smileduponyou:
Christophe being open and fragile in front of him was a high rarity. The French boy usually kept his emotions, his fears, his doubts in an iron grip level of control. But it seemed that the iron had splintered and everything was flooding out. The only time Gregory could remember Mole breaking like this was years ago, when they were kids. The thought and the following words make Gregory tighten his grip on his best friend, holding him as close as physically possible.
Hearing these words, these doubts… they hurt. It hurt to hear Mole suffering from so much pain and doubt with no way to smother or channel it correctly. How long? How long had Christophe kept all of this from him? Suffered in silence while Gregory moved through his own life in ignorance? The very notion was enough to pain him.
“ ‘Tophe…” he begins, the nickname coming back and weighed down with pain and such deep gentleness, a tenderness that Gregory reserved majorly for the Mole. They were friends for so long, so very long, that it was only natural to give that kind of tone to him.
“Nothing you do, nothing you say… will ever make me leave you. Not now, not later; Not in this lifetime.”
⛏ᴄʜʀɪsᴛᴏᴘʜᴇ;;– His breath was still caught in his throat, shaky and hitched as he tried to pull himself together. It was hard-- He’d never let himself break this hard, ever, really. He hated letting pain seep through. He himself tried to shove it all off into a corner, play ignorance to the pain he’d ever felt in his life. Ignorance was bliss, after all... Wasn’t it?
That’s what he’d latched onto almost all his life. Hold it in, pretend you don’t have pain-- Build a wall, a shell, a protective coat so no one has to know... And so you can act you don’t know. Maybe then people will stay.
He wanted so bad to believe Gregory. He wanted to pull the full trust in his friend that he really would stay with him. But, if he were being so honest, he held a long time anxiety that shot through the roof. He’d always worried Gregory would finally see the way everyone else did.
‘ You say that... ‘ Another shaky breath that became a sigh as it dragged out. ‘ You say that now, Rory... Give it a few more years though. Part of me wishes that I just stayed in that cold dark place years ago before Kenny... ‘
He stopped-- Not wanting to drag that part on longer. ‘ I’m sure no one would ever have to deal with my bullshit again... And I don’t even want to deal with it now. ‘







