The chronicles of a living corpse.

A living corpse is a person who doesn't have a life but is technically alive. That's me. I think I'm going to end up being a lonely cat freak. That fucking sucks because I hate cats. 

[hipstermenlover]

Jack Falahee

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

The Thong Song

What does Sisqo mean when he sings: “She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck - guys like what, what, what - baby move your butt, butt, butt / all night long” ... Dumps? Really sounds like a song about bad mexican food. 

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Job search

I really want to be a professional job searcher. I lay in bed all day, browse through linkedin and write cover letters. Glad no one will ever want to hire me. My bed would miss me too much if I actually had to go in to work. *RefreshingAhhhh ... the underlying optimism in my pessimistic views.

[thesnobreport-deactivated201511]

Purple Label SS16

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

I want this!

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Vagitarian

What’s the gay version of vagitarian, i.e. pure diet of eating cocks?

[omgthatstotallyme]

This sums me up.

[sable-rogue-deactivated20151124]

You never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.

(via kissnecks)

No, you never really see how toxic someone is until you drink their piss.

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Date night! Me and my boyfriend (My right hand) are getting our pizza on!

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Today's accomplishment: Took me hours but I can finally rap Old Thing Back by heart.

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Pizza delivery bootay

If you’re a living corpse like me, your frig is always empty, ‘cause you’re too lazy to go shopping. This means you order in - a lot. Pizza guy just came by and he was smoooooking. If I was less hungry and a bit hornier I would have invited him in for a slice. 

[microsoftbob]

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Moustache

Whenever I see a guy with a Nick Offerman moustache, I automatically think the guys from my vintage gay porn came to life and are stalking me.

[lesmiserabelles]

i always hate it when job interviewers ask “how would your friends describe you?” because i doubt that answering “gay dog nerd” would secure me a career

[lukesfrckles-deactivated2018102]

dating luke

“hey can you reach that for me”

nose booping

rubbing his cold feet on you when snuggling

being the big spoon

insisting on giving you piggyback rides everywhere

“lucas put that down”

“don’t play with your food”

the stupidest knock knock jokes you’ve ever heard

“hey babe, watch this!!!!”

“pls for the love of god, buy a new fucking snapback”

tickling your neck with his lip ring and stubble

“omg no we don’t need a guinea pig take it back”

holding his hand when he gets shots :-(

brilliant renditions of “dick in a box” on guitar

cute eye scrunches and covering his face when he laughs too hard at your jokes

“fuck me”

watching the rain fall at 2am talking about nothing

secret blowjobs 10 minutes before he goes on stage

wearing your jeans sometimes bc they’re comfier 

sending you 50 memes a day

bob’s burgers marathons

hot dogs and mac and cheese for every meal

stealing your bath bombs

“ok i’ll tell michael to stop being mean to you”

“but i’m punk rock”

drunken “i wub you”s

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Urrrrgh stop making me jelly

[miscalainaeous]

all this advertising for Jurassic World is unnecessary.

just let everyone know Chris Pratt is in it and the whole world will run to the nearest theatre.

Seriously. 

We all love that man more than life itself.

This could be the poster and I would still go:

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Adding what a hunk he is in the movie helps!

[thetieguy]

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

Pure perfection. Stupid pretty people. Deposit in the spank bank.

[thelifeofaguywithoutalife]

King of cool

Swapping out imaginary crown for an imaginary tiara.