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This is a SJM blog, so everything I write is based on her work. All characters belong to SJM. Also, I am always taking prompt submissions in my ask box, which you can get to by clicking HERE.
*in front of the title notes fics that were written with the loml, @snelbz
Fics currently being updated regularly:
- Lady Death’s Lover (Nessian)
- *’Til Death Do Us Part (Elorcan)
Oneshots
Finished Throne of Glass Fanfiction
Incomplete Throne of Glass Fanfiction
Finished A Court of Thorns and Roses Fanfiction
Incomplete A Court of Thorns and Roses Fanfiction
Crossover Fanfiction
All the Hot Dads
Period AUs
19th Century Period AU
Nesta x Cassian
Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance
Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas
Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous
Summary: Nesta Archeron has been married off to Tomas Mandray to secure a comfortable future for her father and sisters. Although grateful to be wed, Nesta holds no love for her husband. Lost in a state of depression, she meets her husband's newest business partner and can't seem to stay away.
TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression
This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.
Index:
Prologue
Chapter I
Chapter II
Chapter III
Chapter IV
Chapter V
Chapter VI
Chapter VII
Chapter VIII
Chapter IX
Chapter X
Chapter XI
Chapter XII
19th Century Period AU
Nesta x Cassian
Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance
Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR
Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous
A/N: NSFW... Thank you for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting. I love to see it all! x
TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse
This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.
My Loving Sisters,
If Tomas writes to you, please just tell him that I look forward to our reuniting. Do not worry — I am perfectly fine. I am simply taking a little trip to Adriata in his absence. I hear the fashion there is groundbreaking and I must see it for myself.
I love you both.
Nesta
>.<.> Nesta <.>.<
The carriage arrives promptly at noon the next morning and the footmen load my trunk as I give the final instructions to the head butler.
“I’ll only be gone for two weeks,” I repeat for the hundredth time. “I know the house will be in good hands in my absence.”
“Do not worry, my lady,” he says, bowing his head. “Enjoy the time spent with your sisters. We have everything under control.”
I give him my thanks before loading myself into the carriage that Cassian sent for me. There are no emblems on the side, nothing that marks this coach as his. Instead, the driver delivered a letter to me this morning, forged in my sisters’ names, stating that they need me to return home as soon as possible for Elain’s wedding in one week’s time. I was meant to pack quickly, load myself up in the carriage, and have it take me to the little village that I had once escaped from.
Which is exactly what I’m doing, except for the last part. Instead of going to my childhood village, I’ll be going two hours north to a little cottage in the woods.
The coach starts on the cobblestone path through Velaris and with every bump, I feel my chest growing lighter and lighter.
This feels too easy, too good to be true. Yet, I feel no anxiety, only excitement and a newfound sense of adventure. It’s been less than twenty four hours since I’ve been in his arms, in his bed, and I already miss him. I stayed with him well into the night, drowning in him, again and again until I was sure that I was utterly alive and not dreaming. After sneaking back into my bedroom, I only got two hours of sleep before the sun came up.
I have no regrets.
Once we leave the city proper, my excitement only grows. Time goes slower; each second that passes feels like an hour and I hate it. Time must move faster or I’ll go mad.
Attempting to read to pass the time only gets me so far. I cannot focus on the pages. All the words blur together and I forget what I’m reading the second I turn the page. After a while, I give up and stare out the window.
Homes become scarce and I soon am only staring at trees and hillsides.
“How much longer?” I call to the driver.
His response comes right away. “We’re almost there, my lady.”
Twenty minutes pass before we’re pulling off the main road. The cottage that we pull up to is bigger than I thought it would be, and it’s gorgeous. The two story house is sitting in a clearing surrounded by trees. I see a lake out back and a stable off to the side.
Before we come to a complete stop, the front door is opening and Cassian is coming outside. I freeze at the sight of him and take him in. His feet are bare, the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up, his collar loose. His hair is down, hanging around his shoulders.
He’s perfect.
When I open the door of the coach, he’s there, holding out his hand.
I take it with no hesitation. Neither of us says a word but the second my feet are on the ground, he kisses the back of my hand. The feeling sends a shock through my body.
My trunk is carried inside and the driver is sent back to Velaris with instructions to return in a fortnight. Cassian and I go into the cottage and it hits me.
We are completely alone.
I do not know why I grow so nervous, but I do. Suddenly I feel like I’ve made a decision based on impulse and deceitful panic courses throughout my body.
But no, this was no impulsive decision.
