“I wont break his promise to keep yours.”
“I wont break his promise to keep yours.”
And Neil UNDERSTANDS, thats why he’s so angry at Aaron when he finds out. That not only does Kevin have someone to lean on but Aaron had him first and doesnt even appreciate it.
And Aaron is super fucking clueless bc no one ever kept their promises to HIM either, why would he believe some lookalike Stranger would? Both of them have the communicative skills of, well, abused and maladapted children. But Andrew was protecting Aaron since before they met. Because he wouldnt wish it on anyone, and he wont have it be his fault. He gave up Cass for Aaron, he would give Neil up too.
But by god Aaron is so blind, although he’s SHOCKED when Andrew took down Allison and when he was worried for him after Drake, maybe he starts to understand. And he’s just not worth it. But the power dynamic has always been skewed. It’s been Andrew setting Aaron up to fail, because if he doesnt actually give him a chance then he cant be disappointed by a true rejection. Control, not loyalty or family, is how Andrew operates. operated. Because control has rules and logic and can be enforced. And he only has space for so much feeling at any one time.
And then Neil just hops on in and can see Clearly where the lines are drawn in the sand, and he doesnt have the same sensibilites as the rest of them. He understands Andrew’s punishment, agrees that it’s deserved. BUT he also knows how Aaron feels, what it’s like to love the only family you knew for your formative years, even if they were a shade too violent and thier taste too bitter.
And then Andrew’s stripped bare in front of everyone;he doesnt have enough strength to shove them all away. And it’s a past he’s been alternately untangling and cowering from. And its in his newfound home all of a sudden. And theres Drake and theres blood and theres Aaron. He only has nothingness inside him, but the smallest bit of something he manages? Its all for Aaron. And now Aarons killed for his brother, and Who is Neil to be making so much sense right now, and then Andrew’s gone before the adrenalin’s even left his body. And Aaron’s brotherless again, like years before and he remembers the feeling, at least he’s got Katelyn.
Then he remember the “joyless” Andrew from before. And its Fine. But fucking Neil wont leave it alone. Tugs at Andrew to loosen his grip, and has to ask for help. For help. Neil ‘im fine’ Josten asks for help to help the twins. Betsy do your job, gives a blinded Aaron a roundabout kick in the right direction. “He liked watching who Aaron became around Katelyn.”
If only they would Talk, and theyre both alive and together now, it could be so easy for them Neil knows. “How about a thank you, from both of, you to each other?” And he’s undoubtedly on Andrews side, and it almost tastes like loyalty, but not until after theres nothing binding them together except a ‘yes’ they say every day, freely given. But its not blindly— its caring, and he’s not gonna be alive around for much longer, so could they all “Just take it” already— that peace thats within their grasp?
And Neil can see past Andrew’s concrete walls, and doesnt undervalue his promises, and it’s him who goads Andrew into a verbal spar with Aaron. At last a little communication…
And then Aaron’s brother loses control for a second time. And then look who opens his eyes finally, and is the one to see that Neil matters to Andrew and he climbs his way back to an even footing with his brother. He can see Katelyn freely, but its not like they didnt have an understanding before? And Bee’s helpful, and he makes sure that he’s not misjudging Neil, also bitter about being played. He knows his brother, doesnt speak quite the same lanagauge, but it’s still his brother. He doesnt have a deathgrip on him, but he’s let himself be kept close for years because thats what he knows how to do.
And he’s also just barely allowed himself to be tied to Andrew, hasnt given him anything that his brother might drop trust, doesnt quite try and understand that Andrew isnt Tilda, god would his brother kill him if he knew that sometimes it felt just as maddening. For fucks sake name (1) healthy relationship they had modelled for them, ever???
But its still “never been better”. And now theres someone new in this dynamic. And he’s throwing everything into relief. And they have to recoil from the the emotional shockwaves and reassess.
Andrews never really been on equal footing with his brother, theyve never tried to understand quite so much of each other. And only now is he starting to let himself see the idea of, believe in, family, in how Nicky is still here, even if he hasnt made any deals. He hasnt left. Kevin’s still around after theyre unbound, annoying as ever, but with no intent to leave him after he’s paid up.
And Neil had said it, had seen it when andrew obstinantely didnt let himself “youre going to have to let go” and now they have a little more space, and he’s given up some highground no matter how much it hurt to be exposed to Aaron, to his twin brother. And they still have three more years to go.
