angry when people make fun of people who have survived severe trauma. You call that offended. I call it common decency.”
My response as a consumer, to their international CEO in regards to their Advertisement:
[TEXT:
Mr Gainor,
It has come to my attention that in an advertisement for your banana split, you have chosen to make mental illness the punchline. This is in reference to the “Split personality? Order two!” sign. I would like to inform you that this is extremely offensive.
It’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder - and it is caused by chronic and severe trauma during early childhood.
I have been a customer at Dairy Queen for over a decade, and you have lost a lifetime of business from this former customer.
I would also like to inform you that DID occurs at a rate of 1% in the general population. You have just alienated and made a tasteless joke in reference to 1 out of every 100 customers.
And finally, I wanted to let you know that you have made survivors of the most horrific trauma and abuse a punchline.
Please reconsider this ad and remove it before you cause more damage to your company.
Sincerely, Eleanor Hutchinson (a real life person with DID)]
And today, to my shock and amazement:
[TEXT:
Dear Ms. Hutchinson, Thank you for reaching out to John Gainor regarding the point of sale poster for the banana split seen in Texas. I am so sorry we have upset you and offended you. Please accept my apologies on behalf of John and the corporation. Everyone on Texas Marketing and Operations teams is working to have this removed and destroyed immediately. Kind regards, Carolyn Carolyn Kidder Senior Fan Relations Manager American Dairy Queen Corporation ”: ]
My final response:
[TEXT:
Ms. Kidder, Your apology is warmly accepted. Thank you for listening and responding so gracefully. DQ has been a brand I have been loyal to since childhood, and have had the fondest memories. I’m reminded of fund raisers in the community; and the sponsorship of my high school’s hockey team, along with the Peer Mentors program. You have certainly won back my current and future business. I think I’m going to have to go get a blizzard 😊 Thank you for listening to the DID community’s feedback. It helps restore your faith a bit, you know? Take care,Eleanor Hutchinson ]
Long story short; A+ to Dairy Queen for being so responsive. I love you more than I thought possible :,)
not knowing you had dissociative identity disorder is
“Man it’s so embarrassing i’ve had this imaginary friend for so long.”
getting scared because you ‘woke up’ in a place you had no recollection of getting to
“I think i’m straight” “No wait i’m bi” “No i’m gay” “Maybe I’m transgender?”
“I hope today is the day I act more social!” / “I hope today I’m magically smarter like other times!”
“haha wow I’ve been daydreaming a lot about me interacting with my OC’s”
feeling The Switch™ happening and being like “What the fuck”
headaches
so many headaches
to-do lists ranging from grocery shopping to brushing your teeth
feel free to add more
This was me
Today at work I was lifting some 50 pound bags of concrete and this guy said “oh, doing a man’s job today I see” and I said “nope, just doing my job, otherwise I wouldn’t work here.” And he sorta just said “oh” like “fair” and moved on lmao
I actually genuinely love interactions like this. Like a guy said something silly, and I made a joke to correct him, and he noticeably realized what he said was silly and it was a funny interaction.
“Don’t call Trump supporters nazis, it hurts their feelings.”
Yes, this is real (link to tweet). Yes, Tucker Carlson is literally repeating Nazi propaganda that aided the genocide of the Romani during the Holocaust. Yes, I am furious.
(Also, although there is a large population of Romani in Romania, they aren’t indigenous to Romania. They’re a diasporic group originally from northern India.)
Romani and Jewish have been screaming at the top of their lungs for years about neo-fascism in Europe, and Americans were totally aloof.
Then neo-fascism reared its head in America, but Roma and Jews were left out of the conversation in terms of people being impacted, because our oppression was “over.”
Now Tucker Carlson is on live TV using slurs and Nazi propaganda about Romani people, and I’m 90% most people on the left are just going to ignore it.
It’s fucking starting y'all. It’s happening again.
If you’re not Jewish or Roma PLEASE BOOST THIS.
Other people : Dissociative Identity Disorder is scary, alters are evil.
Me: did we put on deodorant today?
Alter: yes
Me: I don't remember doing it...I'll put more on just to be safe
I’ve been having a rough time lately so heres a bit of poetry about what its like to have Dissociative Identity Disorder.
New way to get a job.
Now a days an interview is hard to find. As employers become increasingly closer to only accepting online resumes rather than face to face interaction, it can be difficult to sell yourself as an individual. And the billion resumes in their inbox simply means you're likely to get lost in the pile. Which is why I propose a very manipulative and yet ethical way of finding a job. Granted you have to be a very extroverted individual. A social butterfly. Step one: find your favourite store. Some place where you'd live to work. Step two: contact the owner of that store. This can be done by calling the store, although I find the easiest and most laid back way of getting a hold of them is by finding their store's Facebook page and messaging it. A good idea would be to like the page and be active on the page for a few days. Really show you like their business. Step two: when you contact them don't offer your services or ask for an interview, rather express what you like about what they've built. Flattery is the easiest way to someone's heart. Now here's the kicker, you're time to shine. Ask very politely, to interview them. Now I know what you're thinking. What? That's so weird. That's not how things work! (Starts to throw stuff around the room in a screaming incoherent mess.) but here's where you basically... lie. Make your reason for the interview something that's innovative or needed. If you're a student, it's for a news story or it's for a research paper. If you're not a student, your interviewing business owners around town to understand leadership and yada yada yada... DO NOT SAY YOU'RE A REPORTER. The lie is something that has to hold up for years. A reason that would never be questioned. A non destructive lie. Step three: after scheduling your interview, Prepare questions about their life. Research them online find out everything. Make a few sound flattering. Step four: normally an interview consists of the interviewer asking a question while the other person goes on and on about some stupid topic. But in this interview you gotta read the room, you have to connect with the owner. This is where you sell yourself. So make it a conversation but do not, I REPEAT DO NOT talk too much about yourself. We're inflating their ego, not yours. Also be sure to bring a recording device for the interview. Step 5: after the interview is done. Come be a customer at their store talk to the managers, the owner. Don't do it too often as to be annoying but don't do it too less as to be a stranger. You're building relationships so use your noggin. Step 6: when the time is right hand in your resume to people you call friends. And if they like you... you'll get a job.
IF A TV SHOW ABOUT CARTOON BEARS UNDERSTANDS THE NECESSITY OF POSITIVE REPRESENTATION OF MINORITIES IN THE MEDIA YOU CAN TOO.
(honestly though this show is so adorable and is actually an allegory about being a minority [particularly asian] in america!! see the interview with the creator here)
@multiplicityandwe
people with low empathy disorders are not monsters pass it on
The prettiest things ever: -Girls -Space -No need to add on -That’s it
-Girls in space
Oh man you got a point
Cue Arabella by the arctic monkeys!