This was a decision made to benefit me, to make me happy, to make me feel free and wanted and loved. I deserve this, even if this is all it will ever be between the two of us. And if this is all it will ever be, I may as well make it last, make it worthwhile.
“I feel like it took you forever to get here,” he says, and he shuts the front door behind me and I begin to look around.
“I know the feeling,” I agree. I feel like I haven’t seen him in ages, although it was only last night that I snuck into his bedroom.
The cottage is far more casually decorated than any house of the ton but it is still clear that he has money, even if he is walking around barefoot and dressed like a stable boy.
Which I find utterly charming.
There are paintings on the walls, all landscapes, and simple furniture strung throughout the room. To the right is a staircase that brings you to the second floor landing.
“Do you prefer the tour of the inside or the grounds first?” he asks, looking at me with a glint of mischief in his eyes that forces me to grin.
“Let us tour the grounds,” I say, stepping closer to him and pressing my palms against his chest, feeling his warmth and the steady beating of his heart. “If we tour the house, I fear we will not make it past the bedroom.”
Cassian lifts a brow, suggesting that is not such a bad idea, but then he’s pulling me back into the mid afternoon sun and around the cottage. We first stop at the stables and say hello to his horse before finding a trail through the woods. I want to ask if his feet hurt, still bare, but I assume they do not based on how he walks jauntily along. After an hour or so of walking through the tree lined hills, we find ourselves back behind the cottage, by the lake that resides there.
I am not certain if it's considered a small lake or a large pond, for I have never been properly educated on how the size of water is classified, but I do know that it’s beautiful as it reflects the trees and the sun and the rolling hills beyond. The water is blue, clean, and welcoming. To Cassian’s surprise, I lean down and unlace my boots before lifting my skirts and walking into the shoreline.
I yelp as the cool water hits my toes, but keep wandering in as Cassian laughs behind me.
“Did you expect it to be warm?”
“I’m not sure what I expected, to be honest,” I say, finding comfort in the water, “but it does feel nice.” I lift up my face and I close my eyes, dwelling in the warmth of the sun. I cannot remember the last time I let my hair down, the last time I was able to just…relax.
Life with Tomas is tense. I am always having to watch exactly what I do or say, but not with Cassian. Never with Cassian. With Cassian, I can be whoever I want. I can be exactly who I am.
Behind me, I hear Cassian wading into the water, and when I turn around, my eyes widen and he grins.
In the past sixty seconds, while I’ve been in my own little world, Cassian has completely stripped down and is now passing me, walking backwards so that I get the full view.
“Feels better when you actually get in,” he says, winking before he falls back into the water, fully submerged. When he comes back up, his hair is wet and slicked back, beads of water are dripping down his skin into the water that starts at his waist.
I am frozen in awe, then I snap back to reality as I look around.
“No one’s around,” he promises, amused at the blush that’s spreading across my cheeks. “There’s not another residence for miles, and we’re stuck in the back of the woods. We are completely alone, I promise.”
Completely alone.
I find my way back to the grass before starting on my layers. Cassian’s eyes are on me, and I’m sure to give him a show as I strip off my dress, then my skirts, my corset. As I make my way towards him in the water, feeling half confident and half exposed, he doesn’t breathe. His eyes scan my body, taking in every bare inch, sending goosebumps across my skin.
I feel beautiful beneath his unwavering gaze.
Once I make it to him, I run my hands up his chest and wrap my arms around his neck. He wastes no time drawing me to him and I feel every thick, hardened inch of him against me as he kisses me.
The kiss is deep, languid, slow. His tongue meets mine in a tender embrace and I find it difficult to think about anything else, anything but this moment, anything but him.
He picks me up and my legs wrap around his waist as we sink further down into the water, nothing but our heads bobbing above the smooth surface. My fingers burrow into his hair and he groans softly against my lips.
I will never grow tired of kissing him. The idea of it is impossible.
Our kiss breaks and our foreheads touch as our heavy breaths mix together between us. His hands slide up and down my back, his fingers too rough and calloused for a gentleman, before finding my ass and repositioning me. The head of his cock nudges my entrance and I release an anticipated breath, our eyes meeting.
Our lips find each other once more as he carries me to the shoreline and sits. In one fluid motion, as soon as his ass hits the grass, I’m sinking onto his length, filling myself up with him. He curses and I moan, the only sounds in the otherwise silence of the great outdoors, as I pull myself up and sink back down, again and again. I ride him, wickedly, and there is nothing gentle in the way our bodies are writhing, our hands are moving, our mouths are meeting. We cling to one another, fuck each other, as if no time can be wasted. And it cannot, for we must spend every moment lost in this passion, this attraction, this lust, this love that is between us before our time runs out.
