Why dating Andros instead of Men?
The one about the lad who asks why dating masculine lesbians (instead of men).
I’d started a 10-things-I-hate-to-hear-as-a-lesbian list but ended up stuck at the first bullet point, so that I thought I’d write instead the 1-thing-I-hate-to-hear-as-a-Lesbian dissertation.
If you like women why are you dating a woman/female person who looks like a man? You’d rather be with a man!
First of all, sorry but who the Hell are you to tell me who I should sleep with? Do I know you? Probably a straight man asked you that at some point.
No, I am not a misandrist. I actually am. I just like a couple of men (and not even).
I have a father and a brother. We say I love you, I miss you and all that stuff to each other. In the case they had a sexist Freudian slip I’d take them out with my katana as if I were Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.
I also have one straight male best friend with whom I’ve shared a bed and no sexual touching. Wow!
My boyfriend before Uni was the sweetest one and he cried for me far more than the other way round.
My boyfriend in Uni was the guy with more sex-patience you would ever met (because we are not stallions, right?).
My second boyfriend in Uni, who’d never had been with any girl before me, was the model/handsome/beautiful type and yet sensitive/weird/deep one.
It makes a total amount of 6 men I did not hate.
You’ve turned into a lesbian because you had bad experiences with men. APPEAL DENIED.
I haven’t affirmed that “why do you date masculine women” is normally asked by men randomly, or because I have my period, or because I’m a frigid, or because I’m full of hormones, or because I’m a fem-Nazi or because I don’t fuck as much as you do... No, my statement is based on what I’ve seen, heard and read. Let’s put it this way...
Think that we live in the kind of patriarchal/hetero-normative society dominated by straight white men. Hence, the fact of losing control over some women in favour of other women, who actually to them may look like men, it is indeed a thread. I presume they feel sort of powerless as in losing a feminine woman (who is an actual lesbian FFS! as if feminine implied confusion and the phase thing) to another woman who seems strong, confident and quite the opposite to the princess type; sounds scary at the very least (irony!). Thus, their classic You’d rather be with a man than with a butch, sweetheart.
Before carrying on, I must reveal something.
This year I just have 1 resolution, among loads of irresolutions, to be the most honest I can with both myself and the others, and don’t keep inside what I think/feel. There I go...
I pronounced once the If you are a lesbian, therefore fancy women, why are you with a masculine one?
Ironic. I know, right? Feel free to check my profile picture again. It is me now, it was the alienated me then. We all have a skeleton in the closet! I obviously was indoctrinated by the Southern/straight way of thinking. Thankfully I realised soon that my mind slash pussy belongs to me. Don’t let the Big Brother (or Donald Trump) grab them!
Go out, look out, speak out, make out, come out!
I am in to be out.
How come, you might ask, I was that blind slash ignorant slash hick slash stereotyped (stop!). I guess I was just a baby lesbian, new to London, officially out for the very first time and... Yes, I wanted to make out with that Miss E. (name cannot be revealed) and, probably, found myself frustrated for not being her type (at that moment! I wonder what she’d think now). I must thank E. though, as I truly remember a well-intentioned response that shut me up and kicked off my mind-twist.
First of all, a lesbian whose sex is female, even with masculine outfits, short hair, strong movements, etc. still is a female, as in she does have a vagina and not a cock (pardon my French!). Moreover you’d have the kind of hook-up you’d expect from a lesbian; plus her sole goal won’t be to penetrate your soul and then pass out as if it was all done. (Break: I know not every single man acts like that but there’s a big majority, apparently).
Second, as an andro (if I must label myself) I'm a person really far away from the type of man who supports, seconds and aligns with a heteropatriarchal society. Moreover, we have nothing to do with superiority and privilege, remember we have been and still are oppressed, discriminated, looked up and down, ignored, insulted, abused, bullied, attacked, imprisoned, and even killed. Also, add up all the secondary things it does imply nowadays being a (heteronormative) man: hiding feelings, meeting your fellows’ expectations, being strong as in aggressive, never crying, keeping your fear inside and growing your anger outside. (On a complementary note, do check out the film The Mask You Live In).
And third, if you still think that putting on neutral clothes, shaving our head or leg spreading make us a man and, thus, a feminine lesbian should date dudes instead, then you definitely did not get anything
It’s called freedom.
Last but not least, I’ve heard some masculine-looking lesbians kind of making that statement too, because I guess they don’t fancy their andro peers; which it’s not a valid argument. I can't judge or condemn them though, as we’ve all had a brain encrusted with heterohomonormative dirt at some point.
I can, however, strongly ask them to rethink about it, look around and list all the reasons why dating the so called hyper-masculine lesbian has nothing to do with dating the straight lad; and also, would remind them that their/our feminine (or not so) queer friends could fancy masculine/andro types (that's you, by the way, or me, or our sisters!).
What is femininity or masculinity anyway? It may just be something completely different from one person to another, one society to another, one century to another... This is not 2 + 2 = 4.
New Year’s resolutions? Don’t be blind and clear up your mind!
Transparency, freedom and love!
SiL