cringe embarrassing thingy
i really just wanted to say thank you to bts for keeping my heart intact from breaking into pieces all over again ever since the losses and grievances that i had experienced.
i mean i have my older sibling, mom, dad, and my cats. i never asked comfort to my friends who i barely talk to anymore. i never told my bestfriend about the losses since i need her to focus on her degree and such. it was all sad and lonely. but there were factors that really kept me moving or help me stand up in the middle of the storm.
november and december 2022 really scarred me. it changed me, forced me to look at other things differently compared before. it was all hurricanes and storm. even an artsy person like me couldn’t even make or express my feelings through art during that time. like i said on my previous posts, i was like a deer in shock, add to that i got covid too and felt like dying.
so i had to resort to listening to music to make me move. a number of old songs, new songs shuffled in, i still did not move. then bts came in. i remember listening to them back then and never returned since i wasn’t really a big fan, it gave me a nostalgic feeling. since i love nostalgia, i looked through youtube for Spring Day. that was their first song i listened to back then, and i watched.
and then i continued to look for more music videos, listen to more songs. watch funny compilation videos. it was all a medicine to me. they’re pretty funny. like all humans do, they have unique personalities. and most of all, they have a bond. and their bond made me feel i belonged too.
amidst the storm they held my hand, gave me an umbrella, and helped me stand up from grief. it became parasocial and i hate that feeling, but they became my temporary friends. and so i listened to their songs, looked through their lyrics translations, it felt like handwritten letters that were sent for me. they helped me move.
at that point they were fixing my broken heart, taping, gluing, making it comfortable, taking care of it. they held my heart, like friends do.
it was all coincidental since my grandmother who passed away, her favorite color is violet or purple. and i will forever hold that color special in my whole life. it will always reminde me of her and them.
to be continued since i ran out of words
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