He’s sucking that tender spot at the base of my neck and rolling my nipple between pinched fingers when my knees begin to shake, and he’s thrusting into me with a force that I’ll surely feel soreness from when I come. The sound that comes out of him is primal, and it is a sound that I immediately store in my memory.
When he finds his release, I lean back to watch, captivated by his loss of control. His lips part and his brows furrow as his chest heaves. The fingers on my lower back grip me so hard that I hope to have their imprints embedded on my skin. He swears, and groans, both sounds quiet, deep, and low in his throat, setting every inch of me on fire. He breathes my name and his eyes meet mine, and when his body relaxes, he kisses me.
Sweet, gentle, a promise spoken between us with no words.
“Is this what I am to expect in these next two weeks?” I ask, teasingly, running my fingers through his hair.
He smiles, his hands still wandering. “There are no expectations. We may do whatever you’d like, at every given moment.”
Emotion swells in my chest, emotion that is new and foreign and overwhelming. “Whatever I’d like?”
“I am at your beck and call, my lady.”
I bite my lip to keep from smiling too widely, and I kiss him once more. “Well, in that case, wash me off, feed me, then allow me to worship your body yet again.”
His eyes light up as his grip on me tightens, he stands, and he runs us into the water. I laugh wildly as the cool water envelopes us, and when he pulls me under, I remain locked around his body until we are upright once more.
He pushes my wet hair back and the look in his eyes as they meet mine strips me bare.
This is what it is like to be in love, to be perfectly happy and have everything I ever wanted, ever needed.
19th Century Period AU
Nesta x Cassian
Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance
Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR
Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous
A/N: NSFW... Thank you for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting. I love to see it all! x
TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse
This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.
Dear Husband,
Thank you for the update on your whereabouts. I hope you are enjoying your travels, even if it is for business. The ball went well. It will surely be the talk of the ton.
Until your return,
Nesta Mandray
<.>.<.> Cassian <.>.<.>
I waste no time stripping her down.
Her cloak falls off and lies beneath us, disheveled from the way our bodies move against one another. Her legs are still wrapped around my waist, clinging to me, as if she’s afraid I’ll change my mind the second she lets go.
I will not change my mind.
I cannot change my mind.
I would be a fool to change my mind and I am no damned fool.
I loosen the buttons of her blouse as my lips trail from her mouth down the column of her neck to her collarbone. Her chest heaves as the blouse falls loose, and I lean back to admire her breasts as they appear before me. Unable to hold myself back, I flick my tongue over a peaked nipple and Nesta gasps as her fingers run through my hair. Her hips are pushing up into me, grinding against my erection. If she doesn’t stop, I won’t last very long.
And I want this to last.
Pinning her down, I still her with my hips and she moans from the pressure. That moan is soft compared to the cry that comes out of her mouth when I suck her nipple between my lips and graze the sensitive bud with my teeth.
Still trying to pace myself, I loosen the ties of her trousers and lean back. The second I am on my knees, I find it hard to breathe. She’s so beautiful that I find it hard to believe she’s real. Her hair is a mess, loose from its pins, spilling out on the pillow beneath her in golden-brown waves. Her chest is still rising and falling rapidly, nipples hard and welcoming. I hate myself for not lighting another candle or two. The only one comes from my dresser, and I see plenty to be happy, but not enough. I can never see enough.
Fuck it.
I push myself up from the bed and she nearly whimpers. “Where are you going? What’s wrong?”
I give her a comforting smile. “Nowhere. Nothing. I only wish to see you.”
The lantern on my bedside table ignites, then I’m walking to the little bookshelf on the opposite side of my bed and lighting that one as well. With each light, she comes alive. Her eyes follow me intently, and when I look at her again, I see how flushed her cheeks are, just how wild her eyes are.
How long has it been since she’s been pleasured? How long has it been since her needs have been met?
Stopping at the edge of the bed, I study every inch of bare skin before pulling off my jacket and tossing it aside. I swear Nesta stops breathing as I unbutton my shirt, slowly, and I know I’m teasing her but I cannot help it. She bites her lip as I take it off and crawl back on top of her.
“Can you see me now?” she whispers.
“Perfectly.” I kiss her once. “But I want to see more.”
