the lion's pause @thelionspause-blog - Tumblr Blog

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Days 7 & 8 Hey followers! Just wanted to let you all know #noboysallowed is going swell. I'm sure you all were on the edge of your seat for an update. Tomorrow is Santa Con so we'll see what kind of debauchery it brings. I was planning to get in the spirit by wearing my mistletoe headband, but that may result in deviation from the cleanse. I guess my full on Santa suit will have to do...

Day 5 & 6

Side note: I would kill for Rihanna to tell me to move out of the way.

I went back to work post-vacation yesterday, so the temptation has died down for me majorly. Being back in my routine includes going to work, taking a nap, working out, dinner, and bed by 9 pm. Not many opportunities for being asked out or having to avoid men. Yassss. Never would have thought I’d be this stoked on no boys paying attention to me.

Today, however, things took a turn. One of my old work crushes who I decided was a no-go asked me out. This was the first time since I started #noboysallowed that I was asked out, on a date, to my face. I basically froze. Normally, I’d be like “Yeah definitely, let’s set something up!” but I panicked and realized I had to straight up turn this guy down.

My original plan was to go with the “Thanks, but I’m not dating right now!” response. This didn’t roll off the tongue very smoothly. Instead it came out, “Uh.. what do you mean?” and then after further clarification, “Umm... maybe! I’ll let you know!”

Damn, Zoe. You’re so good with words. You should be a professional public speaker or something. A politician. Someone who has to answer questions on a whim.

Let’s be clear, though. This happened at my desk at work, with people around! Way to put me on the spot, fuckboy.

I really need to get the polite decline down. V important. Maybe I should just take a cue from RiRi and swat them away?

#rihanna #noboysallowed #dating #love #no dating #alone #leave me alone #san francisco

Day 4 Disclaimer: This screenshot was taken weeks ago. I have not fallen off of the bandwagon or whatever the saying is. I'm still going very strong. While waiting in the airport for my extremely delayed flight back to San Francisco today, I decided to download an audiobook for the plane. So, I used one of my 5 email addresses to sign up for yet another free "trial" of Audible, and downloaded Aziz Ansari's book on tape, "Modern Romance." First of all, after watching Master of None, I realized I can't stand Aziz's voice. Don't get me wrong, Aziz is hilarious and seems like a cool guy, but the tone of his voice is hard on my ears. Still, I loved Master of None so much that I needed more Aziz in my life. I can't afford to buy the actual book right now (LA did my checking account dirty) so, 5th free "trial" of Audible it is. Before Aziz gets into the actual modern dating portion of the book, he does some extensive research into colonial dating. Just kidding, but he does interview old people about what dating was like back in the day. Let's just say it was a major throwback Thursday, on a Monday. Carrier pigeon status. Aziz then started getting into Tinder and the like. This started giving me major swipe withdrawals, but also helped me come to terms with my current situation. After hearing the statistics of Tinder users and swipes and matches etc, I really got a firm understanding of how addicted to dating us young adults are. Everyone should really do this cleanse at some point! (This message is not an advertisement nor is it sponsored by any other party) It makes sense that we turn to online dating, because we're so busy and it's so hard to meet people IRL these days, but man. This is next-level. The fact that Tinder recently came out with the Super Like makes me LOL harder than Aziz's stand-up comedy. Super Like also makes me want fast food. "Would you like to Super Like your Like today for an additional loss of your dignity?" When I was still on Tinder, I would get multiple Super Likes per day. The funniest part was, the guys who would Super Like me were guys that I had absolutely zero interest in even swiping right on. The disconnect was so major. "THESE are the kinds of guys that are impressed by my profile?! Fuck." It would just make me sad, and feel guilty for the guys on the other end of the Super Like that wouldn't get a Super Like back from me. I've never even Super Liked anybody! I'm already half way through Modern Romance, and I'm excited to see where Aziz goes with this. Maybe it will give me some cues for dating when I resume. Maybe it will scare me enough to extend the end date. To be continued.

