justJONIS

Welcome to the portal of a broken fighter.

[quotemadness]

“I believe in the kind of love that doesn’t demand me to prove my worth and sit in anxiety … Something that allows me to me without question.”

— Joey Palermo

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I'm so happy for the love, attention, and affection that I'm receiving. Then boom! CHEROPOBIA.... 🥺

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I want to k*** myself in a flash rn.

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I want to die!

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ISA LANG - arthur nery

Pag-usapan muna natin ang iyong gabi

Ikaw ang pahinga ko, mahal

Lumiliwanag aking ngiti kapag kausap na kita

Pasensya lang kung

Babalik pa rin sa atin

Kahit 'di mo 'ko hanapin

Magpapaalipin lang sa 'yo

Pinapawi mo ang uhaw ng aking puso

Oh, sabik sa lalim

Ng pagtingin mo para sa 'kin

'Pag napansin mo na ako

Ipapaunawa ko agad sa 'yo na

Isa lang, isa lang

Ang hinahanap ko, hanap ko

Ikaw ra man, ikaw ra man

Kung papalarin na, mapapasa'kin ba?

( B A B Y )

[themindbubbles]

Christmas 2021

“Merry Christmas from our family to yours” This post made me sad during Christmas days.

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Christmas 2021

We went to Bulacan yesterday and I slept as soon as we got home. Woke up at exactly 11:58 pm, 2 minutes before Christmas. There's an unlimited videoke sesh from the neighbors and I heard some fireworks too. This time, I asked myself. What am I doing for Christmas for the last few years? I'm always excited for Christmas because, I alwayst make sure to have gifts for Nanay, Tatay, Mamang, and the rest of my family. This year, Nanay and Mamang are no longer with us. No part-time for December and my 20% salary will be on the 30th. I am not sufficient this Christmas to buy gifts for the family.

Where was I every Christmas Day for the past few years? Pre-pandemic, I had to spend Christmas working in the office. Last year, my mom was bedridden and we spent Christmas Eve at Magsaysay. She still can sing that time and told us that, "baka eto na yung huling pasko ko". Because of that thought, the pain refreshed and my tears fell. I was crying silently for 20 minutes. I let myself grieve over the fact that she's no longer with us. That I can't give her a gift this time same with Mamang. How could Christmas be special again without them? For me, Christmas is all about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ with the family.

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19th December

This is the day that you became an entity

An ovum from you inbred my vitality

To the world I'm living you are my security

I'll be nothing without you and that's the clarity

Today is memorable and dad’s passcode

Tatt on my left shoulder engraved and bold

Memories of you reserved and on hold

My devotion is affirming and remain unsold

My heart is battered since you passed away

Celebrating with tears on your natal day

The weather appears lonely without sun rays

As gloomy as my heart with the gradient gray

[themindbubbles]

Dearest Nanay,

How have you been Nay? Are you watching over me? I know that you are not pleased to see what is happening with our family. I’m dissatisfied too and it makes me inevitably vulnerable at times. Pero, I’m making an effort to hold our family together like glue as you used to when you were still with us. If you would ask me how I'm coping with the loss, Tbh, it is never been easy for me, and not sure if I can move on with this. I was trying to focus on the things that I love, like working, playing games, watching series, spending time with my nephew and nieces. Sadly, I don’t play guitar that much na. Why? Because you love seeing me play guitar and sing. It still wounds me knowing that I can’t have you na as my no. 1 fan. Whenever I touch my guitar, I still visualized you in front of me with a proud smile vividly. I can't grasp the thought that no matter what I do, you will never come back to us. These past few years before the pandemic, I was so busy working my ass off and my biggest regret is- I should’ve spent more time with you. If only I could turn back time Nay! If only..... I love you and losing you Nay was a substantial heartache I’m overcoming until now. I miss you and please visit and hug me in my dreams.

I love you eternally,

Jonis (Dec 15,2021)

[quotemadness]

“Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you’re at your worst.”

— Yara Bashraheel

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A LETTER FROM A FAN

I can never find enough ways, nor words to tell you how much I love your voice and everything about you. At the end of every long and tiring day, I am still so thankful for the universe because you existed. Did you know that you warmed every part of my heart with your signature voice? 🤍 Thank you for being a safe space and shelter during the storms my Art*. Tbh, from the moment my Mom had passed away this year followed by my dearest Lola 2 months ago, I could hardly ever get myself to be genuinely happy, or even look at my reflection whether on camera or in the mirror. I felt so disconnected from the world that everything always seemed so surreal. But since I heard your songs felt different. It's not that I related so much to your songs. It is because of your unique voice, that so smoothing and makes all of the women fall in love with you. My months have been quite dark but you shed a light and I don't know if it's weird but I do play your songs while working, taking a bath, and most especially when I'm sleeping. I have my breakdowns during bedtime, that is when I'm about to hit the sack, the reality is constantly reminding me that My Mom is gone. I always ask myself (Para kanino ka bumabangon?) But fantasizing about you and listening to your songs helps me sleep at night. It is really therapeutic for me and naging ikaw ang reason bakit ako bumabangon araw araw literally. HAHAHA! I am rooting for you and will always be your no.1 fan in everything you do. Even in the future, if you decided to quit showbiz HAHA! You can count on me.

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Beating myself up at 2:40 am. 🙈

[quotemadness]

“Your attitude is either the lock on, or the key to the door of success.”

— Denis Waitley

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👍🏻

[quotemadness]

“If things go wrong don’t go with them.”

— Unknown

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#notetoself

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C H I N G G O

I was lost since my mom passed away

Bluer than blue and it's not fading away

I lost control detached by reality

Looking for ways to keep my sanity

You are living your dreams

I was deciphering my means

Blather out with anxiety

Me + Cloudy mentality

But one day I heard you singing

Inspires me to go on subsisting

Admiring your larynx and soul

Console me to take a stroll

[themindbubbles]

I should've done more for my mom when she's still alive. I should've spend more time with her, I should've go shopping and buy her things that she needs or wants, I should've eat buffet with her, I should've surprise her more often with or without occation. I miss her so badly today and it's breaking my heart to pieces. I love you so much Nanay and I'm so sorry for all my shortcomings. If only I could turn back time! If only......