Giving permission, she lifts her hips and I slide down those damn trousers until I’m forced to stop at her boots. Once the boots are gone and the trousers have been long forgotten, she slides the remaining sleeves of her shirt down until she’s completely bare.
I’m caught somewhere between wanting to feast upon her and wanting to sit back and memorize every inch of her body.
I choose the former.
Her eyes flutter shut as my lips trail slowly down her body, between her breasts and down her abdomen until I settle myself between her thighs. For a moment I stare at the stunning sight before me, and I have to convince myself to slow down as I spread her apart and sweep my tongue between her folds.
With a gasp, Nesta’s body tightens, and I push her thighs apart until they’re hitting the mattress.
“Relax,” I breathe. “I’ll be gentle.”
Nesta does not hesitate. “Don’t,” she begs, palming her breasts. “I am not made of porcelain.”
That permission nearly has me exploding with each and every word.
I devour her.
Every logical thought vanishes and I’m guided by lust alone, my tongue and lips working together as my fingers make marks on her thighs. The room is soon filled with the sweetest of sounds, each of Nesta’s cries rising above the crackling of the fire until her body grows taut and she finds her release.
________________________
<.>.<.> Nesta <.>.<.>
I cannot even remember the last time I came that was not a result of my own doing and, Cauldron damn me, it feels good to have someone else get me there.
And so quickly, at that.
I do not care that his knowledge of a woman’s body has clearly come from experience. All I care about is that at this moment, I am his and he is mine.
Fully aware that he has only just begun, I revel in the sensation of Cassian’s lips trailing up my body until they’re on mine and I can taste myself mixed with drops of whiskey on his tongue. Eagerly, I roll us over until I’m on top, straddling his waist and ripping at the buttons on his pants. He doesn’t attempt to help me and he sure as hell does not try to stop me either. His hands go behind his head, lounging calmly, and I should expect nothing less from the cocky bastard he is.
I hate that it turns me on even further, just as much as I love that it turns me on even further.
His lips twist into a smug little grin as I, with excitable fingers, tug downward and his cock juts out, hard and proud. My body instantly reacts and I cannot decide if I want him in my mouth or if I want to mount him first. The decision has me stilled, staring, awestruck by the size of him.
Judging by the way he’s watching me, he’s used to this reaction.
“Do you like what you see?”
My eyes snap to his, which are full of light and intrigue.
“Are you prepared to have me deep inside of you?” he follows, voice low as he kicks his pants off the rest of the way. His hands find my hips to guide me, but I wrap my hands around his wrists, stopping him. That cockiness of his fades and his smile falters, and I hate to think that he thinks I’d reject him. But if I were to say stop, I know he would, he wouldn’t even think twice, and that in itself makes me love him all the more.
Slowly, I step forward on my knees until I’m perfectly positioned over him.
I sink down until he fills me to the hilt.
Cassian’s moan is nothing short of sensual, the sound making every hair on my body rise to attention. I rock my hips back and forth and he swears, eyes drifting from mine to where we connect.
“I’ve been prepared for a long, long time,” I assure him, and push myself up only to fall down on him yet again. I repeat the motion until I’ve set a steady pace, and he meets me with a thrust of his own again and again. The sounds of our bodies colliding, our chests heaving, our pleasures coming to fruition is a melody I will never forget.
With one hand on my ass, his other finds that sensitive bundle of nerves and rolls it, expertly, until I’m crying out for him. One second I’m swearing and the next his name is all I can muster. The room around me fades and Cassian has completely consumed me and the stars greet me yet again. I clench around him and he continues that steady pace of his thrusts, even when I have gone completely still. A soft laugh bubbles out of me as I come down from my high, and Cassian smiles up at me.
Grabbing me by the waist, he rolls me over and kisses me. Still deep inside of me, he pins me to the mattress and I wrap my body around his, clinging to him. Our mouths move together effortlessly and those kisses that were hot and hungry turn soft and slow. His tongue brushes mine and he moves unhurriedly inside of me.
I could stay like this forever, being enthralled by him and him alone. His hands find mine and our fingers intertwine as our bodies move together as one. Soon, the softness we have fallen into grows into something more chaotic. I bite at his bottom lip and he groans as I tug, as each thrust into me grows deeper and harder.
My nails dig into his back as he sits up on his knees, grabs my hips, and gives me everything he has. He’s relentless, harsh with his movements, and I give myself to him completely. I meet his thrusts as much as I can, although he’s taken control of most of my body. I’m not one to be submissive in any manner, not usually, but at this moment I am his to do with what he wishes. He could try anything and I would let him, and I would like it, and I would want him to do it again.