#noboysallowed #dating #love #Aziz ansari #modern romance #romance #super like

Days 3 This weekend I got to spend some quality girl time with the friends I was visiting in Los Angeles. I was so focused on soaking in the short time I had to spend with them, that I actually didn't think as much about men or dating as I thought I would. Aside from explaining #noboysallowed, which I'm learning is pretty hard to do. "But what if 'the one' approaches you and you write him off?!" seems to be the general reaction. To be honest, this is definitely something I've thought of. What if after all this time I've spent looking, as soon as I decide to take this break, 'the one' pops into my life. Wouldn't that just be fan-fucking-tastic. I feel like when it's meant to be, it will be. Just like when donut shops appear en route to the gym. I'm not too worried about missing the perfect opportunity as a result of #noboysallowed. I can't really explain why. Oh also, some of my fans in Thailand have asked me exactly how long I plan on doing this for. At first I thought I'll just do it forever and be a spinster. Not a good plan, Zoe. After further consideration, I've decided to set a timeline. I'll avoid all dating for 3 months. Boys, mark your calendars. March 4th - I'll be back on the market. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll enjoy #noboysallowed so much that I will extend it! (Unlikely, friends. Very unlikely.) But I can already feel the symptoms of the repetitive strain injury in my right thumb subsiding from lack of swiping. This could be very good for my health, you guys. Stay tuned.

#noboysallowed #dating #love #la #los angeles #boys #men #women

Day 2 Mom’s

So the second day of #noboysallowed was very successful, and there was very little temptation.

The only temptation I felt was when Ellen and I were taking a nap and she was swiping through Bumble on her phone. Seeing the plethora of attractive men in LA was hardddd. I so wanted to re-download the app and get my swipe on, but I resisted. Instead, I helped Ellen craft the perfect pick-up lines for her matches, and lived vicariously through her flirty messaging fun. It definitely stinged a bit when Ellen would swipe left on guys I would love to swipe right on.

Amy’s threw a murder mystery toga party that night for her birthday. Ironically, my character’s story-line included being in a serious relationship with a dude named Cicero, who I was secretly married to. Acting like I was in a relationship with Cicero was actually really fun.

After the toga party, we changed out of our togas and into sexy outfits, and went to this bar called Mom’s, where there were zero attractive males. Perfect.

At this point of the night, I started to feel a migraine coming on. At the bar, I just ordered two tall glasses of water and threw em back. I closed my eyes and rubbed the pressure point between my thumb and forefinger (casual bar activities) when all of the sudden I feel a hand on my face. I open my eyes, expecting to see Ellen with a comforting and loving look on her face. What I’m actually greeted with, is a man I have never seen before.

“Excuse me?!” I say as I bat away his hand. What dude thinks it’s okay to touch a stranger’s face? Is this a thing? Should I start wearing a shirt that says, “please don’t touch my acne-prone face”?

Last night I was really feeling the #noboysallowed vibes. I didn’t want to talk to any men at the party or the bar. Maybe my migraine was a blessing in disguise, saving me from potential close encounters? I’m not sure, but it hurt like a bitch.

#noboysallowed #dating #los angeles #la #love #love life #cleanse

Day 1 The Victorian In true cleanse fashion, I decided to plan the first day of #noboysallowed to coincide with my trip down to the land of Fuck Boys - Los Angeles. You know what they say: "Good habits result from resisting temptation." Last night, right after landing Amy took us to this underground bar in Santa Monica called The Victorian. Temptation-wise, this bar was the Garden of Eden, and I was Eve. Except I didn't give in, not once. Ogling the guitar player all night doesn't count by the way, I already decided that I am still allowed to appreciate the beauty of others. I just can't eat the fucking fruit from the knowledge tree or whatever Eve did wrong. The poor guys who tried (and failed) to get my attention include the following: - The guy who would like to be hung from a Chandelier. Let's call him Sia. I'm 3 feet away from the speaker, and Sia decides it's the perfect opportunity to make small talk about what kind of chandelier is hanging above us. I didn't even answer the question, and Amy threw in a friendly "She doesn't care" to scare him off. Amy can be the best reverse wingman. - One guy actually came up to me and put his Neff beanie on my head, and then started to grind on me. I promptly took off the beanie and pushed him away. Are we in 9th grade? Do people still wear Neff beanies? I thought LA was #fashion. Oh, Amy also took care of this one for me. Only, he was so wasted and such a nuisance that she tricked him into walking out to the bouncer and got him the boot. So the first day of my cleanse and I got a guy kicked out of a bar. Sounds like this is gonna go great, for me anyway.