“Fuck, Nesta,” he hisses, and I can tell he’s getting close. It thrills me.
He flips me onto my stomach and orders me to put my hands on the headboard. His voice is rough, seductive to say the least, and my toes curl. I toss out my hands and they grip the iron rails of the headboard as he pounds into me. The only thing grounding my body is his hands, his fingers digging into my hips. My legs begin to tremble and my eyes roll back in my head as I cry out, unashamed, unable to hold back.
His groans meet mine and I’ve always loathed a vocal lover but his voice sends chills down my spine. The sounds escaping him makes me feel ethereal, as if no one else can make him make those sounds but I.
I find release once more, and I’m convinced it’s my undoing. I do not know how my body will recover from this, from feeling so much again and again. With my name on his lips, Cassian follows me into nirvana, pulling out just before spilling out onto my back. I take it in stride, only wishing I was facing the other direction to witness the sight fully.
Neither of us says a word as we catch our breaths.
Just as I’m above to move, about to break the silence, he’s pulling himself off of me and getting off of the bed. My body tenses, wondering how someone can find regret so quickly, but then he’s back and wiping off my back with a soft rag. I instantly calm, finding comfort in such a sweet, simple gesture.
Once I’m clean, I roll onto my back to find him at the foot of the bed, watching me fondly. He looks beautiful in the candlelight, beautiful in the post sex haze. He falls on the bed beside me and pulls me into his arms. I let him, let myself be cradled by him, let myself feel safe even if the moment is fleeting.
My arm goes around his waist and my leg drapes over his. He rests his chin on the top of my head after kissing it, tenderly.
“You…” he whispers, “are magnificent.”
I suppress a smile as I trace circles around the ink on his chest. “You’ve already gotten me into bed, there’s no need to keep the compliments coming.”
He huffs a laugh as his fingertips trail up and down my back. “No compliments, only truths. That was…”
“Amazing.” It was. Nothing has ever compared and nothing will ever compare to the beauty of what has just taken place in this room. “Perfect.”
“Yes,” he agrees, quietly. “Perfect.”
I begin to drown in a sense of wistfulness. I do not regret what we’ve just done, not even in the slightest, but I know it cannot happen again and knowing that feels like a knife to my heart. I do not realize I am crying until Cassian tugs on my hair, forcing me to look up at him and meet his gaze. He’s frowning, his brows furrowed.
“I’ve upset you,” he whispers, and wipes my tears with his thumb.
I shake my head. “No, not at all. I only do not want this moment to end.”
His eyes grow soft as he cups my cheek. “Nor do I.”
Closing my eyes, I fall into his touch, dwelling in it. It’s not fair. None of this is fair. I do not want to sound petty, and it is because of this that I will not voice these thoughts, but it is simply not fair. He can see it in my eyes. I know he can.
I am not sure how long we lay in each other’s arms, how long we spend with our hands roaming and our lips touching and our bodies clung together. Minutes pass, perhaps hours, but then I force myself to pull away from him.
Before I can let myself off the bed, he reaches for me. “Nesta.”
I take his hand. “I have to go.”
“Stay.”
That one word feels like a dagger. “I cannot.” The word breaks leaving my lips. “You know I cannot.”
“When is Tomas returning?”
The question catches me off guard and I hesitate. “He has yet to give me a date.”
He sits up so abruptly that I nearly fall off the bed. “I have a cottage. It’s a couple hours drive north, outside of the city. I go there when I need space from the city. Meet me there. Until he returns.”
The idea is so ludicrous that I cannot help but laugh. “Are you mad? What would I tell my household? I cannot just disappear for weeks—”
“Tell them that you’ve gone home for a visit, that you’ll return in a fortnight,” he pleads, eyes wild, but his excitement is contagious. “I will send a driver in a plain cab, and he will drive you there where I’ll be waiting.”
I’m shaking my head, even if it goes against my wishes. “It’s too risky.”
“There is no risk,” he promises, cradling my face in his hands. He kisses me. “I will not allow harm to come your way.”
“Sometimes harm cannot be stopped—”
“I will not allow harm to come your way,” he repeats, and I believe him. “If you do not wish to, say no. If you wish to, we will make it happen, and no one will ever know.”
“Your driver will know,” I protest.
“I keep very few people in my employ and they are all loyal to me, like family,” he says without an ounce of doubt. “No one will ever know.”
It’s tempting. Gods, is it tempting. To be cooped up with him for two weeks with no one else, no distractions, no fear of anyone finding out. It is a luxury that I should not grant myself but desperately want to.
“When would I leave?” I ask, and Cassian’s grin spreads into a full fledged smile.
“Tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, I do not care,” he says, pulling me onto his lap. “As long as you say yes.”
Excitement floods my body, laced with anxiety. I go back and forth between the good and the risks, but I cannot seem to deny myself this fantasy. Fearing that I may regret it, I say, “Okay. Yes.”
19th Century Period AU
Nesta x Cassian
Secret Affair / Enemies to Lovers / Forbidden Romance
Fanfiction / Characters from Sarah J Maas / ACOTAR
Based on a prompt sent in by anonymous
A/N: NSFW... Thank you for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting. I love to see it all! x
TW: marital abuse, sexual content, language, depression, alcohol abuse
This story is for readers 18+. Mature readers only. Content should not be read by anyone under 18.
Dear Husband,
Thank you for the update on your whereabouts. I hope you are enjoying your travels, even if it is for business. The ball went well. It will surely be the talk of the ton.
Until your return,
Nesta Mandray
<.>.<.> Cassian <.>.<.>
I waste no time stripping her down.
Her cloak falls off and lies beneath us, disheveled from the way our bodies move against one another. Her legs are still wrapped around my waist, clinging to me, as if she’s afraid I’ll change my mind the second she lets go.
I will not change my mind.
I cannot change my mind.
I would be a fool to change my mind and I am no damned fool.
I loosen the buttons of her blouse as my lips trail from her mouth down the column of her neck to her collarbone. Her chest heaves as the blouse falls loose, and I lean back to admire her breasts as they appear before me. Unable to hold myself back, I flick my tongue over a peaked nipple and Nesta gasps as her fingers run through my hair. Her hips are pushing up into me, grinding against my erection. If she doesn’t stop, I won’t last very long.
And I want this to last.
Pinning her down, I still her with my hips and she moans from the pressure. That moan is soft compared to the cry that comes out of her mouth when I suck her nipple between my lips and graze the sensitive bud with my teeth.
Still trying to pace myself, I loosen the ties of her trousers and lean back. The second I am on my knees, I find it hard to breathe. She’s so beautiful that I find it hard to believe she’s real. Her hair is a mess, loose from its pins, spilling out on the pillow beneath her in golden-brown waves. Her chest is still rising and falling rapidly, nipples hard and welcoming. I hate myself for not lighting another candle or two. The only one comes from my dresser, and I see plenty to be happy, but not enough. I can never see enough.
Fuck it.
I push myself up from the bed and she nearly whimpers. “Where are you going? What’s wrong?”
I give her a comforting smile. “Nowhere. Nothing. I only wish to see you.”
The lantern on my bedside table ignites, then I’m walking to the little bookshelf on the opposite side of my bed and lighting that one as well. With each light, she comes alive. Her eyes follow me intently, and when I look at her again, I see how flushed her cheeks are, just how wild her eyes are.
How long has it been since she’s been pleasured? How long has it been since her needs have been met?
Stopping at the edge of the bed, I study every inch of bare skin before pulling off my jacket and tossing it aside. I swear Nesta stops breathing as I unbutton my shirt, slowly, and I know I’m teasing her but I cannot help it. She bites her lip as I take it off and crawl back on top of her.
“Can you see me now?” she whispers.
“Perfectly.” I kiss her once. “But I want to see more.”
Giving permission, she lifts her hips and I slide down those damn trousers until I’m forced to stop at her boots. Once the boots are gone and the trousers have been long forgotten, she slides the remaining sleeves of her shirt down until she’s completely bare.
I’m caught somewhere between wanting to feast upon her and wanting to sit back and memorize every inch of her body.
I choose the former.
Her eyes flutter shut as my lips trail slowly down her body, between her breasts and down her abdomen until I settle myself between her thighs. For a moment I stare at the stunning sight before me, and I have to convince myself to slow down as I spread her apart and sweep my tongue between her folds.
With a gasp, Nesta’s body tightens, and I push her thighs apart until they’re hitting the mattress.
“Relax,” I breathe. “I’ll be gentle.”
Nesta does not hesitate. “Don’t,” she begs, palming her breasts. “I am not made of porcelain.”
That permission nearly has me exploding with each and every word.
I devour her.
Every logical thought vanishes and I’m guided by lust alone, my tongue and lips working together as my fingers make marks on her thighs. The room is soon filled with the sweetest of sounds, each of Nesta’s cries rising above the crackling of the fire until her body grows taut and she finds her release.