#noboysallowed #dating #love #los angeles #la

Stay Away from Me

I'm not going to apologize for not writing on here in a while, because I don't know if anyone is reading this. If you're reading this, it's too late. Just kidding. I decided to hop back on here and take more time to pause. And pausing is exactly what I've decided to start doing lately. In a hopeful and idealistic hypnosis, I recently decided to try Extreme Online Dating - to go on as many dates as I'm asked on, and to be open to any possibility, to find someone who may also be looking for me. I went on around 3 dates per week over the past 2 months. Turns out that all I found was a lot of free drinks, a few free dinners and a handful of free shitty people. As a result, I've kind of lost hope in dating for the time being, and you know they say you'll find someone when you stop trying to find them. So I'm taking a step - or actually a major fucking leap - in the opposite direction and doing a cleanse. I will avoid any and all male advances. I will not pursue or flirt. I will not swipe. I will not accept your phone number, nor give mine out. I will abstain from physical contact. I will purchase a chastity belt from eBay and incorporate it into my everyday look. Mama just needs some me-time.

(up)dating vol. I - weekly insights on current dating scene

annoyance: men who work at at&t will not stop calling me. about my internet connection.

turn on: a dude told me i was aces the other day! i would have jumped his bones had he not been across the continent

low point: emailed tinder support today

most action i’ve got: a hobo told me i was cute. a female hobo.

realizations: the eggplant emoji is v. sexual

other: screened whore / screen door / screamed oar

co-eds

so i live with a boy now.

okay not WITH a boy. we have our own rooms, trust me i can’t even get a date these days, there is no way i could convince a guy to move in with me.

but hey this is a new experience for me.. it’s just the two of us with a bathroom between. It doesn’t help that he is attractive either, because I could go on and on about the girly things I do around the house and would never want a studly male to witness. shall I share a few? if you insist...

zit cream

no pants

eating like an absolute pig

drinking a bottle of wine to myself

ok who am I kidding those things will not change no matter what gender my roommate is. but let’s be honest, there is a weirdness when it comes to living with someone of the opposite sex. there’s an innate judgement that occurs whether you intend to or not.

we will see how this goes down. stay tuned. except i still don’t have internet so you’ll have to wait until the library we live next door to opens up again on monday. #once a hobo #always a hobo

nomad

about 5 months ago, i had to give up my apartment in san francisco and move into my aunt’s house. I then wrote this passage and forgot to post it. since then things have changed, but it's nice to see how shitty things were before they got good again...

i’ve been floating around the rooms here as the kids come and go, and my living situation is summed up by the word transient.

it’s hard to not have a place to call my own. i am ALL about settling in and sprawling out. whenever i get a new place i always take over and make it my own, decorating with my trinkets and artwork. here, however, i must make myself small. i must own as few items as possible. i must fit all of my clothes in a tiny 4 drawer chest. i must consolidate my life.

i miss all of my things. i miss having the option to go into a corner of my closet and pull out the most random pair of shoes and wear them for a day and then forget about them for a whole year. i have no fucking clue where half of my stuff is right now. i really feel like making another go pro video, but i couldn’t tell you where the hell it currently resides. there is this one t-shirt that could either be in my car, in my mom’s storage unit, in a goodwill on irving st, or in some random person’s closet having the time of its fucking life.

sure, it’s kind of nice to live the “simple life,” but not having my own space is kind of majorly sucking right now.