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<.>.<.> Nesta <.>.<.>
I cannot even remember the last time I came that was not a result of my own doing and, Cauldron damn me, it feels good to have someone else get me there.
And so quickly, at that.
I do not care that his knowledge of a woman’s body has clearly come from experience. All I care about is that at this moment, I am his and he is mine.
Fully aware that he has only just begun, I revel in the sensation of Cassian’s lips trailing up my body until they’re on mine and I can taste myself mixed with drops of whiskey on his tongue. Eagerly, I roll us over until I’m on top, straddling his waist and ripping at the buttons on his pants. He doesn’t attempt to help me and he sure as hell does not try to stop me either. His hands go behind his head, lounging calmly, and I should expect nothing less from the cocky bastard he is.
I hate that it turns me on even further, just as much as I love that it turns me on even further.
His lips twist into a smug little grin as I, with excitable fingers, tug downward and his cock juts out, hard and proud. My body instantly reacts and I cannot decide if I want him in my mouth or if I want to mount him first. The decision has me stilled, staring, awestruck by the size of him.
Judging by the way he’s watching me, he’s used to this reaction.
“Do you like what you see?”
My eyes snap to his, which are full of light and intrigue.
“Are you prepared to have me deep inside of you?” he follows, voice low as he kicks his pants off the rest of the way. His hands find my hips to guide me, but I wrap my hands around his wrists, stopping him. That cockiness of his fades and his smile falters, and I hate to think that he thinks I’d reject him. But if I were to say stop, I know he would, he wouldn’t even think twice, and that in itself makes me love him all the more.
Slowly, I step forward on my knees until I’m perfectly positioned over him.
I sink down until he fills me to the hilt.
Cassian’s moan is nothing short of sensual, the sound making every hair on my body rise to attention. I rock my hips back and forth and he swears, eyes drifting from mine to where we connect.
“I’ve been prepared for a long, long time,” I assure him, and push myself up only to fall down on him yet again. I repeat the motion until I’ve set a steady pace, and he meets me with a thrust of his own again and again. The sounds of our bodies colliding, our chests heaving, our pleasures coming to fruition is a melody I will never forget.
With one hand on my ass, his other finds that sensitive bundle of nerves and rolls it, expertly, until I’m crying out for him. One second I’m swearing and the next his name is all I can muster. The room around me fades and Cassian has completely consumed me and the stars greet me yet again. I clench around him and he continues that steady pace of his thrusts, even when I have gone completely still. A soft laugh bubbles out of me as I come down from my high, and Cassian smiles up at me.
Grabbing me by the waist, he rolls me over and kisses me. Still deep inside of me, he pins me to the mattress and I wrap my body around his, clinging to him. Our mouths move together effortlessly and those kisses that were hot and hungry turn soft and slow. His tongue brushes mine and he moves unhurriedly inside of me.
I could stay like this forever, being enthralled by him and him alone. His hands find mine and our fingers intertwine as our bodies move together as one. Soon, the softness we have fallen into grows into something more chaotic. I bite at his bottom lip and he groans as I tug, as each thrust into me grows deeper and harder.
My nails dig into his back as he sits up on his knees, grabs my hips, and gives me everything he has. He’s relentless, harsh with his movements, and I give myself to him completely. I meet his thrusts as much as I can, although he’s taken control of most of my body. I’m not one to be submissive in any manner, not usually, but at this moment I am his to do with what he wishes. He could try anything and I would let him, and I would like it, and I would want him to do it again.
“Fuck, Nesta,” he hisses, and I can tell he’s getting close. It thrills me.
He flips me onto my stomach and orders me to put my hands on the headboard. His voice is rough, seductive to say the least, and my toes curl. I toss out my hands and they grip the iron rails of the headboard as he pounds into me. The only thing grounding my body is his hands, his fingers digging into my hips. My legs begin to tremble and my eyes roll back in my head as I cry out, unashamed, unable to hold back.
His groans meet mine and I’ve always loathed a vocal lover but his voice sends chills down my spine. The sounds escaping him makes me feel ethereal, as if no one else can make him make those sounds but I.
I find release once more, and I’m convinced it’s my undoing. I do not know how my body will recover from this, from feeling so much again and again. With my name on his lips, Cassian follows me into nirvana, pulling out just before spilling out onto my back. I take it in stride, only wishing I was facing the other direction to witness the sight fully.
Neither of us says a word as we catch our breaths.
Just as I’m above to move, about to break the silence, he’s pulling himself off of me and getting off of the bed. My body tenses, wondering how someone can find regret so quickly, but then he’s back and wiping off my back with a soft rag. I instantly calm, finding comfort in such a sweet, simple gesture.
Once I’m clean, I roll onto my back to find him at the foot of the bed, watching me fondly. He looks beautiful in the candlelight, beautiful in the post sex haze. He falls on the bed beside me and pulls me into his arms. I let him, let myself be cradled by him, let myself feel safe even if the moment is fleeting.
My arm goes around his waist and my leg drapes over his. He rests his chin on the top of my head after kissing it, tenderly.
“You…” he whispers, “are magnificent.”
I suppress a smile as I trace circles around the ink on his chest. “You’ve already gotten me into bed, there’s no need to keep the compliments coming.”
He huffs a laugh as his fingertips trail up and down my back. “No compliments, only truths. That was…”
“Amazing.” It was. Nothing has ever compared and nothing will ever compare to the beauty of what has just taken place in this room. “Perfect.”
“Yes,” he agrees, quietly. “Perfect.”
I begin to drown in a sense of wistfulness. I do not regret what we’ve just done, not even in the slightest, but I know it cannot happen again and knowing that feels like a knife to my heart. I do not realize I am crying until Cassian tugs on my hair, forcing me to look up at him and meet his gaze. He’s frowning, his brows furrowed.
“I’ve upset you,” he whispers, and wipes my tears with his thumb.
I shake my head. “No, not at all. I only do not want this moment to end.”
His eyes grow soft as he cups my cheek. “Nor do I.”
Closing my eyes, I fall into his touch, dwelling in it. It’s not fair. None of this is fair. I do not want to sound petty, and it is because of this that I will not voice these thoughts, but it is simply not fair. He can see it in my eyes. I know he can.
I am not sure how long we lay in each other’s arms, how long we spend with our hands roaming and our lips touching and our bodies clung together. Minutes pass, perhaps hours, but then I force myself to pull away from him.
Before I can let myself off the bed, he reaches for me. “Nesta.”
I take his hand. “I have to go.”
“Stay.”
That one word feels like a dagger. “I cannot.” The word breaks leaving my lips. “You know I cannot.”
“When is Tomas returning?”
The question catches me off guard and I hesitate. “He has yet to give me a date.”
He sits up so abruptly that I nearly fall off the bed. “I have a cottage. It’s a couple hours drive north, outside of the city. I go there when I need space from the city. Meet me there. Until he returns.”
The idea is so ludicrous that I cannot help but laugh. “Are you mad? What would I tell my household? I cannot just disappear for weeks—”
“Tell them that you’ve gone home for a visit, that you’ll return in a fortnight,” he pleads, eyes wild, but his excitement is contagious. “I will send a driver in a plain cab, and he will drive you there where I’ll be waiting.”
I’m shaking my head, even if it goes against my wishes. “It’s too risky.”
“There is no risk,” he promises, cradling my face in his hands. He kisses me. “I will not allow harm to come your way.”
“Sometimes harm cannot be stopped—”
“I will not allow harm to come your way,” he repeats, and I believe him. “If you do not wish to, say no. If you wish to, we will make it happen, and no one will ever know.”
“Your driver will know,” I protest.
“I keep very few people in my employ and they are all loyal to me, like family,” he says without an ounce of doubt. “No one will ever know.”
It’s tempting. Gods, is it tempting. To be cooped up with him for two weeks with no one else, no distractions, no fear of anyone finding out. It is a luxury that I should not grant myself but desperately want to.
“When would I leave?” I ask, and Cassian’s grin spreads into a full fledged smile.
“Tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, I do not care,” he says, pulling me onto his lap. “As long as you say yes.”
Excitement floods my body, laced with anxiety. I go back and forth between the good and the risks, but I cannot seem to deny myself this fantasy. Fearing that I may regret it, I say, “Okay. Yes.”
For the first day of Azriel Week, I wanted to highlight Azriel’s connection to his chosen brothers. I love the idea of these ancient warriors getting so excited for a silly snowball fight each year; the head-canons are endless! Here, Cassian and Az have teamed up against Rhys. Did Az sneak a rock or two into the snowball before handing it to Cassian to throw? Who can say 🤭
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🎨 Art by @luxury_banshee
✨ Commissioned by me (find it on IG here) for @azrielappreciationweek
💙 Please do not repost. Reblogs are welcome!
In this house, we love and respect Nesta Archeron. @theladyofdeath - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
